MIKE
See honey, nothing to worry about. This castle is secured.
(NOTE: Here is a chance for product placement.)
SECURITY SYSTEM INTALLER
Our company guarantees your safety.
The camera is turned off.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. BEDROOM -- MORNING
FADE IN: MIKE turns on the camera.
The bed is empty, the door is open.
A scream of sheer horror can be heard.
Mike despondently sighs and turns the camera off.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT
FADE IN: MIKE turns on the camera. It is in the night vision mode.
MIKE
Now it makes sense.
KATE
Does it, Mike? Does it?
Mike goes to the bed and gets into it.
MIKE
Of course it does. The camera will pick up whatever's going on when we're asleep.
KATE
That makes sense to you?
MIKE
What else are we supposed to do? Move out of the house we just bought because it's 'haunted?' In this market?! No thank you, I'd rather stay. Good night.
The camera speeds up going through a few hours in a matter of seconds, showing the couple asleep. Than it slows down,
The bedroom door quietly opens.
A faint, barely visible shapeless phantom enters.
As it slowly moves, the articles of clothing on the floor are neatly placed on the chairs and the drawer.
The ghost moves around the bed and hits what appears to be its knee on the bedpost.
The spirit seemingly grabs what could be its knee in pain and goes into a long muted incoherent rambling noise remotely resembling swear words.
Frustrated at its injury, the apparition kicks the bed and speeds out of the room.
The couple is awoken by the bed's tremors.
KATE
What was that?
MIKE
Earthquake.
KATE
No, it wasn't.
MIKE
Oh, I know. That's what the camera's for.
Mike goes to the camera.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. MAIN FLOOR -- NIGHT
FADE IN: The camera in the dark follows the flashlight beam that illuminates parts of the main floor. Mike's heavy breathing accompanies the visuals.
Mike calls in a strained hushed voice:
MIKE (OS)
Hey, who's there? I saw you. Hey, show yourselves. I'm armed, warning you. You hear?
The bright light fills the screen.
Mike screams in horror and turns the camera around.
Kate stand at the room entrance by the light switch. Her demeanour is calm and cold.
KATE
We have the lights.
MIKE (OS)
Gee, Kate, you scared me to death. Can you see anything?
KATE
No, there's nothing to see, don't you understand?
MIKE (OS)
But I saw it, saw it on the camera.
KATE
So what, you saw the dishes, too.
The camera pans aground the sparkling house.
MIKE (OS)
Oh dear god. We need help.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. MAIN FLOOR -- DAY
FADE IN: Mike turns on the camera.
He joins Kate on the sofa.
A PSYCHIC sits in the matching chair.
MIKE
What was that? You saw it, right?
Psychic acts wise and speaks with a generic sophisticated accent, sipping the bottled water.
PSYCHIC
Maybe...
MIKE
What do you mean - maybe? It was right there!
PSYCHIC
Were there any other peculiar occurrences of unusual nature? If you know what I mean?
Psychic winks suggestively.
MIKE
Well, the other day I took the car for an oil change, but it was already changed.
PSYCHIC
I see...
MIKE
Doctor, what are we to do?
PSYCHIC
I'm not a doctor, I'm a psychic. You called me.
MIKE
Right. Still?
PSYCHIC
That's highly unorthodox, I must say. Normally, spirits haunt in order to frighten, drive mad, generally cause harm to people. In your case, I'm afraid, the roles are reversed.
MIKE
Is that bad?
PSYCHIC
I can't tell. All I can tell it's not good.
MIKE
Why?
PSYCHIC
If your paranormal entity is good in its deeds, and thus in its intentions, what does it make you? See what I mean?
Psychic winks suggestively again.
Suddenly, Kate breaks down.
KATE
It's all my fault!
MIKE
What?
KATE
Yes, it is! Sorry Mike, I never told you... I've been followed by this... most of my life... I was ashamed to tell. Forgive me!
MIKE
Forgive you what?
PSYCHIC
Just let the girl talk. Go on, my dear.
KATE
It began when I hit puberty. Before that I was a nice girl, neat and clean. But then I began to be rude and messy. I started having problems in school... and my parents... and then... then something started happening. Something awful!
Tears choke Kate, and she is unable to speak.
MIKE
What?
PSYCHIC
Isn't it clear? That was it.
MIKE
What?
PSYCHIC
Do you realize that for the last ten minutes all you say is "what?"
MIKE
What else am I supposed to say?
PSYCHIC
Here you go again.
He takes a swig from his bottle.
Mike sniffs anxiously.
MIKE
What's that awful smell?
PSYCHIC
Oh, that's my gin.
MIKE
You're drinking water?
PSYCHIC
I put gin in the water bottle so I can drink in public.
KATE
And then... and then... I started finding my thing put neatly away, my homework done... I was frightened; I was still just a child. I had to make sure there was nothing for it to fix. Mike thinks I'm anal and compulsive-obsessive, but I only wanted to be left alone. And then I got together with Mike, and he's such a mess, and negligent, and doesn't care...
MIKE
So it's my fault?
PSYCHIC
Wait, wait, it's nobody's fault. People, let's not forget I'm a psychic, not a psychiatrist. I can't help you with your marital problems.
MIKE
Can you help with our paranormal phenomenon?
PSYCHIC
Actually, there's no actual cases of paranormal activity that could be helped. You must've seen the movies.
