I wandered off downstairs and left them preparing the documents for posterity.
When I got to the bottom of the stairs I could hear voices in the parlor, and I figured it was the old man and Lucy Stark and Sadie Burke and the kid. I went out the back way to the back porch. I could hear the nigger woman puttering around in the kitchen, humming to herself about her and Jesus. I walked across the back yard, where there wasn’t any grass. When the falls rain came there wouldn’t be anything here but a loblolly with the crazy marks made in it by hens’ feet. But it was dust now. There was a chinaberry tree beside the gate letting you into the back lot, and as I went through the gate the berries scattered on the ground crunched under my feet like bugs.
I went on down the lot, past a row of gable-shaped chicken coops made of wood which had been split out like shingles, and set on cypress chunks to keep them out of the wet. I went on down to the barn and stable lot, where a couple of able-bodied but moth-eaten mules hung their heads in the unflagging shame of their species beside a big iron pot, the kind they use for cooking up molasses. The pot was a water trough now. There was a pipe sticking up beside it with a faucet on it. One of the Boss’s modern improvements you couldn’t see from the road.
I went on past the stables, which were built of log, but with a good tin roof, and leaned on the fence, looking off down the rise. Back of the barn the ground was washed and gullied somewhat, with piles of brush chucked into the washes here and there to stop the process. As though it ever would. A hundred yards off, at the foot of the rise, there was a patch of woods, scrub oak and such. The ground must have been swampy down there, for the grass and weeds at the edge of the trees were lush and tropical green. Against the bare ground beyond it looked too green to be natural. I could see a couple of hogs lounging down there on their sides, like big gray blisters popped up out of the ground.
It was getting toward sunset now. I leaned on the fence and looked off west across the country where the light was stretching out, and breathed in that dry, clean, ammoniac smell you get around stables at sunset on a summer day. I figured they would find me when they wanted me. I didn’t have the slightest notion when that would be. The Boss and his family, I reckoned, would spend the night at his pappy’s place. The reporters and the photographer and Sadie would get on back to the city. Mr. Duffy–maybe he was supposed to put up in Mason City at the hotel. Or maybe he and I were supposed to stay at Pappy’s place too. If they put us in the same bed though, I was just going to start walking in to Mason City. Then there was Sugar-Boy. But I quit thinking about it. I didn’t give a damn what they did.
I leaned on the fence, and the posture bowed my tail out so that the cloth of my pants pulled tight and pressed the pint against my left hip. I thought about that for a minute and admired the sunset colorations and breathed the dry, clean, ammoniac smell, and then I pulled out the bottle. I took a drink and put it back. I leaned on the fence and waited for the sunset colorations to explode in my stomach, which they did.
I heard somebody open and shut the gate to the barn lot, but I didn’t look around. If I didn’t look around it would not be true that somebody opened the gate with the creaky hinges, and that is a wonderful principle for a man to get hold of. I had got hold of the principle out of a book when I was in college, and I had hung on to it for grim death. I owed my success in life to that principle. It had put me where I was. What you don’t know don’t hurt you, for it ain’t real. They called that Idealism in my book I had when I was in college, and after I got hold of that principle I became an Idealist. I was a brass-bound Idealist in those days. If you are an Idealist it does not matter what you do or what goes on around you because it isn’t real anyway.
The steps came closer and closer, padded in the soft dust. I didn’t look up. Then I felt the wire of the fence creak and give because somebody else was leaning against it and admiring the sunset. Mr. X and I admired the sunset together for a couple of minutes, and nothing said. Except for the sound of his breathing I wouldn’t have known he was there.
Then there was a moment and the wire shifted when Mr. X took his weight off it. Then the hand patted my left hip, and the voice said, “Gimme a slug.” It was the Boss’s voice.
“Take it,” I said. “You know where it lives.”
He lifted up my coattail and pulled out the bottle. I could hear the gurgle as he did the damage. The wire shifted again as he leaned against it.
