I asked him again what the problem was when we were sitting alone by the lake. I thought that perhaps he would tell me the whole story apart from the others.
Oliver sighed, “Do you remember in Ebbw Vale when those blokes came looking for Alex?” I nodded. He continued, “Well, they caught up to him. He really...” Oliver trailed off as if he had decided not to say what he’d begun to. He took a breath through his nose and held it with his lips pinched tight before he continued, “Well, let me just say that Alexander was held accountable-like for something that he’d done. I’d rather not say what it was specifically since he told me in confidence. He’s embarrassed about it because he was taken in by someone. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, but, mind, he didn’t know the full story of what he was getting into, either. Certain vital information was withheld from him, if you get my meaning,” Oliver stopped speaking again for a moment. He studied my face before he continued, “But he didn’t consider the consequences of rushing in, either. Don’t tell a soul I told you this, Silvia,” Ollie looked into my eyes, “They kicked the crap out of my brother. Literally. They waited for him and found him walking home and beat the shit out him in the gully by our house. They made enough noise that a neighbour of ours saw it happening and her husband chased them off, but there were four of them and nothing Alex could do. He tried to fight, but he didn’t stand a chance. He was all alone,” Oliver shook his head, “He’s never been alone in a fight. I’ve always been there to help him if he wasn’t winning, but I wasn’t there that time because I was with you.”
“Oh, God, Ollie. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Silvia and don't make it, either,” He took my hand into one of his and covered it with the other, “Mum and Dad want blood out of somebody, but Alex won’t say who did it, even though he full well knows and so do I. He’s embarrassed. Plus, he’s nonetheless hurt. He spent two nights in the hospital. The bruises are gone, but his shoulder was dislocated and it’s still wrecked. His wrist and fingers ache all the time from being broken and he’s got pains jetting through his jaw. He doesn’t sleep well because he can’t get the pain to stop. The pain medicine makes him sick. And me…well, I guess I’m supposed to go right on over and fight the guys who did it to him, but I can’t say that I’m exactly supportive of that idea.” Ollie shifted his weight in the grass, “I knew something had happened. It’s way I was in such a hurry to leave your house, but when I got home and found out…yeah, I was angry. I still am, but I’ve been telling him for a long time he needs to slow down and think before he launches himself head over arse into trouble. I kept telling him sooner or later he was going to get himself into real trouble, but he just kept on and when it finally happened, all I could say was I told him so.”
“So he’s angry with you because you said you told him so?”
“Alexander’s just angry. He’s been angry for a long while and now he’s really angry. He’s not letting go of any of it this time. He’s angry with our parents, he’s angry with the school, he’s angry with me. He’s just brassed off all the time and there’s nothing I can do to help him.” Oliver looked at me carefully, “I’ve decided to just leave him alone and hope he come to his senses eventually.”
“I hate seeing the two of you fight.” I lay my head against his arm. “It makes me so sad.”
“We’ll be fine, I’m sure.” Oliver stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers, “He can’t keep this up forever. I told him I can’t keep catering to him. I’ve got my own life. One day he’ll understand. He has to.”
That one day was a long way off. That entire year they were either barely talking or taking verbal pot shots at each other. To this moment, I still do not know in detail all of what went on between Oliver and Alexander that divided them, but I know what finally reunited them.
Two days after we finished the school year, I came to visit at their house. Oliver and Alexander had been in the garden mowing and raking when I arrived and after a quick kiss from Ollie and a peck on the cheek from Alex, I’d gone inside to have tea with Ana.
“Lovely day, isn’t it?” Ana and I settled into the sun room. She poured a cup and sat down across from me all ready for a chat, “The weather report said it was supposed to rain this afternoon…” She trailed off and looked nervously toward the window as voices approached. An obvious disagreement had made its way on to the patio. Ana shook her head, “They’ve been fighting for days,” She mumbled.
I nodded, but my focus was on what was being said outside the window.
