~~~
Setzer tapped the top card of the deck as he sat in the pub of Albrook. He had two days worth of beard, his eyes were bloodshot, his breath was bad, and his clothes had seen better days. He looked like hell and he felt worse.
Setzer flipped the top card. Ace of Diamonds. He clenched his jaw and forced himself to calmly put the card back into the deck. He absently began to shuffle it, again, and again, and again... This was his 10th deck in 2 days. The bartender came up to him and asked if he wanted another drink. Setzer shook his head and stood, tossing a 10-gil piece onto the table before pushing through the crowd and exiting the pub.
Why? And that was the only question allowed any time. All others were dismissed before they formed a complete sentence. They didn’t matter. They wouldn’t. Not until he understood that one question.
Revenge. That’s what it had to be.
Setzer swore under his breath as he strode toward the Falcon anchored just outside, dreading a turn at the wheel with the memories of Marée. Dreading the appearance of the entrance because of memories of Maria. The Falcon was a torture, but it was also his only form of release—
Setzer halted, his stomach lurching and twisting. A slender form in dark trousers, a pale silken blouse, and a heavy coat leaned against the body of the Falcon with crossed arms; blonde hair waved in the wind.
Setzer balled his hands into fists and clenched his jaw so tightly it hurt. Then he walked forward, keeping his eyes carefully averted as he approached and made it to the ramp that led inside. One, two, three steps--
“We need to talk, Setzer.”
Setzer halted mid-step. He couldn’t tell if the voice was Marée or Maria. The tone was firm, but the voice was cultured and elegant. He faced her with angry eyes. “We have nothing to talk about. Get away from my ship.”
She straightened, pushing from the ship to stride up to him with such a look of determination...
“We need to talk,” she said again, still holding his gaze.
Setzer looked away and walked the rest of the way in. He heard her steps firm and resolute behind him and turned, hand on the door and then pushing it shut, again, in her face. Maria-Marée held it open with a surprising show of force.
“I have nothing to say to you,” Setzer told her.
Her eyes sparked. “Yeah? Well I’ve plenty to say to you, captain.”
And this time her voice was Marée. His insides lurched and he jerked open the door, reaching out to grab her arm and drag her from the ship. Again. “Get--“
She jerked herself free from his grasp and turned on him, pushing hard on his chest to back him away from her. “No, I will not get out.” She put a fist on her hip and pointed at him. “You will listen to what I’ve got to say, Setzer Gabbiani, or I swear I’ll beat your ass until you can’t move. And then you’ll listen to what I’ve got to say anyway.”
Setzer blinked in shock.
Maria-Marée lowered her hand and put it on her other hip. “Good. I’ve got your attention. That’s a start.”
The frown returned. Setzer turned away, again retreating up the plank and to his ship.
“Oh no you don’t . . . ” And a firm grip was suddenly on his arm, jerking him around to face the woman whose name he didn’t know.
Setzer’s eyes flashed a warning as he freed her hand from his arm with a violent push. “Don’t touch me, Marée— Maria— Damn! I don’t even know who you are! What do I call you? Why did you do this? What did I do to deserve this?”
“You didn’t do anything. I told you that before,” she said, and her pale blue eyes were different than before. “It was me. All of it.”
He took a menacing step forward. She stayed put. “Why?” He grabbed her arms and gave her a shake. Her eyes held his. “Do you hear me, Maria? Why? I deserve to know!”
Maria nodded, and her gaze didn’t waver. “Yes,” she said simply, matter-of-fact, “you do. And I’m going to tell you. All of it.”
Setzer’s grasp tightened on her arms--the warmth, the presence of skin, the scent of passion, songs and laughter--he pushed her roughly away. “More lies? More convincing half-truths that get me back in your bed and under your control? No. Keep your explanations.”
When he tried to turn away again, the grip was on his arm once more, turning him back to face her. This time, though, before he had a chance to push it away, those hands were grabbing firm holds of his shirt and pushing him backward as those eyes flashed with determination and resolve.
“You are going to hear this, captain. Get your ass on that ship!” She turned him forcefully and pushed him, hard, with both hands in the center of his back.
