Dread pooled in her stomach like she’d swallowed a brick. “Beaux would say something like we see them whenever the Moon ordains it.”
“Oh, yes, Beaux, your Mate, whom you refused. I didn’t ask what Beaux would say. I asked you.”
“I didn’t refuse him. I protected him.” She knew she was avoiding the question.
“I’m sure he’ll see it your way sometime between now and never, particularly because he’s not deceased.”
She stared at her mother. Lake had forgotten the sarcasm. Cyrus had gotten it from her, too.
“People see their dead relatives when they’re going through some kind of mental break.”
“Yes. When else? Let’s assume you’re not losing it.”
“When they’re dying. Humans sometimes have it happen. Werewolves almost always claim a visitation. It’s thought to be comforting.”
She’d heard it at a hundred death beds. The patients she could no longer help. The ones who haunted her because of her inability to keep them here. And yet it had offered her some peace of mind that the soon to be departing were not alone. They were held by loved ones.
Cyrus had called it delusion, and, like all else he said as both her brother and her Alpha, she had believed him. If he said they were crazy at the end, she took his word for it.
Only now she lay somewhere on the top floor of the True Believers’ house of horrors, and she didn’t feel like she’d lost it. This was real. This was happening. Beaux would call it truth.
“You told me not to cry? I’m dying, and you called it weak. Seems kind of cruel.” She laid her head back down. “The humans would call it judge-y.”
“You’re not human.” Her mother stood up. “And I want you to think hard about what I’m about to tell you. This doesn’t have to end with Aaron winning. You were going to kill him earlier. You can still do it. Your death will trigger his. No more Aaron. It will be a true blow to the True Believers and a gift you can give.”
The door swung open with a bang. Aaron stood in the entry staring at her. His eyes were huge, pupils dilated, and, though it sounded cliché, she finally knew what the word “crazed” meant when associated with someone’s eyes.
“You don’t get to win.” He snarled. “Werewolves cannot triumph over humans.”
“We don’t want to triumph over anyone. We want to exist as we always have. It’s you who started this. Sorry you decided to lead the wrong team. It was your choice to die on this hill.”
“We’re going out together. I saw it, and, if it’s the last thing I’m going to do, then I’m going to die taking you out with me.”
Beaux leapt into the room. In his dark wolf form, he took Aaron down in less than a second. Her human captor cried out, and Lake grinned. Aaron would go down and it wouldn’t be too much of a fight. Good, he could die as the coward she knew him to be.
Pain assaulted her body, and she cried out.
Her mother’s comforting hand touched her shoulder. “Not too much longer.”
Beaux raised his head, blood tripping down his muzzle. He’d torn out Aaron’s throat. The scent of death permeated through the air. This time it didn’t bother her. Death had never smelled so sweet.
Her body shook. Aaron had died, and they were tied together.
“Beaux.” She reached out to him. “Quickly. Shift back. Please.”
Her mate narrowed his wolf eyes for a second before he called his Shift onto himself. It wasn’t Full moon; not every wolf could shift as easily as Beaux. She shouldn’t take pride in what her man could do, but she did. The Moon had picked a good one for her. If only things could have been different….
“Lake.” He leaned over her. “You don’t look good, sweetheart. What did they do to you?”
“Tied me to Aaron. He’s been keeping me sick for weeks. It’s really all my fault. I tried to make a deal to save the kids. I forgot you never make arrangements with those who have no honor.” She shook her head. “I made things so much worse. I should have let him kill me the first time around.”
“Don’t say that. We’re going to get you help.”
She saw the second when he understood the implications of what had happened.
“No.”
“Beaux.” She squeezed his hand. “There’s nothing to be done. There isn’t much time.”
“No. Lake. We’ll get a Healer. This isn’t happening. This isn’t what I was told. You don’t die. I can’t have killed you. I would never harm an inch on your body. I love you. I know it’s fast. I know you don’t feel the same way yet, only there it is. I. Love. You. You can’t die because I killed Aaron.”
The tone of his voice changed as he became more frantic. She could smell the agony radiating from his pores, and it burned her senses. She hated how she caused it, and she couldn’t fix this. When he spoke again he shouted.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
“I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him. If you hadn’t come in, I would have found a way to end myself for the same reason. If I went, Aaron died, too.”
“No.” He yelled over his shoulder. “Travis. I need the Healer. Now.”
“Beaux.”
“Travis….” He bellowed again.
“I do love you.”
Her Mate stopped yelling. “Sweetheart, this can’t be goodbye.”
The room seemed grayer than before. The world drifted. Beaux’s loving face, the color of the horrible green wallpaper on the walls. Life floated around her.
Beaux said something, and she couldn’t hear it. “Mom. Will you be wherever I’m going?”
“No, darling.” Her response wasn’t the answer Lake expected. “Not yet.”
What? Everything simply…stopped.
****
The world still turned. It seemed a ridiculous thought, and yet it was all he could think about. Beaux kicked a stone in front of him. His house waited for him. It would be easy to go inside—or at least it should be—and get on with the rest of his day.
