Chapter 46
Hana’s face registered first shock, then surprise followed by realisation. “I’ve got stretch marks,” she said and then clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. “Forget I said that.” Her cheeks blushed to the roots of her hair.
Logan threw his head back and laughed. Hana stared up at him, cocking her head to one side like a little bird, studying more than the external features but the very heartbeat of him. The idea settled on her like a comfortable mantle, ridiculous but right. Her hand strayed to his cheek and she felt the stubble pushing through his skin. Staring deep into his captivating grey eyes, Hana ran her finger down the familiar scar under his eye, feeling him tremble at her touch. “Hana I don’t care,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted you since the first day I met you. I’m in it for the long haul, babe. So, marry me.”
Hana sighed. Unwrapping Logan Du Rose was like peeling an onion layer by layer, with the chance of tears the further in she got. There seemed too much to resolve, so many conversations able to upend their fragile equilibrium. “I don’t know what to say.” Hana smiled and Logan’s brow knitted.
“Then say nothing.” He licked his lips and then dropped to one knee in front of her. “Apart from yes.”
Hana laughed, the sound hollow. “I’m scared,” she whispered and his hands on her hips invoked safety. She picked her words with care. “I want to,” she admitted. “But it sounds ridiculous and my kids will have a fit.”
Logan stayed on one knee, his attention fixed on her. “Then don’t tell them,” he said, his tone serious. “Do it on your terms.”
Hana bit her lower lip, the thought taking shape. “I couldn’t.” Her brow knitted, but she didn’t mean it. “Could I?”
Logan exhaled in a rush, his grey eyes glittering up at her. “What do you want? Nobody else, just you. And Hana, my leg’s going dead.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She took a step back, causing Logan to grab hold of her sweatshirt. She put her hands over her face. “What about Caroline?”
Logan sighed and looked at the floor. “You let me get down on the floor and then ask me that?” Sadness flickered in his eyes. “She doesn’t feature. Hana, I’m getting older by the second. Yes or no?”
“This is ridiculous.” Hana ran her fingers over his, experiencing an electrical tingle. “But I want to.”
A slow smile spread across Logan’s lips and he hauled himself to a standing position. “Really?”
“Don’t make me doubt!” Hana slapped his chest and he caught her fingers and kissed them. “Just make it happen, Du Rose,” she said. “Before I change my mind.”
Logan swallowed. “It’s as good as done.” He ran a nervous hand through his dark hair, leaving it spiked at the front. “Wow. Just wow.” He pulled Hana into his body, aligning her against him for the first time of many.
When he stepped back and looked at her, it was as though he asked again with his soul. A fragile, silken thread of connection strengthened and reinforced and something old, ethereal and outside their understanding became as solid as an iron bar. Hana’s voice wavered. “You wouldn’t let me say no anyway, would you?”
Logan’s gaze softened. “I’ve loved you since I was fourteen, Hana,” he whispered. “It can’t be a surprise that I don’t want to spend another moment of my life away from you. I searched for you, Hana. I scoured London in case you were there. I want to spend my life with you. I always did.”
Hana nodded and Logan’s eyes widened at the same time as his brow knitted in confusion. “Do you think you can love me?” He bit his lip.
“Yes, I do,” Hana replied. To her surprise, she felt no instant sense of misgiving or the usual second-guessing of her own split decisions. Any notion of hasty backtracking seemed absent. She just felt peace and relief at the prospect of not managing on her own. Someone loved her and she hugged the knowledge to herself, waiting for the warmth to sink in. The newness of it made her want to tuck it into her chest and hide it from the world, unwilling to let its habitual cynicism destroy a beautiful thing.
“Your bath’s getting cold.” Logan released her with reluctance and showed great self-control leaving the room so she could undress. His body zinged with unfathomable electricity as though the fulfilment of a lifetime goal left him lost and without direction. He busied himself in the kitchen, boiling a kettle he wouldn’t use and making a ham sandwich he couldn’t eat. The shadow of Caroline Marsh sank to the depths of a lonely history, but his subconscious recognised the latent threat.
Hana emerged from the bathroom refreshed and less daunted, clothed in pyjamas covered with monkeys. Comfortable and warm, they reminded her of Izzie and offered safety against her precarious life. They covered her in more than fleecy fabric and ferocious looking mammals.
Hana sat at the kitchen table and studied Logan. His fingers shook as he continued with a stack of marking he’d shoved into his overnight bag. He glanced up at her, his eyes filled with fear and worry. His tight smile communicated his angst before a blank expression shut Hana out. They sat in silence as Logan scribbled away on the exercise books. He changed ticks to crosses and back again before giving up and closing the ink blotted pages with a snap.
“Do you regret asking?” Hana said, her voice wooden. “You’re scaring me.”
Logan exhaled and sat back in his chair, running a hand across his face. “I don’t regret it.” He looked up and forced a smile onto his lips. “I love stretch marks.”
Hana gasped and widened her eyes, not understanding his humour. Her washed hair lay in shining, red tresses, tumbling over her shoulders like a curtain. Logan reached across the table for her hand. “I’m kidding, Hana. I joke when I’m nervous.”
“So you don’t like them?” Hana chewed her lower lip, vulnerability in the set of her shoulders.
Logan sighed and pushed his chair back, patting his thighs. “Come here. I need to hold you.”
