He stood, walked to a desk, and scribbled on a prescription pad before returning and handing it to the colonel. “The colchicine’s not doing its job. That’s for prednisolone 10 milligrams. I want you to take three tablets at once and then one tablet every eight hours. I’ll be back to see you in four days.”
Before O’Reilly could take his leave, the old man was yelling, “Margaret, get in here you lazy girl. I want you to run to the chemist and get this prescription filled.”
We left.
On the drive home, I ventured an opinion. “Perhaps it’s the gout making him so cantankerous? Constant pain can do that.”
“It hasn’t made him any worse than he’s always been,” O’Reilly said. “Yells at his maid, browbeats his wife, is rude to shopkeepers. I don’t let him get away with much, but I wanted you to see him for what he really is. He’s nothing but a right old dastard.”
I should have kept my mouth shut, but I said, “Don’t you mean bastard?”
That “look out” gleam appeared in O’Reilly’s dark eyes. “No,” he said, narrowly missing a cyclist. “I mean exactly what I said. Dastard. Those poor unfortunates born out of wedlock and called bastards bear no responsibilty for their state. Bastards can’t help it. Dastards have to work at it to get to be such miserable gobshites.”
I laughed. “Well said. Nice turn of phrase.”
“Ah, but I didn’t coin it. It’s not original. You remember that neurology lecture?”
“Yes.” I frowned. I couldn’t see where this was leading.
“And you waxing lyrical and telling me in the car afterward always to cite my sources? I got a feeling you were trying to impress me.”
I began to feel a certain discomfort.
“Well, when it comes to bastards and dastards my source for that remark is the late, great, recently deceased Dubliner Brendan Behan; 1956. Impressed that I can cite my source?”
I confess my blush was as hot and the same shade as the colonel’s left big toe.
“Och,” said O’Reilly, “you’re only young, Barry. We all did it when we were young. You’ll learn. No offence was taken…”
But a lesson had been learned by me.
“And I tell you what,” said O’Reilly. “As that’s the last visit of the day I’ll show you I mean it. We’ll go to the Mucky Duck, and I’ll let you buy me a pint.”
He’d let me pay for it. All I could think of, tongue-in-cheek of course, was, Doctor Fingal Flahertie O’Reilly, when you want to make a point sometimes you can be a right dastard, too.
Light Plates
I’m after calling these “light plates” although some of them are not. Some might also be served before a meal and you could then call them “starters.” However, if you just have them on their own they will also make adequate lunch dishes. Picnics are always popular in Ireland in spite of the weather, and as most of these are easily wrapped in Irish linen tea towels and packed into wicker baskets, they make great picnic fare. Doctor O’ Reilly just loved to take Scotch eggs with him when he went shooting. It was, he said, like taking a picnic breakfast of egg and sausage. I always preferred to have them hot but you can make up your own mind.
Chicken Liver Pâté
Serves 4 to 6
12 oz/340 g chicken livers
1 Tbsp sunflower oil
140 gm / 5 oz softened butter
2 shallots, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, crushed
½ tsp finely chopped fresh thyme or ¼ tsp dried thyme
2 Tbsp brandy
2 Tbsp port
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Fresh parsley sprigs
Wash and pat dry the livers on paper towels. Remove any little blood vessels. Heat the oil and a knob of butter in a heavy-bottomed frying pan over a gentle heat. Add the livers gradually so that they brown but do not toughen. Cook for about 5 minutes, turning once. They should still be pink in the centre. Remove from the pan and set aside. Now put the pan back over a low heat and sauté the shallots, garlic, and thyme for a minute or so in the residue. Finally add the brandy and port and deglaze the pan with the liquid.
Now put everything into a food processor, add salt and pepper and the remainder of the softened butter, and process until smooth. Chill in individual ramekin dishes, decorate each with a sprig of parsley, and serve with wheaten or fresh white crusty bread or crackers.
Scotch Eggs
These keep well in the fridge for a couple of days. And sure doesn’t himself like to take these in the game bag when he goes on a shoot?
