Chapter 11
Tizzy tossed and turned in bed. It was 10 pm. She had hoped to have an early start the next morning in order to make up for the time she had lost in the afternoon. Her headache had worsened and sleep was evading her. Finally she got up and made herself a cup of tea. Taking it into the lounge room she sat down in the same seat she had the night Grant had gone to sleep on the lounge. Her dogs followed her in, one sitting on either side of her.
She stared at the now empty sofa, and then the tears once again fell. She told herself she was right in taking the decision to resign. She prayed that somehow, Grant would find her replacement soon so that she could get away from work soon. She had thought that she would be able to avoid Grant for the next few months and carry on with her job as before, but she knew now that Grant did not have to be in the room, for her to feel his presence. He was now a part of her and the pain she felt was never going to ease. But at least if he was not in sight she might have a better chance of keeping him off her mind too.
Suddenly the dogs barked and Tizzy jumped out of her seat. Then the doorbell rang. Tizzy guessed it had to be someone she knew from the way the dogs were wagging their tails. She looked into the keyhole. Her heartbeat once again ceased. Wwhat was Grant doing standing outside her door at this time of the night,? Something had to be wrong. Without thinking twice she opened the door, and stuttered “G..rr..ant, is everyth..hing al right?”
Grant did not answer. He was once again mesmerized. Her eyes had the same hypnotic effect on him as they had on the night of the nightmare. He could not look away. He was almost sure he did not even blink. Words would not come out either. It was the dogs that broke the spell.
“I am sorry I did not mean to alarm you. I was passing by and your lights were on. I thought I would just check in and see how you are feeling. I hope your headache is better?” Grant hoped he would be forgiven for his little white lie. No one passes by anywhere at this time of the night.
“I am fine. I was not able to sleep so I was having a cup of t.tea. Please come in. In fact would you like one?” she asked
“If you are sure I am not going to keep you awake longer.” he hoped he sounded genuine. The truth was he wanted to see her again, if that meant that she would miss out on a little sleep, he’d rather that than miss out on her company.
Tizzy returned with his tea. She also returned with her glasses.
“Tizzy you have the most beautiful eyes that I have seen. Why do you hide them behind those glasses?” he had said it before he could stop himself.
“They are sensitive to light. They hurt if I don’t have my glasses on.” she replied ignoring his compliment.
He knew that she was making up the excuse for she had been sitting in the light without her glasses when he entered but still, Grant got up and switched the lights off. “In that case we will talk in the dark.” he remarked.
Then he tried to make his way back to his seat in the dark, only to yell, as his right foot hit the leg of the coffee table. “Hell!” he gave out a small curse.
Tizzy made her way to the switch and soon light flooded the room again. She looked a moment in his direction, then asked “Are you ok?”
Grant nodded and walked slowly back to his seat. Tizzy stood another few moments by the switch, then dimmed the light and came back to her chair.
“I can’t have you dropping tea on yourself as well.” with that she took off her glasses. Even in the subdued lighting he could tell that she had been crying Her eyes glistened with the after effects of her tears. If he had been more in control of their situation and their relationship he would have been over consoling her. But Tizzy had once again built up the wall that only her nightmares seem to bring down. He decided to stay where he was. The dimmer had added softness to her features and he watched them as he took a sip of his tea.
“Tizzy, I have to be honest with you, I wasn’t just passing by.” Grant acknowledged after his sip.
“I know Grant” Tizzy said, a smile escaping her lips “You can’t pass through here. There is nowhere to go.”
Grant was glad he had owned up. He was also glad that she was smiling about it. The sign was an encouraging one.
“I actually wanted to speak to you.” he was still mesmerized by her eyes. He noticed she took every opportunity to look away; the dogs were her most frequent excuse.
“I was thinking the same thing before you came.” she said
“In that case its ladies first. What did you want to talk to me about?” he asked
Now that the moment was here, she did not know how to begin. How was she to explain her relationship with Peter and how was she going to pressure him into finding a replacement for her sooner than later.
“How long do you think it will take before you aad..vertise my position Grrant?”
She stuttered
This was not what Grant wanted to hear. The question upset Grant and this time he knew why. He was in love with her, but Tizzy did not return that feeling. She just wanted to leave. He was going to ask her not to make any rash decisions. He wanted to tell her that he had worked things out so that she would never have to attend a meeting. That he was setting up a new department with her heading it and it would be totally based on the internet. Where, unless there was a problem, she would never have to meet the clients. That he would do anything not to lose her. After the question she had put to him, these were not the things he could tell her. Her question meant that she could not wait to get away. Did that mean that she was going to move into Peter’s home? Tizzy I wish you would sit still long enough for me to be able to read your eyes, he thought. What do you truly feel?
“Are you so very unhappy at work?” he asked in a sober tone.
“Unhappy! Never Grant, I love, er my work too much for that. I just thought that now that I have decided to leave the sooner I do that the better.” Tizzy said
“So you are moving in with Peter?” Grant moved to the point
“Move in with Peter? Grant I knew that the rumours had started about my relationship with him, but how can people assume a thing like that? How could you even think I would do that?” Tizzy felt insulted. Despite all her guarded actions the time had once again come where people misjudged her actions. First her precious mother had done that, now her beloved Grant. No, she thought ‘My decision to move out was the right one’
Grant peered into her eyes. There was hurt in them now. Hurt, was one thing he never wanted to see in those eyes or be the cause of it.
“Don’t Tizzy, don’t look at me that way. I did not mean to hurt or insult you in any way. I met Branson this morning. He said he had asked you to move in with him. I just thought that your need to get away from work had something to do with that offer.” Grant had to clear his name. He could not bear to have her think badly of him.
