Chapter 6
Tizzy had got used to waking up with her nightmares and then spending hours calming herself back to slumber. It was always the same. She could see their faces, smell the alcohol, and feel the pain as they punched her again and again. She could see blood ooze out of her cuts. She could feel the boots kicking into her, the knife slashing. Could hear their vulgar comments and could feel groping hands. She could never go beyond that point. Each time she would wake up drenched in perspiration and shaking like a leaf. Each time it would take her hours to get back to sleep. Only her precious dogs could make her feel secure again.
But last night had been different. The nightmare had been the same, but for the first time she had found comfort and security in a man’s arms. She had never allowed any man to touch her since that fateful night. After years of terror, she had for the first time, felt safe and secure with a man. Instead of hours, she had fallen back to sleep within minutes. And from a nightmare she had gone straight into paradise where she was in Grant’s arms. Where Grant was holding her; kissing her. She even felt herself respond. This was one dream she had not wanted to wake up from, and she hadn’t. That is, at least not until 7 am in the morning. So wonderful had been her dream, that on waking she still felt Grant’s arms around her. It was only when she tried to move, that she realised that it had not been a dream. That Grant was still beside her. And his protective arms were still around her. Her paradise had indeed been real!
Gently she moved his arm away and slid out of the bed. For a spit second she felt terror. Then she remembered her nightmare and Grant coming into the room. Her next emotion was embarrassment. Finally she was overcome with guilt. Poor Grant. He looked so uncomfortable lying on the edge of the bed, without even a cover. She slept in a single bed, two people would always have been uncomfortable, but a tall man like him, must have suffered real discomfort. She took her blanket and covered him. He did not wake.
She left the room. She could hear the dogs whimpering to be let out. She released them, gave them huge cuddles and let them out into the back yard. She filled their bowls with milk and returned indoors.
Then she went and had a shower. When she came out, Grant was still sleeping. She got dressed and organised breakfast. Laying everything on the table, apart from the eggs, she went to wake Grant. It was 7.30 in the morning. He would need time to go home and change. She entered the room to wake him.
Grant could hear Tizzy’s voice. Then he felt a gentle push. His eyes flew open as he remembered where he was. There was no sign of the youthful looking vulnerable woman he saw the night before, so traumatised that she had gladly accepted his arms. Now she stood in front of him, distant as before. Her hair was tied harshly back, her hideous glasses were back on, and her plain dress echoed how she looked. Grant remembered her eyes, the eyes he had seen last night. Why was she hiding such beautiful eyes?
“It’s 7.30 Grant, I thought you might need to go home and ch..change before work. Breakfast is ready when you are.” Tizzy rushed through her sentence and left the room.
Grant got out of bed and looked around the room. Unlike the image Tizzy had created for herself, her room was feminine and pretty. Yellow dominated the decor. On the corner table, in a matching vase, was his bouquet of roses. He has especially chosen the yellow blossoms, remembering Becky had once mentioned that it was Tizzy’s favourite colour. It was company policy to give every female staff a bouquet of flowers on her birthday. On Tizzy’s last birthday he had asked Becky to choose the flowers. She had returned with yellow carnations, saying ‘I could not get roses but as long as they are yellow, she’ll love them”. Grant had been surprised that he had remembered the conversation when he ordered the roses at the florist. He was even more surprised that she had kept the flowers. Just knowing that she had placed them in her bedroom gladdened his heart. Whistling he walked out.
Tizzy had put the kettle on and it had begun to whistle too. She looked up as he entered the room saying. “I’ll wait till you freshen up before I make your coffee and eggs.” Grant proceeded to the bathroom. Tizzy had placed a new toothbrush, soap and towel for him. He returned to the table feeling fresher.