Hana stood, padding around the table, intrigued by his use of the word need, instead of want. She stopped in front of him. “I do have stretch marks,” she repeated. Her eyes bored into his soul.
“I told you I don’t care and I don’t. I’m not that shallow.” Logan pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed his face into her damp hair and sighed. “I’m no oil painting when I get my kit off.”
Relationships in later life carried so much baggage and Hana felt the presence of it in the room, pressuring them to fail, to give up. “This might be too hard,” she whispered into his shoulder and he pulled her closer.
“You’re my soul mate, Hana.” He fumbled the words and rested his chin against her neck. “I’ve known that forever. I won’t give you up without a fight. If your acceptance is a knee-jerk reaction, then so be it. I’m taking it.”
Hana snuffled into his shirt. “It kinda was.”
“Too late. It’s a done deal.”
“It doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” Hana kissed the underside of Logan’s jaw. “I actually do. Hana Du Rose has a ring to it.”
Logan’s inhale sounded painful and Hana felt him swallow. “But?”
She shifted on his knee and winced. “I want to ask some questions but I need the truth.”
“Okay.” Logan leaned back in the chair, his arms around her waist but his emotions disconnected. “Ask away.”
Hana thought for a moment and licked her lips. “Okay, why do you want to marry me?”
“Wow.” Logan’s eyes shuttered. “That’s easy. I already told you the answer to that. I love you and always have. It makes perfect sense to me.”
Hana watched Logan’s face with intensity, her expression unreadable. She swallowed. “You were honest about that, even if your mother forced the moment. If all this happened without Caroline’s arrival, I wouldn’t feel so uneasy.”
“Yeah. Caroline.” Logan’s fingers fluttered against her waist. “Somehow she always makes it about her.”
“So what’s the solution?” Hana’s expression held doubt. “I can??
?t compete with someone like her. She’s gorgeous, confident and knows what she wants. I’m the complete opposite.”
Logan’s arms snaked around her waist and he gripped her harder. “I didn’t marry Caroline, Hana.” He gritted his teeth. “I’m not interested in revisiting that episode in my life or aligning myself with someone like her. It’s you I want. I need you to trust me.”
Hana ran her fingers over his hands, feeling the knotty knuckles relax a fraction. Grazes still marred his left hand, still fresh. “When do you imagine us getting married?” Images of Bodie’s expression of betrayal and Izzie’s disappointment consumed her inner vision.
Logan’s face creased in concentration. “Soon.” He looked up at her, his grey eyes shrouded beneath long dark lashes. “I want you to know I’m sincere. Invite whoever you like but I want to do this as soon as possible.”
Hana nodded. Her jaw worked beneath her delicate skin. “My kids will have a fit. I can’t face telling them beforehand.” She winced. “I know you don’t want to talk about Caroline, but I need to. She thinks she has a claim on you. She’s made it clear I’m not a worthy opponent. I can’t marry you and then watch my life crumble because your ex wins you back.”
Logan shook his head from side to side, the motion slow and filled with exhaustion. “Won’t happen, Hana. I promise you that much. Any claim she feels is in her head and I told her that when she turned up.” He let go of her waist and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know why I allowed her back into my life. I couldn’t find you and something broke inside me. Settling for second best seemed a fair choice.” He snorted. “Then she left me standing at the altar like a fool.”
His eyes misted as memories filled his head. They played a challenge game as children, his brothers and cousins. They got together in the den they made against the explicit order of their respective parents. It always led to trouble. The older kids took the power of the spinning bottle much too seriously and Logan as the youngest, always ended up with a hideous forfeit. It was as though they detested him, masking it in play but exorcising their hatred in subtle ways. He failed every challenge his cousins set, just as they intended. He closed his eyes against a particular memory buried deep within his subconscious. The momentary exhilaration reminded him how he outwitted the old bull who roamed the upper reaches of the mountain. Caroline’s blue hair ribbon fluttered in his fingers and he limped from his hasty dive across the wire fence. His male cousins eyed each other with disappointment. “Should’ve died,” Kane Du Rose muttered. He elbowed Logan’s older brother. “You said it would work, Barry. The meamea should be dead.”
Caroline’s pale features flashed into his vision and he licked his lips at the memory. “Punish him then,” she said, her smile victorious. “Stab him with this.”
Logan backed away at the sight of the rusty machete she pulled from behind her back. In real time, he put a shaking hand to his right side and shivered. “She’s nothing to me,” he spat, his tone ugly. “She conned me one time too many.”
“You say that, but I saw you both,” Hana contested. “She won’t give up.” She felt the other woman’s hold on him like tendrils clawing at his flesh. “I won’t be second best again, Logan.” She hardened her tone. “I saw you leave in Pete’s car together. She put her hands all over you. I saw the text you sent her. I need to know if you slept with her that night or since. Be honest or we have no future.”
Logan took a shuddering breath and leaned back in his chair. Hatred washed over him like nausea. “No, I didn’t sleep with her and I won’t. She and I are done.” He cocked his head and studied Hana’s face. “Tell me about this text. I never texted her.”
Hana raised an index finger. “I want to know about that night first. You owe me that. I felt a fool, waving to you in the car park and watching you drive away with her. I thought we’d started something special and it cut me to the core.”
