I gathered up my brief case and topcoat, and moved toward the door. I looked back at the scene of carnage. Sugar-Boy had gone back to his chair in the shadow. I must have had some trace of question in my look, for he said, “I’ll s-s-s-s-set up and s-s-s-see no-no-no-body bothers him.”
So I left them together.
As I drove down the night street on my way home, I wondered what Adam Stanton would have to say if he ever learned about how the hospital was going to be built. I knew what the Boss would say, however, if the question about Adam were put up to him. He would say, “Hell, I said I would build it, and I’m building it. That’s the main thing, I’m building it. Let him stay in it and keep his own little patties sterile as hell.” Which was exactly what he did say when I asked him the question.
As I drove down the night street, I wondered what Anne Stanton would have to say if she had been there in that room and had seen the Boss piled up there, out blind on the couch. I took some sardonic pleasure in that speculation. If she had taken up with him because he was so big and tough and knew his own mind and was willing to pay the price for anything, well, she ought to see him piled up there like a bull that’s got tangled up in the lead rope and is down on its knees and can’t budge and can’t even lift its head any more on account of the ring in the nose. She ought to see that.
Then I thought that maybe that was what she was waiting for. There is nothing women love so much as the drunkard, the hellion, the roarer, the reprobate. They love him because they–women, I mean–are like the bees in Samson’s parable in the Bible: they like to build their honeycomb in the carcass of a dead lion.
Out of the strong shall come forth sweetness.
Tom Stark may have been just a boy, as the Boss said, but he had had a good deal to do with the ways things were going. But, then, the Boss had had a good deal to do, I suppose, with making Tom what Tom was. So there was a circle in the proof, and the son was merely an extension of the father, and when they glared at each other it was like a mirror looking into a mirror. As a matter of fact they did look alike, the same cock to the head on the shoulders, the same forward thrusts of the head, the same sudden gestures. Tom was a trained-down, slick-faced, confident, barbered version of what the Boss had been a long time back when I first knew him. The big difference was this: Back in those days the Boss had been blundering and groping his unwitting way toward the discovery of himself, of his great gift, wearing his overalls that bagged down about the seat, or the blue serge suit with the tight, shiny pants, nursing some blind and undefined compulsion within him like fate or a disease. Now Tom wasn’t blundering and groping toward anything, and certainly not toward discovery of himself. For he knew that he was the damnedest, hottest thing there was. Tom Stark, All American, and there were no flies on him. And no overalls bagged down about his snake hips and pile-driver knees. No, he would stand in his rubber-soled saddle shoes in the middle of the floor with a boxer stance, the gray-stripped sport coat draped over his shoulders, the top button of his heavy-weave white shirt unbuttoned, the red wool tie tied in a loose hanging knot as big as your fist under his bronze-looking throat, jerked over to one side though, and his confident eyes would rove slowly over the joint and his slick, strong, brown jaw would move idly over the athlete’s chewing gum. You know how athletes chew gum. Oh, he was the hero, all right, and he wasn’t blundering or groping. He knew what he was.
He knew he was good. So he didn’t have to bother to keep all the rules. Not even the training rules. He could deliver anyway, he told his father, so what the hell? But he did it once too often. He and Thad Mellon, who was a substitute tackle, and Gup Lawson, who was a regular guard, did themselves proud one Saturday night after the game out at a roadhouse. They might have managed very well, if they hadn’t got into a fight with some yokels who didn’t know or care much about football and who resented having their girls fooled with. Gup Lawson took quite a beating from the yokels and went to the hospital and was out of football for several weeks. Tom and Thad didn’t get more than a few punches before the crowd broke up the fight. But the breach of rules was dumped rather dramatically into the lap of Coach Billie Martin. It got into one of the papers. He suspended Tom Stark and Thad Mellon. That definitely changed the betting odds for the Georgia game for the following Saturday, for Georgia was good that year, and Tom Stark was the local edge.