“I figured you’d come down here,” he said.
“And you wanted a drink,” I replied without bitterness.
“Yeah,” he said, “and Pappy doesn’t favor drinking. Never did.” I looked up at him. He was leaning on the fence, bearing down on the wire in a way not to do it any good, with the bottle held in both hands, corked, and his forearms propped over the wire.
“It used to be Lucy didn’t favor it either,” I said.
“Things change,” he said. He uncorked the bottle and took another pull, and corked it again. “But Lucy,” he said, “I don’t know whether she changed or not. I don’t know whether she favors it or not now. She never touches it herself. Maybe she sees it eases a man’s nerves.”
I laughed. “You haven’t any nerves,” I told him.
“I’m a bundle of nerves,” he said, and grinned.
We kept leaning against the fence, watching the light lying across the country and hitting the clump of trees down the rise. The Boss leaned his head a little forward and let a big globule of spit form at his lips and let it fall through the space between his forearms down to the board hog through just over the fence from us. The trough was dry, with a few odd red grains of corn and a few shreds of shucks lying in it and on the ground by it.
“Things don’t change much around here, though,” the Boss said.
That didn’t seem to demand any response, and so I didn’t give it any.
“I bet I dumped ten thousand gallons of swill into that trough,” he said, “one time and another.” He let another glob of spit fall into the trough. “I bet I slopped five hundred head of hogs out of this trough,” he said. “And,” he said, “by God, I’m still doing it. Pouring swill.”
“Well,” I said, “swill is what they live on, isn’t it?”
He didn’t say anything to that.
The hinges of the gate up the lot creaked again, and I looked around. There wasn’t any reason not to now. It was Sadie Burke. She was plowing her white oxfords through the dust as though she meant business, and every time she took a stride it looked as though she were going to pop the skirt of her blue-striped seersucker suit, she was in such a rush. The Boss turned around, looked at the bottle in his hand, then passed it to me. “What’s up?” he asked her when she got within ten feet.
She didn’t answer right away, but came up close. She was breathing hard from the rush. The light hit her on her slightly pock-marked face, which was damp now with perspiration, and her chopped-off black hair was wild and electric on her head, and her big, deep, powerful black eyes burned right out of her face into the sunlight.
“What’s up?” the Boss demanded again.
“Judge Irwin,” she managed to get out with what breath she had after the rush.
“Yeah?” the Boss said. He was still lounging against the wire, but he was looking at Sadie as though she might draw a gun and he was planning on beating her to the draw.
“Matlock called up–long distance from town–and he said the afternoon paper–”
“Spill it,” the Boss said, “spill it.”
“Damn it,” Sadie said, “I’ll spill it when I get good and ready. I’ll spill it when I get my breath. If I’m good and ready, and if you–”
“You’re using up a lot of breath right now,” the Boss said with a tone of voice which made you think of rubbing your hand down a cat’s back, just as soft.
“It’s my breath,” Sadie snapped at him, “and nobody’s bought it. I damned near break myself down running out here to tell you something and then you say spill it, spill it.
Before I can get my breath. And I’ll just tell you when I get my breath and–”
“You don’t sound exactly wind-broke,” the Boss observed, leaning back on the hog wire and grinning.
“You think it’s so damned funny,” Sadie said, “oh, yeah, so damned funny.”
The Boss didn’t answer that. He just kept leaning on the wire as though he had all day before him, and kept on grinning. When he grinned like that it didn’t do much to soothe Sadie’s feelings, I had observed in the past. And the symptoms seemed to be running true to form.
