ALL FALL DOWN
By
Alida J Zaczyk
*****
PUBLISHED BY:
Eternal Sunrise
Copyright © 2012 by Alida J Zaczyk
*****
Preface
How could he do this to me?
How could he leave me here like this, alone, unfeeling, unmoving, just another burden others had to deal with on a daily basis. It wasn’t right to blame him, he hadn’t planned on this happening, I knew this, but I couldn’t help it.
He was gone.
And he wasn’t going to come back, never. I had lost him, and all because of one little text message.
“Jade, are you up?” A soft voice had sounded from my door.
I shifted up from under the covers, looking towards the shadow standing dark, and tall in from behind my door.
“Who’s there,” I heard my voice crackle, hoarse from my crying I had gone through most of day.
There was no answer, and the shadow seemed to fade away.
My heart was now pounding hard in my chest as I sat up more alert; fear was now prickling inside me.
What next? Did someone break in, and was ready to murder me? Or was there a rapist creeping around my house?
I didn’t want to know, I didn’t want to think, I just wanted to lie here, and never move for the rest of my life. But everyone seemed to try and push me back up to my feet. I wish they wouldn’t bother.
“Jade,” I heard the voice again.
My head again snapped in the direction of the door, and I gasped as I took in the sight of him.
“D-Daniel,” I stuttered, feeling my eyes watering at his image.
In a motion, only the way Daniel did, he tilted his head to the side, flashing me a white smile, and a wink.
My chest pained as I watched, what seemed to be Daniel… my Daniel.
But I knew well, this couldn’t be him, last week, the week of our graduation, he had been in a car wreck, a head-on collision with a mini van. The driver of the van had lived, but Daniel… he died instantly.
And it had been my fault.
He was on his way to my house, to see me, and I had texted him, asking him… where he was. The police told me, that the message I had sent him, was on the screen of his cell phone, when they made it to him. That, because he read a text I had sent him… he was dead.
Tears now was rolling down my cheeks heavily, my breathing ragged.
“I’m sorry,”
The boy in front of me, floating in thin air, a ghostly pale light shinning dimly around him, slowly lost his smile, looking down.
“I’m fine Jade,”
I closed my eyes, and shook my head, wiping at my tears.
“You’re dead,”
At those words, my body had begun to shake, sobs springing off my lips.
“Jade,” The voice of my mother was now filling my room.
I opened my eyes, to see the figure of Daniel, gone, replaced with my mother’s worried look, as she walked into my room, and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Are you ok?” She asked, gently resting her hand on my leg.
I sniffed, propping myself up to rest back against my pillows.
“I’m ok,”
I glanced around my room, realizing that it was no longer dark, like it had been just a few moments ago. The sun was up, and lighting my room just slightly as it casted it’s way through my window.
“You’re crying,”
“I just… had a bad dream,”
“Daniel?” She said the name as softly as she could, but it still brought on agony inside of me, and reminded me of my crushing guilt, and sadness I had been trying to suppress for a week now.
I couldn’t catch my breath from the pain I felt from just that name alone, so I merely nodded to her, looking down.
“I’m sorry honey, but you know it wasn’t your fault, accidents happen,”
I didn’t want to hear this. It was the same thing, time and time again.
It wasn’t my fault, and that it was just a freak accident.
No, it wasn’t, if I hadn’t have texted him, he wouldn’t be dead, it was my fault, and no, this was a big deal to me, accidents do happen, but it’s easy for them to say. They weren’t the ones that lost someone they loved.
“I no, I just… really miss him,” I muttered, looking back up to my mother, taking in her warm brown eyes.
“I know you do Jade, but he will always be with you, and looking over you from heaven,”
I struggled not to let some tears out at that.
“Thanks mom,”
She nodded with a sad smile, and stroked the top of my head.
“How about I make you some pancakes, and tea, would that make you feel any better?”
No it wouldn’t. Nothing would.
“Yeah, that would be great, thank you,” I said, and tried to smile.
She nodded, and stood up, walking to my door, but pausing to turn around and look back at me, a calm smile on her face now.
“By the way, our new neighbors arrived today, and I was hoping you would go over and say hello, and just make them feel a bit comfortable,”
I sighed deeply, leaning back farther in my pillow, discomfort stirring in my stomach.
I hadn’t left my room, since… Daniel, and the accident.
I had only gone out when I needed to go to the bathroom, or wash up. But other then that, I rarely went out of my room, let alone the house.
I wasn’t ready to go out there, to be around people, they knew me, they knew how hard I was taking this, and if I went out there, this would only cause attention to myself. They all want to get into my business, ask me how I’m doing, or tell me how wonderful Daniel had been.
I didn’t want this; I didn’t need that kind of attention brought onto me. It would only make me feel worse. But I understood that my mother wanted me to get out, and… in other words, move on from all of this.
“Do I have to?”
She paused, a light frown coloring her face for just a second, before her smile returned. “Well, no, but please Jade, they seem like real nice people, maybe you will make a friend,”
“I have friends,”
“I know, but it wouldn’t hurt to have one or two more would it?”
Again I sighed, and rubbing my eyes I looked out the window, squinting at the suns brightness through the window.
“Alright,” I muttered reluctantly.
My mother’s eyes brightened in surprise, and she stuttered, as if she was given the most amazing surprise in the entire world.
“Oh... great, that’s great Jade, thank you, now you get some nice clothes on, I’ll make your pancakes.”
I nodded, looking down at old, torn-up pajamas bottoms, and the old grey T-shirt Daniel had given me.
A pinch of sorrow again hit me, remembering back to the day he had given in to me. It had been a little over two years ago. I had stayed over at his house for the night to baby-sit his little sister. His parents were out for their anniversary, and Daniel had a baseball game at the school to go to, so he couldn’t watch her. But he had been able to get back to his house early from the game to help me.
We had spent the whole night tangled up together in his room, just talking, just sharing a little sweet moment. That’s how it always had been with Daniel; it was always about love, and nothing really beyond that. Which I was more then happy with, I trusted him; more then I trusted anyone in the world.
But now… he’s gone.
I waited for my mother to leave the room before I got up, not used to feeling of standing. I was so used to sitting, or lying on my bed, that each time I actually had to stand, it felt foreign to me.
Moving around my room slowly, trying to regain the strength, and will, to do something other then think about Daniel, I moved to my closet.
Surely I could make myself seem presentable, almost normal, as if I wasn’t dealing with personal issues, I could fool them, all of them. They would never even know.
There wasn’t to many choices of clothing in my closet, my dirty laundry basket was completely full, piling up my walls in a bundle of wrinkled up shirts, and discarded socks.
Regardless, I found a nice strawberry colored Hollister T-shirt, and a pair of old jeans, with slits going down the legs.
As soon as I slide the clothes on, I realized that they were fitting me way to loosely. I could barely even hold my pants up in place.
This wasn’t good.
I must have lost a bit of weight, for the last time I had these clothes on, they had fit me perfectly. Now they were hanging in bunches on my sides, looking baggy, and uncomfortable.
Sighing, I walked over to where I kept my belts, sliding a belt on around my pants, and clipping it on as tight as I could make it.
Luckily this helped a lot.
At least my pants would look ok, but nothing could be done with the shirt.
I continued to walk around my room, tidying myself up, and taking the time