Serves 4
5 eggs
8 oz/227 g sausage meat
1 scallion, chopped
1 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley
1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 oz/113 g dried or panko bread crumbs
1 Tbsp seasoned flour
Vegetable or canola oil for frying
Hard-boil four eggs for about 10 minutes and cool them quickly in cold running water. Then peel off the shells. Mix the sausage meat with the scallion, parsley, thyme, a little salt, and plenty of pepper and make into four flattened ovals on a floured work surface. Beat the remaining egg in a shallow dish. Put the bread crumbs in another shallow dish. Coat the cooked eggs with the seasoned flour and wrap the sausage meat around each egg, making sure to seal each egg completely. Coat with the beaten egg and then with the crumbs.
Now heat the oil in a deep frying pan or wok to 350°F/180°C to 375°F/190°C. (If you do not have a thermometer you can test the temperature by dropping a small cube of bread into the oil and if it sizzles and turns golden brown then the oil is hot enough. Please be very careful with the hot oil and never turn your back on it.) Carefully lower the eggs, two at a time, into the hot oil and cook for 8 to 10 minutes, until the sausage meat is a nice brown colour and thoroughly cooked. Repeat with the remaining egg. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on kitchen paper. Allow to cool and serve with a salad.
Kinky’s Note:
Cooling hard-boiled eggs quickly under cold running water will prevent them from discoloring.
Veal Liver Pâté
Serves 4 to 6
10 oz/284 g calf’s liver
Enough milk to cover the liver
1 Tbsp sunflower oil
4 oz/113 g butter, softened
2 shallots, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, crushed
½ tsp finely chopped fresh thyme or ¼ tsp dried thyme
2 Tbsp brandy
1 Tbsp lemon juice
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Chopped fresh parsley
Soak the liver in the milk for several hours or overnight. Pat dry on paper towels. Remove any little blood vessels. In a frying pan, heat the oil and a knob of the butter over a gentle heat and add the livers gradually so that they brown. Cook for about 5 minutes, turning once. Remove from the pan and set aside. Put the pan back on the heat and cook the shallots, garlic, and thyme for a minute or two in the buttery residue. Finally, add the brandy and lemon juice and deglaze the pan with the liquid.
Now put the rest of the butter, the liver, and the contents of the pan into a food processor, season with salt and pepper, and process until smooth. Divide into individual ramekin dishes and chill. Serve garnished with parsley, with Wheaten Bread (here) or fresh Potato and Pumpkin Seed Bread (here).
Fishy Starters
Sea fishing around the coast of Ireland has always been abundant and of great importance to the Irish and I do think there are probably as many legends and myths about fish as there are rivers and lakes in Ireland.
One such story I learned at my mother’s knee was about Fintan, the salmon of knowledge. It was said that the first taste of this fish would impart all the knowledge in the world to the recipient. The Irish poet Fineigas had spent seven years up and down the Boyne River trying to catch the salmon. When at last he finally succeeded, he gave the fish to his pupil, the young Finn Mac
Cool, to cook, warning him that he was not to taste it. As Finn was cooking the fish, a blister appeared on its skin and Finn pressed down on this with his thumb. Instinctively he sucked his thumb to relieve the pain, thus becoming the first to taste the salmon and receive the gift of knowledge.
Avocado Mousse with Shrimp
Serves 4
3 avocadoes, peeled and pitted
8 oz/227 g cream cheese
6 oz/170 g finely chopped celery
4 oz/120 ml heavy cream
2 Tbsp chopped scallion
Juice of 1 lime
3 drops Tabasco
1 envelope gelatin
4 oz/120 ml cold water
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
8 oz/227 g cooked, peeled shrimp or prawns
Blend the avocadoes, cream cheese, celery, cream, and scallion together in a large bowl. Mix in the lime juice and Tabasco. Dissolve the gelatin in the water and stir into the avocado mixture. Season with salt and pepper to taste and fold in three quarters of the shrimp. Now you can either put it into a large mould (about 1 L) or individual ramekin dishes and chill until needed. Unmould and serve sliced on a bed of lamb’s lettuce and watercress garnished with the remaining shrimp.