“I am sorry ab..bout last night. You should have gone home. It must have been very uncomfortable for you lying in that position all night.” she felt the need to apologise. He had been exhausted last night and to have to sleep in that awkward position was the last thing his body needed but Grant was strangely surprised that he had actually felt no discomfort at all. Rather, he felt relaxed. He missed his king sized bed and his pillow all right, but he never the less had enjoyed a deep sleep. An exhausted body can sleep anywhere, his father used to say. He had to agree.
“How are you this morning?” he asked, instead of answering her question.
“Fine thanks.” she answered.
“Do you get them often?” he continued.
“No, not often” she lied. She knew he was referring to her nightmares.
“How long have you been getting them?” he questioned further
“About ten years. It’s really not that bad now” she replied
Grant looked at her face. If the terror he saw last night was ‘not that bad’ then how bad had they once been? And what had caused them? He looked at her hands. The wedding band and the diamond solitaire were still there. Maybe losing the children had something to do with it. Maybe she had gone through a violent abusive marriage. That would explain the distance she maintained with that man. It would also explain the scar on her arm.
“How did that happen?” he asked, pointing to her arm.
“I got a bit carried away with the garden saw.” she once again hoped the she would get away with her lie.
Grant looked at her arm again. “Yes the garden saw can be a lethal weapon” he joked. ‘So she was lying again’, he thought. What was she hiding? And more importantly, who was she hiding from?
They finished their breakfast and went back to a more comfortable topic. Work!
“Grant I know I am letting you down. You did not need my problems added to all the other things happening at the moment. I wish I could take some of the load of you, but I know I will mess things up if I try.” Tizzy expressed her regret.
“Tizzy, just keep producing the work you have been. That is all I need. Once Becky is back, and we have a bit of time to spare, I will get down to finding extra staff. If business comes in at the rate it is, we might even look at adding a fourth position before Becky goes on maternity leave. ” Grant relieved her anxiety.
After breakfast, instead of leaving, he asked if he could take a shower at her place. He always carried a spare set of clothes in the car. In fact an overnight bag was always ready for an emergency. He went to the car and returned with it. Then she heard the water running.
All of a sudden Tizzy felt a stabbing pain in her heart. Grant had an overnight bag ready in the car. She had overheard that the model was expected in Sydney sometime soon. That meant one of two things. He was going to spend the night with her. Or that he made it a regular habit of staying the night with his women. This time her heart did not thump, it actually ached. Her dreams were taking her onto a dangerous path where only one person would get hurt. That person would be her.
She heard the shower stop and rushed around collecting her things. She would not let him see the effect this knowledge was having on her.
But Grant was no fool. A minute back into the room and he could tell that the atmosphere had changed. Just minutes before he had thought they had been heading towards friendship. No, heading towards more than friendship but now the indifference had returned. He wondered what had caused the drastic change in her mood, but he said nothing. Fifteen minutes later, they both sat in their respective cars and drove out. Half an hour after that they had parked their cars and were seated at their own desks.
The day was again a busy one and both were grateful for that. During the course of the day he needed Tizzy to fill into Becky’s shoes during the two meet
ings they had. And once again she left the clients in total awe of her work and him, even prouder of the outcome. The afternoon gave them even less time with their thoughts. The first Tizzy saw of Grant was when he popped his head in at 6 p.m. to say that he was leaving and that Becky would be coming in to work the next day. It was news that they both secretly welcomed. He suggested she call it a day too.
“I am nearly finished. See you to.mm.morrow” she turned away trying to make it sound very casual.
She did not tell him that Becky had rung her to let her know the news as well. Ten minutes later she took the lift down. As she started her car, she saw a taxi drive in and head towards the main entrance. There, Grant stood beside his car. The taxi stopped behind his Ferrari and he went and opened the passenger’s door. She could see him smile and then they were enfolded in each other’s embrace. Tizzy had to look away. The pain was too much to bear. As she drove away, she told herself, ‘It’s time to leave T & G Mallaby’. She must start her own business. Be on her own, away from everyone, especially away from Grant and more importantly from the pain that now came with him.