Logan nodded, tiredness in his eyes. “It’s as I told you before. I stormed off and she followed me to the car. What you missed was the heated conversation we’d had five minutes before and Angus telling me to take it outside. I didn’t want another scene, so I took her somewhere neutral.” Logan ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up at the front. Hana saw a slight tremor in his hands as they rested as fists on the table. “We went to an English pub nearby and she talked about the wedding and my parents. She apologised, said I should take her back and then tried to kiss me. I pushed her away.” Logan ran the back of his hand across his lips and Hana’s brows narrowed, recognising her own action after the blonde man’s lips touched hers. She saw revulsion in Logan’s eyes and rested her palms on his shoulders. He sighed. “I dumped cash on the table for a taxi and walked away.”
“Just like that?” Hana’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “You left her there?”
Logan nodded and wrinkled his nose. “You think it was mean?”
Hana shook her head and shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably safer. I don’t think she can take no for an answer.”
“She can’t.” Logan’s sigh sounded ragged, as though pulled from his chest by a fishhook and line. He pushed his fingers around Hana’s waist and buried them beneath her pyjama shirt. She flinched at his direct contact with her skin, a flush beginning on her chest and creeping up to her neck.
“What will you do?” Hana asked. “About Caroline.”
“Nothing.” Logan’s jaw drew a hard line beneath his cheek. His eyes softened. “I’ll marry you like I always wanted. She did me a massive favour leaving me at the altar. I can’t imagine finding you and being attached to someone else.”
Logan’s fingers fluttered against Hana’s hips. “I thought you’d got someone else.” Guilt infused his expression and mingled with pain. “I didn’t know you’d seen Caroline get in the car. But I knew she’d said or done something because of how you behaved towards me afterwards.”
“Sorry.” Hana lifted the fingers of her right hand and stroked Logan’s cheek. “I felt humiliated.”
Logan nodded. “I drove up here on the bike needing to speak to you.” He licked his lips and spots of colour appeared on his cheekbones. “This will make you laugh.” He cleared his throat. “I saw you and Bodie in the upstairs window and thought you’d found another guy.”
Hana’s eyes widened. “What? No!”
“I only saw silhouettes.” Logan closed his eyes and laid his head back against the chair. “I felt an idiot.”
Hana’s laugh embarrassed him and he pursed his lips. “Yeah, yeah. Have your fun.” His eyelashes fluttered and his lips quirked upwards. “I drove around for a while and found a lake just outside Huntly. I sat up there and met this cool guy who knew you.”
“What’s his name?” Hana cocked her head with curiosity. “And why would he be at the lake in the dark?”
Logan shifted his bum on the chair, unseating Hana so she pitched into his chest. Logan capitalised on the happy accident and tucked her head beneath his chin. “Youth group,” he said with a contented sigh. His fingers traced a soporific pattern on her back. “His name’s Allen and we got talking. The kids ran around the lake with torches and we chatted. He said his youth leaders could manage without him.”
“I know Allen. He pastors my church. Why did you start talking?” Hana asked. “I can’t see you gravitating to a group of boisterous kids.”
Logan shrugged and Hana’s head bounced on his chest at the movement. “He admired my bike.” He kissed the side of her face. “It’s a great bike.”
“I didn’t know.” Hana yawned.
“It’s an awesome bike!” Logan sounded offended and Hana corrected his wrong assumption.
“I meant that I didn’t know Allen liked bikes.”
“Oh. Well, he does.” Logan sighed against the back of her head. “I gave him a ride to the church and went back to his place. We shared a few drinks and Pete fetched me.”
“You got drunk with my pastor!” Hana sat up, her movement jerky. “I bet his wife wasn’t thrilled
.”
“Not much.” Logan wrinkled his nose. “I don’t get drunk but we made enough of a dent in the whiskey to put me over the limit.”
“What did he say about me?” Hana kissed his cheek and ran her lips along his jaw to his ear lobe.
“Nothing incriminating.” Logan groaned and released a sigh. His legs shook beneath her. “He likes you. Says you’re a sweet woman and the car I described sounded like the one he sold your son.”
“Ah. So you didn’t suffer for days thinking I got myself another toy boy,” Hana whispered. “Unlike me, who believed you picked Caroline.”
“I would never pick her over you.” Logan met her lips with a kiss and his fingers on the back of Hana’s neck pulled her closer. “I love you,” he breathed. “Why don’t you believe me?”
She shrugged and put distance between them. A few centimetres felt endless and the light flickered in Logan’s eyes. “I don’t deserve it.” She sounded so sure, the belief pulled from somewhere deep in her soul. Logan opened his mouth to contest the claim but Hana redirected the conversation away from her. “I’m sorry Caroline hurt you, Logan.”
He nodded. “Yeah. I think she knew I saw her as Plan B. It’s an awful way to treat someone.”
“So why is she trying so hard to get you back?” Hana asked. “She looks confident.”
Logan rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “It’s about my name. She wants to be a Du Rose.”
“Na!” Hana dismissed the notion with a wave of her hand. “That’s daft.”
“Maybe. But she still conned my father into believing I left her with wedding debts. He sold a massive tract of my land to pay for it.”
“The land by your uncle’s place?” Hana narrowed her eyes and stared at Logan. “That’s why you got upset on the way back from our trek?” Logan nodded and Hana sighed. “And Alfred sold it to pay Caroline?”
Logan shook his head. “Not quite. Hana I want you to understand that I asked her to marry me out of desperation. I never pretended I loved her and don’t think she ever intended to walk down the aisle with me. She needed to take away my mana in front of the whānau. What I don’t understand is why.”
