“No,” he said, shaking his head and squeezing her hand. “I did go see her on the second day, mostly because I needed to talk about everything. On top of the news I’d just gotten about the tumor, I was completely torn about whether or not I should tell you. She thought I should. She said the alternative would be too painful, but I thought it was the only way to save you years of misery. Maybe you and Sabian could even patch things up and you might have a chance of a better future than if you stayed with me. I told her what I’d be telling you about me and her. Because of that message you left me, I knew it was what you were already thinking. And that text, the one you said you knew I deleted . . .” Emi’s eyes widened as if she’d just remembered. “I did delete it because in it we’d gone back and forth about the tests I was having done.”
“That’s why I’m not comfortable with your relationship,” Emi said wide-eyed. “I knew I’d forgotten something. Well, that and the amount of other texting I saw you did with her. Not just about your tests either. But that particular one was a little too syrupy about sweet dreams. It turned my stomach. And then you showed up with her to Sarah’s anniversary party.”
“I didn’t go with her,” Sydney said, confused why she’d think that.
“Yes, you did.” Emi frowned. “You two walked in together.”
Sydney thought about it then remembered. “I saw her drive up just as I was walking in and waited for her. Then Sal came out to do a sweep of anyone still hanging out there and we all walked in together. But I didn’t arrive with her.”
Emi still didn’t look impressed, and that sweet little brow of hers practically twitched.
“After a year of thinking you were with her, sleeping with her, in love with her, which was all your doing, you’ll just have to excuse any attitude you get from me whenever her name is brought up again—for the rest of your life.”
Sydney smirked. “Well, that might not be long.”
Emi threw the sofa pillow at his lap. “That’s not funny, Sydney!”
“It was a little.” He laughed as he reached for her hand, even as she pulled it away defiantly.
“No, it isn’t,” she said, finally giving in and letting him take her hand. He did and kissed it, smiling big as she continued. “You can be all Mr. Pessimistic if you want, but this year proved that I’m an optimist through and through. As annoying as it was at times, my heart never once gave up hope that you and I would get back together. The doctor said he’s confident they got the tumor all out. Yes, there’s no guarantee that it won’t come back, but there’s no guarantee I won’t get a tumor either. I choose to believe it never will happen. But even if it does,” she said, inching her way closer to him, “I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere. So don’t you dare ever do something so cruel to me again.”
Sydney wrapped his arms around her again, kissing the top of her head. “I’m so sorry, Emi. My intentions were never to be cruel. I just thought if I made you hate me it’d be easier for you to let go. The thought of leaving you alone too soon just scared the hell out of me, Em. It still does.”
“You’ll never leave me,” Emi said, pulling back to look at him. “Not for this. Not ever again.” She touched his face softly, smiling even as her eyes began to well again. “Even if something were to happen to one us, my love, we’ll always be together. I know this because that entire grueling year without you, not once did you ever leave my heart.”
Sydney cradled her face in his hands, staring at her as he thought about what she’d just said. “I know now what it’s like to live with the prospect of losing your life, and let me tell you, Emi. It was nothing compared to agony of having lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Life without you didn’t even matter to me anymore. When I woke in that hospital, before I realized it was you sitting there talking to me, I thought I’d gone to heaven and you were the angel waiting for me. I was so happy, baby,” he whispered as his words faltered, and he took a deep breath. “The torment was finally over.”
She smiled as the tears spilled down the side of her face. “The torment is over,” she whispered back, getting comfortable on his lap as she straddled him. “We’ll never be apart again.”
“Never again,” he whispered.
Epilogue
Emilia
Emi stood there staring at the words painted in big fanciful letters on the side of Sydney’s sailboat, her heart swelling by the second.
My Sweet Angel, Emi.
“Years ago I never would’ve believed anyone who told me I’d one day have Lynn’s husband’s name painted across the side of my sailboat.”
Emi turned to Sydney, her mouth still hanging open. She punched him playfully on the arm then wrapped her arms around him. “It’s not his name, though. It’s mine and I love it.”
For the past six months, he’d been making up the year before his surgery to her. In pure Sydney perfectionist style, he’d gone above and beyond. In some cases, she’d thought he’d gone too far. He’d taken a downgrade on his job so he could transfer to 4B’s San Diego offices and be near Emi, even though she insisted it’d be easier and less of a hassle for her to just transfer to a culinary school out in Los Angeles.
“You kidding me?” he’d said with a big genuine smile. “With a family as big as yours out here? Why would I pass up living nearby them so we can enjoy every gathering, not just one or two big ones a year?”
It’d been a downgrade at first, and she’d felt incredibly guilty—not to mention the enormous pressure—that he’d left such a prestigious position when she still couldn’t make up her mind about her future. She knew for sure she wanted to cook. She just kept teetering between focusing squarely on food or specializing in being a dessert chef. But Sydney had been adamant.
“I guess a brush with death, coupled with a taste of living without you, helped me appreciate what the most important thing in life is. It’s not money. It’s not some job or my professional image. It’s about enjoying life, and I know one thing for a fact now. As long as I’m with you, I could be flipping burgers somewhere and I’d still be happier than having all those things without you.”