The Boss took it like a man. No kicking and screaming even when Georgia wound up the half with the score seven to nothing. As soon as the whistle blew he was on his feet. “Come on,” he said to me, and I knew he was on his way to the field house. I trailed him down there, and leaned against the doorjamb and watched it. Back off on the field there was the band music now. The band would be parading around with the sunshine (for this was the first of the afternoon games, now that the season was cooling off) glittering on the brass and on the whirling gold baton of the leader. Then the band, way off there, began to tell Dear Old State how we lover her, how we’d fight, fight, fight for her, how we’d die for her, how she was the mother of heroes. Meanwhile the heroes, pretty grimy and winded, lay around and got worked over.
The Boss didn’t say a word at first. He just walked into the place, and looked slowly around the relaxed forms. The atmosphere would have reminded you of a morgue. You could have heard a pin drop. There wasn’t a sound except once the scrape of a cleat on the concrete when somebody surreptitiously moved his foot, once or twice the creak of harness when somebody shifted his position . Coach Billie Martin, standing over across the room with his hat jammed down to his eyes, looked glum and chewed an unlit cigar. The Boss worked his eyes over them all, one by one, while the band made its promises and the old grads in the stands stood up in the beautiful autumn light with their hats over their hearts and felt high and pure.
The Boss’s eyes came to rest on Jimmy Hardwich, who was sitting on a bench. Jimmy was a second-string end. He had been put in at the second quarter because the regular at left end had been performing like a constipated dowager. It was going to be Jimmy’s big chance. The chance came. It was a pass. And he dropped it. So now when the Boss’s eyes fixed on Jimmy, Jimmy stared sullenly back. Then, when the Boss’s eyes lingered a moment, Jimmy burst our, “God damn it–God damn it–go on and say it!”
But the Boss didn’t say it. He didn’t say anything. He just moved slowly over to stand in front of Jimmy. Then, very deliberately, he reached out and laid his right hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. He didn’t pat the shoulder. He jus laid it there, the way some men can do to gentle a nervous horse.
He wasn’t looking at Jimmy now, but swept his glance around over all the others. “Boys,” he said, “I just came down to tell you I know you did your best.”
He stood there, with his hand still lying on Jimmy’s shoulder, and let that sink in. Jimmy began to cry.
Then he said, “And I know you will do your best. For I know the stuff you got in you.”
He waited again. Then he took his hand off Jimmy’s shoulder, and turned slowly and moved toward the door. There he paused, and again swept his glance over the room. “I want to tell you I won’t forget you,” he said, and walked out of the door.
Jimmy was really crying now.
I followed the Boss back outside, where the band was now playing some brassy march.
When the second half opened up, the boys came out for blood. They made a touchdown early in the third quarter, and kick the point. The Boss felt pretty good, in a grim way, about that. In the fourth quarter Georgia drove down to the danger zone, was held, then kicked a field goal. That was the way it ended, ten to seven.
But we still had a shot at the Conference. If we took everything else in the season. The next Saturday Tom Stark was back out. He was out because the Boss had put the heat on Billie Martin. That was why, all right, for the Boss told me so himself.
“How did Martin take it?” I asked.
“He didn’t, the Boss said. “I crammed it down his throat.”
I didn’t say anything to that
, and didn’t even know I was looking anything. But the Boss thrust his head at me and said, “Now look here, I wasn’t going to let him throw it away. We got a chance for the Conference, and the bastard would throw it away.”
I still didn’t say anything.
“It’s not Tom, it’s the championship, by God,” he said. “It’s not Tom. If it weren’t anything but Tom, I wouldn’t say a word. And if he breaks training again, I’ll pound his head on the floor. I’ll beat him with my own hands. I swear it.”
“He’s a pretty good-sized boy,” I remarked.
He swore again he would do it.
So the next Saturday Tom Stark was back out, and he carried the ball, and he was a cross between a ballerina and a locomotive, and the stands cheered, Yea, Tom, Tom, Tom, for he was their darling, and the score was twenty to nothing, and State had the sights back on the championship. There were two more games. There was an easy one with Tech, and then the Thanksgiving pay-off.