Setzer staggered forward, his mind spluttering with shock and disbelief that he was being man-handled by Maria. He turned with a snarl, but she kept coming. “If you don’t stop controlling me, Maria, I swear I will—-“
She stopped, fists on hips. “Hit me? Go ahead. I’ve been hit before. I can hit pretty hard myself. I told you I’d grown a spine, captain. Well, now you get to see it.”
Maria strode up to him and pointed another finger in his face. He leaned back away from it. “I am not going to be little Miss Complacent anymore. I love you, dammit, and I am not going to let you walk away just because you think you want to. I want you in my life, Setzer, and I’m not going to accept anything less!” She sent a dark glare to the guards as they stared open-mouthed at the scene playing out in front of them. “Get out.”
They hurriedly did as they were told.
Maria focused her glare back on Setzer and pointed to the main room. “Get in there.” When he straightened and resisted, she grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to drag him. “All right. We do this the hard way.”
If he hadn’t been so pissed, he would have laughed his butt off.
In the middle of the main room, he gathered his shocked wits enough to pull himself free from her grasp. “Don’t ever do that again, Maria,” he told her in a dangerously low voice.
She crossed her arms as she gauged his expression. Then she nodded. “I won’t. This is as good a place as any.”
Setzer crossed his arms as well, his mind desperately trying to separate Marée from Maria. Aggression from culture. Firmness and resolve from gentleness and delicacy. But the voices and visions crashed together, making his mind burn and rage at the impossibility of the request.
“I suppose I should start at the beginning.”
Maria! And his brain grasped at the reality.
She uncrossed her arms and rubbed at the back of her neck.
Marée! His brain shouted.
Then she shrugged and slipped out of her jacket, tossing it aside before looking up to meet his eyes. “Six months after Kefka twisted this planet, I was returning to the Opera House with the wardrobe for the new operetta. I had used the trip to Nikeah to read the script and decide whether or not I would accept the role.”
Maria! And his exhausted mind tenaciously held the name.
Maria shook her head. “It was beyond anything I’d been asked to do in the past. A complete opposite of the type of person I was. It was a challenge I didn’t believe I had the ability to do.”
Maria took in a slow breath and gave another shake of her head as she slowly made her way to the billiard table. She leaned against it with another sigh. “We were put off course by a storm, crashing the hull onto the reefs near Mobliz. Repairs were necessary, so we had to dock as soon as possible. I . . . I don’t know why I decided to do it, but . . . I assumed the heroine’s role. I had to see if it was possible to convince people that ‘Raven’ existed. That was the key to her success in the opera. The audience had to feel empathy for her. That would be impossible if I couldn’t present her in a real enough . . . persona. So, ‘Raven’ became ‘Marée’ – in order to preserve the dramatic effect for the operetta – and I stepped off the ship, leaving Maria behind.”
Maria crossed her arms and stared down at her boots, concentration and resignation battling for supremacy on her expressio
n. Setzer lowered his eyes and pulled the deck of cards from his pocket without thinking. He began to shuffle them, slowly and deliberately. To keep his temper. To keep from dragging her to the exit and throwing her off. To keep from dragging her to his bed and filling the ache that had grown so cold and hard. To keep from doing a myriad of other things that seemed logical and illogical at the same time.
“When I met with Terra that day . . . ” And a reluctant smile erased a few shadows of strain and agony from her face. “I could not have asked for a better person to talk to in order to learn of the darker side of the Empire. She had lived it, much to my surprise considering her timid and soft nature. So I listened to her stories of adventure against Kefka and Gestahl and the Empire, using those anecdotes to give life and color to the ones that had already been written into the script. Then, when I presented mine, I watched her reactions and did what embellishing was required in order to receive the appropriate response. That was the key to the character.”
Setzer’s hand paused its shuffling, and he flipped the top card. Ace of Diamonds. He clenched his jaw and submersed it back into the deck. The next card was the Queen of Hearts. His soul lurched and then went still. He shuffled the deck with a slightly rougher touch as his mind kept suspiciously back from the explanation.
“When I left Terra, I realized more research into the Empire was necessary. I had to learn more of what they had done. I had to learn more of the people in control of it. After all, how could I present the bitterness and hardness and complexity of Raven, a sea captain controlled by the Empire and the Fate that came with that doom, unless I understood real life stories of the same? Therefore, I knew my next stop was Thamasa. Where else would I find the old knowledge of the Empire and what had happened before.”
