Raina pulled her battered legs to her chest, hugging them as she cradled her head in them, rocking as she thought about my question. “I don’t know. Maybe. If you have something she needs, she’d keep you alive at least. Maybe you three would catch her interest.”
“How so?”
She peeked up, the haloes around her irises reflecting the light and shining like gold discs spinning on a turntable. “You three are different. Human but not so. What are you, anyway? I’ve never seen a human mutation like you. There are the regulars, the untainted. Then there’s the wild ones and others like me. But you… there’s never been anyone in our area who was exactly like you and your friends.” She sniffed the air and stared out the windows again, as though she were remembering something.
“That vampire downstairs. He’s different, too. Not fully a wild one, not fully human.” She inhaled again, and it made me suck in a breath slowly through my nose to see if I could smell the same thing she had. I couldn’t. “He’s tainted, but you did something to him, didn’t you? The antidote?”
I nodded, but guilt began to tear through me for the first time since I’d shot Randy up. Maybe we should’ve left him alone. Maybe this entire mission was a failure. I didn’t know, but whatever he was downstairs now wasn’t what I’d ever wanted for him.
This Lark chick was my only ticket to finding out if I could save him. Every night that passed, my hopes of curing him grew dimmer and dimmer. Every minute that ticked by, he was slipping away from the humanity he so craved to embrace once more.
I’d make Lark work with us, even if it cost me everything.
Chapter Twenty-Five
No Less than Ordinary
I knocked the spoon around in the metal can as I smashed the contents into an unrecognizable mash. Spaghettios. I used to love them, but now the pasta and sauce tasted like the metal it’d been sitting in for far too long, and the texture felt like a gummy paste in my mouth. It hadn’t gone that bad, I just didn’t feel much like eating. I wanted to get out of the lighthouse, and was antsy to get my mission going and meet this Lark woman already.
Patience was not my virtue.
“Hey, eat. You’re getting too skinny. Guys don’t like toothpicks.” Elijah nudged me as he spoke with a mouthful of green beans. I made a face and looked away. He had the manners of a gorilla, but I knew he meant well.
“I’m not a toothpick.” I glanced at Sarah, who flicked her eyes away from me, avoiding my gaze.
“I’m just telling you like it is.” Elijah laughed, sending a spray of food bits flying from his mouth, some of which landed on my arm. Frowning, I made a show of wiping it onto his sleeve and letting my breath out in a long, extended sigh. He was probably right, but still. I just didn’t have much of an appetite lately. Not since my mother had died.
Munching on food around the soft flames of the fireplace made me wonder how Rye was doing. I was really taken aback by how much I missed him. Christian was lingering in my mind, too, but not like Rye. My feelings for Christian were definitely different than anything I felt for Rye. I hated that I’d made such a mess of things. I didn’t deserve either one of them, and it killed my appetite as the guilt rushed through me. I set my can down and sipped some water from the bottle sitting in front of me.
Elijah offered me a can of beer, but I refused it to his utter, nonchalant disappointment. He shook his head and chugged the darn thing down himself.
The flames of the fire flickered across the faces of the others. Elijah was taking first watch, so I had to try to get some rest before my turn came around. Raina offered, but we didn’t quite trust her yet. She instead shrugged and settled on one of the mattresses we’d dragged into the main living room. The more rooms we could lock up, the less space we had to patrol. She’d been silent, eating her two cans of random, label-free food and sipping from her bottle of water. We’d found a lot of food at the last place we’d stayed. It was as if the owners had never had a chance to even think about food when the world died. They had probably just been out somewhere when the virus hit and not been able to return home. We’d never know.
The fire crackled and sent small puffs of smoke up the chimney. Elijah had made sure that it wouldn’t be too visible, even though we were far from the city limits and out on a fairly desolate shore. He’d decided it would be fine, and I hoped he was right. All we needed was to attract a horde of ferals. Or worse, Lark’s tribe. I didn’t want to become one of her science experiments, but I also had to talk to her and figure out what to do with the antidote. I hoped she’d be willing to work with me and get this going, for everyone’s sake.
