Chapter 10
Lark's father had been more than willing to allow Lark to go with them. But that was mainly on account of the fact he thought they were rather inept and would need someone with brains to help them along.
Piteque led them back to the mesquite tree where they had found him and he pointed to the roots and said, "You need to go down there," indicating a slight hole at the base of the tree. "It might be a tight squeeze but you needn't worry, you'll fit." He had a strange smile on his face when he said this, so Captain Pigtail wasn't too sure if he was just saying this to get even with him for the fight. So Pigtail sent Pill down first. Something she thought was majorly unfair.
So she sat down on the ground and put her feet into the hole first. She figured it would be best to go feet first, just in case there was something in her way, her feet might push it back. Since her feet apparently fit she continued to push the rest of her body into the hole. It seemed to get bigger as she needed it to and allowed for her larger size to fit comfortably. By the time she had most of her body through the hole and was holding on to the rim she could look down and see that she was dangling about five feet off the ground below. Since it wasn't a far drop she let go and fell. A few seconds later here came Lark. Figures. The chicken captain didn't want to come down here so he made the girls come first. Granted, he didn’t realize Pill was a girl but he was still a chicken. After all, he was much older than she or Lark so he should have sucked it up and come down first.
A few seconds after Lark dropped, here came Piteque and then the Captain. From there Piteque pointed to the signs on the dirt walls that had arrows pointing which way to go. The first arrow pointed toward the right tunnel and apparently led to the cafeteria, the second pointed to a mall, and the third indicated you had to follow it to see the Wind Hag by taking the tunnel on the far left.
So they headed down the left tunnel. The tunnels had a smell of mildew and were dark except for these rocks that seemed to glow. They were positioned every few feet along the wall of the tunnel. They didn't give off much light but it was enough to keep you from bumping into the walls and ceiling. The Captain had to walk stooped over because the ceiling was rather low. And seeing as to how the captain was rather short that was saying a lot. Pill and Lark would hit the ceiling every once in a while when there was an outcrop jutting down. Piteque had no problems with the ceiling and seemed to enjoy hearing the Captain curse every now and then when he hit his head.
It seemed as though they had walked miles when they came to this large antechamber. Standing on each side of these two enormous gold doors were these two odd looking creatures. They looked like they were made of dirt but it could also have been the fact that they hadn't bathed in a good many days, possibly years. They were blob shaped, though they did remind Pill of a pear shape. The blobs each rested on two very skinny legs. How those skinny legs were holding up something as large as the blob was beyond Pill. On top of their head they each had about five hairs, all of which were sticking straight up. They had two very tiny black beady eyes, just below the hair. Below that was a long trunk in place of a nose about two feet in length. But you couldn't use their feet as the measurement because they were about five inches long. At the end of the trunk were three things that looked like fingers but there was no guarantee that was what they were. It didn't appear that they had a mouth. They had four arms each, two on each of their sides. They both wore red velvet coats with gold trim. The coats didn't look like they had been washed recently either. The velvet part of the coats had been worn down enough there were spots, making the coats look like they were molting. Upon getting closer to the figures Pill decided they looked more like dirt clods, really big dirt clods on skinny legs. So it wasn't that they hadn't bathed, they were actually made of dirt.
"Those are Flugs." Piteque said in a hushed voice to Pigtail.
"What the heck are Flugs?" Pigtail asked back in an equally hushed voice.
"They are the Wind Hag's personal guards. Well, these two are anyway. The other Flugs form the Army of Dirt. If it has anything to do with dirt then the Army will protect it with their very lives if it's in danger. To be the Wind Hag's personal guards you have to be the smartest of the smart and the strongest of the strong. It's a very elite group with only a few guards who actually qualify. These two are named Gog and Gape. They're twins and they are the meanest of the guards. So be nice to them," Piteque explained.
"Got it, we be nice to them and they'll be nice to us." Pigtail said more to himself than anyone in particular.
"Actually they will be mean to you no matter what but if you're nice to them then they won't kill you, maybe. They'll probably just treat you really badly."
