“Hey pass me another box, would you?” Stacy Montgomery, aka my bestfriend, gestures toward the pile of cardboard boxes stacked precariously in the corner of her room.
“Yeah sure thing,” I say as I hop off her bed. I carefully pluck the top box off the stack and bring it over to her.
“Here, take this one and tape it up,” she instructs, passing me a full box.
I take the box over to the bed to tape and mark it. I write books on the top and take it out to the hallway where the ready to go pile is. I then flop back onto the bed.
“How many shoes are too many shoes?” she asks. I look over to see her holding up four different kinds of sneakers by their laces. She has even more in her closet.
“I would say take two of each kind and if you need more, ask your mom to mail them to you.”
“But now I have to choose,” she groans and drops the shoes onto the floor with a pout. She walks to her closet where she begins digging out more shoes.
I laugh and go over to help organize them into piles. Each different type gets its own pile. This way it will be easier for her to see all her options and choose. I don’t know how she even knows what shoes she has. I only have a third of the amount that she does and I forget that I have half of them.
“I wish you were coming. I’m gonna miss you.”
I look up from my organizing to see Stacy staring down at a silver high heel in her lap.
“Are you talking to me or the shoe?” I chuckle.
She looks up and glares at me. I look away and go back to organizing the piles.
“I know. I’m going to miss you too.”
With those words, the happy atmosphere disappears. Stacy and I grew up together. We’ve lived in the same town, went to the same schools, and we were supposed to go to the same college. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan though.
I spent the weeks after graduation hanging with my friends. We went shopping, took mini road trips to the beach, went camping, and just enjoyed having the weight of high school lifted from our shoulders. That weightless feeling didn’t last long. Two weeks after graduation my parents were killed in a car accident. With that car crash, my whole world crashed down around me.
Instead of picking out dorm decorations I was picking out coffins. Instead of writing thank you cards I was writing a eulogy. My grandparents flew in to help me plan the funeral and took care of most of the preparations and legal stuff so I didn’t have to. I know they were trying to help but the more they did the less I had to occupy my mind. People don’t tell you that grief feels like you’re suffocating. There’s a helpless feeling that comes with it. My options were: distract myself or sit in my grief.
I had so many regrets. I should have spent more time with them after graduation. Maybe if I had been home that night, they wouldn’t have gone out for dinner and gotten hit. The what ifs are what really get you. That and the suffocating weight of loss.
“Ailey?” Stacy says softly as she touches my hand. I startle a bit because I’m so lost in my thoughts. It has become a regular thing since I lost my parents.
I squeeze her hand and go back to separating the shoes.
“I’m sorry Stace. It’s not your fault. I’ll be fine. I just need time to figure stuff out.”
“I know. Don’t rush. You’ll just have to visit lots and come to a couple college parties with me.” She winks at me.
“Sounds like a plan.”
Oddly this makes me feel better; knowing I have at least one thing planned out. Besides taking a year off before college and road tripping across the country, my plans were zip.
“How’s packing going?” Stacy’s brother, John, storms in and walks right into a pile of boots; stubbing his toe and knocking them into the pile of flats. “Ow! Geez Stace, do you have enough shoes?”
“John, you messed up my piles,” I exclaim. I throw one of the boots at him which he catches and tosses back at me. I barely grab it before it hits me in the face. “That could have broken my nose.” I glare at him.
“And you could have broken my toes.” He fakes a limp and sits on the bed. “How would I pick up the ladies with broken toes?”
“Oh I’m sure you’d do just fine.” I laugh and fix the shoe piles.
John is two years older than Stacy but where Stacy is short and petite, John is tall and muscled. They have the same light brown hair though which they get from their mom. For the longest time Stacy tried to get John and I together but it never worked. I grew up with him just like I grew up with her and he became the brother I never had. Their whole family is like a second family to me.
“Speaking of ladies, how’s my favorite sister?” John nudges my shoulder with his “hurt” foot.
“I’m right here you know?” Stacy throws him a death glare. He winks at her then looks back at me.
“I’m alright. I’m better than a few weeks ago.” I smile at him. When my parents died he had made it his job to look after me. He even stayed at my house until my grandparents arrived. I really appreciated everything him and his family had done for me.
“Good because you gals are going to a party tonight.”
“Really?” Stacy’s entire face lights up and John nods.
“Yup. Ben is throwing a party and we’re going so I can teach you guys how to party before college.”
“Aren’t big brothers supposed to tell their sisters not to go to parties?” Stacy raises an eyebrow at him.
“I never said I was the best influence. Plus, I don’t want you to be blindsided by the college parties. I’ll sleep better at night knowing you guys know how to handle yourselves.” He puts his hand over his heart and looks lovingly at us.
“Okay now you’re trying too hard,” Stacy laughs. “I’m in. Ailey?”
“Sure. Might as well get used to them for when I visit.”
“That’s the spirit,” John jumps up and claps his hands. “Party’s at nine so be ready in time. Oh, and don’t tell mom.”
John carefully steps over the piles of shoes and leaves.
“Okay new job. What shoes am I wearing tonight?” Stacy asks.