“Revenge?” Hana asked and Logan shook his head.
“For what? She always knew the score.”
“Promise me you’re not a cheat?” Hana stared hard at Logan, watching him and praying for discernment.
“Babe, that’s the easiest promise I’ll ever make,” he said, his body language broken and defeated.
Hana stroked his face and kissed his forehead. “Caroline didn’t take your mana,” she whispered. “If Angus Blair can respect you like he does, then you still have it. As for your family, they didn’t seem real bothered about your wedding. They only care about you. If I promise not to jilt you or cause you to lose your land, can we please not mention Caroline Marsh ever again?”
Logan sighed with relief and nodded against her arm. He put his fingers under Hana’s chin to meet her gaze. “I’m not going anywhere, Hana. I love you and this is all I ever wanted. Without you, I’m nothing.” His long lashes brushed against his cheeks and Hana felt her heart give a victorious leap. It defeated her head and silenced all the murmurings why a quickie marriage seemed a terrible idea. She leaned down and kissed Logan’s sensuous lips, hurling herself into the unknown and hoping she didn’t regret it.
Logan held her for a long time, cradling her head against his collarbone. When her breathing changed, he nudged her awake. “Hana?” His voice sounded soft. “When you cried on the tube train in your yellow dress, I wanted to take you away and make you feel better.” He looked up into her sleep filled eyes. “I never expected you would make me feel better first.”
Hana smiled and kissed him. “I remember your eyes,” she whispered, their lips touching. “Grey and fathomless.” Her thumb stroked the scar above his cheekbone and saw relief cross his face. “I blocked out much of that unhappy period in my life.” Her brow creased and Logan reached up and smoothed away the lines.
“It’s okay,” he replied. “This is our time. Let’s leave the past where it is.”
“Deal,” Hana agreed. “But that includes the text I thought you sent Caroline. Can we leave that there too?”
“But I didn’t send it. What did it say?”
Hana winced. “I read it on her phone and deleted it. I’m not proud of myself.”
Logan chewed his bottom lip and grinned. “So, now you’re admitting you aren’t perfect?” Hana nodded and he laughed. “Thank goodness for that,” he said.
They parted for the night in the cold hallway, embracing with an air of nervous excitement. “Night, Loge,” Hana said, yawning. Logan smiled and released her slender body.
“Night, babe.”
Hana pushed the bedroom door closed against him and he stared at the rimu knots, his mind elsewhere. He told Hana the absolute truth about his drink with Caroline, but withheld one vital piece of information. “Stay out of my life!” he’d hissed at the blonde woman, hurling forty dollars cash onto the table for her taxi fare as though paying a prostitute. Turning away to shove his wallet into his pocket, he heard her raise her voice enough to draw attention from the other patrons.
“It’s not over!” she shouted. “This will never be over for you. There are things you don’t know Logan.” When he ignored her and kept walking, she raised her voice louder. “I’ll tell her!” she threatened. Logan heard her chair scrape across the floor. “She won’t want you when she knows the truth!”
Logan had slammed the outer door of the pub behind him and hoped the thick cloud of doom she conjured up didn’t follow him out. But it did, almost wrecking everything.
Hana woke with a groan to another windy day punctuated by torrential rain. She met Logan in the kitchen and scarfed toast straight from the toaster. “Hello fiancé.” He kissed her sleep-softened cheek and Hana cringed with embarrassment. “That’s not fair! You’ve already showered and smell so good.” She put a hand in front of her mouth. “Don’t kiss me until I’ve cleaned my teeth.”
Logan laughed and buried his face in her neck. “Idiot,” he breathed, enjoying the scent of her hair. “I’m taking you ring shopping today.”
“Really?” Hana glanced down at her bare finger and frowned. “We don’t have to.”
“Yeah, we do.” Logan arched his back and watched the change in her expression. “Unless you changed your mind in the night.”
Hana shook her head and the small smile that creased her face looked coy. “No, I haven’t.”
“I checked the website for the registry office.” Logan’s eyes narrowed, watching Hana for any adverse reaction.
She smiled. “My father used to call it the Registrar of Hatches, Matches and Dispatches.” She giggled, the first time she’d mentioned Robert McIntyre with any happy connotation.
Logan snuffed out a laugh. “I used your computer; I hope that’s okay. I printed off a Notice of Intended Marriage and I need your help to fill it in.
“Oh.” Hana’s eager smile disappeared. “Do you need Vik’s death certificate?”
“Nope.” Logan reached for her and wrapped her in a strong embrace, smirking at the monkeys on her shirt. “Just the date.”
“I can tell you that,” Hana breathed, the number engraved on her psyche.
“The office is open from nine until four, Monday to Friday,” Logan said. “So we either need to find a celebrant or take time off work.” His shoulders hunched in disappointment.
“What did you do before?” Hana asked, looking up at him.
Logan closed his eyes. “It doesn’t matter. She did it all and had months to plan it. I want to marry you this week.”
Hana stroked his bicep and looked up in sympathy. “We’ll work it out, Logan. Don’t worry.”
He smiled down at her. “Also, one of us needs to go into the office three days before the ceremony to sign a statutory declaration and show birth certificates and the other documents they want.”
“It sounds complicated, doesn’t it?” Hana’s sigh emptied her lungs of air.
“No, I’ll deal with it on Monday. Give me your documents and I’ll take them to the office.” Logan gritted his jaw in determination. “Shall I just grab the next available date or ring you first? And what about family and guests?”