"So be nice to them but either way they treat you like dirt. That's not very courteous," Pigtail said.
"No, they like dirt. They come from dirt so they would never ever treat a human as well as they treat dirt. Naw, they'll treat you like prairie dogs, which they hate because they keep tunneling in their dirt. But if you're nice they might treat you a little better than a prairie dog. Which still isn't very nice but it is better than nothing." Piteque chuckled as he said this.
The Flugs both held long spears and when the group had appeared through the doorway the Flugs immediately snapped to attention and crossed the spears in front of the large gold doors. They moved their trunks and whispered into each other's ears. At least Pill thought they were ears, though they resembled dried fruit more than ears. Piteque walked up to these things and saluted them.
"Good Dirt to you, sirs, I am bringing the Wind Hag's guests for the evening. They have an appointment." Piteque put his arm down and waited.
Then the Flug on the left said through his trunk, "Gape, is that true? Do they have an appointment?"
"How the heck am I supposed to know? Do I look like the Royal Haggness' secretary? I think they are just making this up and we might just as well kill them now and be done with it."
"Yes, but what if I'm right and you kill someone the Wind Hag really wanted to see? Do you think she will deal kindly with you two for killing someone she wants to see?" Piteque pointed out to the Flugs.
"He's got a point. Remember what happened to Dreson. He's pushing up daisies now."
Pigtail couldn't help but exclaim in shock, "The Wind Hag killed Dreson?"
"Naw, she sent him topside and he has to care for the flowers. Actually, he's the dirt they are growing in. And he helps them grow and reach the sunlight by giving them a push. But it's not the best position for a Flug. In fact, it's the lowest of the low in rank. But that's mainly because you have to mix with the wrong sort."
"What's the 'wrong sort'?" Pill decided to get in on the conversation.
"Manure, no one wants to associate with them but if you're on flower detail then you've got no choice. You have to mix with them in order to help the flowers grow. The manure doesn't like it either. They think they are better than dirt, like that is ever gonna happen. So they put up a real stink about getting mixed up with someone like Dreson." It was about that moment that they realized they were talking to humans and they remembered they were better than humans and so they shut up.
Piteque wasn't gonna have them giving him the silent treatment so he told them, "You had better check with the secretary just to make sure. Then when she says we do have an appointment you can let us pass. If you don't make sure then you might be pushing up daises like Dreson.
They looked at each other and then Gog gave Gape a slight nod. Gape raised his trunk and trumpeted so loudly that the walls shook and a little bit of dirt crumbled to the floor.
A side door opened and out walked a very small red ant. She looked up at the Flugs in an inquiring way.
"Begging your pardon, Ethel, but Piteque here," Gog jerked one of his thumbs in Piteque's direction," says these humans have an appointment with her Royal Haggness."
"Ah, yes, yes, that is correct. They are here to ask for a favor of the Wind Hag. If you'll please show them in, then I will summon
the Royal Haggness." Ethel had a very high pitched squeaky voice.
The Flugs seemed to think that their asking a favor of the Wind Hag was rather funny because they kept on chuckling as they showed them into the Royal Throne Room. As they shut the door they said to the humans, "And don't touch nothing, Her Royal Haggness hates it when anyone touches her stuff.
The Royal Throne Room was a very opulent room with thick plush rugs and a very large throne. It looked like it was made of mesquite tree limbs and it stood over eight feet tall. The cushions were red velvet like the Flug's coats and just as worn. There were doorways on both sides of the throne and blue curtains that almost hid the doors from sight. The room had a very high ceiling which pleased Pigtail because he was tired of stooping over so as not to hit his head. They stood in a very tight group and waited. For what, they weren't exactly sure but they hoped that whatever was to happen would happen soon. Most particularly Pill, she hated being underground. She realized she was a bit claustrophobic and the walls seemed to be coming in on her. All she wanted to do is get this all over with and quickly.