Tech was easy. In the third quarter, when State already had a lead, the coach sent Tom in just to give him a canter. Tom put on a little show for the stands. It was casual and beautiful and insolent. There was nothing to it, the way he did his stuff, it looked so easy. But once after he had knifed through for seven yards and had been nailed by the secondary, he didn’t get up right away.
“Just got the breath knocked out,” the Boss said.
And Tiny Duffy, who was with us in the Governor’s box, said, “Sure, but it won’t faze Tom.”
“Hell, no,” the Boss agreed.
But Tom didn’t get up at all. They picked him up and carried him to the field house.
“They sure knocked it out of him,” the Boss said, as though he were commenting on the weather. Then, “Look, they’re putting in Axton. Axton’s pretty good. Give him another season.”
“He’s good, but he ain’t Tom Stark. That Tom Stark is my boy,” Duffy proclaimed.
“They’ll pass now, I bet,” the Boss said judicially, but all the time he was sneaking a look at the procession making for the field house.
“Axton for Stark,” the loud-speaker up above the stands bellowed, and the cheerleader called for the stuff for Stark. They gave Tom his cheer, and the leader and the assistant leaders cart-wheeled and cavorted and flung up their megaphones.
The ball went back into play. It was a pass, just as the Boss had predicted. Nine yards, and first down. “First Down on Tech’s twenty-four-yard line,” the loud-speaker announced. Then added, “Tom Stark, who was stunned on the previous play, shows signs of regaining consciousness.”
“Stunned, huh?” Tiny Duffy echoed. Then he slapped the Boss on the shoulder (he loved to slap the Boss on the shoulder in public to show what buddies they were), and said, “They can’t stun our old Tom, huh?”
The Boss’s face darkened for a moment, but he said nothing.
“Not for long,” Tiny asseverated. “That boy, he is too tough for ‘em.”
“He’s tough,” the Boss agreed. Then he gave his attention with the greatest devotion to the game.
The game was dull, but the duller it got, the more devoutly the Boss followed every play, and the more anxious he was to cheer. State ground out the touchdowns like a butcher’s machine making hamburger. There was about as much sporting chance in the process as in betting n whether or not water runs downhill. But the Boss cheered every time we made three yards. He had just cheered a pas which had put State on the six-yard line, when a fellow appeared in front of out box and took of his hat, and said, “Governor Stark–Governor Stark.”
“Yeah? the Boss asked.
“The doc–over at the field house–he says can you come over a minute?” the man said.
“Thanks,” the Boss said, “you tell him I’ll be over in a minute. Soon as I see the boys run this one over.” And he put his attention on the game.
“Hell,” Tiny began, “I know it ain’t nothing. Not old Tom, he–”
“Shut up,” the Boss commanded, “can’t you see I’m watching the game!”
And when the touchdown had been driven over and the point had been kicked, the Boss turned and said to me, “It’s getting on to quitting time here. You let Sugar-Boy drive you to the office and wait for me there. I want to see you and Swinton, if you can get him. I’ll take a cab down. Probably beat you there.” And he vaulted over the railing to the green, and went toward the field house. But he stopped by the bench for a moment to kid the boys. Then with his hat jammed down over the heavy, outthrust head, he went on toward the field house.
The rest of us in the box didn’t wait for the last whistle. We worked out before the rush started, and headed for town. Duffy got off at the Athletic Club, where he kept his wind condition by blowing the froth off beer and bending over pool tables, and I went on to the Capitol.
I could tell even before I put my key to the lock that there wasn’t any light in the big reception room. The girls had shut up shop and gone home for Saturday afternoon, off to their movies and bridge games and dates and steaks on sizzling platters at Ye Olde Wagon Wheel roadhouse or dancing at the Dream of Paris where the lights were blue and the saxophone made a sound like the slow, sweet regurgitation of sorghum molasses, off to all the chatter and jabber and giggles and whispers and gasps, off to all the things called having a good time.