As heartwarming as it’d been to hear him say that, it was still unnerving that he’d made such a sacrifice just to be near her. So she’d been beyond relieved and unbelievably even more impressed by her perfect boyfriend when the company practically begged him to take back his previous position. They’d offered him even more money, and they were even catering to him by agreeing to let him take the position out of whichever office he preferred. After only four months of him not running the show, they were lost without him.
“Climb aboard the My Sweet Angel, Emi,” he said, holding out his hand to her as she climbed onto it.
She handed him her basket and climbed up with him. Okay, he’d done enough. He’d taken a downgrade in his job and moved to San Diego. Even if he did get it back, he couldn’t have known they’d be begging him to take the position back, there in San Diego. He’d cut down his communication with Cristina to checking in with her once a month or so. He kept Emi up-to-date about anything that had to do with his health. He’d showered her with romantic gifts for months too: from flowers to surprise candlelight dinners and weekend getaways and many sweet love letters and cards just because. He’d even insisted on apologizing to her siblings, though they still didn’t know the whole truth and never would. Sydney, of course, had won them all back.
While she loved everything he’d done, she got it. He was sorry for having put her through what he had and wanted to make up for it. But she needed him to stop feeling guilty and just enjoy their time together without the need to go out of his way. She didn’t want it to start to feel like a chore.
They were out on the open ocean—she’d come to love the invigorating smell—when he slowed the sailboat down and decided to anchor a little sooner in the day than he normally did. She turned to him curiously from where she was lying out on the deck. “Kind of early, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but there’s something I
wanna give you, and I can’t wait anymore.”
“Sydney, baby.” She smiled, pulling herself up on an elbow, despite the slight exasperation she felt. “I love the gifts and everything you’ve been doing, but you don’t need to keep getting me stuff and doing things for me. Let’s just forget about the past and look forward to the future without out you buying me something every five minutes.” She laughed nervously. “You’re gonna start resenting feeling obligated.”
“You’re joking, right?” he said as he made his way back to where she was now sitting up. “I live for that smile. Making my angel happy would never feel like an obligation.” He leaned in and kissed her sweetly. “It’s my pleasure.”
Emi smiled back, convinced now she’d never stop feeling her heart double over every time he called her that and gazed at her that way. “That’s just it, babe,” she said, touching his face. “You don’t have to buy me anything or go out of your way. Just being with you and hearing you say you love me is enough to keep me happy.”
He kissed her back softly then sat back and pulled out something from his pocket. When he held out the ring in front of Emi, she immediately felt the warm tears flooding her eyes, and she brought a hand to her mouth.
“I know you’re not ready for marriage yet,” he began, but before he could go on, she sat up even more and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“I’m ready to be with you forever, Sydney.” She pulled back to look in his eyes. “I knew it the moment you said you loved me.” He stared at her as surprised as she knew he’d be, so she explained even as she wiped the tears away. “I may not be sure about a lot of things when it comes to my future, but one thing I know with all certainty is, no matter what I decide, I don’t want any of it without you.”
While he smiled big, his eyes searched hers for a moment, still a little unsure. “So you’ll marry me? Like soon?”
“I’d marry you now if we had someone on board who could do it.” She laughed but felt the familiar uncontrollable quiver of her lips.
“It’s settled then,” he said, slipping the beautiful diamond ring on her finger. “I thought you’d want to wait, and I was willing to, no matter how long, but if you’re all for it now, hell, we’ll start planning this thing as soon as we get home. I’d love nothing more than to make you my wife as soon as possible.” He glanced up at her and his smile waned a little. “But why are you crying, sweetheart?”
She shook her head, wrapping her arms around his neck again, and took in a deep breath of him, before speaking against his neck. “Because I’m an idiot who cries about everything, especially when it comes to you.”
He pulled away and wiped her tears gently with his fingers. “You’re not an idiot,” he said, kissing her softly. “You’re my beautiful angel.” That only made her brows pinch and her stupid lip tremble even more. “I know what you need,” he whispered, laying her down as her eyes widened.
“No,” she said completely wide-eyed as he began to slip her bikini bottom off. “We’re out in the open.”
“Look around, Emi,” he said, glancing around and then up. “Nothing but ocean and blue sky for miles and miles.”
Emi was already tingling everywhere as she glanced around and saw there wasn’t another boat in sight. Sydney was already positioning himself between her legs, and then she felt him spread her with his fingers. That alone had her breathing accelerating. Then she felt his tongue, and as usual, it was like a lightning bolt. Her back was instantly arched, and she moaned in delight, closing her eyes.
“Is this what you need, baby?”
“Yes!” she gasped breathlessly as he flicked his tongue on the most perfect spot. “Oh, God, yes.”
He was quiet for a while as his tongue worked its magic, slowing and then speeding up, licking, sucking, then flicking as her entire body quivered in appreciation.
“Oh, that feels so good,” she said, slightly embarrassed that her legs were practically twitching around his shoulders.
