“I’m going to safely guess you still have feelings for the girl since you’re paying me to keep tabs on her.”
My arms dropped to my sides. Paislie had moved on. “I don’t need you to watch her anymore, Kath. Let me know what I owe you and I’ll have Janet get it over to you as soon as possible.”
“Okay. You’re the boss.” I could hear her gathering up the pictures and sliding them back into the envelope. “Do you want the pictures?”
As much as I wanted to tell her to find out whatever she could on the asshole Paislie was fucking, I didn’t. With a slow shake of my head, I turned back to her. “Burn them.”
With a quick nod, she walked over to the small stove. She turned it on, lit the corner of the envelope and dropped it into the sink.
“Malcolm, I know you’re not asking, but may I offer you a bit of advice?”
Kathleen had been a family friend for as long I could remember. I had her investigate the guy who hit me, resulting in Casey dying. She also did a background check on Janet before she came to work for me.
With a weak smile, I said, “I’m all ears.”
“Instead of having her followed around to make sure she’s okay, why don’t you find out yourself? She obviously is hurting from what ever happened between the two of you and you care enough about her to see what she’s doing.”
Letting out a gruff laugh, I said, “She must not be that upset if she’s fucking some guy in a car for a little afternoon delight.”
She shot me a dirty look. “I don’t think she had sex with the guy. My thoughts are she was going to, decided not to and finished him off to lessen the blow.”
I stared at her like she was insane. “He went up to her apartment with her. Maybe they decided they weren’t into the public sex thing after all.”
She shrugged. “You’ll never know unless you go to her.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
My heart was pounding in my chest as I clenched my fists together. I was so angry for what I did to Paislie I wanted to punch myself. “I promised her I wouldn’t hurt her and I did. She’ll never trust me again.”
Kathleen looked at me before turning and heading to the door. She opened it and was about to step out when she said, “That’s the crazy thing about love.”
I waited for her to finish her sentence but she didn’t, causing me to ask, “What’s the crazy thing about love?”
“If she truly loves you, she’ll risk it all for you.”
With that, she was out the door and gone as I glanced at the burning pictures in my sink. I brought my beer up to my lips and finished it off as I turned the water on and put out the small fire.
With a frustrated moan, I glanced up and saw Deuce lying on the sofa. “You still mad at me?”
He lifted his brows but never moved. “I know, boy. I miss her too.”
The rest of the week flew by with meetings, strategizing about the race, practice runs and interviews. My mind wasn’t focused and I knew Dalton and everyone else could see it. When the knock on my bus came, I knew exactly who it was going to be from.
Opening the door, I grinned and motioned for him to come in.
Emmit walked in and took a look around before heading over and sitting down next to my damn dog. “Hey boy, how’s it going?”
The traitor gave him a few licks before looking at me and barking.
“Little fucker. He’s two seconds from being taken to the pound.”
Emmit laughed and gave Deuce a rub down before looking back at me. “So, how did the first race feel after being gone so long?”
With a cocky smile, I shrugged. “It’s like riding a bike.”
“How’s your leg?”
“Hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.” There was no sense in lying to him. I knew he would see right through it.
“Taking anything?”
I shook my head.
Emmit nodded and took a look around. “Do you miss it?”
With a smile, he glanced back my way. “Ya know, I thought for sure I would. That thrill you get from racing around the track. God how I’ve loved that feeling for so damn long.”
I chuckled. “Tell me about it.”
His eyes turned serious. “Addie’s pregnant. We’re expecting another baby to arrive on Valentine’s Day.”
I stood up and reached my hand out. “Holy shit, dude. Congratulations. Planned?”
He shook my hand and smiled bigger. “Yep. Not the due date though. That was all Mother Nature on that one.”
“You hoping for a boy or a girl?”
With a shrug, he replied, “Don’t care, as long as the baby is healthy and Addie has a smooth pregnancy. I’ll take whatever he gives us.”
I sat across from him and laughed. “Damn. It’s crazy to think you’re gonna have another one.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. To answer your question though, I do miss racing, especially the adrenaline rush I got out of it. But I don’t really know how to explain it, the rush I get from being with Addie and Landon is ten times better. It’s different . . . but so much better. I think the decision I made was the best decision of my life.”
“Really?” I asked as I thought about how happy Emmit looked. There was something so different about him. He seemed at ease.
With a slap of his hands on his legs, he pointed to me and said, “So, let’s talk about you.”
I held out my left arm and said, “Got another tattoo. That’s about all that’s new in my world.”
His eyebrow lifted. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I didn’t get a phone call asking me to fly here because you got a new tattoo.”
I leaned back and stared into his eyes. “Who called? Dalton?”
“Yep.”
“Asshole.”
Emmit let out a small laugh. “He cares about you, Malcolm. Your whole team cares about you and he said you’re not focused at all.”
“Well fuck, what does he expect! I’ve been gone for a few months. I came back and won my first fucking race. Give me a damn break.”
He remained silent as I sat there and let the events of the last week replay in my mind. I knew what I wanted and I was miserable because I didn’t have it.
I stood up and cursed.