So I decorously withdrew my gaze from the pair, and resumed my admiration of the dying day on the other side of the hog lot and the elegiac landscape. Not that they would have bothered about me if they had anything on their minds–neither one of them. Powers, Thrones, and Dominations might be gathered round and if Sadie felt like it she would cut loose, and the Boss wasn’t precisely of a shrinking disposition. They’d get started like that over nothing at all sometimes, the Boss just lying back and grinning and working Sadie up till those big black glittering eyes of hers would separate from the tangle and hang down by her face so she’d have to swipe it back with the back of the hand. She would say plenty while she got worked up, but the Boss wouldn’t say much. He’d just grin at her. He seemed to take a relish in getting her worked up that way and lying back and watching it. Even when she slapped him once, a good hard one, he kept on looking at her that way, as though she were a hula girl doing a dance for him. He relished her getting worked up, all right, unless she finally landed on a sore spot. She was the only one who knew the trick. O had the nerve. Then the show would really start. They wouldn’t care who was there. Certainly not if I was there, and there wasn’t any reason for me to avert my face out of delicacy. I had been a piece of furniture a long time, but some taint of the manners my grandma taught me still hung on and now and then got the better of my curiosity. Sure I was a piece of furniture–with two legs and a pay check coming–but I looked off at the sunset, anyway.
“Oh, it’s so damned funny,” Sadie was saying, “but you won’t think it’s so damned funny when I tell you.” She stopped, then said, “Judge Irwin has come out for Callahan.”
There wasn’t any sound for what must have been three seconds but seemed like a week while a mourning dove down in the clump of trees in the bottom where the hogs were gave a couple of tries at breaking his heart and mine.
Then I heard the Boss say, “The bastard.”
“It was in the afternoon paper–the endorsement,” Sadie elaborated. “Matlock telephoned from town. To let you know.”
“The two-timing bastard,” the Boss said.
Then he heaved up off the wire, and I turned around. I figured the conclave was about to break up. It was. “Come on,” the Boss said, and started moving up the hill toward the house, Sadie by his side popping her seersucker skirt to keep up with him, and I trailing.
About the time we got to the gate where the chinaberry tree was and the berries on the ground popped under your feet, the Boss said to Sadie, “Get ‘em cleared out.”
“Tiny was figuring on having supper out here,” Sadie said, “and Sugar-Boy was gonna drive him to Mason City in time for the eight-o’clock train to town. You asked him.”
“I’m un-asking him,” the Boss replied. “Clear ‘em all out.”
“It’ll be a privilege,” Sadie said, and I reckoned she spoke from the heart.
She cleared them out, and fast. Their car went off down the gravel road with the springs flat on the rear axle and human flesh oozing out the windows, then the evening quiet descended upon us. I went to the other side of the house where a hammock made out of wire and barrel staves, the kind they rig up in that part of the world, was swung between a post and the live oak. I took off my coat and hung it on the post, and dropped my bottle into the side pocket so it wouldn’t break my hip bone when I lay down, and climbed into the hammock.
The Boss was down at the other end of the yard where the crepe myrtles were, prowling up and down on the dusty grass stems. Well, it was all his baby, and he could give it suck. I just lay there in the hammock. I lay there and watched the undersides of the oak leaves, dry and grayish and dusty-green, and some of them I saw had rusty-corroded-looking spots on them. Those were the ones which would turn loose their grip on the branch before long–not in any breeze, the fibers would just relax, in the middle of the day maybe with the sunshine bright and the air so still it aches like the place where the tooth was on the morning after you’ve been to the dentist or aches like your heart in the bosom when you stand on the street corner waiting for the light to change and happen to recollect how things once were and how they might have been yet if what happened had not happened.
Then, while I was watching the leaves I heard a dry, cracking sound down toward the barnyard. Then it came again. Then I figured out what it was. It was Sugar-Boy off down in the lot playing with his.38 Special again. He would set up a tin can or a bottle on a post, and turn his back to the post and start walking away, carrying his baby in his left hand, by the barrel, the safety on, just walking steadily away on his stumpy little legs with his always blue serge pants bagging around his underslung behind and with the last rays of the evening sun faintly glittering on his bald spot among the scrubby patches of hair like bleached lichen. Then, al of a sudden, he would stop walking, and grab the butt of the play-pretty with his right hand, and wheel–all in a quick, awkward motion, as though a spring had exploded inside him–and the play-pretty would go bang, and the tin can would jump off the post or the bottle would spray off in all directions. Or most likely. Then Sugar-Boy would say, “The b-b-b-bas-tud,” and shake his head, and the spit would fly.