Hana’s eyes widened in fear. “They’ll try to talk me out of it. Would it be terrible to just ask forgiveness instead of permission?” She wrinkled her nose and Logan snorted.
“Geez, woman! You keep surprising me. Is that what you want?”
Hana nodded, convincing herself with every bounce of her head. “Yeah. I do. I don’t know how I’ll tell them afterwards but I’ll find a way.” She chewed at her thumbnail and worry knitted her brow.
Logan smoothed the lines from her forehead and smiled. “I’ll help you,” he promised, still waiting for her to back out and devastate him.
“I’m not changing my mind.” Hana kissed him. “You’re stuck with me.”
Logan inhaled and grinned, his perfect white teeth grazing his lower lip. “I’ll believe that when I’ve put the ring on your finger and kissed the bride. Maybe not even then.”
Hana’s eyes communicated the gravity of her promise. “I’m not Caroline, Logan. I won’t back out.”
When the rain eased, Logan insisted they walk up the mountain to the boundary of Hana’s property. She grumbled up the hill, slipping and sliding behind him. “Why are we here? I thought you wanted to go shopping.”
“I do.” Logan turned and offered his hand, biceps flexing as he took Hana’s weight. “But it’s pointless going out for the day and leaving the house vulnerable. And I don’t want to leave you alone at the house and walk up here either.”
They found a place to climb over the fence into the thick bush but stuck close to the fence line. Logan examined the ridge above with keen, bushman’s eyes. “The Te Araroa walking track is up there,” he said, pointing. “But the bush looks impenetrable above the property. Anyone coming this way will need hiking boots and a darn good compass. The supplejack alone will slow them down.” His brow knitted. “Besides, who’d approach from this direction? You’d see them from the house.”
“Not if I’m not here.” Hana slipped sideways and used her grip on Logan’s jacket to right herself. She stamped her foot with impatience. “Please can we go back? It’s starting to rain.” She held her palms out to catch the smattering of drops and unbalanced herself.
“Okay, okay,” Logan replied, grinning at her discomfort. “But I promised your son I’d check it out. Let me just ring him.”
“Don’t mention the-you-know-what,” she warned. “I’m amazed he called you last night. You’re the last person he’d want to involve.”
“Yep.” Logan winked at her and Hana clung to his arm as they descended the steep slope. She listened to Logan giving one-word answers to Bodie. She kept silent, concentrating on her footing. They skirted the fence line with care but a branch of the subtle bush lawyer seized Hana’s sleeve and tore at it, snagging her hand and wrist as she struggled to free herself. “Steady, steady,” Logan soothed, holding her fingers and extracting her from the plant’s nasty grasp. “You can’t do it that way, you have to relax and tear it off bit by bit.”
As he freed Hana, another branch leaned in for the kill, drooping under the rainwater and digging its thorns into the back of his hand. Logan hissed in pain and rolled his eyes. “Nice place you’ve got!” he complained later, as he ran the cuts under hot water to remove any dirt. “Even the wildlife sticks up for you. You should be fine out here.”
Hana smiled to herself. “We,” she replied.
“Pardon?” Logan patted his hands with a tissue and turned to face her, leaning backwards against the counter to hide the relentless blood soaking into the soft cloth. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” she answered, smirking as she chewed over her thoughts. “You said I would be fine out here. But you’ll be here too.”
“True.” Logan kissed her and excused himself to deal with the familiar throbbing headache and unforgiving cuts.
Hana touched up gaps in the paint as she waited for Logan. He emerged in the kitchen half an hour later, looking tired. Sticking plasters littered the back of his hand, blood showing through the fabric. “When are we going out?” Hana asked, washing her brush in the sink.
“Now, if you want,” he said. He looked at his watch and whistled. “Wow. Where’s the day gone?”
Hana glared at her hand and produced the kitchen scissors. She held them out to Logan. “You promised. They’re itching and I want them out. I made a mess trying to do it with my left hand.”
“I noticed.” He groaned and turned her hand over, inspecting the wound. “Fine,” he grumbled. “But I want different scissors.”
Hana fetched tiny manicure scissors and closed her eyes as Logan wielded them with difficulty. “My fingers don’t fit in the stupid holes,” he muttered, slipping the sharp edge between the first stitch and her palm. Hana jumped at the sound of the snip and the dark stitch hung loose. Logan cut all seven and stood back as Hana cringed. “You need to pull the bits out,” he said, nudging her shoulder. “Then wipe the wound with an antiseptic cloth. How’s your wrist?”
“Okay,” Hana lied, using it despite the pain. “It’s a sprain.”
“Hmmmn.” Logan raised his eyebrow like he didn’t believe her. “Keep that strap on it,” he advised.
Hana cleaned up and readied herself to go out. Reaching the front door, she held back and panicked. “What if the men are searching for me?” Her eyes widened and she dug her heels into the floorboards. “There might be more of them looking everywhere.”
Logan shook his head. “They think you moved to the Farringdon area,” he said. “Why would they look up here?”
“The house sale documents,” Hana replied. “They can see them online.”
“Na. It’s not that easy. They’d need to get a licenced real estate agent to search for them and who would do that? Monday will be a problem because they know you work at the school. They’ll be watching the entrances and exits.”
Hana sighed and her heart rate spiked. “We can go out another day,” she said, swallowing gulps of air.