Only he couldn’t. So he kicked the rocks on his driveway. Over and over again. The world still turned. Why hadn’t anyone told it to stop? Lake had died.
He had killed her.
Beaux sat down on the ground.
Time must have passed. Why did it do that? The Moon—fickle bitch—had risen in the sky. Cara, his pack mate, sat on the ground next to him. When had she gotten there?
“My Alpha?” She spoke with a shaky voice.
“Yes. Cara. I’m sorry. How long have we sat here?” He shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m not in my right mind now.”
“I know. I haven’t been here long. The men, they all want to give you space, only I’m not certain to do so is right. So I came. I hope it’s okay.”
“Sure, you’re being here is fine.” Why not? Leave him alone? Hang out with him? What difference did any of it make whatsoever?
“Beaux, I know this is too hard to bear right now. Still, we have to remember the moon has a plan for us all. There are reasons and paths we can’t see. If we remain on our true destiny as werewolves, it will all become clear to us.”
“Funny. Yesterday, I would have said the same thing.”
Up until the point Lake had stopped breathing. Even then, actually, he had still believed. There were truths to the universe, and one of them was Lake had been born to be the Healer Prime and made to be his. All of those things were fact. He’d been certain.
The memories were foggy after that. Travis’ Healer had run in. She’d tried for a long time. Or maybe it had been fast. He didn’t know.
Then it had been over, and Cyrus had been there, holding onto his arms, pulling him backward. Why had the Alpha of New York done that? Had he been dangerous?
And now he was back in Montana. Because he couldn’t watch them lay Lake to rest. The idea of Cyrus placing Lake’s body back in the earth made him want to kill someone. No, his thoughts were a lie. It made him wish to slaughter thousands. To destroy the entire universe until someone told him how to bring her
back.
To do the impossible.
“It’s all a bunch of crap.” He stood up.
“My Alpha?”
Cara rose too. Of course she did. Members of a pack go to their feet when their Alpha rises. Or at least his did. As if he held superiority over them. The nature of their lives. Wolves needed pack, and pack meant hierarchy. It was how they functioned.
Pack was only as healthy as their Alpha.
And he wanted to slash and burn.
“I’m done.”
Cara shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“I’m not Alpha anymore. Frankly, I’m not sure I was ever cut out for it. Talk to your husband. He’ll be a good choice to take over.”
“Beaux.”
He turned and stormed into the house not acknowledging Cara’s frantic shout.
The answer seemed so obvious now. Why hadn’t he thought of it earlier? The second Lake died, all the real in the world shifted, and of course he should change, too. Without his Mate, he wasn’t safe. His own pain consumed him, and, though he intellectually he understood her death had only recently taken place, he knew he would never get over it.
She was his other half.
When he’d lost his first Mate, it had been devastating. He had grieved and mourned her. But it hadn’t been this. It hadn’t felt like someone had cut out his liver and left him bleeding permanently over and over again.
Like Sisyphus with his rock, he’d never get to the top of his mountain without Lake. The animal inside of him growled. It wanted out, and, for once, Beaux was going to give him what he wanted. The hate—the need to kill all things in his way— wasn’t the wolf. That need was pure human.
And Lake wouldn’t have wanted him to harm anyone. Her Healer gift meant she protected, not injured. He wouldn’t leave things worse than he found them. His last gift to Lake.
For the rest of his life, he’d stay a wolf. Maybe he’d be lucky and someone would shoot him in the head.
If his brain sent him another fake exchange with anyone out of some stupid myth, he’d ring their necks before his soul finally shut off for eternity.
****
She heard noises. The last time she’d had the same sensation, it had been battle she heard. Now it was hushed whispers greeting her, and they sounded far away. The world around her seemed black.
“Wake up, Lake. I know you’re not gone anymore.”
Alexei. Lake groaned. His was not the voice she would have preferred to hear when waking up from…what? She really had no idea.
Her eyelids felt stapled down until she wedged them open. She was downright sick of being sick. One way or another it had to stop.
Only she didn’t feel particularly bad right then. Stiff like she’d been lying around for too long, and that was it.
“Hi there.”
She sat up expecting dizziness and none came. “Alexei.”
Lake sniffed the air. Somewhere in the distance, she could scent Cyrus and his mate Betsy. Travis and Lilliana. Several of her friends from her brother’s pack, but no Beaux. Where was he? Had she made him mad when she’d confessed she’d been so dumb to make a deal with Aaron?
Her mind fuzzed over. Where was she and why was she alive? Nothing made sense.
“Give it a second. The sensation took hours for me. I’m going to do you the courtesy of pushing your development along.”
“You’re not making any sense, and I’ve had a long day. Where is Beaux? I need to talk to him.”
Alexei sighed. “Beaux has been gone for almost five days, Lake.”
“What? I’ve been passed out for five days, and he left me here?” When she saw him she was going to wring his moon-obsessed neck.
“No.”
Alexei stood up and walked toward her where she sat on the….
Lake looked around. Where the hell was she? It looked like the basement where Cyrus’ pack kept the corpses before the final moon ceremony. Why had she been put on the table where the dead bodies went?