There would be a single cracking sound and a long wait. That meant he had hit it the first try, and was trudging back to the post to set up another. Then, after a spell, there would be another crack, and a wait. Then, one time, there came two cracks, close together. That meant Sugar-Boy had missed the first try and had got it on the second.
Then I must have dozed off, for I came to with the Boss standing there, saying, “Time to eat.”
So we went in and ate.
We sat down at the table, Old Man Stark at one end and Lucy at the other. Lucy wiped the perspiration-soaked wisp of hair back from her face, and gave that last-minute look around the table to see if anything was missing, like a general inspecting troops. She was in her element, all right. She had been out of it for a long time, but when you dropped her back in it she hit running, like a cat out of a sack.
The jaws got to work around the table, and she watched them work. She sat there, not eating much and keeping a sharp eye out for a vacant place on any plate and watching the jaws work, and as she sat there, her face seemed to smooth itself out and relax with an inner faith in happiness the way the face of the chief engineer does when he goes down to the engine room at night and the big wheel is blurred out with its speed and the pistons plunge and return and the big steel throws are leaping in their perfect orbits like a ballet, and the whole place, under the electric glare, hums and glitters and sings like the eternal insides of God’s head, and the ship is knocking off twenty-two knots on a glassy, starlit sea.
So the jaw muscles pumped all around the table, and Lucy Stark sat there in the bliss of self-fulfillment.
I had just managed to get down the last spoonful of chocolate ice cream, which I had had to tamp down into my gullet like wet concrete in a posthole, when the Boss, who was a powerful and systematic eater, took his last bite, lifted up his head, wiped off the lower half of his face with a napkin, and said, “Well, it looks like Jack and Sugar-Boy and me are going to take the night air down the highway.”
Lucy Stark looked up at the Boss right quick, then looked away, and straightened a salt shaker. At first guess it might have been the look any wife gives her husband when he shoves back after supper and announces he thinks he’ll step down for a minute. Then you knew it wasn’t that. It didn’t have any question, or pr
otest, or rebuke, or command, or self-pity, or whine, or oh-so-you-don’t-love-me-any-more in it. It just didn’t have anything in it, and that was what made it remarkable. It was a feat. Any act of pure perception is a feat, and if you don’t believe it, try it sometime.
But Old Man Stark looked at the Boss, and said, “I sorta reckined–I reckined you was gonna stay out here tonight.” There wasn’t any trouble figuring out what he said, though. The child come home and the parent puts the hooks in him. The old man, or the woman, as the case may be, hasn’t got anything to say to the child. All he wants is to have that child sit in a chair for a couple of hours and then go off to bed under the same roof. It’s not love. I am not saying that there is not such a thing as love. I am merely pointing to something which is different from love but which sometimes goes by the name of love. It may well be that without this thing which I am talking about there would not be any love. But this thing in itself is not love. It is just something in the blood. It is a kind of blood greed, and it is the fate of a man. It is the thing which man has which distinguishes him from the happy brute creation. When you get born your father and mother lost something out of themselves, and they are going to bust a hame trying to get it back, and you are it. They know they can’t get it all back but they will get as big a chunk out of you as they can. And the good old family reunion, with picnic dinner under the maples, is very much like diving into the octopus tank at the aquarium. Anyway, that is what I would have said back then, that evening.
So Old Man Stark swallowed his Adam’s apple a couple of times and lifted his misty, sad old blue eyes to the Boss, who happened to be flesh of his flesh though you’d never guess it, and threw in the hook. But it didn’t snag a thing. Not on Willie.
“Nope,” the Boss said, “I gotta shove.”