“Come on.” Logan took her arm and led her through the front door. “We’ll drive to Sylvia Park in Auckland, we’re using Cilla’s car and I’ll block the driveway.”
“How?” Hana wrung her hands and stared at him. “What with?”
“Don’t worry.” He kissed her and tapped her on the bottom. “Get in the car while I set the burglar alarm.”
Logan pulled fallen tree branches across the driveway half way up. Hana watched his considerable strength, neck and arm muscles bulging as he pulled the punga across the road. He eased a white handkerchief from the pocket of his leather jacket and wiped his fingers, staring around him. When he got back into the car, he gave Hana a confident smile. “It looks solid, but it’s not. I didn’t mess around too much with it or it’ll fall apart.”
Hana nodded. “Thank you. I can’t wait for the gates to arrive.”
Logan reached out for her hand and held it, smoothing her cold fingers with his. He made the hour’s drive to Auckland driving one-handed for most of the way. They scored a good parking space and Hana relaxed enough to hold his hand around the vast shopping mall. She browsed the various shops, buying small decorations for the house and derailing Logan’s plans. “Enough,” he told her, pushing her towards a jewellery shop they’d passed twice. “I’m buying you an engagement ring.”
Hana stopped and spun away from him, her face ashen. Logan’s lips parted in dismay. She put her hands behind her back and a standoff ensued. “I don’t want an engagement ring, Logan.”
“Oh, Hana.” He covered his eyes with one hand and she gasped in horror.
“No! Logan, listen. I will marry you, but an engagement ring is a terrible idea. I can’t wear it before the ceremony because everyone will see it. So l
et’s just get wedding rings. Yeah?” She pushed her face under his arm and exposed his frightened expression. “Don’t be silly. I want you to be my husband still.”
“I wanted you to have a ring.” He sounded sulky and disappointed and Hana wrapped her arms around his waist.
“But you understand why it won’t work?” she asked and he nodded.
“Yeah. But you could wear it in the evenings,” he argued and Hana shook her head.
“Nothing about what we’re doing is traditional,” she said. “I just want a plain wedding band, please. I’ll be satisfied with that.”
Logan kissed her forehead and compared her to the money grabbing Caroline. She’d kept all the wedding paraphernalia and engineered his loss of the land in addition. They stood in the centre of the mall, people filing past them on every side. Logan buried Hana’s face in his chest, their heartbeats aligning despite the busy foot traffic around them. “I love you so much,” he whispered, kissing her lips and closing his eyes against the fear of losing her before he reached the finish post. “You keep surprising me.”
Hana stood on tiptoes and kissed the underside of his rough chin. “Yeah, well I’m the lucky one,” she said with a smile. “So let’s go buy some wedding rings.” She clasped his hand and led him towards the glittering jewellery shop.
The window display sparkled beneath the strip lights. Necklaces and earrings glinted from every angle. “These cost a fortune!” Hana complained, gravitating to the cheaper displays. “Can’t we try somewhere else?”
“No!” Logan looked hurt. “I’m giving you a decent ring. I told you I’ll feel more secure once I put the ring on your finger and kiss the bride.” His eyes twinkled and he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “But I want the ring to last for the next fifty years, so it needs to be decent.”
“Okay.” Hana nudged his arm. “But I’ll pay half.” Logan gaped in surprise and watched her push her face towards the glass. She pointed at a pair of bands near the bottom edge. “Those are nice. I can afford that.” She stood on tiptoes and overbalanced, nutting the window hard with her forehead. An alarm sounded all around them. Hana clutched her forehead and Logan watched a security guard waddle towards them.
He threw his head back and laughed, the motion rocking his body. “Geez, Hana!” he snorted. “Way to go, babe.”
The security guard arrived at the same time as the manager of the jewellery shop. They found Logan laughing and Hana rubbing her forehead. Logan held his hands up, palms facing outwards. “Stand down,” he said to the guard. “My fiancé just banged her head on the window.”
“You think I’m a robber?” Hana’s jaw dropped and she looked appalled. “That’s terrible!”
“We want to buy wedding rings,” Logan reassured them as an audience gathered. “We’re not vandals. Well, I can’t speak for my fiancé, but I’m not.”
“Would you like an ice pack for your head?” the manager offered. “It’s looking painful.”
Hana gulped and rubbed the red mark on her forehead. “No thanks,” she grumbled, glaring at Logan. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and ignored the dig in the ribs she administered. The security guard bumbled away, puffing from the excitement.
“Come inside,” the manager said, crooking a long finger towards Hana. “How can I help you?”
Hana glanced down at her ring finger, flexing her painful wrist and ruing the spiteful cut from the spiky plant across the space where her wedding band should go. She sighed, sensing disaster looming.
“We want wedding rings,” Logan said. “And don’t have time for them to be sized.”
“Ah.” The jeweller smiled, a haze of romance in her eyes. “When’s the big day?”
Hana swallowed and looked up at Logan. “It’s a secret,” he said, winking at the woman. Hana’s jaw dropped at the way the jeweller’s eyelashes fluttered under his grey gaze and the speed with which she bent to the task of finding something suitable.
She produced a simple arrangement of twenty-two carat gold bands with a herringbone pattern etched into the surface. Hana closed her fingers into a fist. “They cost an absolute fortune, Logan! Can’t we find something cheaper?” she hissed. “I think my first wedding ring came out of a cracker!”
