Chapter 15
Samuel living in the dawdi haus hadn't been as difficult as Hannah thought it would be. Of course, the fact that she hardly looked at him or spoke with him may have had something to do with it. She knew she still harbored bitterness toward him, but she didn't expect that to ever go away. It was simply a fact of life.
What Hannah didn't care for was the fact that Samuel was stealing away her time with Christian. Sure, they still went to bed together every night, but everything was different now. It used to be just the two of them at breakfast time talking about their day and what they had planned. Now Samuel and Christian talked about whatever the two of them were doing while Hannah sat listening politely.
Hannah placed her hand on top of her belly. She hadn't even told Christian that she was in the family way again. Maybe she would just not tell him at all. After all, God would probably take this one from her too. Perhaps it was better if Christian didn't know; it would spare him grief.
She glanced into the refrigerator trying to determine what she would prepare for dinner tonight. Christian and Samuel were already out working in the fields although the sun had barely risen. Finding nothing that appealed to her, Hannah surveyed the contents of their basement pantry. She smiled with pride at all of the canned goods she'd managed to put up during the summertime. If her estimation was correct, her lined shelves contained about four hundred jars of various fruits and vegetables. Since it was just her and Christian, she hadn't needed to put up as much as other women with large families did.
Hannah reached up to grab a couple of jars of Chow-Chow from the top shelf, when an excruciating pain suddenly ripped through her middle. She looked down to see a stream of blood pooling on the floor beneath her and immediately collapsed to the floor.
Christian lifted his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. He laughed as his stomach rumbled loud enough for Samuel to hear. He pulled the mules to a stop and glanced back at Samuel.
“Guess it's time for lunch, jah?” Samuel smiled and gulped down the last of his water.
“Jah, let's unhitch the team,” Christian agreed, stepping down from the platform on the trailer.
“What do you supposed Hannah's got for us today?” Samuel raised his eyebrows thinking of the delicious yumaseti they'd had yesterday.
“Ach, I don't know, but I'm sure it will be gut,” Christian said, tasting the food already.
Samuel glanced toward the house then looked back at Christian with a sparkle in his eye. “Race you to the house,” he challenged.
“You're on,” Christian said with a boyish grin.
“One, two, th –” Before Samuel had finished the word, Christian bolted. “Hey, that's cheating!”
“Hurry up, Old Man, before I beat you,” Christian hollered over his shoulder.
As Samuel and Christian clattered into the house panting, the kitchen appeared to be empty. They both moved toward the sink for a drink of water. Christian glanced at the clock, surprised that Hannah didn't have lunch out on the table yet. He walked to the stove and peered into an empty pot. Puzzled, Christian went to check if Hannah was in the bedroom but quickly realized she wasn't there either.
“Hannah,” he called out but heard no response. He took the stairs two at a time to check if maybe she'd been working in one of the upstairs rooms and hadn't heard him.
“I can't find her anywhere,” he said to Samuel as he descended the staircase.
“Could she be outside?” Samuel suggested.
“Why don't you go check? She may be in the garden. I'll see if she's in the basement,” Christian said. “Hannah!” he called out prior to descending the steps.
When Christian hit the final step, he spotted Hannah lying on the floor in a pool of blood. He rushed over to her, but she appeared pale and unconscious. Christian hollered up the steps, “Samuel! Samuel!”
In less than a minute, Samuel flew down the stairs where he'd heard Christian calling from outside. “What's wrong?” he said before spotting Hannah on the floor. Christian gave him a helpless look and Samuel noticed the blood surrounding Hannah. “Oh no! I'll call an ambulance.”
As quickly as he could, Samuel ran to the barn where Christian had installed a phone a year earlier. Within minutes, the shrill of a siren pierced the quiet countryside. Samuel sent up a silent prayer for Hannah's wellbeing.
Beep...beep...beep...beep. Hannah's eyes fluttered open and she surveyed her surroundings. She spotted the heart monitor where the noise resounded from. Christian sat on a plastic chair next to her bed and took her hand, releasing an anxious sigh.
“Hannah,” he said rising from the chair and planting a kiss on her forehead. “You're awake.”
“What happened?” Hannah asked, not remembering she’d collapsed in the cellar. “I...I was fixing lunch.”
“Don't worry about lunch, Lieb,” Christian reassured her. “The doctor will come in later to let us know what happened with you.”
“The boppli, did I lose it?” Hannah frowned.
His pained expression told her all she needed to know. Why, Lord?
“You...you knew you were in the family way? How come you didn't tell me?” Christian asked.
“You and Samuel were so busy. I...I just didn't think you cared to know. I knew I would probably lose it anyway,” Hannah said brushing away a tear.
Christian's heart broke at her words. “Oh Hannah, how could you think I wouldn't want to know about a boppli? I'm sorry I haven't spent much time with you lately. That will change,” he promised, gently stroking her hand.
Hannah eyes turned toward the opening door as she watched the doctor stride toward her bed. The doctor peered down at her chart. “Your husband says this is your third miscarriage. Is that correct?” His bushy brown eyebrows raised.
“Jah,” she answered quietly.
“Why does she keep losing the babies?” Christian asked in hopes of finding a solution to her failed pregnancies.
“It's difficult to tell, but I'm guessing it has something to do with a past abortion. Her cervix –”
Hannah’s head shot up.
“Her...her what?” Christian asked in confusion.
Hannah stared down at her hands. No, God! Please. Please don't let Christian find out. He can't find out!
The doctor continued, “Her damaged cervix indicates that a prior abortion –”
“I’m sorry, Doctor, but that can't be right. My Hannah has never had an abortion,” Christian stated adamantly. “Tell him, Hannah. Tell the doctor he's wrong,” he said confidently.
The doctor’s knowing gaze penetrated Hannah’s reticent one.
Hannah swallowed hard and her guilt-ridden eyes met Christian's. She remained silent. Oh, the pain. Hannah couldn't speak.
“Hannah?” Christian looked at her in confusion, his eyes registering her shamefacedness. “It's...it's true?” His prior confidence quickly dwindled.
Hannah bowed her head and a tear trickled down her cheek.
The doctor quietly slipped out of the room to allow them privacy.
“No!” Christian dropped her hand as though it were a burning coal. He paced back and forth on the floor near her bed. “When, Hannah? When did you have an abortion?” His voice wavered.
“Before we were married,” she admitted quietly.
“But we never...” Christian lifted his hat and raked a hand through his hair. His face darkened and his hands began shaking. “You...you fornicated with another man? Who?”
Hannah shook her head, refusing to divulge any more of her secret.
“Who?” he yelled, not caring if the entire hospital heard. His face burned with anger.
Hannah remained silent.
“I...I don't know what to say, Hannah.” Christian's heart beat rapidly. How could I have lived with Hannah this long and not known this? What kind of a woman did I marry? Certainly not the pure white lily I had thought – that she portrayed herself to be.
Christian released an elongated breath. He made his de
cision. “I'll be moving into the dawdi haus with Samuel. If any of our family asks why, you are explaining it to them. I will no longer dwell in the same house with you. We will be married in name only. To me, you are shunned.” With that, Christian turned on his heel and left the hospital.
Hannah sobbed into her palms and cried as she never had before. She'd known this is what would happen if her secret was ever divulged. It was only a matter of time before she was rejected by their entire community.
Hannah remembered the events of the past as though they had happened just yesterday. If only she could go back and do things differently...