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her of a hidden agenda. "How do you know I have secrets?"
He leaned close and whispered, "Yer heart is racing. Yer cheeks are on fire. " He smiled slowly. "And now yer eyes are flashing an angry, but lovely, shade of green. " "You're like a human lie detector. " She glared at him. "It's very aggravating to lose the option of
lying. " He chuckled as he curled a hand around her elbow. "They say confession is good for the soul. " The sound of singing drifted from the chapel. Deep, male voices. The Vamps were singing a
hymn. "Why does a Vamp worry about the state of his soul?" she whispered. "You could live forever. "
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"None of us live forever. "
"So you're praying for salvation?" She guessed that made sense. Who would need redemption more than a vampire?
"I pray for many things, Toni. " His hand slid down her arm, then lingered by her fingers. "I pray ye'll trust me with the entire truth. "
And she would pray that he understood.
Chapter Fifteen
Ian found comfort in the old, familiar chants and prayers. Over the centuries, the world powers could change, technology advance, mortal friends pass away, but Mass remained much the same. And the scent of Christmas remained the same. He breathed deeply, enjoying the scent of fir tree garlands and lit Advent candles.
Tonight there was another scent, one that kept luring him away from holy thoughts. Type AB positive. His favorite flavor. It emanated from Toni, who sat beside him in the back row. She'd removed her jacket and folded it on her lap. Her hands clenched together so tightly her knuckles gleamed white. What had happened to make her desperate enough to reveal her secrets to him?
When he'd first wakened and realized she was gone, he'd checked her tracking device on a computer. She'd gone back to that psychiatric hospital. By the looks of her clenched hands and pale face, something at the hospital had upset her. Was it somehow connected to her taking the job as their guard?
Father Andrew began his homily, and Ian tried to focus on the priest instead of the heavenly body next to him.
"As you know, I never reveal anything I hear during confession," Father Andrew began. "But I would like to speak tonight about a common thread I've heard many times, and each time I hear it, it grieves me greatly. Many of you believe you don't deserve happiness or love. You feel you are not worthy. "
Ian heard Toni breathe in sharply.
"Whereas a mortal has one short lifetime to experience regret," the priest continued, "a Vamp can live much longer and rack up a greater amount of regret and guilt. Some of you believe you've taken the grand prize in unworthiness, that there is no hope for your soul. You fear God can never forgive you. And because of your self-condemnation, you're unable to forgive yourself. "
Toni pressed a hand to her mouth. Ian saw her eyes were squeezed shut. What was wrong? He hoped she wasn't going to cry. He couldn't bear to see a woman cry.
"You know your past failures, your mistakes," Father Andrew said. "But know this, too--you are still children of the Heavenly Father, and your Father loves you. "
A small noise came from Toni that sounded like a stifled whimper.
"Do not believe you are unworthy of love, for God loves you. And do not let your past sins torment you. If God can forgive you, why can you not forgive yourself?"
Toni jumped up and ran out the back door.
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Ian stared at the closed door. Dammit to hell. Why would she be so upset? He'd seen her personnel file. She was only twenty-four years old. Her worst offense was a bloomin' traffic ticket. She was an angel compared to the bloody Vamps in this room, himself included.
Father Andrew droned on and on and showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. And Toni was off
somewhere, crying. He slipped out the door and followed the sound of her sniffles. She was sitting in the refreshment room, doubled over with her face in her hands.