“Peter told you that himself?” she asked
“Yes. Are you? He replied and questioned at the same time
“Did he say I was?” Tizzy asked
“He said he had asked you, I presumed you had not yet given your answer.” Grant was watching closely.
“If he said it, and you believed it, I guess I must be.” Tizzy said in a matter of fact tone
“Tizzy, I want to believe differently. Peter is a nice enough person. In fact, I got along quite well with him, but leaving the work you love, and he is so much older..” Grant said
“I am not leaving because of Peter. That decision was mine alone. Peter has not asked me to move into his home. Even if he did, I would not be doing that. I have my own place. I am happy here.” Tizzy cleared the situation up.
Tizzy, Grant thought, ‘all you are saying is that you will not move into his home. What I want to hear is that you will have nothing to do with him’. But to her he said
“So we come back to my earlier question. That means, you are not happy at work. Is that correct?” Grant had taken a full circle and he was back to the start with not a question answered the way he wanted. She did not r
eply.
“Tizzy I will be honest with you, I don’t want you to leave. I had already made plans for the future to ensure you never have to attending presentations and meeting. You will only have to deal with me and maybe Roger. I was setting up a separate division that would be based on orders over the Internet...” Grant got no further
“Oh Grant! We really do think alike. Come with me.” with that she led the way to the studio upstairs. On the way up, she smiled to herself at the irony of things. Grant was ensuring that she would only have to deal with him, and it was him, that she was running from, her feelings for him that she was escaping.
Once upstairs, Grant saw her little production unit. It was fully equipped, down to the draw pins and pencils. Everything was ready. She only had to advertise and wait for the business. The sight should have made him happy but instead he felt utter disappointment. Tizzy would not change her mind now, she had planned and organised too much. She had even designed her business card. TM it read.
“How long have you been planning this?” he had not meant to sound as if he was accusing her, but his tone implied that.
“Grant, you don’t t..think I was doing this behind your back? This room has always been like this, it’s my workshop, and it’s where I usually b..brought my work. But in this past week, the idea took concrete form. I only showed it to you so that you don’t think later that I stole your idea.”
Tizzy was hoping Grant would be happy for her. It seemed he wasn’t. He must think, she was going to take his business with her.
“Grant, I won’t be competing with T & G Mallaby. Nor am I going to try and take any of your clients” she rushed the words.
“I thought you would want to look after the Branson file at least.” again Grant could not hold back the sarcasm.
“Never, ..P..Peter asks too many questions. I don’t want direct contact with any of my clients.” she joked.
Grant found himself smiling back.
“So you are definitely leaving. In that case, I will put the ad in this weekend’s paper.” he said hoping to find some sort of reaction in her eyes.
Instead she walked up to the desk and returned with her business card “Then, can I give you my very first business card. Who knows you might bring me luck?”
As he took it from her hand, his fingers gently brushed hers. They stood looking at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Both hearts beat wildly but neither was able to hear the others. Grant moved forward. The spell was broken. Tizzy turned and walked to the wall to switch off the light. Grant looked at her standing with her back to him and then he began descending the steps.
At the bottom, he turned and watched as Tizzy maneuvered the last of the steps. He did not go back into the lounge. Instead he stood by the front door. If Tizzy had already decided to go, there was no point in staying on.
“I am sorry to see you go but I do wish you every success. I won’t be seeing you tomorrow at work. I am flying to Melbourne. I have a presentation there. I’ll see you when I return”.
“ T..Thanks Grant, I am sorry to let you down. This was the worst moment to do this to you.” she began
“Don’t feel guilty Tizzy, you should feel proud of yourself. It’s a bold venture. Though, why I am happy for you is beyond me. One day you are going to end up being competition. I can already see that.” He tried to joke, but his eyes were serious as they met hers.
“Hardly a rival, G..grant. I only want a small business, just big enough to keep me busy. But it will be mine and that is important to me right now.” She said
‘Say the word and a lot more can be yours’ Grant thought. Instead he moved backward to let her open the door. At that very moment she moved forward and the next moment they had collided. Each tried to steady the other. This time the spell refused to be broken. And when it did, Grant had lowered his lips. After her initial hesitation, Tizzy found herself kissing him back. Was this another dream? Because if it wasn’t, then, had the other night been real as well?
“G..Grant!” Tizzy took his name.
“Tizzy, I can’t let you go out of my life after this” he whispered.
Then suddenly, Tizzy saw Trisha’s face> She also remembered that he was her boss, and their wonderful kiss would one day be remembered as a mistake. She had to stop now.
Pushing him away, Tizzy stared with tear filled eyes. “Please leave Grant. Just as this street leads to nothing, any relationship between us is going to go nowhere.”
Grant looked at her. He saw fear, he saw pain, and he saw distrust. She had kissed him back, had clung to him. What happened to that moment? But it was the look of distrust that froze his hands to his side.
“Please go Grant, can’t you see, this was a mistake?” she pleaded
“A mistake! How can you call it a mistake? ” Grant questioned, hurt that she should think so.
“Grant please go. Please.” Tizzy pleaded again.
Grant stared at her, hoping her expression would say otherwise. But she had closed up. He turned and walked out of the door. Even when he shut the gate behind him, he did not look back.
Tizzy shut the door and sank to the floor as her body was raked with sobs. It was hard enough working in the same office for the past week, how would she cope now? And that Peter! She would have to make sure she kept her distance with him too. On the one hand he talked of making things hard for Grant then he lied about asking her to move in. Peter was playing some sort of sick game and she had no wish to join in. She would not be one man’s plaything and another man’s game. This game would end now.