Accidentally in Love with...a God?
Title Page
Chapter 1
Chapter TWO
Chapter THREE
Chapter FOUR
Chapter FIVE
Chapter SIX
Chapter SEVEN
Chapter EIGHT
Chapter NINE
Chapter TEN
Chapter ELEVEN
Chapter TWELVE
Chapter THIRTEEN
Chapter FOURTEEN
Chapter FIFTEEN
Chapter SIXTEEN
Chapter SEVENTEEN
Chapter EIGHTEEN
Chapter NINETEEN
Chapter TWENTY
Chapter TWENTY-ONE
Chapter TWENTY-TWO
Chapter TWENTY-THREE
Chapter TWENTY-FOUR
Chapter TWENTY-FIVE
Chapter TWENTY-SIX
Chapter TWENTY- SEVEN
Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT
Chapter TWENTY-NINE
Chapter THIRTY
Chapter THIRTY-ONE
Chapter THIRTY-TWO
Chapter THIRTY-THREE
Chapter THIRTY-FOUR
Chapter THIRTY-FIVE
Chapter THIRTY-SIX
Chapter THIRTY-SEVEN
Chapter THIRTY-EIGHT
Chapter THIRTY-NINE
Chapter FORTY
Chapter FORTY-ONE
Chapter FORTY-TWO
Book 2 of the Accidentally Yours Series
About the Author:
ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE WITH…A GOD?
The Accidentally Yours Series
Book 1
By Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Copyright 2012 Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
Smashwords Edition
http://www.mimijean.net
Cover Design Copyright 2012
by http://DigitalDonna.com
Smashwords Edition, License Note
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. If you did purchase this ebook, then you are a fabulous person! Thank you.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks are not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
Other Work by Mimi Jean:
ACCIDENTALLY MARRIED TO…A VAMPIRE?
The Accidentally Your Series - Book Two
PRAISE FOR MIMI JEAN’S BOOKS
“He did…what? To her…what? I’m not sure that’s legal.” - Mimi’s Mail Carrier
“Mimi Jean’s writing is pure brilliance. Except for the parts with S.E.X. I don’t approve of such language. But the rest is really good!” - Mimi’s Mother
“¡Ay, no! Esa basura es un pecado. ¿Porque mi hijo tuvo que casarse con alguien tan desagradable?” - Mimi’s Mother In-Law (I think she really likes me!)
Five Stars for ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE WITH…A GOD? “Amazing Book! Finally, something a little different from the normal. I loved this book and couldn't put it down. I can't wait until the next book.” - Anonymous Reader (who rocks, of course!)
Five Stars for ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE WITH…A GOD? “This is an intriguing, funny, steamy, hard-to-put-down book! Mimi Jean takes you to the jungles of Mexico, on a wild adventure to save a god and unlock secrets! Well written! Looking forward to reading more in this series!”- Helena F., Nurse at Duke Hospital
Dedication
This book is dedicated to Naughty Nana (whose secret love of men in leather pants provides endless inspiration), the author Phoenix (cheerleader extraordinaire and master of the dreaded comma—don’t give up on me), my two pirates in training (Dudes! Stop hitting each other with swords, already!), and my alpha male supreme (words could never describe what a hottie you truly are!). Without each of you, there’d be no dreams coming true in my life.
Chapter 1
Present Day
Wasn’t dating supposed to be fun? Because this was anything but. At any moment, a man I’d never met—approximately six-foot-three, brown hair, and soul-piercing blue eyes, according to his online profile—would walk through the door of the Conga Lounge, give his name to the hostess, and scream hysterically at the sight of me. Okay. He wouldn’t scream. Aloud, anyway. Not that I was heinous, but anyone who looked closely enough might notice I was…different.
I eyeballed the door, contemplating a mad dash before he arrived.
No, you can do this, I thought while staring at the condensation channeling down my glass of water, my leg bouncing under the table. Why had my date picked a corny theme-bar that looked like Gilligan’s Island threw up? What sort of man goes novelty on the first date?
Bad sign. Bad sign.
At least the other patrons—seated around the faux torchlit room, leisurely sipping Bahama Mama’s and Mai Tai’s—were oblivious to my impending meltdown.
I felt the gentle whoosh of summer evening air as the door swung open and the noise from the traffic-packed New York street poured in. A tall man with sun-kissed skin, broad shoulders, and tousled brown hair floated in—yes, floated—as if he’d ridden in on a cloud straight from Hot-Man Land. He wore a black polished-cotton shirt, which hugged his well-constructed chest, and low slung jeans that molded to his lean physique. He wasn’t just good looking, he was Milan runway edible. “Oh, sweet Virgin of Guadalupe, please be Jake,” I muttered under my breath.
Like a cliché from a movie, our eyes met from across the room, and his face lit up with a dimple-framed smile. My heart nearly stopped. “Thank you, Virgin,” I said, releasing my breath.
He strutted across the restaurant, a magnet for every female in the room.