“I can’t believe you!” Oliver sounded distinctly annoyed, “Shut up! Bitch, bitch, bitch! You need to pull whatever it is you’ve got shoved up your tight arse and get on with your life!”
“I’ll let go of it when I’m good and ready, Oliver! And it’s not just that, either! It’s you! It’s the way you’ve become! You walk around like no one but Silvia’s good enough for you! The whole school should fall down and worship you! Perfect Oliver with his perfect girl! No one can touch Oliver, yeah? ‘Cause he’s so bloomin’ high above you if you look up at him you’ll get blinded by the sun! You think you’re so fucking clever…”
“A might cleverer than you, Boyo! Who is it always getting stung at school? Not me! There’s a good reason for that, too! I DON’T DO STUPID THINGS THAT GET ME CAUGHT! You’re so stupid! You never listen!” The aggravation was rising in Oliver’s voice, “You just do whatever without thinking about the consequences! If you’d been home where you were supposed to be that night it wouldn’t have happened at all! They couldn’t have got you!”
“Oh, aye! Coming from The Saintly Oliver, that means so much! As if you’ve never slipped off to the pub at night!” Alexander’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, but it quickly dropped low to a threatening tone, “You sit back and plan your crimes, you calculate them like a bloody criminal! And then sit there like you’re too good to shit! Maybe I ought to tell Pennyweather about you being the one nicking the money out of the pay phones last term or you finding Professor McClellan’s password in her desk drawer and going back later to change your marks in her computer so you didn’t fail out of Physics! Or maybe I should tell her it’s you who knows how to get inside the vending machines and that’s why they’re always going empty!”
“At least I don’t get caught! And if I did I’d take responsibility, yeah? Without moaning about it like a little bitch like you! You’re nothing but a fucking whiney little bitch, Alex! And you’d do that, would you? You’d get your own brother expelled from school?”
“Why not?” Alex was shouting now, “You’d leave your own brother alone to get beaten up! We all know where your priorities lie, don’t we, Oliver?”
“How many times do I have to tell you that I didn’t know what was going to happen? Or that I’m sorry?” Oliver interrupted. He sounded exasperated, “Fuck! I didn’t know any better than you what she’d set you up for! I wanted to fight them in Ebbw Vale, if you remember, and get it over with then, but you sprinted off like a schoolgirl! If I’d known they were going to come here, I wouldn’t have gone to Silvia’s! I’d have stayed and made sure you were all right! I can’t go back in time and stay here with you instead of leaving, now can I? And I can’t be any sorrier than I am about what happened to you! Jesus Christ! You’re my brother and they meant to kill you! How do you think that makes me feel knowing I wasn’t there? I’d have died with you, Alexander! You know that! But hells bells…will there ever be a day when you take responsibility for a single damn thing in your life?”
“That’s brilliant coming out of you!”
“Shut up! I’m tired of listening to your rubbish!”
“Don’t walk away from me, Oliver!”
“Get your fucking hands off me! I’ll not tell you twice!”
Ana and I stared at each other in silence, waiting for the next exchange. I watched the disquiet wash across her face as if she knew what was about to happen. She closed her eyes and cringed, tensing her shoulders as if bracing for an im
pact.
It was deathly silent for about a half a second before there were the sounds of a scuffle.
“I’ll kill you!” Alexander swore.
“Go fuck yourself!”
A crowd of birds shot up past the kitchen window just as the impact of somebody's body slammed into the side of the house and caused the glass to rattle. Grunts and muttered curses filled my ears. I heard a series of thuds like somebody slamming a raw steak on to a counter top. It took me a second to realise it was the sound of fists pounding flesh.
“Boys! Stop it right now or I’ll tell your father!” Ana screamed as she raced for the door. “Boys! I mean it! Stop it before you hurt each other!”
As I followed her to the door and peered out into the garden. I saw Alexander lift Oliver up from around the waist in a rugby style take down. Ollie was pounding the back of his head with short, rapid blows, as if he were trying to punch his brains through his skull and out by way of his face.
