CHAPTER XIX
HOW THEY "'ELPED THE PORE FELLER"
As a rule, the laboratory was empty on half-holidays, and Gus used towork through his tables in solitude, when he tried a little"bottle-washing" as a change from the refereeing, but one afternoon hefound no less a person than W.E. Grim, the prize fag of Biffen's, doingsomething very seriously with a green powder.
"Hullo, young 'un! What are you footling round here for?"
"Lancaster has given me this salt to analyze, Todd. I think there'scopper in it."
"What have you been up to, that Lancaster has run you in? Half-holiday,too!"
"He hasn't run me in," said Grim, sulkily. "As a special favour he's letme come in here to work a little myself. I did a ripping chemistry paperlast week, and--"
"Oh, I see. Are _you_ going to give Biffen's another leg up, too?"
"Just as soon as you give Taylor's one," said Grim, who, in common withall the juniors, did not fear the easy-going Todd.
"No cheek!" said Gus. "If I mixed up coal-dust and brick-dust, how'dyou separate 'em?"
"Ask my grandmother for a telescope, and look out the mix through thebutt end."
"Quite so," said Todd, chuckling. "I suppose you've given me a specimenof Biffen's latest brand of wit. Well, don't make too big a row inhunting for your copper, and then I'll not chuck you out."
Grim murmured something disparaging Todd's authority for chucking out,but Gus languidly sidled off to his own particular bench, where, out ofsight of Grim, he prepared to do an afternoon's quiet work.
Meanwhile Grim's particular cronies, Wilson, Rogers, Sharpe, Poulett,and young Bourne, arrayed in all the glory of mud-stained footer-togs,after vainly waiting outside Biffen's, were seeking high and low for thecopper-hunting chemist, who, for many reasons, had kept his afternoon'splan very dark. He knew only too well that his beloved chums would nothear of an afternoon's work, and would head him off either to footer ora run round the Bender. Therefore, immediately after dinner, he had madean unostentatious exit, and reached the laboratory in safety.
"Where _is_ Grimmy?" said Sharpe.
"Dunno," said Wilson.
"Did he know of our six-a-side against Merishall's lot?"
"Rather! Said he hoped we'd win."
"_We!_ Why, is he backing out, then?"
"Well, we've waited for him half an hour, and there's no sign of himyet--look's like it."
"What is up with him, I wonder?" said Poulett.
"Seemed rather mysterious this morning--rather stand-offish to my idea.Perhaps, though, he's only guzzling buns or swilling coffee somewhere.Let's see."
The quintette thereupon spread themselves out, but every shop was drawnblank.
"Rum!" said Rogers. "Where can the ass be?"
"If we knew, Solomon, would we try to find out?" said Sharpe.
"I say, you fellows--I've got an idea about Grimmy. Didn't Lancastergive him a leg-up for his chemistry the other day? Permission to footlein the lab. on half-holidays, and all the rest of it? Grim was no endcocky over that."
"Grimmy waste a 'halfer' bottle-washing! Rot! That isn't his form,Wilson."
"If," said Poulett, impressively, "he _has_ sunk so low, we must givehim an 'elpin' 'and, pore feller!"
"Rather. If Lancaster has put the cover over old Grimmy we must get himout somehow. Let's adjourn to see."
The honourable five forthwith moved over to the laboratory, and Grimreceived his beloved cronies with hot blushes and a rather nervousmanner.
"I say, you chaps, what do you want?"
"What did we want?" said Bourne, as though he'd forgotten it. "What wasit, Rogers?"
"A fellow, formerly Grimmy, not a nasty bottle-washer," said Rogers,more in sorrow than in anger.
"But yesterday and Grimmy was an average back, and now he's holding upsome filthy brew to the sunlight to see how muddy it is. Oh, my greataunt!" chimed in Wilson.
"How are the mighty fallen!" gasped Sharpe.
"Look here, you fellows--" began Grim, with still more vivid blushesmantling his noble face.
"'Ear, 'ear! speech! speech! withdraw! apologize!"
"I'm not ashamed of being here and doing a little chemistry for my ownamusement, so there; and you fellows had better cut before Lancastercomes and runs you all in."
"That is all right, Grimmy. Lancaster's sporting a silk tile, so he'soff to town. To think of your cutting our six-a-side to puff down adirty blow-pipe! Come out, you idiot, and get into your footer togs!"said Sharpe.
"I'm not coming, I tell you."
"Insanity in the family, evidently," observed Poulett, judicially.
"Aren't you coming, really?"
"No, I'm not; do get out and leave me alone!"