There was always the chance that this lady was bonkers and wouldn’t take any offer into consideration, but I had to hold onto the tiny shred of hope that lingered inside me and told me this was the path I had to take. This was what I was supposed to do. If I didn’t and I failed in helping others the way I thought I should, there was a huge chance that my life was over anyway. I couldn’t live in this post-apocalyptic world. I’d remain the shell of the girl I’d once been, empty and unable to enjoy life.
I couldn’t do that to myself. This mission was my drive to live. I had to live again, somehow.
Scooting away from the fireplace, I pulled my boots off, yanked a sheet over my legs and lay back, feeling the old mattress sink under my weight and creak. It was comfortable, but I really never noticed things like a comfortable bed or clean sheets anymore. I could sleep on the open ground if I had to. I slept, I ate and did my necessary tasks. Repeat. There was no real thought to it anymore. I’d turned into a robot. I’d let this endless day to day oblivion suck me in easily, readily with open arms. There wasn’t much to it, really. Maybe I was emptier than I thought I was. I felt old, frozen and lost. No one else could save me, and I had resigned myself to that. If I was ever going to change, it would be all up to me.
The light of the fire danced across the ceiling and made the shadows stretch and flicker as the night wore on. I tried to close my eyes and fall asleep, but my mind was running at full speed. I hated not being able to sleep. It left me exhausted and unfocused. In the morning, I’d need it more than anything, and I couldn’t make my head shut off. I groaned as I twisted in the sheet and turned toward the darker side of the room.
“Can’t sleep?” Raina’s voice echoed behind me, and I turned around to find her lying back with her arms cradling her head and her eyes closed. “I usually can’t sleep either. I figured if I just rest my body, it’s enough. But….” She flipped her eyes open and looked at me like she was staring right into my soul. “You’ve got a lot more going on in there than I do. It’s about that antidote, right?”
I nodded, suspicious of her intentions. Trusting no one was an old habit, but trusting this girl I’d just met was something I just couldn’t afford to do, especially when something about her didn’t jive with me.
“If I can cure some ferals, it would be all worth it. Even some of the vampire hybrids. It would be one step closer to normal again.”
She propped herself on her elbow, her gaze never wandering from my face. It made me fidget, so I closed my eyes and waited for the inquisition to continue.
“And what about those like you? The human hybrids? Don’t you want to find a cure for yourself, too?”
“I don’t think a cure for the human hybrids is a priority. We don’t have the blood lust, the deterioration of the ferals. If we can find one along the way, so be it. Awesome. But I need to find something for the vampire strain first. I think that takes precedence right now.”
Raina chuckled, an annoying sound that made want to sit up and swipe at her. Instead, I frowned and turned back toward the wall. I was done talking to her if she was just going to laugh at the things I was working on.
“Sorry, I’m not laughing at you,” she said, apparently sensing my frustration. “I just think it’s kind of odd that you’ll be leaving the human hybrids alone. You’ll still be special, but you’ll blend in with ease. We’ll be nothing more than o
rdinary again. You’ll still be stronger, faster. I feel like that just means you’ll rule over the rest of us. How will that be any better than it is now, with people like Lark in charge?”
The bitterness in her voice didn’t escape my notice, and I felt the iciness of her intent. Sarah returned to the room and plopped down on her mattress, striking up a conversation with Raina as I lay there seething. Something told me that meeting Lark would tell me a lot more about Raina than the girl was letting on. Maybe Lark wasn’t the one I should’ve been concerned about. Maybe it was this Raina I had to keep an eye on.
Listening to their soft chatter, I closed my eyes and forced my brain to stop its incessant banter. I hated doing this, cutting my thoughts off to sleep. It was a forced relaxation, and it rarely got me the rest I needed, but I needed silence, inside my head more than anywhere else.