Maria’s face tightened with a wry smile. “Meeting Relm was an unexpected pleasure. There were so many qualities in her that I knew would be perfect for Raven. Her candor. Her live-life-to-the-fullest attitude. Her recklessness. But there was more than that, Relm had an addicting quality of freshness about her. She and I became fast friends, she teaching me how to live, thereby giving Raven more life experiences.”
Setzer’s hands stopped shuffling yet again, and he reluctantly flipped the top card. Ace of Diamonds. He snarled and clenched his jaw as he tucked it back into the deck. The next card was the Queen of Hearts. His hand tightened its hold on the deck for a brief moment before he began absently shuffling them again. His glower didn’t focus on the deck as his hands moved quicker, rougher, bending and mutilating the edges and sides of their own accord.
Maria released a deep breath, finally lifting her eyes from her knee-high boots. “I was in Albrook to make an appearance and advertise for the Opera House while the men picked up the sets, including those pieces of a wrecked Empire cargo ship called Ace of Diamonds. They were to convert it and use it as the main part of the set. When I saw the pub . . . I knew that I hadn’t tested Raven’s persona in a real-life setting to that extent. So, I settled back into Marée and plowed ahead. I was terrified to death, but I knew I couldn’t settle for less than the best for the show. But then . . . then I saw you . . . .”
She lowered her eyes with a shake of her head. “Oh my gods. I thought I was dreaming. There you were. Sitting alone--alone--in the one pub I happened into. I . . . I thought perhaps I’d finally been given the chance to attract you. I thought that perhaps Marée was who you wanted. I couldn’t give that up. I . . . I couldn’t.”
Maria raised her eyes, and her face softened somewhat. “It had been more than a year since I’d seen your face. More than a year since I had heard your laughter and felt your touch. When I saw you . . . I-I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to feel you. I wanted to hear you.” She shook her head as her eyes glimmered. “I wasn’t going to give that up. I had to try. I loved you too much not to.”
Setzer resisted the urge to meet her eyes. He could tell enough in her voice that she wept, likely hoping the action would change his mind against the willing betrayal. The planned lies. The plotted efforts. He flipped over the tattered top card. Ace of Diamonds. The second card was, again, Queen of Hearts. His brain pounded against his skull as his skin flashed with a wave of rage and rebellion. He jammed the cards back into the deck and shuffled, bits and pieces of card falling unnoticed to the ground at his feet.
Maria noticed his darkening expression and hurried on, offering more as her voice and gaze begged him to do so many different things. Things that he didn’t think he could do.
“You took me aboard your ship as an equal. Something you’d never done before. You let me guide her and experience the thrill of flight that had so long been a private and separate part of yourself. A part that I had so long wanted to share. That I had so long wanted to experience with you.” Maria’s voice tightened and choked, so she cleared her throat and blinked away the mist.
Setzer clenched his jaw, and his fingers trembled slightly as he shuffled the cards. Remembering that evening. Remembering the emotions and the needs. Remembering the uncanny ‘click’--
“I . . . It was beautiful, thrilling, surreal. It was so many different things in one. Your hands on mine. Your body so near. Your warmth--” Again her voice broke and died, and again she cleared it of the more powerful emotions and pressed on. “The memories of you and I together sharing so many things wouldn’t leave me in peace as we soared the clouds, together and alone. Experiencing something . . . sharing something that Maria hadn’t been allowed to see. I-I couldn’t resist you. I had to bring the memories back from the past. I had to have you for myself again, even if it wasn’t really Maria you were . . . you were experiencing.”
Maria lowered her gaze. Setzer raised his to an examination of her face. There was a twinge, and he lowered his gaze with another clench of his jaw as his hands began to absently work the deck.
“Kohlingen.” Maria cleared her throat and sighed, again rubbing the back of her neck. “Kohlingen. I was there only to thank King Edgar for his generous donation that had made it possible to purchase the more extravagant sets. But after leaving Figaro Castle I saw the Falcon . . . oh gods. I remembered your words before and couldn’t help myself. I had to see you again. I knew I only had a few minutes before my ship left for the Opera House, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that it was Marée you were making love to. I didn’t care that it was Marée you dreamt of. I didn’t care that it was Marée you hoped to see again. I was Marée, so what did it matter? I thought you had no memory of Maria. Why would you remember someone from a past that was so old? If Marée made you happy, I was happy.”