“Nope, we’re doing it properly,” Logan whispered back. He smiled at the jeweller and nudged Hana’s arm. “Try yours on, darling.”
“I don’t know what size I am,” Hana said, keeping her hand out of range.
“This size.” The jeweller held out her palm and balanced the ring in the centre like an oyster displaying its best pearl yet. “I can tell by looking. I’ve done this job for years.”
Hana sighed and placed her hand flat on the glass cabinet, embarrassed about her chipped nail polish and the myriad cuts littering the back of her hand. The jeweller pushed the ring over her knuckle and sat it in place. “Beautiful,” she said, standing back to look. “It suits your fine bone structure.”
Hana lifted her finger and stared at the wedding band, realising how much she’d missed the many symbols of love and union. Logan smiled down at her. “Do you like it?” he asked.
The jeweller glanced at Hana and then busied herself finding a matching one for Logan. She gave them breathing space. “I love it,” Hana whispered. “But I can’t afford even a quarter of it.” Her face crumpled in disappointment.
“It’s fine,” Logan whispered back. “It’s my gift to you, Hana. Will you let me do this?”
“I don’t know.” Her breath caught in her chest and Logan slipped his arm around her shoulders as though afraid she might bolt. Hana eased the ring over her knuckle and her bare finger mocked her.
Logan didn’t let go, allowing the jeweller to slip his ring into place. She sat it on his left ring finger and he stared down at it. “Pity I’ve so many scars,” he mused, folding down the bent middle finger. He glanced sideways at Hana, watching as she laid her ring on the velvet cushion. His eyes flicked up to the jeweller. “We’ll take them,” he said, his voice decisive.
The woman broke into a wide smile. “Good choice, sir.” Fancying her chances, she pointed at Hana’s empty finger. “It’s usual for the lady to have an engagement ring as well.” She motioned towards a tray of diamond-encrusted gold.
Hana appealed to Logan with her eyes. “Please let’s not. We discussed this.”
The woman raised a hand in a reassuring motion. “It’s okay. Eternity rings are popular as a sign of enduring love. The husband gives one at the first wedding anniversary or birth of the eldest child.”
Hana gasped with embarrassment at the mention of babies and colour rushed to the roots of her hair. The idea of bedroom antics overheated her and she backed away from the counter. Logan’s restraining arm around her shoulders prevented escape.
“Okay,” he conceded. “I’ll buy my wife an eternity ring on our first anniversary.” He winked at Hana and she tightened, imagining how she might feel after a whole year. Her face clouded at the thought he might already be sick of her.
“What’s up?” Logan asked her outside, observing Hana’s dark expression. She turned to him, leaning closer to whisper.
“We never talked about children. I think I’m too old. Oh, Logan! What are we doing? Obviously you want a family.”
“Hana, stop!” Logan wrapped his arms around her, alarmed by the helplessness in her eyes. They caused a traffic jam in the middle of the busy mall. “A year ago I’d have killed to be standing here holding you. Having a family isn’t on my radar. I honestly don’t care. How can I make you understand being with you is all I ever wanted? Trust me; I’m grateful for what I have right here.”
Hana sighed with relief and then ruined the moment. She winced and Logan looked concerned, a questioning in his eyes. She gulped. “I’ve these really ugly lines on my stomach from having Bo and Izzie so close together. They’re sort of here.” Hana touched her stomach down near her hip and her eyes misted with tears.
Logan looked serious, his brow creased i
n concentration. “That could be a real deal breaker. I wish you’d said something before I bought the bloody rings!” He placed his hands in the small of Hana’s back and pulled her hips into his body, his face softening with lust and expectation. “Maybe I should have a look when we get back to your place. In case I’m not sure.”
Hana’s jaw dropped and her eyes narrowed. “You git!” She smirked despite herself and Logan laughed. “I believed you!”
Choosing items for a secret wedding and life afterwards felt exciting but tinged with a sense of guilt. It crept up on Hana as she looked at the things she didn’t need. She stroked a packet of wedding invitations in a stationery store and wondered what her children might say. Logan cleared his throat behind her. “Having regrets?” he asked, his voice soft. “We can wait and do it the other way.”
Hana shook her head. “Bodie won’t understand. He’s already formed an opinion of you and time won’t help that. I’m worrying about Izzie.” Hana sighed and then dismissed that thought. “No, she’s gorgeous. She’ll love you.” Pulling her favourite handkerchief from her pocket, she worried at it in her fingers, twisting the navy kiwi birds into a knot. Logan winced at the action and took it from her, tucking it back into her pocket.
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
“Maybe one day when I’m safe from those men, could we have a party and get our marriage blessed?” Hana asked, her eyes wide and searching.
“Yeah, course we can.” Logan buried his face in her hair. “For sure.”
He led her to a coffee shop and bought drinks. He fiddled with a sugar sachet while they waited. “There are so many gaps in my knowledge of you,” he confessed. “What was your first wedding like?”
Hana sighed. “Not ideal. They hid my baby bump beneath a sari so nobody would know, but they did, anyway. A guru performed a Sikh ceremony and the next day, a registrar repeated it for the legalities. Deepak dropped us at the London registry office and my belly looked huge under the borrowed sari. He went to park the car and by the time he got back, it was over.” She removed the sachet from Logan’s fingers. “What about you?”
“Me? Geez.” Logan started in surprise. “I did the dream white wedding with no bride. I guess between us, we’ve good reason to avoid traditional. People will understand and real friends will accept it.”