“Emma?” he said in a deep slow-churned voice then smiled and held out his hand. I stood up in a daze, mentally pinching myself.
“You are Emma, right? Curly, shoulder-length, red hair, five-three. Several crazed female stalkers for best friends?”
Oh, no. What had my roommates done? Since the whole online-blind-date thing was their idea, they assured me they’d carefully “screened” the guy. But I thought they were just joking about breaking into his apartment and rummaging through his underwear drawer. And dammit, they hadn’t even bothered to dish. Tighty whities or boxers?
I looked down at his outstretched hand. Oh, shoot. Shake hands. “Sorry, it’s just—I wasn’t expecting someone so…” I swallowed and placed my palm in his. It was warm and inviting, just like his eyes. “Um…so tall.”
“And I wasn’t expecting a woman so…” He paused to look me over like a dog eyeing a giant juicy steak. “…adorable.”
“Adorable?” said the deep male voice inside my head. “What kind of moron compliments a woman with the word ‘adorable?’ Does he think you’re a goddamned puppy?”
Couldn’t I have one, just one lousy day without the voice? My blood began to boil instantly. But I resisted the urge to snap back with something lame like, “Well, maybe Jake senses I want to lick him from head to toe. Maybe even have a go at his leg.” But then I thought better of myself. Because tonight, I was on a mission, and nothing would stop me from climbing my own mental Mt. Everest: convince myself that I, Emma Kean
e, could feel attraction for a real live man with ten fingers, ten toes, arms and legs, and the other necessary dangly bits needed to make a relationship normal. All I needed was the right man.
The catch?
The other person I needed to prove this to wasn’t exactly a person. Okay—truth be told, he was a mysterious voice only I could hear. Yes. A luscious, deep, velvety voice so seductive that it could turn me into a quivering mindless puddle of need with one little sigh. Sound crazy? That wasn’t the half of it. But it was why I had to do this. If I wanted a shot at normal, I had to take this first step.
Jake and I held hands for several moments before we sank into our wicker seats. “So, you must be Jake.” Stupid statement, I know, but I had just forgotten all of the witty icebreakers I’d painstakingly memorized.
He nodded and continued smiling.
“So.” I paused, trying to think of something clever to say. Didn’t happen. “My friends. They didn’t do anything crazy, did they?” Other than a felony B&E?
Jake shook his head. “Aside from having me followed? No. They just sent an email making it clear they’d remove both my testicles if I did anything wrong.”
I cringed inside, but at least he didn’t know about the home invasion.
“With a dull spoon,” Jake added.
The voice snickered. “I’ve changed my mind. I now officially approve of your friends.”
Jake continued, lowering his voice, “But I’m glad I came. I thought your profile might have been exaggerating your looks. It didn’t.”
“What a cretin. You’re not falling for this crap. Are you, Emma?”
I felt my temper percolating, but I hung on. “Thanks,” I said to Jake then looked down at my hands.
“So, I hope you like this place.” He opened up the piña colada shaped menu. “The food, I hear, is tiki-licious.”
“Right. That’s it. This date…is over!”
Percolate went to boiling over. “Jake, I’ll be right back.”
“Um—okay,” I heard him say as I stomped off to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and checked the two small stalls.
Empty.
“You giant turd! You promised you wouldn’t talk!” I hissed. “Not a peep.”
“Well, that was before…”
“Before what?”
There was cricket-worthy pause.
“Fine. You listen to me, Guy”—that was my latest name for him since he’d never shared his real one—“we had a deal. You promised you’d behave—”
“And you swore on your soul you’d pull the plug if I said so.”
“Oh, no, no, my friend.” I shook my finger at the air, even though he couldn’t see me. “I said I’d end the date if you sensed anything wrong.”
“Yes. And he’s clearly deranged.”
“Deranged?” I barked. “You’re un-bel-ievable! He’s said two words—”
“Eight-five. Or was it eighty-seven? Hell, it doesn’t matter. I knew on word three there was something…off.”
“Oh my God! You’re completely full of it!” Hiccup! Hiccup! “Great. See what you did? My night is completely ruined.” Hiccup!
“Do you have a paper bag?” he asked.
I continued hiccuping uncontrollably. “No. Doesn’t exactly go with my new dress.” Hiccup. “Besides”—hiccup—“that only works for hyperventilating. I’m working up to that next.”
“New dress?” he asked, his tone a notch above angry. “You didn’t wear the new green dress, did you? The tight one that shows every curve and ‘makes a man instantly hard,’ as your friend, Anne, so eloquently stated?”
The door to the restroom swung open. The woman gave me a nod as she went into one of the stalls.
Christ! I’d forgotten my wireless headset. Again. Without it, I looked like just another New Yorker one step away from a Repent Now! sandwich sign. I scrounged through my matching satin evening bag and popped on my prop.
“Answer me! Did you wear the dress? After I expressly prohibited it?”
Should I tell him I secretly wish he could see me in it? No. No! What am I thinking? He could never know what went on inside my head; he’d only use my feelings against me. I hiccuped three times in quick succession. “Yes! I wore it, and it looks fabulous. You should see all the men walking around with colossal erections just from looking at me!”