The red ant called Ethel came to stand in front of the throne and cleared her throat with a slight 'ahem' and then shouted in her high pitched squeak, "Her Royal Haggness, the Wind Hag." She then gave a slight bow and looked toward the door on the right of the throne. Nothing happened. So Ethel tried again and still nothing. Suddenly the door on the left opened and out walked this tiny lump of a person. It was hard to say just what she was. She could have been part Flug, due to the amount of dirt on her. She came up to the Captain's belt but no further. She was hefty but wasn't jiggly fat. Her face looked as though it had been smashed in like a Pekinese dog, with her nose being as black as a dog. Her eyes were bright blue but had a harshness to them. She was wearing purple robes that were tied with a bright yellow rope at the waist. Her hair was white, for the most part, it had blue and gray streaks throughout and it stood straight up like she had stuck one of her short stubby fingers in an electrical socket. Piteque was right; she wasn't exactly a stunning beauty. Like her fingers the rest of her was short and stumpy looking.
"Ethel, get that door fixed, it's stuck again." The Wind Hag said to the ant while pointing to the right hand door.
Then the Wind Hag noticed Pill staring at her hair and said, "I got the blue streaks from cursing too much, missy. So you best learn from my mistakes and not go about cursing otherwise you'll end up with a blue streak in your hair for every time you curse. Me, it took me a number of times before I learned my lesson, as you can see." She seemed to think that was amusing because she giggled after she said it.
"She's not a girl but a boy, Your Royal Haggness." Pigtail explained as he bowed to her sweeping off his hat in a grand gesture.
"Boy my bunions, I know a girl when I see one. She's just pretending to be a boy, for whatever reason I'll probably never know. No gal should ever pretend to be a boy, there ain't nothing wrong with being a gal, I know, I am one myself." She huffed at Pigtail and turned to Pill, "You're a gal, ain't ya?"
Pill stammered but answered in the affirmative.
"What?!" Pigtail exclaimed. "Why the heck didn't you ever tell me?"
"I knew if I did you would have told the other captain and he would have kicked me off the ship. I needed the job and so I pretended to be a boy so that I could keep the job. I also was hoping that in our travels I just might find my father. He's a pirate too. And working on a pirate ship was the best way to find him, or so I thought." She added the last bit in a hushed whisper.
"Told ya." The Wind Hag said with such smugness that she all but stuck out her tongue at him.
Pigtail sighed and said, "You still could have told me. I would have understood. That was the very reason I went to sea too, to find my pirate father. Haven't managed it so far but I keep hoping." He sighed again and turned his attention back to the Wind Hag. What might have been a touching moment for most had no effect on the Wind Hag; she just sat there sneering at Pigtail.
"I want to thank you for granting us this audience and I would like to give these necklaces to you as a gesture of gratitude for your kindness in this matter." He tried to remember to look her in the eyes and smile as he said this to her. He held out his arms with the necklaces. He decided to try and soften her up a bit by adding, "The blue sapphires will bring out the beauty of your blue eyes even more."
"Poppycock, there ain't nothing beautiful about me so don't try to schmooze me with your pretty talk." She schlepped over to the throne and sat down. She wiggled around for a bit until she was comfortable and then turned her attention back to Pigtail. "So what are you so all fired up about that you would risk my wrath by lying to me about my eyes?"
"Actually, your eyes are very pretty. They remind me of the sea on a calm day. It's so deep and blue. So he wasn't lying to you." Pill said and regretted it.
"You don't know squat about being in my chambers, do you gal? You don't speak unless spoken too. So pipe down and let the charmer try his best." The Wind Hag stared down at Pigtail and smiled, waiting for him to continue.
"Your Royal Haggness, we have come to ask a great favor of you. Our Ship, The Flummery, was sailing peacefully in the Gulf of Mexico, doing no harm and minding our own business." The Wind Hag snorted in disbelief as he said this. He decided to ignore her response and continued. "Suddenly we found ourselves in a great wind storm. We lost our captain overboard while it raged and I was made captain in his stead. I took the position in hopes of saving not only the crew but the ship. Unfortunately, as the storm grew in intensity the crew decided to take their chances in the rescue boats, leaving just a few of us on board. It was about that time that such a wind came and lifted the ship out of the Gulf and the next thing we knew we were here, a long, long way from the Gulf. We ask, no, we beg of you to give us an equally strong wind to get us and the ship back to the Gulf. So if you find it in your heart to help us in this endeavor we would be eternally grateful." He gave her another bow as he finished his story.
