“It’s my favorite actually. Let’s see how well it pairs with”—Sydney reached over and opened the box of pizza—“pepperoni and black olives. Ooh, good choice of toppings.”
“I remembered seeing some left over in your fridge one time.”
He glanced up at her as he took a slice from the box. “Really? I haven’t ordered pizza in months.”
She shrugged, leaning over to grab a slice for herself. “It was a while back, I guess.”
They talked some more as they refilled their flutes a few more times and ate more pizza. By the time the bottle of champagne was half gone, the wind had picked up a bit and a chill was in the air, so lounging in the pool was out. But since they still had some champagne left, they decided to turn the fire pit on and hang out a while longer.
Hanging out with Sydney was so different from when she hung with Darren. She’d tried not to compare the two since her relationship with each was so different. It wouldn’t be fair. With Sydney, she never experienced any unease or feelings of what she should or shouldn’t say. Like when she complimented him or vice versa, there was never anything questionable about it. Telling him he smelled good—more than once now—might be considered flirting with any other guy, not with Sydney.
Emi sort of got how he and Sarah managed to remain friends and only friends for so long. For Emi and Sydney, it was simple—cut and dry. He was beyond dating pampered young girls who still didn’t have much of a clue what their future held. Emi had never even had a real job, not since her high school stint at Little Caesars. This internship was the closest thing to one. Her rent and bills were paid for her. She didn’t even pay for her own car insurance. And there was a reason why she was always so willing to just hang at his place instead of hers. One glimpse of her apartment and he’d know just how unorganized she was compared to him.
She hadn’t been privy to his closet, but from the look of his pantry and refrigerator, she was sure his closet put her cluttered one to shame. The man labeled the containers in his pantry. They were all neatly lined up too—tallest in back so everything was clearly visible. The cold-cut drawer was used just for that. Cold cuts were organized in containers and labeled with expiration dates. He didn’t even have a junk drawer in his house, or rather he did—at least that’s what he called it—but it was neater than most of her regular drawers. Sectioned off and all. Emi had at least three junk drawers at her place. All of them looked like her purse exploded in them and were hopelessly messy.
But aside from that, their lives were that different as well. At twenty-nine, Sydney was the epitome of structured. His entire life was set. He was ready for the next big step in his life—marriage. Emi didn’t care what he said now; he’d said it before.
On the other hand, while she’d recently decided a relationship with someone she truly cared about wasn’t so unheard of, she still couldn’t even make up her mind what to major in. She’d been sure she wanted to get into something in law but had since changed her mind. Now she wasn’t sure if she wanted to get into the medical field or engineering. She was all over the place; it was almost embarrassing to talk about. It was probably the only thing she steered clear of when speaking with him, just because it made her feel dumb.
“You know what I don’t get?” she said as she held one hand over the fire pit to warm it. “How you and Sarah never fell for each other.”
Glancing at him over the champagne flute Sydney had just refilled, she saw it. It was fleeting and he seemed to catch himself, so it was gone just as fast as it’d appeared. A flash in his eyes had her sitting up straighter and peering at him. In the past months, she’d thought she’d imagined his getting a little weird whenever she brought up the subject of his friendship with Sarah.
He shrugged. “We just never did.”
“Oh, wow, you’re lying,” she said, bringing her hand over her gaping mouth. “Something did happen.” She practically gasped with a mixture of excitement and a surprising unease. “Does Angel know?”
“Nothing happened,” he said firmly and a little too seriously, considering she was already giggling—nervously. “Ever. But Angel had his doubts for a long time, so I’d appreciate it if you don’t go around starting rumors. Took forever to get that guy to be cool with the fact his wife has such a close male friend.”