"Toni, are ye all right?" Stupid question, he chided himself. The lass was crying. She sat up and wiped her face. "I'm okay. " "What's wrong? Did the priest upset you?" "I'm sure he means well. " She stood and wandered toward the table of mortal food. "I'm sure he's
right about forgiveness, but. . . " Ian stepped closer to her. "But what?" "I--I've never been able to forgive myself. " "Lass, what could ye have possibly done? Ye're so young and. . . innocent. " She turned toward him, and he winced at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks. "I--I let my
grandmother die. " He hadn't expected that. "It must have been an accident. " "I didn't mean for it to happen. " Tears streamed down her face. He couldn't take it, so he pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back. "What happened?" "I was in middle school, and by then, my grandmother's health wasn't very good. I learned to do
the chores. And I was used to getting myself up in the morning, and fixing my lunch, and catching the bus. I always hugged Grandma before I left. "
Ian could see that Toni had learned to be strong and independent at a young age. "One night, Grandma was having trouble sleeping. I could hear her up a lot. But that morning, when I came in to say good-bye, she was sleeping well. I didn't want to wake her, so I went on to school. But when I came home that afternoon, she was still there. " Toni stepped back and grabbed a napkin off the table to wipe her face, but the tears kept coming. "She died while I was gone. "
"Sweetheart, she died naturally. It wasna yer fault. " "But I knew she'd been sick the night before. I keep thinking about what I should have done differently. If I had called 911 that morning, she might have lived. Even my mother said I'd done
a lousy job of taking care of her. She wouldn't let me live with them after Grandma died. She sent me to a boarding school. " Ian winced. "Lass, I doona mean to offend, but yer mother is a bloomin' arse. " Toni blinked.
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Apparently his observation had taken her by surprise. "Ye can believe me. I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to mums. I was fifteen when I was transformed. I thought I could go back home, but my mum wouldna accept me. "
Toni's red-rimmed eyes widened. "Why not?"
"Och, how did she put it? I was a monstrous creature from hell. She feared if I got a wee peckish, I might slaughter my younger brothers and sisters. " "That's ridiculous! Anyone who knows you would know you could never hurt someone you
love. " Her declaration filled his heart. And the way her eyes flashed with angry indignation, he thought
he'd never seen a woman more beautiful. "I appreciate yer faith in me. " He stepped closer. "Are ye all right now?" She blew her nose in the napkin. "I think so. I'm really sorry about this. I've been an emotional
wreck lately, and you keep seeing me at my worst. " "Nay, I think ye're at yer best. " She gave him a dubious look. "With my watery eyes and red nose?" He wanted to kiss her watery eyes and red nose. "Actually, I was referring to yer compassionate heart. " She snorted. "I'm not feeling very compassionate. I was just thinking that your mom was a
bloomin' arse. " He chuckled. "At least we both survived. " "You know, when I first met you, I thought we were totally different. Alive, dead. " She motioned
to herself, then him. "Modern, old-fashioned. Intelligent, not so intelligent. " "Excuse me?" She grinned. "I'm kidding. But I was wrong. We actually have a lot in common. " "Ye mean our heartless mothers?" "More than that. We share the same worries and fears. That we're not worthy. That we'll fail
someone we love. " Her face grew sad again.
He touched her face and smoothed his thumb over her damp cheek. "Ye have more deep, dark secrets to tell me?" "I'm afraid so. " "Och, ye're so deep. " "And dark. " She smiled. "Thank you. I feel a lot better now. " "Will ye tell me yer full name?" She winced. "That's too dark. "
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"Lass, it canna be that bad. " He touched her other cheek, so her face was cradled in his hands. He could hear her heart racing. He moved closer.
&nbs
p; She didn't back away. He dragged his thumb along her jaw. Her mouth opened slightly, and she licked her lips. Ah, he wanted to feel that. He slid his thumb over her bottom lip, gliding over the moisture. She drew in a sharp breath.
"Your eyes are red again," she whispered. "I know. " He moved closer till his chest was grazing hers. Her gaze drifted down to his mouth. The napkin fell from her hand and fluttered to the floor.
Slowly she raised a hand, then touched the dent in his chin.
It was simple movement, but he interpreted it as permission. She'd pushed the yes button, and that was all that mattered. To hell with the rules, to hell with reason. He held her face and kissed her lightly once, twice. She leaned toward him, and his passion broke
loose with a wild, devouring kiss. He pulled her close, one hand at the back of her neck, the other at her waist. He pulled her so close, her feet came off the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.