She sat there looking at him. She studied him from head to toe and then turned her attention to the others, studying them with equal interest. When she got to Lark she stopped and said, "You're not with this group. You're a part of that wagon train that keeps coming across my land. Those daggum wagons thunder across the land and shake the ceilings and cause dirt to come falling down. So why are you here with them?"
"Gosh, Your Royal Haggness, I know my father had no idea that he caused you any problems. He would never dream of doing anything such as that intentionally. In fact, if you told us what trail to follow across your land then we would be more than happy to follow that. My father has always said that we need to take care of the land and not harm it in anyway and leave it as we found it. As far as being with them, we helped them find a Knarl, Piteque, in order to ask your assistance in getting them back home and Pill is now my friend. I haven't had a friend before so I wanted to help out all I could, because that's what friends do. That's why I came with them." She smiled a very weak smile but she never stopped looking the Wind Hag in the eyes.
"It's my land; I don't want y'all going across it, period. I have a lot of creatures that I take care of because my land is vast and I don't need you humans going across it or messing with it in any way, shape or form. Though I admit that as long as you're on my land I will protect you. It's a matter of ethics. I protect those who come under my domain. I take pride in that fact. So you needn't worry as long as you're on my land. But show us undergrounders a little more respect by not having those wagons thundering across the land. Go nice and easy and there shouldn't be any problems. Granted, I do stir up a bit of wind now and then but that is no never mind to you and your people. I'm just having a bit of fun. If I get a bit carried away then that's my problem not yours. I'm just having some fun, blowing off steam." Turning to look at Pigtail she said, "As far as your request goes - denied! Now skedaddle, I've got supper to get to. And don't go thinking I'm gonna invite you to eat with me, 'cause it ain't gonna happen
. Now vacate my chambers." She said with a sweeping dismissive hand gesture.
Pigtail wasn't gonna give up that easily. If charming wasn't gonna work then by golly he'd try a different tactic. "That's all right, Your Royal Haggness, I realize that what we asked of you was probably too much. I'm sure it would take too much out of you to create a wind so great that it would get us and our ship back to the Gulf. We bear no hard feelings and wish you nothing but the best. I hope you enjoy your supper." He bowed again and turned to leave.
"Think it would take too much out of me to create such a strong wind, do ya? Well, it wouldn't take an ounce of energy to create such a wind. I may look old but looks can be deceiving. I'm also not as stupid as you obviously think I am, Here you are thinking you can con me into whipping up a storm just to show you I could do it. Well, I'm not falling for it and I resent the fact that you think I would be so stupid. Now get the heck out of my chamber now or I'll show the young gals just how you get a blue streak in your hair not to mention I'll create a storm so great that y'all will end up in Europe. Now git!" She was leaning forward in her throne and giving him a wild eyed look. Then she started to twirl her finger over the palm of her hand and there, in the middle of her palm, a little tornado started to form.
That did the trick because the Captain was scared of the tornado as well as her crazed look. He turned and grabbed Pill and Lark and headed for the door as fast as his legs could go. Of course, it could also have been because he was angry at the Wind Hag too. For whichever reason, they were hightailing it outta there. The Flugs yelled "Good riddance, ya human scum!" after them as they fled down the tunnel. Piteque was racing after them trying to remind them that they owed him his honey.
"Forget it, you little twig, we didn't get what we wanted so you're not gonna get what you wanted, now bug off." Pigtail grabbed Lark and pushed her up through the hole and then grabbed Pill to do the same. He followed them out of the hole and headed back to the ship. Pill, when the Captain wasn't looking, had set the honey jar down for Piteque. It wasn't fair to treat him that way. After all, the deal was that Piteque was to get an audience with the Wind Hag and he did. So he fulfilled his end of the bargain and should get the honey.
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