Hana nodded and the worry left her eyes. “You’re right.”
They wandered together without urgency, laughing at similar things and enjoying each other’s company. Logan seemed more settled with the rings inside his leather jacket pocket, tucked behind the zipper. “Now you can’t get out of it,” he smiled in triumph and Hana resisted the urge to joke that she could. But he read her mind anyway and knitted his brow. “Please don’t freak me out?” he begged her and Hana kissed him, mischief playing in her green eyes.
They wandered into a furniture shop around three o’clock. A Beatles song piped into the store and Hana smiled. Logan nudged her. “What’s funny?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head, her eyes sad. “My mother’s name was Judith. My dad got to their wedding late because he queued for the single at the record shop.”
“That’s cute.” Logan squeezed her hand.
“My mother couldn’t hear.” Hana swallowed and chewed her lower lip. “I think the diagnosis is profound deafness. But she always loved the cover.”
“Like Jack?” Logan asked and Hana nodded.
“Yeah, like Jack.”
Logan let go of Hana’s hand to examine a side table and she wandered away. She stroked the legs of a renovated bureau and wondered about giving her furniture at home a facelift.
“Hey, Hana,” Logan called, beckoning her over. “What do you think to this? It’s magnificent, aye?”
“Wow.” Hana admired the French style four-poster bed. Painted in muted cream, it was overlaid with gold dust rubbed into the folds and outer edges like a highlight. A pale green voile covered two sides as curtains, the other two pulled back to display the bed.
“It comes with mattress and bedding,” Logan said, prodding at the lace quilt cover with tiny green embroidered flowers. “The bedside tables are part of the deal. Do you like it?”
Hana started. “Do you have money to burn or something? I’m not marrying a spendthrift!”
Logan laughed at her reaction. “Come on,” he urged. “Let’s try it out.”
“My bed’s fine,” Hana argued. “You’ll like it.”
Logan shook his head. “I’m not making love to my wife in another man’s bed, thanks.”
Hana swallowed and chewed her bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I never thought about it.”
Like naughty children, they removed their shoes and clambered onto the bed. The shop assistant glided over, ready with her don’t-sit-on-the-displays speech ready.
“I want this bed,” Logan declared. “We’re buying it.”
Another customer intercepted the shop assistant and she pouted in annoyance. “I’ll be there in a sec,” she announced. “I need to get this old couple off the display bed.”
Hana lay on her back and peered up at the wooden canopy overhead. “Oh, look,” she said, prodding Logan’s arm. “There are lights like stars overhead.”
“I love it,” he confirmed, closing his eyes. “I want it.”
“I wonder how the lights are powered,” Hana said. “There must be a cable here somewhere.” She leaned over the side of the bed and tracked a cable along the back of the headboard. “It must plug in,” she called over her shoulder. “I can’t remember where the power points are in the master bedroom. Can you?” She leaned further over, listening to Logan asking the shop assistant questions. “It’s quite long,” she shouted. “It should reach.”
She glanced backwards as Logan lay on his side. She took in his strong physique and rugged facial scar, noticing the assistant’s avid interest in him. A fit of jealousy narrowed Hana’s eyes and Logan watched as his future wife lost her balance and disappeared with a squeak and a bump between the bed and the side cupboard.
Hana lay on her face, trapped between the furniture. “Why?” she wailed inside her head. Buried beneath the pillows and heavy matching bolster which followed her down, Hana wished for a hole in the ground to swallow her up. Mustering what dignity she still possessed, she waved the extended cord in her right hand and announced, “Just as I thought, it will reach our sockets!”
Logan smirked at Hana’s attempt at a dignified recovery and his memory of her bottom disappearing over the side. His grin said it all. Hana tried not to feel offended as she raised herself up, replaced the pillows and bolster and patted them into place with one eye on the lecherous shop assistant. “Nice ass, babe,” Logan said and winked. “We’ll take it,” he announced. “I’ll come and pay.”
Smitten by his charm, the assistant clicked off on her high heels to fill in the paperwork. Logan left Hana to finish straightening the bed, giving her another smirk and adding to her pain by blowing her a kiss. “I’ll take the ass too,” he whispered.
“Woman, you’re a disgrace!” Hana admonished herself, using a nearby mirror to sort herself out and primp her straightened hair back into a semblance of normality. By the time she approached the counter, Logan leaned against it filling in the paperwork for delivery. “Oh,” Hana said in mock surprise. “You can do joined-up-handwriting.”
Logan ignored her snide comment. “It’s the last one in the north island. We can have it this week.” Happiness showed in his face as he produced a credit card.
Hana choked at the bill and fought to claw back her pride, until the assistant commented through gritted teeth, “You might as well have that one, seeing as you’ve already had so much fun in it!”
Logan snorted, halting his retort at the sight of Hana’s raised eyebrows. He signed the paperwork and paid for the bed, following his fiancé out into the mall. “You are such a flirt!” Hana complained.
Surprise flooded Logan’s face. “No, I’m not!” he replied.
/> “Yes, you are!” Hana shoved him into a rack of women’s undies hanging on display outside an underwear store. A polka dot lacy bra strap caught round a button on his leather jacket and he dragged the rack behind him. The security guard reappeared, determination on his face and Logan licked his lips and tried to extricate himself.
Hana abandoned him, enjoying her revenge by walking away laughing.