Just then, the woman emerged from the stall and scampered out of the bathroom. She didn’t bother to wash her hands. Ewww, I thought.
“You play with fire, little girl.”
“No! You play with…” I couldn’t think of anything meaty to say. “Uuuh…fire. I’m going out there, and I’m going to finish this date whether you like it or not. And if you make one more peep, just one more, you’re going to…uh…get burned!” I so need to work on my threat technique. “Got it?”
“And if I don’t do as you say?”
Again, I came up empty in the threat department, so I threw out, “I’ll go home with Jake and sleep with him! That’s right. Wild monkey sex, too! Hanging from the chandelier and everything.” Does Jake even have a chandelier? I’ll have to ask.
He growled. “You wouldn’t.”
“Try me! Not one more peep!” I smoothed down my curls, hiccuped five more times, then took a deep breath and headed out into the dining area. The woman from the bathroom caught my eyes for a brief moment before looking toward her date and leaning in to whisper something. Her companion shot me a quick judgmental glance over his shoulder. I resisted blurting out that his date was a gross pig and had cooties on her hands. Instead, I lifted my chin and walked over to the table where Jake was sitting back, completely unaware of the turbulence he’d just invited into his life.
That’s when it hit me. The tsunami of guilt.
I stopped and looked down at Jake, the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in real life.
“Everything okay?” he asked, obviously wondering why I hadn’t taken my seat.
Jake’s online profile said he was looking for someone special. Someone to settle down with. That someone wasn’t me. How could it be? I was…complicated. My heart was trapped in some sort of bizarre purgatory, attached to a voice. Or, more accurately stated, attached to the endless images and fantasies my mind had conjured up to go with the stupid voice.
I couldn’t go on with the date. There was simply no point. I had to get rid of Guy or there would be no normal. No boyfriends. No husband. No wild monkey sex.
I hiccuped twice, making Jake jump in his seat.
He stifled a smile. “Oh, here. Try drinking some water.”
I smoothed down the front of my dress, barely holding onto my tattered self-esteem. “I’m sorry, Jake, but you don’t want me. I’ve got so much baggage even JFK couldn’t handle it. But it was nice meeting you, and I hope you find that special someone.”
Jake stared blankly and then nodded slowly.
I bolted outside onto the bustling street filled with people enjoying their Friday night, living their lives while I continued hiccuping uncontrollably.
“Emma, I’m glad you came to your senses. All this bickering is tiresome, especially when you know I’m right. That male was despicable. Why do you even bother to challenge me?”
That’s when the doors flew off.
“You horrible! Egotistical! Caveman! I’m done! Do you hear me? Done! You. Have. Got to leave!”
Several couples scurried passed me. Although I was pretending to be talking to someone on my headset, I still looked like a detonating atom bomb in a green dress, mushrooming with toxic radiation.
“I’m not going anywhere, Emma. Besides, what would you do without me?”
“You can’t be serious!”
“Why the hell not? If it weren’t for me, some sleaze ball would be using you for his sexual pleasure at this very moment. Is that what you truly want?”
“Yes! Wait. No…” I sighed. “Don’t you get it?” I need to move on. I need a normal life. I can’t keep obsessing over you, I wanted to add
. I thanked my lucky stars Guy could not read my thoughts.
“Once again, you ask this ridiculous question. The answer is no! I do not ‘get it.’ I do not ‘get’ your determination to throw yourself into situations that will only cause trouble. And as long as I exist, I have vowed to protect you...even if it’s from yourself.”
“Protect me? Protect me?” That was always his fallback line, but he never could explain why that was even necessary. What the hell did I need protection from? “You’re not protecting me; you’re hurting me. And if you’re not going to tell me why, there’s nothing left to talk about.”
“I’ve still got plenty to say, little girl.”
“No! This is over! Do you hear me? I’m ending this.” I stepped off the curb into the crosswalk, continuing to stomp my way home, determined to find the answer to my million dollar question: How? How, dammit, would I get rid of him? I’d researched exorcists, psychotherapy drugs to block him from my mind, shock treatment, but nothing gave me hope of extracting him without exposing myself and being locked away in a white padded room. Just then, from the corner of my eye, I saw a set of lights barreling down on me. I felt my body fly through the air before everything went dark.
Chapter TWO
“Guy? What happened? Where am I?” I said aloud. I spun several times, looking up, down, in every direction. I was perched on a large balcony jutting from the face of a decadent three-story villa carved into a lush green hillside. Like a fortress, I thought. I feel safe here.
“Emma, honey? Can you hear me?” a familiar female voice called from beyond the rolling hills.
My head snapped up, canvassing the terrain. I saw nothing but miles of neatly groomed vines heavy with burgundy grapes and almost as beautiful as the red and pink bougainvillea bowing over the towering arched windows to my sides. Every inch of the place was breathtaking. But where was I? Heaven. Yes, must be heaven.