For a moment, as I stood there in the big darkened room in the unaccustomed stillness of the place, a kind of sneer flickered along the edge of my mind as I though of all the particular good times they would be having in (Ye Olde Wagon Wheel, Dream of Paris, Capitol City Movie Palace, parked cars, darkened vestibules), the people the would be having the good time with (the college boys with his cocksureness and scarcely concealed air of being on a slumming expedition, the drug clerk with nine hundred dollars saved up in the bank and his hope of buying into the business next year and his notion of getting him a little woman and settling down, the middle-aged sport with hair plastered thinly over the big skull veined like agate and big, damp, brutally manicured hands the color of uncooked pork fat and an odor of bay rum and peppermint chewing gum).
Then as I stood there, the thought changed. But the sneer remained flickering along the edge of the mind, like a little flame nibbling at the edge of a piece of damp paper. Only now it was for myself. What right had I to sneer at them, I demanded. I had had all those good times too. If I wasn’t having one tonight it wasn’t because I had passed beyond it into a stage of beatitude. Perhaps it was something had passed out of me. Virtue by defect. Abstinence by nausea. When they give you the cure, they put something in your likker to make you puke, and after they have puked you enough you begin to take a distaste to your likker. You are like Pavlov’s dog whose saliva starts every time he hears the bell. Only with you the reflex works so that every time you catch a whiff of likker or even think of it, you stomach turns upside down. Somebody must have slipped the stuff into my good times, for now I just didn’t want any more good time. Not now, anyway. But I could pinch out the sneer that flickered along the edge of my mind. I didn’t have to be proud because a good time wouldn’t stay on my stomach.
So I would go into my office and, after sitting there a couple of minutes in the dusk, would flick on the light and get out the tax figures and work on them. I though of the figures with a sense of cleansing and relief.
But as I thought of the figures and resumed my passage across the big room to the door of my office, I heard, or thought I heard, a noise from one of the offices on the other side. I looked over there. There wasn’t any light showing under either of the doors. Then I heard the noise again. It was a perfectly real noise. Nobody–certainly nobody without a light–was supposed to be in there. So I went across the room, my feet noiseless on the thick carpet, and pushed open the door.
It was Sadie Burke. She sat in the chair before her desk (it must have been t creaknof t chair I had heard), her arms were laid on the desk, the forearms bent together, and I knew that she had, just that instant, raised her head from them. Not t
hat Sadie had been crying. But she had been sitting in the dusk, in the abandoned office, on Saturday evening when everybody else was out having a hell of a good time, with her head laid on her arms on the desk.
“Hello, Sadie,” I said.
She eyed me for a moment. Her back was toward what little light seeped in from the window, on which the Venetian blind was closed, and so I could not make out the expression of her face, just the gleam of the eyes. Then she demanded, “What do you want?”
“Nothing,” I said.
“Well, you needn’t wait.”
I went across to a chair and sat down and looked at her.
“You heard what I said,” she commented.
“I heard it.”
“Well, you’ll hear it again: you needn’t wait.”
“I find it quite restful here,” I replied, making no motion to rise. “Because, Sadie, we’ve got so much in common. You and me.”
“I hope you don’t mean that as a compliment,” she said.
“No, just a scientific observation.”
“Well, it don’t make you any Einstein.”
“You mean because it is not true that we have a lot in common or because it is so obviously true that doesn’t take Einstein’s brain to figure it out?”
“I mean I don’t give a damn,” she said sourly. And added, “And I don’t give a damn about having you in here either.”
I stayed in the chair and studied her. “It’s Saturday night,” I said. “Why aren’t you out painting the town?”
“To hell with this town.” She fished a cigarette out of the desk and lighted it. The flare of the match jerked the face out of the shadow. She whipped the match flame out with a snapping motion of her arm, then spewed the first gulp of smoke out over the full, curled-down lower lip. That done, she looked at me, and said, “And to hell with you.” She swept her damning gaze around the office as though it were full of forms and faces, and spewed the gray smoke out of her lungs and said, “And to hell with all of them. To hell with this place.”