“You came,” he whispered, and my pulse fluttered in my throat.
“I came.”
Cromwell leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was slow and gentle and held a simple promise—that it wouldn’t be our last. When he pulled back I let my forehead fall to his. I breathed in the scent of him and let it inside my body with peace. I felt my lip quiver, but I pushed through the swell of my emotions to say, “I want to live.”
Cromwell tensed. He pulled back and placed his hands on my cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about things. I’ve had a long time to think about things.” I stared up at the stars. As I looked at the vast sky, I felt so small. A simple stitch on the tapestry that was the world. I swallowed the lump that bobbed in my throat. “Life is so short, isn’t it?”
I turned back to Cromwell. His blue eyes were wide as he patiently waited for what I had to say. “I’ve had nothing else to do but think of life, Cromwell. Every facet of it. The good.” I kissed his forehead. “The bad.” Discovering Easton had died replayed in my head. “And all that’s in between.” I lay back against Cromwell’s hard chest. His shirt was open at the top, showing his dark tattoos. My hand reached out to play with one of his buttons. “And I’ve decided I want to live.”
Cromwell held me tighter. I looked up into his deep blue eyes, eyes that I once thought turbulent, but now thought serene. “I don’t want life to pass me by.” A sudden picture came to mind. Of me and Cromwell. Of us traveling the world . . . of us one day perhaps having a dark-haired blue-eyed child. Just like him. “I want to embrace everything I can while I still can. New places, new sounds . . . everything. With you.”
“Bonnie,” Cromwell rasped.
I took hold of his hand and lifted it so I could see the tattooed ID on his fingers. The one I now knew was a tribute to his dad. “Losing people you love can make the world seem very dark. But I’ve realized that even though they’re gone from us physically, they’re never truly gone.” I shook my head. I knew I was rambling. I met Cromwell’s eyes. “I love you, Cromwell Dean. And I want to love life with you in it. I don’t care where it takes us, as long as it means something. As long as our lives have purpose for those who couldn’t be with us along the way.”
Cromwell’s eyes glistened as I kissed the number on his hand. “And as long as there’s you, and there’s music, I know it will be a life lived, no matter how long or short.”
“Long,” Cromwell said, his voice husky. “You’ll live a long life. Easton’s heart will remain strong.” Cromwell lowered his head and kissed the spot where my new heart lay. It fluttered like a butterfly’s wings.
Cromwell kissed me again, and I stared back up at the stars, content to just be. This boy, who was holding me in his arms, was my wish come true. The boy who stood beside me through the hardest trials of my life. And the boy who, when I fell apart, brought me back to me, brought me back to him.
Through music.
Through love.
And through the colors of his soul.
He was, and forever would be, the beat in my heart.
Put simply, he was my entire world. A world in which I intended to stay. I vowed to make it. To never let my heart give up. Because I wanted a life with this boy. I wanted to love and live and laugh.
I was determined. And my beating heart echoed that wish.
Epilogue
Cromwell
Five years later . . .
The sun beamed down on me as I sat on the bench. I closed my eyes and looked up. Warmth spread on my cheeks, and I heard mustard yellows and bronzes. Birds singing and leaves rustling.
Then they came, the notes that always filtered into my brain the brightest. Colors bursting into complex patterns. I opened my eyes and scribbled them down in my notebook.
“Easton!” Violet blue burst into my head as Bonnie’s voice carried over the wind. I looked up and saw pink as Bonnie’s laugh followed behind. Bonnie came jogging around the tree, her cheeks flushed. She lurched forward, and a yellow-colored giggle burst from behind her.
I smiled as our son, Easton, jumped out from the tree and grabbed her legs. Bonnie turned and scooped him in her arms. She threw him up in the air, and his giggle turned from pale yellow to a shade bright enough to rival the sun.
Bonnie and I had a child. I still couldn’t believe it. We married straight after college, and Bonnie came around the world with me wherever I played. After the gala, we were never again apart. Not even for a night. I wasn’t ever letting her go.
With her heart, we were never guaranteed time. But we’d got this far. And her heart was strong. I knew in my soul that Bonnie would live a long life. And when a miracle happened and baby Easton was born, I knew she wouldn’t ever be leaving us behind.
Farraday was going to defy the odds.
Because this was it. This was the life she had wished for. It was her dream. To be a wife, and a mother. And she was perfect at both. My heart melted when I heard Bonnie start to sing. Violet blue danced into my mind. I couldn’t take my eyes from her as she sang to our boy, him looking at her like she was his entire world.
And she was. To us both.
Violet blues and whites and pinks played a lullaby in my head. When she was finished, Easton turned to me, smiling wide, dimples out, and said, “Papa! Mama sings as blue as the sky.”
My heart swelled as Bonnie laughed and kissed his cheek. Because Easton was like me, in both looks and soul. He was like his Grandad Lewis too, who he loved beyond words. Bonnie put Easton down and he ran to me. I scooped him up in my arms and kissed his chubby cheek. Easton giggled, the sound the most vivid of yellows.
Easton sat on my lap on the bench. Bonnie walked past her brother’s grave and ran her hand over the headstone. We came here often, Bonnie unable to be away from her brother for long. Even in death, they were tethered to one another. Their shared heart still beating strong.
And like she’d once told him—she was determined to live a life for them both. And she did. With every breath, she did. She was happy. And because of her, so was I.