“Fucking hell. I can’t do it, Emmit. I thought I wanted this. It was the only thing I ever knew. The only thing I ever thought I was good at. Then she came into my life and turned it fucking upside down. I can’t eat, sleep, or think straight. She’s got me hiring a damn private detective to follow her.”
“What?” Emmit asked as he stood up. “You didn’t.”
My hands scrubbed over my face as I let out a frustrated moan. “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going anymore.”
“Have you tried to talk to her?”
“No. I called her Casey.”
Emmit’s eyes widened as he scrunched his damn face up. “Tell me she didn’t know who Casey was.”
“No . . . she knew. I’m not sure how, but she knew.”
Emmit walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. Opening it, he handed it to me. “Why did you call her Casey?”
My hand pushed through my dark hair. “Fuck if I know. I honestly have no idea. Maybe it was because she had started to lecture me about driving and Casey used to do that. The only difference is Paislie wasn’t trying to keep me from racing . . . she was trying to keep me from hurting myself more. Or worse yet, someone else.”
Emmit leaned back against the counter and folded his arms across his chest. “So?”
The way he was looking at me, as if I had the answer to everything, pissed me off. “So? So what?”
“Do you love her?”
It felt as if time stood still after Emmit asked me that one simple question. It was simple because it should have been easy to answer, yet I was struggling with my answer.
“No.”
He lifted his brows and looked me right in the eyes. “No. You don’t love her?”
“I’
m not what she needs, Emmit. I’m not what she deserves.”
“And that is?” he asked with a smug look.
I felt nauseous as I struggled to keep talking. “Someone who will devote his entire world to her. Not someone who is going to lie and go behind her back. Treat her like dirt instead of confide in her when I’m pissed off at the world. She needs a guy who will make a promise to her and keep it. I didn’t do any of that.”
“You fucked up, Malcolm. Don’t you think she’s worth trying to find out if she’ll give you another chance?”
The pictures Kathleen showed me popped into my head. “She’s moved on, so it’s really a moot point.”
Emmit laughed as he shook his head. “You really are a thick headed son-of-a-bitch, aren’t you?”
“Fuck you, Lewis. You can stand there and judge me with your perfect little world. You got what you wanted.”
“I did,” he replied with a smirk.
“Well good for you, because I don’t want that life.”
“I never said you did.”
Anger was beginning to build as I balled my fists. “Yeah, well good. The last thing I want to be is tied down with some clingy-ass woman and a bunch of kids running around screaming and yelling.”
Deuce took that moment to jump down and run to the door and bark.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
“You want to get rid of the dog too?”
I flashed him a dirty look.
“I get the feeling you want exactly what I have, Malcolm, and you want it with Paislie.”
Walking up to Emmit, I grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him against the wall. “Shut the fuck up, Emmit or I swear I’ll punch you.”
He never once made a move to stop me. “Why don’t you tell me the real reason you’re pissed off, Wallace?”
I pushed him as hard as I could before turning and grabbing the dog’s leash. “Please be gone by the time I get back.”
Emmit grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. “Don’t let her go. I’ve made the mistake of letting the woman I loved go and lost out on so much time. Trust me, Malcolm, you’ve got to let the guilt of Casey and the past go and look at what you have waiting for you now.”
Yanking my arm free, I turned away from him and pushed the door open. I needed air to breathe. Emmit was right behind me as I dragged in a deep breath of air.
I stared off toward the lights of the track as I slowly shook my head. “I’m no good for her. I’ll end up hurting her again and I’d rather die than see that look in her eyes like I saw before she left.” Looking over my shoulder at Emmit, I whispered, “If I stay away from her . . . I can’t hurt her.”
Emmit called out my name as I quickly started walking away with Deuce.
“SO, DO YOU WANT TO tell me what’s on your mind, Paislie?”
I looked at Elizabeth with a questioning look. “Nothing. Why?”
She shrugged and replied, “Let’s see, where should I start? You’ve been coming to mass for the last few Sundays. I’ve found you sitting in that same pew at least once a week with your head bowed down in prayer for the last month, you look like you’ve lost about ten pounds, you have dark circles, and your eyes hold a look of sadness.”
I snarled my lip at her as she talked.
“Shall I keep going?”
Shaking my head, I said, “No. Please stop before you really depress me more than I already am.”
She bit out a laugh then took a drink of her tea.
I pushed my food around on my plate before peeking back at her. “My eyes look sad?”
With a nod, she took a bite of her chicken potpie. “Yep.”
“How do you know it’s sad? Maybe I’m just tired from working this week.”
Her head snapped up as she peered at me. “I know sadness when I see it. It’s a look I’ve seen many times in my own eyes.”
My breath stalled as I chewed the corner of my lip. “Elizabeth, do you regret—”
“No.”
My mouth dropped open. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask you!” I exclaimed.
“I do. You were going to ask if I regretted becoming a nun. You always ask me that when you think I’ve been locked away for years crying my eyes out from a long lost love.”
Dropping back in my seat, I stared at her. “Father Tim.”
Her gaze fell.
I knew it!
I knew she had feelings for him.