Setzer’s insides seethed. A second chance to confess and again she’d purposefully kept him in the dark. She’d played him . . . and yet, something behind her words began to chip at the wall of rage and betrayal. His soul began to ache with a hint of the pain and desperation—He pushed it away and flipped the top card of the deck. Ace of Diamonds. He nearly threw it to the ground. Instead, he left the second card unrevealed and began to shuffle it, not noticing the difficulty due to tattered edges and wrinkled bodies.
Suddenly Maria gave a slight, agonized laugh. It drew Setzer’s darkened eyes and hardened face.
She shook her head but didn’t raise her gaze from her boots. “Poor Cor. We were in Nikeah purchasing more costumes. We had to add more roles to the operetta because of my research and, of course, they needed costumes. I was in need of different ones, as well. So as the men loaded our order, Cor and I decided to rehearse a scene. We put on our costumes, applied our make-up, and began there on the dock. It was the perfect setting.”
Maria lifted her eyes to meet his. “I had no idea you were looking for me, if that’s why you were there. I didn’t realize you needed me that much. If I had--but that’s a different story,” she said in a strained voice. “You did very well in that scene. There was a little ad-libbing needed, but the scene in the opera was basically what you saw and did. Cor, of course, wasn’t expecting to have cards used against him, but he’
s a professional and enjoys a certain amount of newness in a scene. I hadn’t the heart to tell him you weren’t truly the hero of the operetta. You do look like Edward.”
Setzer scoffed and looked down. He stared at the top card, but didn’t turn it. He began shuffling, cards tumbling from the ragged deck to fall at his feet. He kept shuffling, trying to keep his soul from listening. Fighting against the understanding of the–-He pushed it away.
“And then it was opening night and I knew I could no longer venture out as Marée. I had to be content with my memories, past and present. It was all I would ever have.” Maria took in a slow breath. “A-And then you were there. You were there with your smiling face and eager words of flattery, seeing me as you’d seen me so many times before. A-And you were sorry that you’d hurt me. And you were telling me not to be someone I wasn’t . . . but you still--”
She shook her head, and Setzer heard a slight sob. His stomach lurched and twisted as he flinched.
“I only went to Mobliz to visit Terra. To bring her some gifts for the children and some things I thought she needed. When I saw Relm playing with the children, I was worried. Relm didn’t know Maria, so I went out as Marée to try and find out what had happened and if I could help. When you came I . . . I remembered our meeting at the Opera House and how you’d reacted to my comment about the woman pirate and . . . and I thought you might say you loved me. Marée, I mean. Why else would you have reacted in such a way? And then when . . . and then when you kissed me and denied you felt anything, I . . . .”
Maria shook her head again. “I was so angry. Marée had a firmer hold on my soul than I realized. She taught me those lessons I needed in order to start my search for happiness. To not sit idly by as my heart drained of life and my soul grew hard and cold.” She sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. “So when I had this last hope ripped from me–-Who wouldn’t be angry?”
Yes. Who wouldn’t be angry at a hope stolen. Setzer felt the rage begin to lose its hold, and his hands paused on the cards in his hand. Two cards left.
“I . . . ” Maria covered her face with her hands. “I couldn’t believe it when I received your note telling me you were coming for dinner. I must have cried for an hour after receiving it. My dreams were coming true, yet I had tainted any possible happiness with my lies and betrayal. I had wanted your love and presence in my life so badly I had been willing to make myself into someone else just to be with you . . . and then you were coming to visit the person I had always been.” She shook her head and lowered her hands. Her eyes glistened with tears. “I didn’t understand, but I couldn’t let it pass. I had to be there. I had to see you. I had to relive the past and see if there was a possible future. My soul wouldn’t let me do anything less. I missed you. I couldn’t be content without you.
“But then I remembered what you had said to Marée in Mobliz. That you were tired. That you had felt something for her. I . . . I didn’t trust what I felt or what I thought I saw in your face or felt in that kiss after our dinner together. I had to know for certain that Marée wasn’t competition for your heart. I had to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you wanted me. That last meeting on the ship was my last chance--No. It was your last chance--It was a last chance to choose. For me? For you? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. You chose Maria. You chose the woman who loved you. Who had loved and always would love you—“
Setzer’s grip had tightened on the cards as she spoke, and when he had slowly turned the last . . . Ace of Diamonds. Queen of Hearts. He threw them to the floor with a glare, interrupting Maria with a growl of “Stop! Stop, do you hear? Enough!” His flashing eyes raised to Maria’s yellow face. A stricken expression glazed her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me, Maria? You had more than enough opportunity. Why?”