MIKE
So, what are we supposed to do?
PSYCHIC
Keep filming in your bedroom. The more the better. Everything, every detail, no need to be prudish, every little thing may provide a clue. As soon as you get something interesting - call me at once.
Psychic winks suggestively and takes a swig from his bottle.
MIKE
Strange, but I think it makes perfect sense.
Mike goes to the camera.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. BEDROOM -- MORNING
FADE IN: The camera rolls in the morning hours.
The couple of the bed wakes up.
Mike sits up and looks around.
The door is open. The cloths are neatly arranged.
He glances at the waking Kate face.
She stares at his.
In unison, they screa
m in horror, pointing at each other's faces.
They get out of bed and run towards the camera.
The camera shows their faces.
Kate has a beard and moustache drown on hers.
Make has a penis with the ball painted on his.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. MAIN FLOOR -- DAY
FADE IN: Mike turns on the camera.
The camera pans around.
MIKE (OS)
It must be here. I can feel its presence.
KATE (OS)
Ouch! I felt something!
The camera turned to her.
Kate, dressed in a Marilyn Monroe dress, stands on the landing in front of the bedroom.
MIKE (OS)
What is it? I can't see anything.
KATE
I felt it! I felt the breeze in my hair.
MIKE (OS)
Can't see anything. All's still.
Suddenly, something blows up Kate's dress exposing her legs.
Mike sounds grumpy:
MIKE (OS)
Oh, the hair down there. Run, Kate, run!
She grimaces in pleasure.
KATE
Why? It feels so good.
MIKE (OS)
Kate, come back, you're falling under its spell. I'm coming to get you!
The camera starts moving up the stairs.
However, while operating it, Mike trips and falls.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT
FADE IN: The camera speeds up going through a few hours in a matter of seconds, showing the couple sleep.
The door quietly opens.
A faint, barely visible shapeless phantom enters and comes to the bed.
Mike falls to the floor.
The phantom gets out in a hurry.
Mike wakes up, swears and gets back into the bed.
Kate giggles.
The camera speeds up going through a few hours in a matter of seconds, showing the couple sleep.
The door quietly opens.
A faint, barely visible shapeless phantom enters and comes to the bed.
Mike falls to the floor.
The phantom gets out in hurry.
Mike wakes up, swears and gets back into the bed.
Kate laughs.
The camera speeds up going through a few hours in a matter of seconds, showing the couple sleep.
The door quietly opens.
A faint, barely visible shapeless phantom enters and comes to the bed.
Mike falls to the floor.
The phantom gets out in hurry.
Kate roars in laugher.
Mike swears and remains on the floor.
They fall asleep.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT
FADE IN: The camera speeds up going through a few hours in a matter of seconds, showing the couple sleep.
The door quietly opens.
A faint, barely visible shapeless phantom enters.
The ghost moves around the bed careful to avoid what appears to be hitting its knee on the bedpost.
It disappears, but a bulge rises under the blanket at Kate's feet.
It slowly moves up to her crotch.
Sleeping Kate moans.
Gradually, she gets more vocal expressing her pleasure.
Mike wakes up and looks at her in bewilderment.
MIKE
What the hell?!!
Mike falls to the floor.
The phantom gets out in hurry.
Mike swears and gets back into the bed.
Kate giggles.
KATE
Just stay on the floor.
MIKE
Shut up, you slut!
Mike falls to the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT
FADE IN: Mike and Kate lie in bed.
MIKE
Kate, it's unbearable!
KATE
I know. But what can I do? I can feel his presence.
MIKE
His presence? Now it's a he?!
KATE
I know. But what can I do?
MIKE
You can feel my presence for a change! The psychic was right; we've been filming the wrong presence all this time!
KATE
All right.
Under the blanket, Mike roils over her and makes love to Kate.
MIKE
Can you feel my presence? Feel it, feel it!
KATE
Yes, I can feel it! I feel... his presence!
The bedroom door remains closed.
Yet, the bulge under the blanket rises and moves closer to Mike, between his legs.
MIKE
What?! His presence? ah...oh... wait! I feel it too!
He freezes and moans in pleasure.
MIKE
Oh, god! I see what you meant! It's... heaven!
He falls over her in exhaustion.
The bulge falls down.
The phantom appears at the bed's side and goes to the camera.
We see its face.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
INT. MAIN FLOOR -- DAY
FADE IN: PSYCHIC sits in the chair in front of Kate and Mike on the sofa and sips from his bottle, while touching a mini-tape on the table.
PSYCHIC
Yeah... Very interesting tape. Kind of blurry, but interesting. Lucky you!
MIKE
What are you saying?
PSYCHIC
I'm saying - what the hell more do you want?
KATE
But is it even normal?
PSYCHIC
How the hell would I know? I'm a psychic, not a psychologist. I deal in paranormal, and this is not it. I can tell that much.
He picks up the tape from the table.
PSYCHIC
If you don't mind, I'd like to take it for further studying? It's kind of grainy and out of focus.
MIKE
But what are we supposed to do?
PSYCHIC
Make tapes, lots and lots of tapes.
KATE
So it would help understand this phenomenon?
PSYCHIC
That or, maybe, to put together enough for a sequel or two, if you know what I mean.
As if something pushes him off the chair, Psychic fall to the floor.
FADE OUT TO BLACK
THE END
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