The morning would confirm any suspicions I had about Raina, and I’d find out if my life was going to mean anything at all. If Lark could do what I needed her to, then it was all icing on the cake from there. This had to work. It just had to.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Enough
The darkness of the room slowly shifted from pure pitch black to the dim light of the moon shining through the tiny windows lining the tops of the walls. It streamed in with long arms, caressing the floor around me in rectangular patches of light. Blinking for tears to soak my dried-out eyes, I focused on the lumps around me. Raina’s slow breathing surprised me, because she was a hybrid vampire, and they were usually awake during the night. Maybe she hadn’t slept for days. It made me wonder even more about her.
Still, what had awakened me? Sarah was still on her mattress across from me, and the fire had burned down to softly glowing embers and didn’t provide any more light. Afraid to move too much in case an intruder was lurking, I tried to listen to the space around me.
Nothing.
I sat up and scanned the room more thoroughly, snatching my boots to slip them on and tie them taut. I grabbed one of my machete blades out from underneath the mattress. Listening further, I heard voices echoing softly from the next room. Elijah was still on watch, and it was probably near the time to wake me for watch, so I figured I’d just get up and see who he was talking to. I hoped it wasn’t someone who shouldn’t be there. Just in case, I crept slowly toward the door to the hall that led straight to the kitchen where he’d set up to play cards on the tiny breakfast table.
Making it to the archway leading into the adjacent room, I strained to listen for the voices. They had paused, as if they were listening for someone, too. I hoped they hadn’t heard anything and continued talking, that way I could determine whether Elijah was in danger or not.
“Well, I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you, regardless of what you think.”
“I don’t know. She’s going to mad as a hatter, I know it. It’s just, I’m glad you told me before you left. I really would have lost my mind sitting back there without word, without knowing what had happened.”
Rye? My mouth dropped open as I listened to the voice that whispered in my dreams and had soothed me during the nights I couldn’t sleep and cried and cried until the tears wouldn’t come anymore and the pain turned numb. The same voice would whisper sweet words that made my skin tingle when his lips touched my skin and his kisses sent jolts of energy flying through me.
The one and only voice that haunted me for leaving him behind.
A sigh and a chair scraping against the floor followed. “Hey, I know how much you love her. You’re good for her. She just doesn’t know that yet. Give her some time, she’ll come around.”
My surprise twisted from confusion to anger to from longing and back again. I wasn’t sure how to feel about Elijah telling Rye where we’d gone. How did he know we’d be at the lighthouse? It seems that this destination was more premeditated than I’d initially thought. I wanted to hop in there and give Elijah a good screaming attack about how he needed to step away and stop manipulating my life. How dare he? How could he betray my trust so much? The anger surged, and I took deep breaths as I tried to wrangle it under control.
Still, Rye was here. Wasn’t that a good thing?
I sighed, tired of battling my emotions. I wanted to see him, yes. In fact, seeing him was feeling more urgent as the moments ticked by. I needed to see him, hold him. Why? I had no idea why. Maybe… maybe I had succeeded in destroying the hive back at the slot canyon. Maybe Christian had died in the explosion, which would mean our bond was broken. I was no longer mated. I was… free.
The excitement of the possibility of this made me almost giddy. I wanted to jump up and down and squeal in happiness. Had it been so bad to be mated to Christian? No. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that I didn’t love Christian. I loved Rye. No matter how attracted to Christian I’d been due to that sick bond, it wasn’t worth not having Rye’s love.
This epiphany made me breathe out a sigh of relief. I knew what I wanted, and it suddenly became clear to me what I’d been missing all this time. I smiled, and a calm washed over me as I let myself feel the happiness of having Rye back with me. I walked into the kitchen and stopped to peer at both men. I didn’t want them to see that I was happy yet. Let them suffer for putting me through this. It didn’t matter in the end, but I could have my fun.
They both turned to face me. Rye paled, and Elijah began picking at his fingernails. Nervous much? I wanted to snicker but trained my face into a stoic mask. It was just going to be much funnier this way.