“Are you kidding me?” Emi asked. “You really think he’s cool with it? I mean not that I know anything or saw anything the one time I was around you two. But no man on this planet would be completely cool about someone like you being his wife’s best friend. If anything, he probably tolerates it. After all these years, I’m sure he doesn’t have much choice. Clearly, if Sarah ever had a choice, she made it years ago and stuck with it, but you’re leaving something out. All this time I thought it was too weird that nothing ever happened between you two. I mean obviously”—she swung her finger back and forth between her and Sydney—“it’s possible for a guy and a girl to be just friends. But you and I are just too different. It’d never work.” She felt that familiar slight pang in her heart just saying it but continued. “You and she, though, were the same age. You’d known her for years. And nothing? Please.” She tilted her head. “C’mon what gives? I can see it in your eyes. You’re holding out on me.”
Sydney stared at her for a moment before taking a drink of his cup. “If I tell you—”
Emi gasped before he could finish but brought her hand over her mouth again, pretending to try not to laugh at her own silliness, but secretly felt confused about the unease she was feeling.
“If I tell you, this stays between you and me, okay? You can’t tell anyone, not your sisters or brothers, Emi. I mean it.”
“I knew it!” she said, staring at him. “This sounds so juicy already,” she added with a big smile in an attempt to mask all the other confusing emotions she was suddenly feeling. “I promise I won’t tell a soul. Tell me! Tell me!”
“Nothing happened,” he said finally, giving into a smirk and shaking his head. “I hate to break it to you because it’s the truth. But”—he took another drink from his flute, his expression going a little harder—“maybe I did have feelings for her once upon a time. Maybe there was a time I’d hoped for more.”
“So why didn’t it?” Emi asked, confused.
“Well”—he lifted and dropped a shoulder—“for the longest time, she insisted we were and always would be just friends. Her mom’s the one that brought it up first as we got a little older in high school and we were still spending so much time together—a lot of it alone. Her mom started getting nervous that, you know, we might start getting ideas about doing other stuff. Lynni was really defensive about it, and after hearing her repeat again and again how ridiculous the notion was that anything more could ever happen between us, I decided I should keep my feelings to myself. By the time it started feeling impossible to hide what I felt for her, the timing was just bad. Lynn’s mom got in some legal trouble, and Lynn was stressed and freaked out about it. Then her mom had to do some jail time, and since her only other family was out in San Diego, Lynni had to move to her aunt’s, our senior year in high school. It was supposed to be temporary until her mom got out of jail. Lynni moved under protest. She’d begged her mom to let her stay with my parents and me, but her mother refused. So when she left, she told me that once she turned eighteen and could do what she wanted, regardless of what her mom said, she was moving back to Arizona to finish out her senior year. She was so miserable in the beginning and going through so much I didn’t want to complicate things for her any further by telling her my true feelings. I figured it was best to wait until she got back. Neither one of us counted on her meeting Angel.”
“Oh, my God,” Emi said, staring at him and shaking her head. “So you never told her?”
“I still planned on telling her,” he explained. “At first I thought Angel was just some fly-by thing, and he seemed to make her less miserable about having to move, so I thought it was a good thing that she had a distraction. She kept insisti
ng she was still coming home once she turned eighteen. At the time, I’d begun to see someone too, someone who helped to distract me and keep my mind off Lynni and her new boyfriend.”
Emi watched as Sydney stared out at the shimmering moon’s reflection in the pool’s water. “You still have feelings for her,” she said, staring at him.
“No.” He shook his head immediately. “I still care for her, yeah. I always will. She is and always will be my good friend. But I’m over what I once felt for her.”
“Are you sure?” Emi stared at him skeptically. “You seem really thoughtful all of a sudden.”
“I just hadn’t thought about that time in my life in a while. It all happened so fast.” He turned to Emi and their eyes met. “I had my chance. Angel actually broke up with her because of me.”
“He did?” Emi felt her eyes go wide. “So he knew you had feelings for her?”