“Does he feel the same way about you?” I asked as I reached across the table for her hand.
Her silence was my answer.
“Elizabeth, you can’t go through life denying how your heart feels.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I’m not sure I should be taking advice from someone who clearly is hiding from her own feelings.”
“Ouch!” I said as I shot her a dirty look. “If you weren’t a nun I might tell you to fuck off.”
“Paislie Pruitt, ask for forgiveness this instant!”
With an evil grin, I shook my head. “Maybe we should just get an apartment together and buy a few more cats. I’ll pine over Malcolm and you’ll dream of what sex might be like with Tim. I obviously can’t call him Father Tim, because that would be weird.”
“Dear Lord above.” With her hands, she made the cross symbol over her chest. “Paislie, you cannot talk about a man of the cloth like that! Especially that man!”
With a frown, I tossed a piece of bread in my mouth and asked, “Why not? He’s a man even if he is a priest.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and took another bite of food.
With a pop of my head, I gave her a smirk. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you haven’t thought about him like that, even in your dreams?”
She swallowed hard and said in a quiet voice, “Paislie, I’m certainly not going to tell you what my dreams are.”
With a huge grin, I leaned back in the chair and folded my arms over my chest. “So you have had naughty dreams about him.”
“Stop!” she shouted as I clamped my mouth shut.
Giving her an oh shit look, I asked, “Too much?”
Reaching for her water, she dipped her fingers in and flicked water on herself. I couldn’t help it . . . I busted out laughing.
When I glanced over her shoulder and saw Father, er, Tim walking up, my laughter stopped on a dime and I mumbled, “Oh no.”
I sat up and quickly ate as I looked directly at my food.
“Why hello there, Paislie, Elizabeth. How are you both doing today?”
When I peeked up, Elizabeth was giving me a look of horror. Oh hell. Wait until she turned around and saw him. It was his day off and he was dressed in jogging pants and a tight blue T-shirt. I had to admit I was impressed that his body was as nice as it was. Of course, he was only in his mid-thirties and I knew he worked out often.
I slowly shook my head in an attempt to warn Elizabeth.
Don’t. Do. It. Don’t look at him, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth took a deep breath and turned slightly as she looked up. Her eyes widened and the only thing I saw was a look of pure desire move across her face. Clearly he saw it too, because Tim’s breathing picked up.
Elizabeth seductively bit down on her lip. “Oh my Lord,” she mumbled as I kicked her under the table, causing her to get her wits about her. The table nearly fell over when she stood quickly.
“Tim . . . um . . . Father . . . oh, ah um I mean . . . Father Tim . . . Tim.”
Holy crap. I’d never seen Elizabeth stumble over her words before.
“Elizabeth, are you okay?” he asked as he reached out for her. When she jerked away from him, she tripped over the chair and almost fell.
“Elizabeth!” I cried out as I jumped up. Tim quickly grabbed her before she fell.
When she pushed out of his arms, she turned to look at me for help. Of course I picked that time to wiggle my eyebrows and glanced down to his pants in the exact location of what she longed for. She gasped and said, “I’ve got to go. I’m late!”<
br />
Tim and I stood there and watched as she practically knocked people over in her attempt to get away as fast as she could.
“Is she feeling okay today?” Tim asked.
Pressing my lips together, I shrugged. “I think she hasn’t been getting much sleep.”
“Really? I wonder why?”
“Dreams, forbidden dreams about something she can’t have,” was all I said as I saw his head snap over in my direction.
I’m totally going to Hell for this.
With the bowl of popcorn, a bag of black licorice, and three Diet Cokes, I sat down on the sofa and turned on the race. I wasn’t sure if I should watch it or not. Last week Malcolm nearly wrecked three times and I swore I wasn’t going to watch another race. The problem was I was letting my heart call the shots and not my head, therefore I was sitting down and getting ready to settle in as they were doing a few warm up laps before the race went green.
My phone buzzed as I picked it up to see a text from Annie.
Annie: Let’s go out tonight? I need dick.
Rolling my eyes, I let out a chuckle.
Me: I can’t. Princess and I are watching movies.
Annie: Pussy. Don’t’ you mean you’re stalking your man on TV? Jesus Christ will you snap the hell out of it. You need to get fucked and as soon as possible.
I knew she was probably right. On both accounts. I was somewhat stalking Malcolm on a daily basis. I did a Google search of him every night before I went to bed. Not really sure what I was looking for . . . or hoping not to find . . . but each night I held my breath and typed in his name.
The moment I saw a picture of him, a warm feeling rushed through my body. Maybe I did need to go out. Even some mindless touching and kissing might be kind of nice. What harm would come of a little innocent fun?
I was about to text Annie back that I would go out with her when the announcer mentioned Malcolm’s name and my breathing stopped.
“Looks like Malcolm Wallace is having a bit of trouble again this week.”
I swore I could feel my heart beating in my ears. I needed something of Malcolm and if it had to be just the mention of his name, then so be it.
Me: Enjoy your night and get enough dick for both of us.
Annie: Pussy.
Me: You called me that already. Be careful! Love ya!