A hunger he'd kept restrained for nights was unleashed. He couldn't taste her enough. Her lips, her tongue. He explored her mouth and nibbled her lips. She was sweet; she was trembling; she was clutching him tight. And he wanted more. It felt like he'd wanted her for centuries.
He trailed kisses down her neck, then tickled her with his tongue on a path to her ear. She shivered. "Toni," he whispered, then drew her earlobe into his mouth.
She moaned and ran her fingers into his hair. "Ian. " He smoothed his hands down her back, then cupped her bottom and gently squeezed. He was returning to her mouth for more kissing when he heard someone clearing his throat.
He froze. Froze with his hands planted firmly on Toni's rump. This was bad. He glanced over his shoulder. Connor stood in the doorway. He'd averted his face, but his jaw was shifting as he ground his teeth.
Ian released Toni and stepped back. She glanced at him, then at Connor, her eyes wide. Ian cleared his throat. "This was my fault. I take full responsibility for it. " "No," Toni whispered and shook her head. "I'll have a word with you in private, Ian. " Connor turned and strode down the hall. He tried to give Toni a reassuring smile. "I'll be right back. " She didn't look very reassured. He hurried into the hallway to catch up with Connor. Halfway to the foyer, Connor opened a door to a conference room. "This will do. "
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Ian glanced back. People were leaving the chapel and wandering into the refreshment room. He hoped Toni would be all right.
"Close the door behind you," Connor said quietly as he marched to the end of a long conference table.
Ian shut the door. "I will ask ye no' to reprimand Toni. I instigated the. . . incident, and I take full responsibility for it. "
"How noble. I wouldna expect less from you. " Connor stopped at the head of the table and rested a hand on the back of a chair. "But I wasna born yesterday. 'Twas quite obvious that she was no' being forced. "
A thrill shot through Ian, and he stifled a grin. It was true--she had been willing. More than willing. She'd kissed him back. She'd moaned with pleasure. She wanted him. And he wanted to shout with joy.
"She willfully broke the rules. " Connor rubbed his brow. "I have no choice but to fire her. "
"No!" Ian walked toward him. "She was crying when I found her. She was verra upset, and I took advantage. "
"Ian. " Connor regarded him sternly. "What has come over you lately? Ye've been back less than a week, and ye have a mob of females hounding you. Hundreds of phone calls and e-mails. Women camped out on the sidewalk. I heard ye dated fifty ladies in one night, and then there was that interview. "
"Things have gotten a little out of control, but--"
"More than a little!" Connor's eyes flashed with anger. "Is it no' enough to have hundreds of women throwing themselves at you? Why would ye seduce the one woman ye canna have? Is it because she is forbidden?"
"Nay. I guarded Roman's harem for fifty years. I never misbehaved with any of them. Toni is. . . different. Special. "
"Unemployed," Connor added wryly.
"Ye canna fire her. We need her. "
"Dammit, Ian. " Connor pounded a fist on the back of the chair. "How can ye expect me to ignore the rules?"
Ian took a deep breath. He had to come up with something fast, or Connor could be erasing her memory tonight. "What if the Malcontents already know she's working for us? If we fire her and erase her memory, she would be totally defenseless against an attack. "
Connor frowned. "Ye make a good point, but 'tis based on an assumption. "
"We canna gamble with her life. She's been doing an excellent job for us, and she can still do it. I willna interfere with her duties. "
Connor paced away, deep in thought. "I hired her for a probationary period of two weeks. I could let her complete those two weeks before making a final decision. " He glanced at Ian. "Can ye keep yer hands off her for another week?"
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He wasn't sure he could for thirty minutes. "I can try. "
"Try? Have ye no' heard of restraint, man?"
Ian gritted his teeth. The more he told himself he couldn't have Toni, the more he wanted her.
Connor sighed. "I'll delay my decision for another week. " He headed for the door. "Meanwhile, if ye care for the lass, ye'll bloody well leave her alone. "