Gravadlax, Irish-Style
This has to be easier than just about anything else in this cookbook and takes no time at all. (Use Atlantic salmon if you can get it, for isn’t that the fish we eat in Ireland? And didn’t I tell you that Finn MacCool ate Fintan the salmon of knowledge and gained all the wisdom in the world?)
Serves 8
1 (1-lb/455-g) centre-cut skin-on salmon fillet, pinbones removed
Juice of 2 limes or lemons, plus lemon wedges for serving
1 Tbsp sea salt
1 Tbsp sugar
1 large bunch fresh dill
Cucumber slices for decoration
1 Tbsp capers
Cut the salmon into two pieces and lay one piece skin-side down in a deep dish or a loaf tin, lined with cling film. Mix the lime juice, salt, and sugar together. Reserve some of the dill for a garnish and finely chop the rest of the dill. Spread half of the chopped dill over the fish in the dish. Place the rest of the fish on top, skin-side up, and cover with the remaining dill. Pour the juice mixture over the salmon. Bring the sides of the cling film over the top to seal it. Now place a weight on top of the cling wrap. (Just whatever you have handy, such as a couple of tins of baked beans or anything else that feels just as heavy, would do.) Place in the fridge and leave for a total time of 24 to 36 hours. The fish “cooks” or “cures” in the sweet, acidic juice. I think it helps if you remove the weights and turn it over once, then replace the weights and leave to finish curing.
Remove from the fridge and rinse both pieces of salmon in ice-cold water to wash off most of the dill. Then pat it dry between sheets of paper towels. Place the fish on a cutting board and slice into very thin slices, removing it from the skin as you cut. A very sharp knife is required. Arrange on a plate and decorate with the cucumber slices, capers, reserved dill fronds, and lemon wedges. Serve with buttered Irish Wheaten Bread (here) and freshly ground pepper to accompany.
VARIATION
Serves 4
Gravadlax Bon-Bon. If you have a smaller piece of salmon or a trout fillet then this is an alternative. Remove the skin and make a mix, as before, of lemon or lime juice, sugar, and salt and some very finely chopped dill. Lay the fish in this for an hour or so. Then place the fish on a piece of cling film and roll up tightly, twisting and sealing the edges, like you would for a bon-bon. Leave for a few hours or overnight, then remove the cling film and slice thinly so it looks like a Swiss roll. Serve with Horseradish Cream or Mustard Sauce (recipes follow). Decorate with salad leaves, lemon wedges, and bread or crackers.
Horseradish Cream
Serves 8
4 oz/113 g crème fraîche
1 Tbsp prepared horseradish
1 tsp Dijon mustard
Mix all the ingredients together.
Mustard Sauce
4 oz/113 g crème fraîche
2 tsp Dijon mustard or more, to taste
Mix the crème fraîche and mustard together.
GUINNESS
I do think only the shamrock is more Irish than good old Liffey Water, as Guinness used to be known. And sure no surprise there. Wasn’t it first brewed by Mister Arthur Guinness at Saint James’s Gate on the banks of the Liffey? He made three dark beers: single stout (a word which was a measure of the ale’s strength), double stout, and export stout. The single stout was also known as “plain.” Flan O’Brian immortalised it in his poem The Workman’s Friend in the line “A pint of plain is your only man.” Himself told me that after about ninety years, the brewery was selling 350,000 barrels a year, and by 1886 that had risen to nearly a million and a half.
And it has more uses than as just a drink. Women who had had babies were given a bottle a day to help them make milk and patients in hospitals got a third of a pint a day as a tonic. It was donated by the brewery, and young doctors would sweetheart senior nurses into ordering extra when the scallywags wanted to have a party.
And cooks like me found all kinds of uses for it. The recipe below is one but there are others in this book, so. I hope you enjoy them all.