“He suspected I did. And he suspected she had feelings for me. Didn’t buy the whole ‘we’re just friends’ bit, especially since she’d been telling him from day one that her days in San Diego were numbered because she had to get back to Arizona—to me.” Sydney chuckled. “It’s long and convoluted, but because my name could also be a girl’s name, he had the idea the best friend she’d gushed so much about was a girl. So when he found out I was actually a dude and that she’d kept that bit to herself when she realized he might not understand our friendship”—Sydney shook his head, smirking weirdly—“well, let’s just say the shit hit the fan. He was kind of a dick about it too—refused to even hear her out at first. I guess I could see why he was so pissed but mostly insecure about our relationship. He was half right anyway. Only back then I wasn’t about to admit it even to him. She came out to stay with me over Christmas break that year while they were still broken up. It was when I knew for sure Lynn was as hopelessly in love with him as I was with her. I knew at that point I had nothing on him. He’d been her first everything, and she was miserable without him. Anyway, as you can see, he ended up coming around, and by that point, things had moved along with the girl who’d been distracting me. So I actually encouraged Lynn to stay in San Diego. I knew she didn’t want to leave him. I’d be going away to college later that year anyway. She’d have no one in Arizona but my parents while her aunt, her cousin, her new friends, Angel, and his whole tribe were in San Diego.” He shrugged. “It all worked out for the best.”
“That’s sad, Sydney.”
“No, it’s not. It’s just fate,” he said, downing what was left of his champagne. “Angel is who she was meant to be with. The guy’s crazy about her too, so I’m happy for her. Oh, and another thing. As an only child myself, I can relate to the desire she’d always had of having a big family. I always wondered what it’d be like too. Of course, the way I felt about her back then, it wouldn’t have mattered to me if I ended up with someone in as small a family as mine. I’m sure that’s not what attracted her to Angel initially, but in the end, she got everything she ever dreamed of: the man of her dreams and a huge family that keeps getting bigger. Happily ever after. It’s what everyone wants, right?”
Emi nodded, feeling for Sydney. She wanted to say “but how about you?” only he already seemed a little down just talking about it. No matter how happy he said he was for Sarah, it still had to smart every time he saw her. Emi couldn’t even imagine.
“So she never even knew.” Emi said, thinking out loud.
“Nope,” Sydney said matter-of-factly. “And she never will. There’s no point. Angel knows,” he added, surprising Emi.
“He does? Or do you mean you know deep inside he knows?”
“No, I mean I told him.” Sydney chuckled, reaching into the small ice chest and pulling out a beer. “You ready for a beer?”
Emi shook her head, staring at him. “I’m still working on this.” She held up her champagne. “You told him?”
“Yeah, when we were all still in college.”
The wistful way he spoke of those days was bittersweet to watch. His eyes would get so full of emotion but in a good way more often than poignant. Emi wasn’t entirely convinced he was completely over Sarah, but one thing was for sure. What she’d begun to think months ago about him was confirmed in the way he spoke of how he felt for Sarah. He was without a doubt one of the kindest most loyal people she’d ever met, and she felt blessed to have him as a friend.
He told her about how, even after the dust had settled and Angel accepted Sydney as Lynni’s best friend, it took Angel a long time to truly accept it. Emi didn’t interrupt to tell him she was now convinced of what she’d suspected before they’d had this conversation: that even now Angel was likely not completely on board with Sydney and Sarah’s close relationship, especially now that Angel knew Sydney had been in love with Sarah once upon a time. Even Emi could already tell this would change the way she’d look at Sarah from here on. How lucky can one girl be? It was almost maddening.
Sydney continued telling her about when he transferred from Columbia to ESU their junior year. Evidently, it’d been a little too close to home for Angel, who’d gotten used to and appreciated Syd attending school clear across the country.
The girl Sydney mentioned distracting him from Sarah when she first moved out to La Jolla turned into his girlfriend, Carina. They were together for years in college. Both attended Columbia. But he explained that, like Angel, she too had issues with his close friendship with Sarah.