"Never!" said Poulett. "We'll stay with him and see him through the fit,eh?"
"Rather! We'll never desert you, Grimmy!"
"We'll let the six-a-side slide for this afternoon, and we'll helpGrimmy with his salt," suggested the egg-poacher, brilliantly; and anyamount of hidden meaning was in the word "help."
"We will! we will!" cried the rest, spotting Poulett's idea instanter,with enthusiastic joy; and despite Grim's frenzied declamation andeloquence they all "helped."
For two hours--as lively a couple of hours as ever were passed withinthe laboratory--Gus lay low behind the far bench and enjoyed theafternoon's performance far more than Grim. The green powder underwentsome weird experiments, each of the quintette availing himself of Grim'sknowledge and test-tubes and acid-bottles with the utmost freedom. Theanalysis of Lancaster's mixture gave various results, but when Rogers"found" rhubarb and black-lead this was held the correct find, and afterthis verdict the generous five put up the test-tubes in the rack. Theyall said Rogers had settled the matter, and anyway they had had a jollytime.
"Understand," observed Poulett, as he washed away some acid stains fromhis bare knees, "that Grimmy is not ashamed of his black-lead andrhubarb hunt."
"Why those vivid blushes, then?"
"We never bargained that old Grim would copy that Fifth Form ass, Todd,and chum up with Lancaster, did we?"
"What did you say about Todd?" inquired Grim, suavely.
"Said he was an ass."
"A what?"
"An ass, a jackass, a howling jackass!" cried Poulett, _crescendo_.
"How?"
"Remember Corker pitching into him? Said he wasn't fit for a decentnursery, and Toddy had his mouth open all the time."
THE GREEN POWDER UNDERWENT SOME WEIRD EXPERIMENTS]
"Bully Cotton has given Toddy up. Toddy was too big an ass even forCotton," remarked Wilson.
"He looks fairly intelligent," observed Grim, in a gentle whisper.
"So did you, almost, till you started fooling like this."
Grim artistically kept the conversation on Todd, and Gus learned howlike an ass each individual of the quintette thought him. He smiledgently at Grim's astuteness in paying him out so neatly for his previousfriendly remarks about chucking out. When the first stroke of theroll-call bell reached the laboratory he emerged solemnly and with statefrom his retreat, and stalked quietly through the knot of his outspokencritics, who were instantly besieged by a variety of emotions. He closedthe laboratory door after him, and, when he saw the key outside, thetemptation to repay the left-handed compliments of Poulett and Co. intheir own coin was too strong. Gus gently turned the key, and washalfway down the corridor before the band arrived at the locked door.
"Let us out!" shrieked Rogers. "We'll apologize all of us--won't we,Poulett?"
"Yes!" yelled Poulett. "Anything! Oh, Todd, do let us out!"
But Todd went on his way, serenely ignoring the frantic appeals behindhim, and turned out into the street with a sweet smile on his face.
"That beast, Todd, has gone, and Merishall will ladle us out threehundred of Virgil for missing call-over," moaned Bourne.
"It's four hundred, if Merishall takes it," said Rogers, with direconviction.
"Not for me," said Grim, beaming c
heerfully around; "I'm all right. I'lltell Merishall that the door was locked; but as for you five idiots, whooughtn't to be here at all--well! What the dickens did you want to callold Toddy all those fancy names for, you silly cuckoos?"
"Oh, look here, Grim, you artful bounder," shouted Poulett, bitterly,"you've got us into this mess. Why didn't you say Todd was behind thoseback benches?"
"Yes, why?" shouted the rest of the raging fags. "We'll scrag you forthis, darling. Cuckoos are we? Scrag him--put him in the scrum."
W.E. Grim had a very bad five minutes, but when he crawled out of thescrum, hot, damaged, and dusty, he said viciously--
"I hope Merishall gives you a thou., you beastly cads. You've mucked upmy afternoon, and I'm hanged if I don't tell Lancaster."
Ten minutes after roll-call the janitor let them out, and shortlyafterwards a wretched procession of five emerged from Merishall's roomwith two hundred lines from Virgil hanging over each head for a missedcall-over without excuse. Grim worked an artistic revenge on hisscrummagers by calling personally the next half-holiday to inquire ifthey would prefer to analyze a green salt or to play a six-a-sideagainst Merishall's lot. In every instance a Virgil hurtled towards hishead. Having done his duty to his friends, he left them to pious AEneasand the slope of Avernus, whilst he got another salt from thescience-master, and, with Gus, possessed the laboratory in peace.