gratification. Joy and I stood atthe door for a time, receiving. Then, tiring of handshakes andcongratulations, we retired to the conservatory to be alone for a fewminutes.
Or so we thought.
Almost immediately, Aunt Gretchen ferreted us out. Aunt Gretchen haslong-since lost the smooth silhouette for which the Nicholas women arenoted. She has broadened in all departments and she came waddling alongbetween banks of yellow roses in a manner suggesting an outraged circustent.
"Homer," she called. "Homer!"
I reluctantly took my hands away and answered her.
"Oh, there you are! Homer--I want an explanation."
"An explanation of what?"
"There is a person at the door who calls himself Bag Ears Mulligan. Hehas the audacity to claim you invited him to--to this _brawl_ as heterms it."
I must here explain--with sorrow--that my Aunt Gretchen is a snob. Thereis no other term for it. It has gotten to be such a habit with her thatany friend of mine is automatically a person to be looked down on.
And Bag Ears Mulligan is one of my dearest friends. Of course I hadinvited him to my wedding, and felt honored by his attendance. Bag Earsis a habitue of one of the less glittering places I frequent in searchof lasting fellowship--Red Nose Tessie's Bar, to be exact. A place ofdirty beer glasses but of warm hearts and sincere people.
"I'll see this man, Aunt Gretchen," I said with calm dignity. "He is tobe an honored guest. While somewhat rugged in appearance, Bag Ears has asensitive nature and must be treated with understanding."
Aunt Gretchen's lips quivered. "Homer--I'm through--absolutely andfinally through! You can get someone else to handle your next weddingreception. Hold it in a barn or a stable. Never again in my house."
After this tactless outburst, Aunt Gretchen came about and sailed out ofthe conservatory. Joy and I followed wordlessly.
Upon arriving at the front door, we found Aunt Gretchen had spoken thetruth. Bag Ears was waiting there. He had been herded into a corner byJohnson, Aunt Gretchen's stuffed shirt of a butler, who was standingguard over him.
Bag Ears grinned happily when he caught sight of me and I smiledreassuringly. While Bag Ears is not too richly endowed with good looks,he has a great heart and at one time was possessed of a lightning-fastbrain. However, he took a great deal of punishment during hisunsuccessful climb toward the lightweight title, and his brain has beenslowed down to the point where it sometimes comes to a complete halt.His features reflect the fury of a hundred battles in the squared ring.They are in a sad state, his ears particularly. They hang wearilydownward like the leaves of a dying cabbage plant.
Also, Bag Ears has fallen into the misfortune of hearing bells atvarious times--bells that exist only in his poor, bewildered mind. Buthe is cheerful and warm-hearted nonetheless.
He said, "Homer, this character says I should o' brung along my invite.But I don't remember you givin' me one. You just ast me to come."
"That is true," I returned, "and you are most welcome. You may go,Johnson." I gave the butler a cold look and he stalked away.
* * * * *
I then introduced Bag Ears to my new bride. "This is Joy. I am certainlya lucky man, Bag Ears. Isn't she the most beautiful thing you ever saw?"
Bag Ears was of course impressed. "Golly, what gams!" he breathed. Hiseyes traveled upward and he said, "Golly, what--what things and stuff."He came finally to her face. "Baby, you got it!"
Joy was rocked back on her heels. Caught unawares by the open admirationin his eyes, she whispered, "Oh, my ancient step-ins!"
But she rallied like a thoroughbred and gave Bag Ears a dazzling smile."I'm delighted, Mr. Mulligan. Homer's friends are my friends--Ithink--and I'm sure everything will turn out all right."
Bag Ears said, "Lady--leave us not be formal. Just call me Bag Ears."
"Of course--Bag Ears--leave us be chummy."
He now turned his remarks to me and evinced even more intense admirationfor my bride. "She reminds me of a fast lightweight--the most beautifulsight in the world."