“I can hardly wait to be doing this to my wife.”
“Your wife,” she murmured, staring up at the crystal blue sky, letting it sink in even as her body began to tremble uncontrollably. “Mmm,’ she said as the buildup began to peak, and she swayed her hips to the rhythm of his tongue. “Mrs. Maricopa,” she said, coming completely undone, and she cried out.
Sydney licked her a few more times, making her cry out even louder until he had mercy on her and kissed her one last time before crawling up next to her.
“You’re so good at that,” she said, smiling at him, still trying to catch her breath.
He smiled, kissing her softly, and then glanced around. “Still not a boat in sight.” He turned back to undoing the top button of his shorts with that smolder in his eyes that had her wanting him so soon just after she’d come. “Let me show you what else I’m good at.” He sat up and pulled off his shirt.
She sat up, looking around. “Right here on the deck?”
He nodded with a wicked grin. “Something tells me this is going to be our new favorite thing to do.”
The thought of him fucking her right there on the deck in broad daylight was a strange kind of turn-on she’d never felt before, and she smiled back just as wickedly. She lay back down. “I guess the first time with my new fiancé should be extra special.”
In an instant, he was naked, and his beautiful hard body was on top of her. “Fiancé.” He smiled, staring into her eyes. “But I know I’ll like husband even better. Welcome to the rest of your life,” he whispered, kissing her gently, then slid into her, making her groan.
“I promise you . . .” She gasped as he buried himself inside her. “No matter what happens, I need you in my life forever.”
He stopped, staying there deep inside her as he stared into her eyes. “I need you too, Em, more than you’ll ever know. I finally got this right,” he said, beginning to sway in and out of her slowly. “And I’m sorry, but I intend to prove to you every day of my life for the rest of my life that I fucked up and nearly lost the best thing that ever happened to me and it’ll never happen again.”
“Never again,” she said, letting her head fall back, spreading her legs wider and lifting her hips, wanting him in deeper.
Sydney obliged with a groan. “Never again.”
The End
Excerpt from Defining Love
Read why readers are calling Defining Love a refreshing different spin like none they'd ever read in a romance novel.
Henrietta, aka Henri, isn't gay or in love with her gay best friend and lover, Edi. But because of her deep-seated abandonment issues she gives into the relationship out of fear of losing her. Then she meets Aaron and is instantly drawn to him.
Aaron is torn between his high school sweetheart—now fiancée—and what he's feeling for his young employee Henrietta. The instant connection he feels with her is like none he's ever felt.
Cheating is not an option for either. So what happens when that draw, the connection, becomes impossible to ignore?
When we’d arrived at my house, I’d been more than relieved to see Bea and Henrietta weren’t there. Since Bea’s car was out front, I figured Henrietta must’ve gone with her on one of her walks. It wasn’t as if Henrietta working for me was a secret or that Mia had never met her. Since I’d brought Henrietta on, Mia had dropped by exactly two times. As far as I knew, she didn’t have an issue with Henrietta, my sister’s friend, working for me.
Mia knew me well enough to know I’d never cheat on her. I’d never given her reason to be insecure about Henrietta or any other girl in the entire ten years we’d been together, but she’d since made a few telling comments about Henrietta: “She’s very pretty.” or “She must be single or her boyfriend would be picking her up instead of you having to drive her to and from work so often.” Each time I responded with an indifferent “I guess” or a disinterested shrug. I could’ve told her I knew she wasn’t single—that she was actually in a relationship with another girl. I know it would’ve reli
eved Mia from any doubts she might be having about my spending time around my young pretty employee. But I had to respect Henrietta’s request that I not share with anyone about her personal life. So I hadn’t.
Technically, I had nothing to hide. I’d done nothing wrong. It just made me nervous to have her around Henrietta too much. Mia was too perceptive. So when she called earlier to say she and her cousin Ruth were stopping by my place during business hours, I wasn’t thrilled. But what could I say? I’d jumped the gun before she even explained why she was calling and said I had to go home to get started on work ASAP. My haste to avoid delaying my time with Henrietta further backfired on me. Mia and Ruth were working on a collage for her cousin’s wedding reception and wanted to stop by and search through some of the old photos I had.
I was now standing behind them at my desk, looking over their shoulders as they opened my box of old photos when Henrietta suddenly rushed in my office with a huge smile. The smile noticeably waned the moment she saw Mia and Ruth.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted, freezing at the door. “I didn’t know you were—”
“That’s okay,” I said before she could apologize further. “Something going on?”
“No.” She shook her head as her face flushed. “I just . . . it’s about the EPG. I had an idea.” She took a step backward. “But I can tell you about it later. I didn’t mean to—”
“No, no,” Mia said quickly before I could. “If it’s about work, by all means, go right ahead. Don’t mind us. We’re just looking through some old photos. Pretend we’re not here. We’ll be quiet,” she added with a whisper.
I would’ve suggested we leave and talk somewhere else, but Mia’s comment was too obvious. She wanted us to stay. Had we left my office, she would’ve wondered why.