Alexander roared from deep in his throat. They were words that came from him, but to be honest, it sounded like only one. He screamed, “FLABBERDUFT!” as he slammed Oliver on to the concrete and brought his fist down on him.
What he said may have been in Welsh. I don't know, but Ana screamed and there was a terrible crash from the boys’ direction simultaneous to me banging into her in an effort to get out there and save my boyfriend from the murderous hands of his brother. Ana and I both tumbled on to the patio.
“Boys!” Ana was powerless and she knew it. She stood with her arms stuck out at her sides and her mouth in a death cringe, “Oh, no!”
We rushed toward them. For just a second, everything was still. The garbage bins were turned over. Rubbish was scattered everywhere. Oliver was lying flat on his back with hands over his face and his eyes pinched shut. Alexander was leaned over him, his fist still clenched.
“Get up, you little cunt!” He snarled.
“Fuck off!” Oliver’s reply was muffled through his hands. He looked up and stared up into his brother's eyes, but made no move to fight him. Blood oozed around his fingers.
Ana gasped, “Alexander! What did you do to him?”
“I gave him what he had coming!”
Ana dropped down beside her fallen son, “Oliver! Are you hurt?”
“No! Of course I‘m not bloody hurt!” He waved her off, “Step off me, Woman!”
She stood and took a few steps back.
Oliver lowered his hand to reveal a blood smeared face. There was a stream of blood coming out of one nostril. He wiped it across his cheek and looked hard at his brother. For a long moment, he sat and said nothing. Then he finally spoke. “You could’ve hit me harder than that! What are you? Some kind of pansy?”
“I knocked you flat!”
“You hit like a girl!” Oliver pulled on his teeth as if to make sure they were still secure and then licked his lips. He wiped his nose again.
“A girl? Me? You’re the one lying on the ground bleeding!” Alex stood up and cradled his still tender, once broken wrist. He winced.
“Lucky!” Oliver dabbed at his nose again with his sleeve. His top lip was visibly swollen. “If I hadn’t been off balance I would have had you! It’d be you on the ground bleeding!”
“Like hell! I hit you square in the face! I split your lip wide open!”
“Then why is it that my nose is the thing bleeding?”
“It’s your nose and your mouth!”
Oliver climbed to his feet, “No, it’s not!” He swore, even though it was, “It’s just the one side of my nose! You’re a pixie! I swear! Next time you hit somebody hit them hard enough to break something!”
“I’ll hit you again if you like.” Alex offered, rubbing the fingers on his hand that had been taped. I could see the orbit of his right eye beginning to darken and swell.
“You’ll just hurt your ickle witty hand again,” Ollie sneered. He climbed to his feet and pressed a hand up to his ear, shaking his head against it.
“Oh, piss off! “Alexander gave him a shove as he walked past.
“See! Attacking me from the rear, you are!” Oliver looked over at his mother, blood pouring down his handsome face, “Did you see that, Woman? Your son shoving me from the rear? It’s you who raised him to be a…” He turned back to his brother, “A… great…” Oliver seemed to be searching for the proper insult. He shook his head, unable to find it. He settled on, “…cowardly bastard.”
“A great cowardly bastard?” Alex winced and held his ribs with a contorted arm.
“It’s a fair cup!” Oliver replied. “Alexander the Nancy Boy, the Great Cowardly Bastard! Now go put your high heels on and I’ll have Silvia take you dancing!”
Alexander laughed loudly and put his hand on his brother’s back.
“You called me a cunt!” Oliver chuckled as they disappeared together into the house. “I can’t bloody believe it! Filthy gob you have!”
“Sorry. You know I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s all right. I called you a whiney little bitch. We’re even.”
And just like that the problem with them was settled. It was over and done with and the two of them were as good as new, best mates and brothers as always.
I wondered why it hadn’t happened sooner, but I knew the answer. It had a name. Pennyweather.
