"I don't think this is the sort of thing you shouldbe doing. It's far too dangerous for a girl."
"Or anybody else," Bag Ears moaned. There was a bleak look on his face."I don't like playing around with a guy like Hands McCaffery or friendsof a guy like him. It's a good way to collect your insurance."
"She's heading for Higgins Drive," Joy observed.
Which was entirely true. The roadster had made a turn on two wheels andwas going west.
"But our honeymoon," I said, plaintively.
"Yeah," Bag Ears repeated, "what about our--your honeymoon?"
Joy's eyes were sparkling. She turned them on me. The car lurched. Shereturned her eyes to the road. "Yes, darling. Our honeymoon! Isn't itwonderful?"
"But this isn't it! This isn't what people do on their honeymoons."
"Oh, you mean--but don't worry about that, darling. We'll have plenty oftime for--"
"Lemme out o' here," Bag Ears moaned. "I got a date to take Red NoseTessie to the movies."
Joy apparently did not hear him. "I wish we had all the parts to thispuzzle. It looks as though somebody put somebody on the spot for arubout. But it would seem that somebody else got the same idea butdidn't know that somebody else was going to achieve the same result in amore spectacular way and--"
"I think you've figured it out most accurately."
"Some of it fits together. Uncle Peter was no doubt responsible for theZinsky boys coming to our reception. We'll get the dope on that when wecatch up with him. But the blonde must not have known what was going tohappen, so she tipped Hands off that he could find the whole Zinsky mobat the reception. He decided it would be a good place to settle certainmatters of his own."
"But why did Uncle Peter want them there?"
Joy glanced at me with love in her eyes. "Darling, we're going to bewonderful companions through life, but most of the fun will be strictlyphysical. Mental exercises aren't your forte."
"When Red Nose Tessie makes a date with a guy," Bag Ears said, "sheexpects the guy to keep it."
"The blonde Cora is no doubt heading for a rendezvous with HandsMcCaffery," Joy went on. "And she's taking our dear uncle with her."
"Okay," Bag Ears replied. "So we mind our business and keep our nosesclean and live a long time."
Joy was weaving through traffic, trying to keep the roadster in sight."Turn on the radio," she told me. "There might be some news."
I snapped the switch and we discovered there was news indeed; an eveningcommentator regaling the public with the latest:
"--an amazing mass phenomena which leading scientific minds havepronounced to be basically similar to the flying-saucer craze. Relativeto that--you will remember--otherwise reliable citizens swore they sawspace ships from other planets hovering over our cities spying on us.
"This phase of the hysteria takes an entirely different turn. It seemsnow that these otherwise entirely reliable citizens are seeing othercitizens explode and vanish into thin air. The police and the newspapershave been deluged with frantic telephone calls. In the public interest,we have several persons here in the studio who claim to have seen thisphenomena. Your commentator will now interview them over the air.You--you, sir--what is your name?"
"Sam--Sam Glutz."
"Thank you, Mr. Glutz. And will you tell the radio audience what yousaw?"
"It wasn't nothing--nothing at all. That is--this guy was running downthe street like maybe the cops was after him--I don't know. Then--therewasn't nothing."
"You mean the man disappeared?"
"He went pop, kind of--like a firecracker only not so loud--and thenpieces of him flew all over and they disappeared and there wasn'tnothing--nothing at all."
"Thank you, Mr. Glutz. And now this lady--"
"Turn it off," Joy snapped. "The blonde's pulling up."
* * * * *
This was evident to all three of us. "And by a cop yet," Bag Earsmarveled. "Looks like they're going to give theirselves up."
It was Uncle Peter who got out of the car and approached the trafficofficer standing at the intersection.
"What'll we do?" Joy asked. "Do you want to try and keep the old goatout of jail or shall we let him go to the chair as he deserves?"
The possibility stunned me to a point where it was hard to thinkclearly. "Good Lord, Joy! Think of the scandal! I don't care aboutmyself, but Aunt Gretchen would never live it down! She'd beblack-balled at all her clubs and--"
"Then," Joy replied sweetly, "I'd suggest you get out and slug that copquick and grab Uncle Peter before he makes a confession."
I had come to the cross-roads, so to speak. The necessity of a weightydecision lay upon my shoulders. Was blood thicker than water? Was Ijustified in breaking the law--assaulting an officer in order to keep myuncle from becoming a blot on the family name?
I decided, grimly, that one owed all to one's relatives and I washalfway out of the car. Then I paused. Uncle Peter did not seem to bemaking a confession at all. He chatted easily with the officer andindicated my Cadillac with a movement of his thumb. Something passedfrom his hand to the hand of the policeman and the latter looked towardus and scowled.
"Uncle Peter is pulling a fast one," Joy said. "The cop's coming after_us_!"
I was uncertain as how to proceed now. I watched the scowling policemanapproach our car while Uncle Peter got back in with the blonde Cora anddrove away.
"Are you going to hang one on him, sweetheart?" Joy asked.
"What--what do you recommend?"
"I've got a hunch that if you don't, we go to the pokey and Uncle Peterwill be left free to blow up everybody in town."
I don't believe the officer meant to arrest us but at the moment my mindwasn't too clear and I accepted Joy's point of view.
I doubled my fist as the officer approached. He wasted no time ingetting acquainted. He said, "How come you guys are tailing those guys?You figuring a stickup or something?"
It was now or never. I hunched my right shoulder and aimed a stiffknockout jolt at the officer's jaw. It wasn't too good a target becausehe had a lantern jaw and it was bobbing up and down as he munched on awad of chewing gum.
But I did not connect. As my fist completed but half its lethal orbit,the officer blew up in my face! He went _pop_, just as so many othershad gone _pop_ at our wedding reception; his entire anatomy flying inall directions, to turn into a cloud of sooty smoke and mix with theelements.
I was frozen with consternation. But not Joy. Instantly she dragged meback into the car. "Don't you get it? Uncle Peter gave him that stick ofgum!"
"You're damn right!" Bag Ears stated. "The old monkey's gone clear offhis trolley. Maybe he plans to clean out the whole town!"
Joy, her eyes slitted, was weaving in and out of traffic so as not tolose track of the blue roadster. "It's as plain as your nose! He's handin glove with McCaffery and that blonde is bird-dogging him around townand pointing out McCaffery's enemies. Uncle Peter is knocking them offlike clay pigeons."
I was amazed at this revelation, but was also thunderstruck by theunderworld jargon flowing so easily from Joy's luscious lips. "Angel," Igasped. "Where did you learn to talk like that? Those underworld terms!"
"I read all the true detective magazines I can get my hands on," shesaid. "They're good fun, but that's beside the point. We've got to nailUncle Peter and nail him quick, or Aunt Gretchen will ring up a nice bigzero in the social world."
"How about nailing him without me?" Bag Ears suggested. "It's nineo'clock and Red Nose Tessie never likes to miss none of the show."
"I'm sure, Bag Ears," Joy said, "that Tessie would sympathize with ourefforts to keep Uncle Peter out of the electric chair."
"I doubt it," he replied dubiously. "Tessie's brother got burned inFrisco for knocking over a bank clerk and Tessie never even attended.Let him fry in his own grease was what she said about it."
"Nevertheless," Joy said, "I have no time to stop and let you out."
A fast, fifteen-block chase followed. Once w
e lost the blue roadstercompletely, but, by sheer luck, picked it up three blocks further on asit came wheeling out of a side street.
We were in a quiet residential section now, so there was no one tointerfere as Joy skillfully forced the roadster to the curb. I jumpedout and leaped swiftly toward the driver's door.
* * * * *
The blonde sat behind the wheel with