“Alexei, I shouldn’t have lived. Aaron died. We were tied together. How did they save me?”
“Lake, they didn’t.”
“That would mean….”
Her voice faded off because she couldn’t get her words out. If she didn’t survive than she was dead. If, then. Simple logic.
“Am I dead? Am I some kind of ghost and you can see me?”
“Now there was a jump I never made.” He shook his head. “No you’re alive. You’re changed. Different than before.”
“Changed how? Am I some kind of vampire?”
Her heart thudded hard. She hadn’t been terrified when she’d known she would die. Now? This was utter and complete fear. Her vision narrowed, and she gripped down on the table like she might fall over.
“I’ve never seen, heard, or encountered a vampire. So let’s not start out by being ridiculous. Didn’t you read any of Beaux’s books? I don’t know how much more clear I could have been with him.”
“His books? You want to talk about reading right now?” She’d always found Alexei horribly aggravating and never more so than right then. Where was Beaux? She needed him. Not the overbearing, cocky asshat staring at her now.
“Calm down, Lake. You weren’t made Healer Prime by those who created us because of some propensity for freaking out. You’re tough as nails, or you wouldn’t have been selected for this role before you were born.”
“Why does the entire werewolf world keep saying the same dumb things? I’m not the Healer Prime.”
She was so sick of discussing this issue. How many times did she have to say it before anyone would listen to her?
“Rebirth, you stubborn fool. The final stage of the Healer Prime. You died, and you were reborn the Healer Prime. I know because the same damn thing happened when I died. That’s how I found I was Alpha Prime. Tell me as you stare at me you don’t believe it now. You’re Healer Fucking Prime. Time to admit it.”
His words bounced around in her brain. Healer Prime. She’d died and been reborn.
“No.” She shook her head. “This can’t be happening.”
“I wonder what stage denial is when figuring out you hold a cosmic werewolf destiny.”
“Fuck you.”
She jumped to her feet, not feeling dizzy anymore. Strength surged through her veins.
“Anger. Step 3?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“Alexei, what did you mean when you died? I’m slow at processing right now, I’ll admit; nevertheless you need to explain yourself.”
He had announced he’d also died and come back, hadn’t he? Did delusions come with rebirth?
“That’s my story and frankly I’m not going to share it with you. Yes, I died. And I came back. When I finally stopped being shocked, I knew the truth, I’m Alpha Prime. You know who you are, too.”
Goose bumps broke out on her skin. Was he right?
“Close your eyes, Lake. Listen to the slow steady voice in your mind. What is it telling you?”
She hated to do anything Alexei wanted, on principle alone. Still, knowing how much she disliked him, Lake closed her eyes. Of course, hearing her quiet, steady inner voice proved harder than it should have, considering Alexei was staring at her.
Nothing happened.
And then she heard it. Not a voice. Nothing in her life had ever been simple. No, she heard them. All of the children she needed to save. They cried out to her in silent voices, begging to be found. Beyond their calls, she knew exactly which ones were sick. She gasped, her eyes flying open.
“What did you hear?”
“I can feel them. All of them.”
“Who?”
“Every single werewolf I’ve ever met.”
She was in so much trouble, and she needed Beaux. By the Moon, where had her mate gone?
Chapter Fifteen
He padded through the woods on four feet. The last time he’d done this, it had been to rescue his mate. No! Beaux pushed the thought from his mind. He couldn’t let him
self think of her.
Further. Faster. Away from the memories and the never-would-bes.
Beaux pushed forward despite the snow barreling down on his head. Maybe it would numb him. Maybe it would kill him.
Lake.
He howled at the moon, although there was nobody listening.
****
“Where are you going? We have children to find.”
Alexei called after her, and, although she had to admit the need to comply with Alexei’s Alpha wishes tugged at her, she didn’t stop. If he really pulled out his Alpha Prime mojo, she’d have no choice. Until then, she had one path to follow and it led straight to her mate.
“I will leave you with instructions how to find them. That’s the best I can do right now.”
She’d heard Beaux calling to her in her mind, and the pain had nearly taken her to her knees.
“I can’t believe he was right.” Cyrus chased close on her heels. “If he hadn’t basically strong-armed me into leaving you down there, I would have returned you to the earth and you’d be…buried.”
She shuddered. “I guess I should be glad he was here. Thanks, Alexei.” Lake called over her shoulder. “Just goes to show Beaux happened to be correct the whole time. We need to know the old ways. In the past, I bet they never almost buried a woman who showed Healer Prime tendencies. Did it bother you my body never started to decompose?”
“I didn’t go down there. My sister had died. I pretty much didn’t leave my apartment for the last five days.”
She stopped moving and turned around to regard her older brother. He looked tired, more worn than he had the last time she’d set eyes on him. They hadn’t gotten along well the last few years, but they’d been close as children. Then the world had required he basically raise her. Things had changed. They didn’t have to continue to go downhill, not if she could make moves now to make them better.
“I’m sorry Cyrus. This is really all my fault.”
“I’m sure it was all set up by destiny.” Alexei interrupted their exchange, and she rolled her eyes.