Maria brushed more tears from her face. “I knew I had to tell you,” she said in a cracked voice, “but I couldn’t bear the pain I would see on your face. How could I have betrayed you that way? How could I have willingly lied? How could I have manipulated you just to experience something we hadn’t shared in over a year. And all the things you said. The memories we relived. The strokes and caresses. The kisses . . . .” She moved one small step toward him. When he tensed, she halted. “Those made me know I had betrayed you in such a dark and twisted way. I hadn’t trusted you as I said I did. And now?” She swallowed hard as her face went green. “Now I believe I’ve lost you forever.”
Setzer stared hard at her face. The tears. The agony of what she’d done. The words and phrases said both now and in their meetings before. His throat tightened and his chest heaved as he turned away with a shake of his head. He didn’t know. It seemed easy enough to believe that it had begun so innocent, but . . . . He rested his hands on the desk with another shake of his head. All this time the cards had told him who she was. Marée and his instant connection. The surprising presence of continued passion at his meeting with Maria . . . .
Setzer shook his head a third time as he pressed his hands tighter against the desk. “I don’t know. I don’t know.” And his voice held loss and confusion.
There were soft steps and then her warmth beside him. The scent of flowers and the sea. A tingle and an erotic sense of--He gripped the edges of the desk.
“Setzer, I was going to tell you. I swear it--oh my gods, what have I done?” He heard the quiver of tears before she spoke again. “When the Impresario came to me after the show that night and asked how my meeting with you had gone . . . .” Maria’s voice cracked and broke with pain and desperation. “I nearly died, knowing how you must have felt. Knowing I was responsible. Knowing my cowardice had done that to you.” She placed a hand on his shoulder but he moved away from it, straightening to step back from her presence. That twisted her face with pain. “Oh gods. Setzer, please. Please, don’t--” and her voice broke off as she brought her hand up to muffle the sobs.
Setzer continued to retreat until his back impacted one of the supporting pillars on the far wall. “Maria . . . Maria, I don’t know what to do.”
She gave a slight nod, her expression sick with grief and anguish as she stepped hesitantly toward him. “Please, Setzer, tell me what to say. How can I show you I’m sorry? I need you to forgive me!”
Setzer pressed his back tighter against the pillar as he warily watched her. Marée and Maria entwined in one soul. A fluke happenstance that she’d taken as a healing and a chance to be complete. A teasing of Luck. A concoction of the Fates.
Her eyes misted with tears that escaped and caressed her pale cheeks. “Let me prove that I can be trusted, dearest. Let me prove that I do love you. Please, dearest. Please. I don’t want to hurt you. I never did. Oh gods,” she choked out.
And a card fluttered from a picture on the wall, gliding graceful and serene to lay face-up on the ground at his feet. Ace of Diamonds. Setzer stared down at the card with a blank look as Maria continued to cautiously move toward him. Then she stood in front of him, but he continued to stare at the card. Then her gentle hands wiped wetness from his cheeks as she whispered choked words that he couldn’t hear but that his soul absorbed into itself. Still, he stared at the card.
“ . . . Ace of Diamonds.”
Setzer blinked and changed his gaze to her pale and tear-streaked face. “What?”
Maria took in a deep and broken breath. “Raven’s home and protection was her ship. The Ace of Diamonds.” She held his gaze as she continued to caress his face with her thumbs . “Please, Setzer. I need a haven. I need a place to call home. A place of adventure and safety. Please, dearest Setzer. Please be my Ace of Diamonds.”
Setzer held those pale blue eyes that mirrored his own agony. The face yellowed with torturous memories of scents and sounds and touches and songs thought forever lost. The tears and the choked sobs of misery . . . and then he pulled her tight against him, burying his face into her pale hair and soft, warm neck. Maria kissed his, whispering against it with a broken and tear-filled song of “I love you. I love you. I love you” and pre
ssed herself closer as she cried.
It was like coming home.