"Let us repair to the conservatory," I said, "where we can have a quietchat." I said this because I felt that some of the other guests mightnot be as tactful as Joy and might make Bag Ears feel uncomfortable.Aunt Gretchen had rudely vanished without waiting for an introductionand the actions of the hostess often set the pattern for those of theguests.
As we moved toward the rear of the house, Joy took my arm and said,"Speaking of being stripped down for action--what do you supposehappened to Uncle Peter? I haven't seen him around anywhere."
"He gave his word, so I'm sure he'll come."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"I don't understand."
"I don't quite understand myself, but I feel uneasy. I remember thecalculating look in his eye when he suddenly agreed to honor us with hispresence. There was something too eager about that look. And his askingwhether any of your friends would be here."
"Uncle Peter is basically a good follow. I think he envies me my widecontacts."
"Maybe."
"If he seemed a trifle peculiar, you must remember that he is ascientist. Even now he is engaged in some important project--someexperiment--"
"I know--we met her."
"Joy! Please!"
"--but I wouldn't think he'd have to experiment at his age. I'd think--"
I put my hand firmly over her mouth. "Darling--we have a guest--BagEars--"
"Oh, of course."
Safely hidden behind a bank of tropical grass, I took Joy in my arms andkissed her. Bag Ears obligingly looked in the other direction. But Joydidn't quite get her heart into it. She seemed preoccupied--I mightalmost say, bewildered.
"Bag Ears," she whispered to no one in particular, "and what did you saythe lady's name was? Oh--I remember--Red Nose Tessie." She pondered fora moment and then smiled up at me dreamily. "Darling--I never realizedwhat a versatile person you are--"
Bag Ears perked up. "Verseetile? You ain't just a hootin', babe. And_tough_. You should see his right."
I strove to quiet him down. "Never mind, Bag Ears--"
But Joy evinced great interest. "Tell me--"
"Babe--the kid could be the next heavyweight champ in a breeze. I mindme one night a monkey comes into the tavern rodded--"
Joy held up a hand. "Just a moment. I don't like to appear stupid,but--"
"A moke wid a heater--a goon wid a gat."
"Oh--you mean a man with a gun."
"Sure--that's what I said. Anyhow, this droolie makes a crack aboutTessie's beak--"
"An insult relative to her nose?"
"Sure--sure. And Tessie's hot to kiss him wid a bottle when he pulls theiron."
"Imagine that," Joy said, and I felt a slight shiver go through herbody.
"Then Homer here, gets off his stool and says very polite-like, 'Thatremark, sir, was in bad taste and entirely uncalled-for. I believe anapology is in order.' And the monkey standing there with the gat in hismitt. What Homer meant was the jerk'd cracked out o' turn and to eat hiswords fast."
"I gathered that was what he meant."
"But the screwball raises the hardware and--wham--Homer hits him. What asock! The goon back-pedals across the room and into a cardboard wallnext to the door marked 'ladies'. He busts right through the wall andlands in a frail's lap inside who's--"
"Powdering her nose?"
"That's right! What a sock!"
* * * * *
Joy's eyes were upon mine.
"Darling! I didn't have the least idea. Why, it's going to be wonderful!Never a dull moment!"
I kissed my bride, after which she said, "I think I could do with adrink, sweetheart."
"Your wish is my command."
I got up and started toward the liquor supply inside the house. Joy'ssoft call stopped me.
"What is it, angel?" I inquired.
"Not just a drink, sweet. Bring the bottle."
I went into the kitchen and got a
bottle of brandy. But upon returning,I discovered I'd neglected to bring glasses.
But Joy took the bottle from me in a rather dazed manner, knocked offthe neck against a leg of the bench and tipped the bottle to herbeautiful lips. She took a pull of brandy large enough to ward off theworst case of pneumonia and then passed the bottle to Bag Ears.
"Drink hearty, pal," she murmured, and sort of sank down into herself.
I never got my turn at the bottle because, just at that moment, AuntGretchen came sailing like a pink cloud along the