Mussels in Guinness
Serves 4 to 6
2¼ lb/1 kg mussels
A knob of butter
2 shallots, diced
10 oz/295 ml Guinness
8 oz/235 ml fish stock
1 bay leaf
A good splash of heavy cream
1 Tbsp chopped fresh dill or parsley
Lemon wedges
First, clean the mussels and, using a sharp knife, remove the beards. (That’s the little tufty bit on the shell.) Melt the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat, add the shallots, and sauté until just soft. Add the Guinness, stock, and bay leaf and simmer until reduced by half. Add the cream and reduce a little more before adding the mussels. Cover and cook for 2 or 3 minutes, by which time the shells should have opened. Discard any that have not. Sprinkle with the dill and serve in bowls with lemon wedges and Irish Wheaten Bread (here).
Kinky’s Note:
I like to serve this with a soup spoon on the side, as the cooking liquid is a delicious broth and it would be a shame to waste it, so.
VARIATION
You can of course make this in the more traditional French way by substituting a dry white wine for the Guinness, adding a clove of garlic and a tied bunch of thyme. Remove the thyme before serving with crusty French bread. The French like to use the liquor as a soup and the bread to mop up any remaining juices.
Smoked Mackerel Pâté
Serves 4 to 6
1 lb/4 to 5 fresh mackerel
7 oz/200 g cream cheese
Juice of 2 lemons, plus lemon wedges for serving
1 Tbsp chopped fresh parsley, plus extra for serving
1 tsp chopped fresh thyme
Freshly ground black pepper
I like to barbeque the mackerel for this recipe because mackerel is a very oily fish and cooking it this way releases the oil and also gives the fish a nice smoky flavour. Keep the skin on the fish and remove when cold.
Remove the bones and place the mackerel in a blender with the cream cheese, lemon juice, parsley, thyme, and pepper to taste. Blend until roughly mixed or make it smooth if you prefer. Put into individual 6-ounce/180 ml ramekins and garnish with parsley. Serve with lemon wedges and toast.
Smoked Salmon with Cream Cheese
Whilst you can use your own “cured” gravadlax for this, I think it holds together better using store-bought smoked salmon and, as the cure is more strongly flavoured, it is tempered by the mild taste of the cream cheese.
Serves 4 to 6
2 Tbsp finely chopped fresh dill
12 oz/340 g sliced smoked salmon
4 oz/113 g cream cheese, softened
2 oz/56 g crème fraîche
2 oz/56 g scallions, cho
pped
Juice of 1 lemon, plus lemon wedges for serving
1 Tbsp capers
Freshly ground black pepper
Cover a rectangular plate with cling film, allowing a generous amount to extend over the edges. Spread most of the dill on the cling film and lay the smoked salmon on top so that there are no spaces between the slices.
Combine the cream cheese, crème fraîche, scallions, lemon juice, and remaining dill in a small bowl. Spread this mixture on the smoked salmon. Using the cling film to lift the salmon, bring up one side so that the cheese is now covered completely by the salmon, rather like a sandwich. Twist the two ends of the cling film so that the shape looks like a giant sausage or a Christmas cracker. Now chill overnight in the fridge.
When you want to serve it, carefully remove the plastic and, using a sharp knife, cut it into ½-inch/12-mm slices. Place on an oblong serving dish with lemon wedges and capers and season with pepper. Serve with buttered Irish Wheaten Bread (here) or crisp crackers.
Smoked Salmon Pâté
Serves 4
6 oz/170 g smoked salmon
2½ oz/70 g cream cheese, softened
2½ oz/70 g crème fraîche
2 oz/56 g fresh bread crumbs
1 Tbsp horseradish or slightly less wasabi
1 Tbsp chopped fresh dill
To garnish: 1 Tbsp capers and lemon wedges
Combine all the ingredients except the capers and lemon wedges in a blender and blend until smooth. Spoon into individual ramekins, cover with cling film, and refrigerate. Serve with lemon wedges and capers, accompanied by crackers, toast, or Irish Wheaten Bread (here).
Strangford Sea Scallops
Marinated with Mango, Avocado, and Chili Salsa