Bonnie came beside us and curled into my side. I wrapped my arm around her, and she closed her eyes. “Hum to me what you’ve composed.”
So I did. I always did whatever she asked. I’d learned that life was too short to deny her anything. I hummed the colors that had come into my head as I’d sat on this bench, my wife and my son listening in. And I couldn’t imagine a life more perfect than this. I composed every day, made music that lived in my heart, living the life I was always meant to live. I had my son, who showed me how to love more than I could ever have known.
And I had my Bonnie. My girl who still inspired the music that came from my heart. The girl who was always by my side. The girl who was the bravest person I knew.
The most beautiful.
The most perfect.
And the girl, that with one single smile, still completely illuminated my world.
I knew, wherever they were, both my dad and Easton would be looking down at us all, smiling. Proud of the people we’d become. Happy at the peace we had found. And content to know that we wouldn’t ever waste a single breath.
At that comforting thought, a warm breeze flowed over us, bringing with it a blanket of peace. A bird sang its song from up above, gifting my eyes with bursts of silver. Then a white dove landed on Easton’s headstone. It looked directly at us . . .
. . . and I smiled.
The End
Playlist
Without You (feat. Sandro Cavazza) — Avicii, Sandra Cavazza
Symphony (feat. Zara Larsson) — Clean Bandit, Zara Larsson
More Than You Know — Axwell / Ingrosso
Back 2 U — Steve Aoki, Boehm, WALK THE MOON
Slow Acid — Calvin Harris
Stargazing (Orchestra Version) — Kygo, Justin Jesso, Bergen Philharmonic Orchestra
Pray To God — Calvin Harris
Without You (feat. Usher) — David Guetta
With Every Heartbeat (feat. Kle
erup) — Robyn
Place We were Made — Maisie Peters
Tired — Alan Walker, Gavin James
Little Do You Know — Alex & Sierra
Cut Me — Chris Medina
Afterglow — Juliander
The Story Never Ends — Lauv
Before — Ulrik Munther
Sunrise — ARTY, April Bender
Colors — Halsey
Day That I Die (feat. Amos Lee) — Zac Brown Band
I Hate That Part — Caroline Glaser
The Heart (Live Room Version) — NEEDTOBREATHE
Ether & Wood — Alela Diane
Take Me Back — Sarah Jarosz
Mozart: Clarinet Concerto In A major — John Barry
Sun Is Shining — Axwell / Ingrosso
Sky Full Of Song — Florence + The Machine
Melody — Lost Frequencies, James Blunt
Lullaby — Sigala, Paloma Faith
Psalm 91 (On Eagle’ Wings) — Shane & Shane
Falling (Original) — Yiruma (Inspired Cromwell’s father’s piano piece)
Beloved — Yiruma (Inspired Bonnie’s Fight Song)
Mercy — Lewis Capaldi
To listen: Click Here
Acknowledgements
Thank you to my husband, Stephen, for keeping me sane. This past year with you, and our little man, Roman, have been the best of my life. I wouldn’t change it for the world!
Roman, I never thought it was possible to love somebody so much. You’re the best thing I have ever done in my life. Love you to bits, my little dude!
Mam and Dad, thank you for the continued support.
Samantha, Marc, Taylor, Isaac, Archie, and Elias, love you all.
Thessa, thank you for being the best assistant in the world. You make the best edits, keep me organized and are one kick ass friend to boot!
Liz, thank you for being my super-agent and friend.
To my fabulous editor, Kia. I couldn’t have done it without you. To Sarah, thank you for the fabulous proofread.
Hang Le, thank you once again for the most stunning cover. It is this novel! I love everything we create together. Here’s to many more!
Neda and Ardent Prose, I am so happy that I jumped on board with you guys. You’ve made my life infinitely more organized. You kick PR ass!
To my street team, I couldn’t ask for better book friends. Thank you for all for everything you do for me. Thank you for reading my work, no matter the genre. I owe you everything.
Jenny and Gitte, you know how I feel about you two ladies. Love you to bits! I truly value everything you’ve done for me over the years, and continue to do!
Thank you to all the AMAZING bloggers that have supported my career from the start, and the ones who help share my work and shout about it from the rooftops.
And lastly, thank you to the readers. Without you none of this would be possible. Your support still blows me away every single day. We have each other’s backs, we’re our very own tribe. I cannot wait for the journey to continue!
Author Biography
Tillie Cole hails from a small town in the North-East of England. She grew up on a farm with her English mother, Scottish father and older sister and a multitude of rescue animals. As soon as she could, Tillie left her rural roots for the bright lights of the big city.
After graduating from Newcastle University with a BA Hons in Religious Studies, Tillie followed her Professional Rugby player husband around the world for a decade, becoming a teacher in between and thoroughly enjoyed teaching High School students Social Studies before putting pen to paper, and finishing her first novel.
After several years living in Italy, Canada and the USA, Tillie has now settled back in her hometown in England, with her husband and new son.
Tillie is both an independent and traditionally published author, and writes many genres including: Contemporary Romance, Dark Romance, Young Adult and New Adult novels.
When she is not writing, Tillie enjoys nothing more than spending time with her little family, curling up on her couch watching movies, drinking far too much coffee, and convincing herself that she really doesn’t need that last square of chocolate.
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Tillie Cole, A Wish for Us
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