Of course.
Finally, years later, after yet another argument over the amount of time Syd spent on the phone with Sarah, Carina gave him an ultimatum: her or Sarah. Syd chose Sarah, and when Sarah had questioned him about the breakup, he’d been honest. In turn, when Angel asked Sarah about it, she was honest too.
“My relationship with Carina had run its course and I knew it. I wasn’t about to give up my friendship with Lynni for her. Lynni never gave up on it for Angel.” Sydney laughed. “And that guy did not make it a secret that it was what he would’ve loved. So once I was back here in California and without a girlfriend, texting and talking to Lynn a little more often than I had when I was with Carina, and even though Lynni explained it to him the way I had to her, I got a phone call from Angel. He asked me point blank if I was or ever had been in love with her, and I told him the truth.”
“What did he say?
While this entire conversation fascinated Emi, she was still trying to figure out why the whisper of unease hung in the air the whole time. Emi had heard Sydney slip and refer to Sarah as Lynni as opposed to Lynn in the past. She even heard him call her that the one weekend she was around them and on the phone a few times. She’d never thought much of it, but today it’d begun to get annoying. She hoped she wouldn’t make it too obvious this weekend when she’d be able to witness to them together again. Sydney continued to explain how he told Angel it was up to him if he wanted to tell Lynni the truth about how he’d once felt about her or not but assured him once and for all he had nothing to worry about. Sydney knew Angel was the love of her life. He wouldn’t dream of trying to compete with that. As far as he knew, Angel had never told her.
No one finished the final beer in the small ice chest. The champagne had been more than enough for Emi, and Syd explained he didn’t like drinking beer too often. He was more of a mixed drink or wine kind of guy but beer could never go wrong with pizza. It was late and they had school and work early the next morning.
They walked back to the elevator where Emi continued to quiz him about his and Sarah’s past. The unease was still there and then it hit her. As sure as she’d made it sound earlier when she said it would never work between her and Sydney, she’d begun to question that lately. Now this was absolute proof of something she’d always believed. Guys and girls could never be just friends. Even when Sydney first told her he and Sarah had only been just friends and nothing had ever happened, she’d had her doubts it was so cut and dry. She supposed exceptions were possible as she’d once thought was the case between her and Sydney. Tha
t like she’d told him earlier, their friendship was totally different.
That belief was based heavily on the fact that Sydney seemed mature and strong enough to handle a friendship with no feelings attached. His relationship with Sarah all these years had been proof of that. Emi had already begun to accept that fact that maybe she could have a crush on him but his willpower would be enough for both of them. There’d never be any temptation they couldn’t overcome that might ruin things.
As they neared the elevator where they’d part ways, Emi finally let him off the hook and stopped asking about Sarah. Instead, she leaned against his arm, taking in his delicious scent once again.
“Thank you for the champagne. That was really sweet of you. And for indulging my nosey self with your secret. Don’t worry. My lips are sealed.” She zipped the imaginary zipper across her lips.
“No worries. It was my pleasure to help you celebrate. I’m proud of you and that’s what friends are for, right?”
The doors to the elevator opened just as Emi glanced up and gazed into his eyes. “Yes, they are. Good night, my friend.” She smiled, feeling the familiar flutter of her heart as he stepped into the elevator. “Meet you at Foams in the morning.”
Chapter Seven
Sydney
Just like the first time they had driven this long distance together, Sydney ignored all his calls, sending them to voicemail. But halfway to La Jolla that weekend he got a call from Cristina, Mando’s widow. He had to take it.
“Give me a sec,” he said as he hit the answer button on his steering wheel.
Her voice came over the speakers. “Hey, Sydney,” she said when he answered.
“Hi, Cristina. How are you?”
“I’m good. I was just calling because the last couple of gatherings over at the Moreno’s you didn’t make it. I was wondering if you were making it out this weekend.”
“I am actually. Halfway there now.”