“What are you doing here, Rystrom?” I asked. My voice was low and monotone, frigid in every way.
Rye winced at the sound of his full given name but stood up and focused his eyes on me. “April, how are you?”
“I’m fine.”
The silence grew heavy, and he shifted on his feet nervously as I weighed him down with my stare.
“I couldn’t stay behind. I was going crazy. You know that. You may not have a bond with me, but I’m bonded to you, through and through. I love you, April. I made Elijah tell me he’d let me know if you ever left and bring you here. I’m sorry if I had to do this behind your back, but you have to know… it pains me to be away from you. I can’t stay behind.” He stopped shifting and was completely still. His face darkened, and the seriousness of his words sunk in like a bittersweet nectar.
“You told him?” I feigned disbelief at Elijah, giving him a dose of my death glare.
He nodded. “I told you, there are some people who really care about you. You shouldn’t cut them off because you don’t know what you want.”
“Who made you the expert?”
Elijah’s jaw tensed, and he stood up from the table, shaking it enough that the house of cards he’d built collapsed.
“I’m headed to bed. It’s your turn for watch anyway.” He stomped off, leaving a tumbling breeze as he exited the room.
I focused on Rye’s boots, well worn, caked with dirt and scuffed from miles of walking and use. His pants were frayed along the bottom seam and were equally worn and stained. The dark green fatigues were faded beneath the dirt. They were a favorite of his. I think he owned several pairs of the same style.
My eyes slowly made their way up to his shiny belt buckle and over his snug but clean black shirt. He looked like soldier, but not quite in full uniform. His dog tags were tucked under his shirt, and I’d never really studied them before. His sleeves lay unfolded and straight, pulled taut against his rounded biceps and wide shoulders. The line of his collarbone fused with his neck, and the slight stubble that covered his skin made him look tired but incredibly handsome.
Finally I fixed my gaze on his shiny grey eyes, which were almost silver in the bit of moonlight slipping in from the kitchen window. The halos rimming his irises flashed, blending their metallic gleam with the silver of the coloring of his eyes. They were framed with thick, dark lashes, matching the smooth midnight locks. Silver highlights reflected the light, making his hair appear peppered with silver. I knew better. H
is hair was soft, thick and black as the darkest night of a new moon. His pale skin almost glowed, making him look even more ethereal. It was enough to make me hitch my breath and freeze us in our stare.
“It’s good to see you again.” His voice broke the silence. I couldn’t even hear Elijah rustling behind me, probably already asleep on the mattress I’d just abandoned.
“It’s good to see you, too.” Why was I at such a loss for words? Here was the man I loved, and having him there, in my time of need, when I needed his comfort, his strength… he was always there.
“I missed you.” Rye reached toward me, and I suddenly felt like either running away or slamming into him in a rush of passion.
“I missed you, too.” I stepped forward, bringing my blade up to set it on the table. As my fingers left the hilt, I met his gaze once more. “I’m sorry.”
He closed the space between us, his arms encircling me without hesitation, without fear or apprehension. Without any resentment. I let him pull me close. His body met mine, and I melted right into him. His chest smelled amazing against my face, a scent so familiar and comforting. I let my shaking arms lift up to embrace him back.
“Don’t be sorry. Just don’t do it again.” His fingers stroked my hair, gentle even with the rough calluses from constant use. I rubbed my cheek against his hardened chest, and it felt good against my tired eyes. I didn’t want to let go. I never should have.
“I just didn’t know what you’d do when I came here without you. I didn’t think you would have let me go if you’d known. But I wasn’t positive.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” He pulled away a bit, cupping my chin to bring my face up to his. “Hey, I love you. I’ll follow you, wherever you might go. Anywhere, I’ll be there for you. Whatever you want to do, wherever we end up, it’s you and me.”
My heart was on full-blown overdrive. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, and all I could manage to do was give him a smile, but apparently, for Rye, it was enough. He pulled me back against his chest, his arms never wanting to let go.