Ana and I stood staring at each other in the silence that followed their exit. It was at that moment she offered me the best advice she ever would. “Don’t try to make sense of them, Dear,” She patted my shoulder kindly, “Don’t even try. Just accept them both for who they are and have the courage to love them anyway.”
Those were words I lived by for more or less the rest of my life.
The boys and I spent our summer as we had the one before, them working during the week and Oliver and I rushing North and South across Wales to see each other any chance we got. Alexander came and went as he always did and we occasionally caught up with Lucy, who had her own pressing social schedule. When we did the four of us did meet up, we took flight in whatever direction fit our fancy. It was that summer that the twins and I were seventeen and that summer they decided it was time for me to learn to drive a car.
I’d never been behind the wheel of a car before. I didn’t know how to turn on the lamps, much less where the gears were. In fact, I had no idea that cars even had indicators to show which way they were turning. Alex found this extremely entertaining and sat laughing at me for a good ten minutes as the car lurched and died, lurched and died, and just sometimes just plain died.
“Shut up, Alex! You‘re not helping!” Lucy scolded, “You can do it, Silvia! Try again!”
“OK, you’re letting up too fast,” Oliver told me gently, leaning toward me and motioning at the pedals with is hand, “Let up on the clutch slowly until you feel it tug and then accelerate gently...that’s it...all right, now depress the clutch again and shift...good job, Sil! Now let up slowly and accelerate...shift…excellent, Love! Now do it again! Hooray! We’re moving!”
Lucy cheered. Alexander let loose in the back seat with a mighty, “Yeeeeeee-haw!” that sent me into a fit of giggles. But I drove. Without a proper license to be doing it, I drove their mother’s car from Abergavenny to Welshpool, stopping at the park behind their house to switch drivers so that Ana never found out what we’d done.
It was that summer that I developed something in myself that I’d never possessed before. It was confidence, the knowledge and the sincere belief that there wasn’t a thing in the world I couldn’t accomplish. I’d always known that I was bright. I’d always known that I could learn anything and get better marks in school than most, but I’d never been able to actually do anything. I’d never been given the chance to try. I’d honestly never thought to ask if I might try.
That night, Oliver and I went off by ourselves to the park after dark. I sat in front of him, leaned against his chest, and we looked at the stars.
“I want to learn to cook,” I told him.
??
?My mum can show you how. She’s a wonderful cook.”
“I’d like to learn to sew, too. I want to knit as well.”
“Mum can sew. I don’t know about knitting, but she has a sewing machine. She used to make us clothes when we were little, but she doesn’t do it anymore. She’d show you how to use it.” He paused, “Lance knits. For real. He’d teach you.”
“I want to make you dinner one night. Something fabulous. Something you love.”
“I have something I love.”
I felt my heart flutter. Had he just said he loved me? I didn’t ask. Instead I just turned my head toward him, “Someday,” I whispered, “I am going to make you so happy.”
“You do make me happy,” He whispered in reply and kissed my nose, “Every day.”
We sat there in that park for I don’t know how much longer. We sat there until the grass was soaked with dew and the moon was in the middle of the sky. It was very late when Alexander showed up and told us his parents wanted us inside immediately.
Ana was more than happy to show me how to cook and sew. I started coming down to Welshpool during the week when Oliver was working, absorbing all I could. I did better at the stove than the sewing machine. Ana and I had so much fun in that kitchen. We’d dig through her recipes and bake while she told me stories about how she learned to cook from her mum, aunties and Grandmother. It was amazing to me listening to her talk about her family. I thought big, happy families where people loved each other and passed down traditions existed only in storybooks. All of my grandparents had passed before I was even born. My step-gran had been the only one I’d known and she’d died when I was nine. My father had one brother that he rarely kept in touch with and I only had one cousin. I had been friends with him when we were little, but hadn’t seen him in donkey’s years. My mother had been an only child. Listening to Ana, it began to dawn on me how cold and empty my world had been until I’d met Ollie.