He strode quickly from the room and proceeded directly to the library, pausing only to send Madchen’s assistant into the first-aid room.
In the library he crossed to the cellarette and poured himself a stiff drink. Then he dropped into the large wing chair by the desk and stretched his booted legs out in front of him. He was filthy, he realized vaguely as he sipped the brandy. He should probably go to his suite and shower and change. There was even a smear of blood on his gray riding pants. Her blood. His grip tightened on the glass. Then he forced his hand to relax, one finger at a time. He had to keep his mind blank. Heaven knew when Madchen would see fit to come and give him the report on Pandora. If he let himself remember that nightmare moment when he’d found her lying crumpled on the stony mountain path, he’d go to pieces.
He couldn’t do that. Pandora needed him to keep back the cold. Lord, he had felt as if he were bleeding inside when she murmured those poignant words. He was still bleeding. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He hadn’t prayed since he was a child, but every breath he drew was a prayer now. Let her be well. Let him have the chance to keep his promise.
It was over two hours later when Madchen knocked, and then entered the library. Philip sat up straight. His shoulders were tense as he searched the doctor’s face for any hint of expression. “Well?”
“There are no broken bones, as far as I can tell without an X ray.” He nodded toward the cellarette. “May I have a drink?” he asked politely.
Philip made an impatient gesture. “Help yourself. What do you mean, as far as you can tell? Why didn’t you take the X rays?”
“I thought it better not to, until I consulted you.” Madchen was at the bar, pouring himself a small glass of white wine. “I wanted to determine your wishes in the matter.”
“My wishes? What the hell do you mean? My ‘wish’ is to get your daughter well as quickly as possible. What the devil did you think I’d want?”
“There is no question that Pandora will be well in fairly short order.” Madchen sipped the white wine with appreciation. “She has a very strong constitution. It’s the child I’m wondering about. X rays would not be wise for the embryo.”
Philip froze. “The child?”
“Pandora’s approximately four weeks pregnant,” Madchen said calmly. “She has had a bad fall. It will take extremely delicate handling to assure that the infant survives.” He met Philip’s eyes. “I wanted to be very sure that you wished me to take that care. After all, an illegitimate child can be very troublesome for a man in your position.”
There was stunned silence in the room. “My God,” Philip breathed incredulously. “She’s your daughter.”
Madchen shrugged. “An illegitimate child is often an inconvenience to the mother as well.”
“You son of a bitch.”
“There’s no need to be abusive.” Madchen straightened his horn-rimmed glasses. “I’m only looking out for your interests as my employer.”
“What about her interests? You know damned well that Pandora would want that child.” Philip could feel fury coursing through every vein. “You know that, damn your soul. Yet you’re willing to take it from her while she’s lying there helpless and unable to protect herself.”
“I take it you want the child,” Madchen said stolidly. “You had only to say so. Of course I’ll make every effort to ensure a successful pregnancy.”
“You’re damn right, you will,” Philip bit out. “You’ve cheated her out of affection all her life. You’re not going to take this away from her too. You’ll treat her as if a mere breath would shatter her.” He rose to his feet, his hands clenched into fists. “And you’ll be nice to her, or I’ll tear you limb from limb.”
Madchen blinked in surprise. “I’ve never been unkind to Pandora. I don’t know what you mean.”
Philip drew a deep breath and slowly unclenched his hands. It was obvious that Madchen was speaking the truth. He was an emotional cripple. Philip had to keep reminding himself of that or he would end up strangling the man. “Just make sure that you don’t hurt her,” he said as he turned away wearily. “Perhaps it would be better if you saw as little of her as possible.”
“As you like.” Madchen set his wineglass down on the cellarette. “I would like to call your attention to one point, however. I wasn’t the one who was responsible for Pandora being in that first-aid room tonight.” He looked up. “And I think perhaps you were, Sheikh El Kabbar.”
Philip could feel the blood draining from his face. He felt a million years old. “You’re right,” he said bitterly. “Between us, we’ve nearly destroyed her. We should be very proud of ourselves.” His hand was trembling as he raised it to cover his eyes. “She’s probably the most loving human being either one of us will ever encounter, and we’ve managed to rip her to pieces.” His hand dropped to his side. “Well, it’s up to us to put those pieces together again. I just hope to God she’ll let us do it.”
He sat down in his chair and picked up his brandy glass from the table. “Now, get back to Pandora and take care of her. If that baby dies, I’ll break you, Madchen.” He frowned. “Don’t tell Pandora that she’s pregnant. I’ll do it myself. And for heaven’s sake, if you can’t say something kind to her, don’t say anything at all.”
Madchen moved ponderously toward the door. “Naturally I’ll do everything I can. I told you that.” He closed the door briskly behind him.
Philip leaned against the high back of the chair, his eyes staring blindly before him. A child. He had never thought about being a father. Yet there was no doubt he wanted Pandora’s child. There was not a thing on God’s green earth that he wouldn’t cherish if it was loved and wanted by Pandora.
He wouldn’t think of the pain or the difficulties to come. He wouldn’t think of Madchen or of Pandora’s white face when she had run out of the library earlier that evening. Instead, he would think of Pandora’s child, even now growing in her womb. His child. He tested the idea and found it brought a sweeping rush of possessive joy. Yes, he would spend the time until he could go to Pandora thinking about their child.
EIGHT
PHILIP WAS LYING naked beside her, his arm heavy and possessive around her and his alert gaze on her face. Pandora was naked, too, but she couldn’t seem to remember how she got that way. Had they been making love?
“Philip . . . ?”
“Shh . . . ” His lips touched hers in a quick, gentle kiss. “Go back to sleep. You need it. You’re going to be as sore as hell in the morning.”
“Why should I be . . . ” Her eyes suddenly widened. “Oedipus! Is he all right?”
His lips tightened. “Better than you are. He just went for a midnight run.”
“I fell off,” she murmured, attempting to remember. “I tried to stop him, he reared, and I fell.” Her eyes flew to his face. “Have I done something stupid to myself?”
“You mean like breaking your back?” His eyes flashed in the dim lamplight. “No, but you damn well could have. You’re only suffering from shock and bruises. Your father said you were to stay in bed and take it easy for the next week or so.”
“My father’s been here? I don’t remember that.” She laughed shakily. “Are you sure I didn’t hit my head as well?”
“I’m sure. You’ve just been sleeping like the dead. Shock, Madchen said.” He raised himself on his elbow and the sheet fell to his waist, revealing the soft mat of dark hair that roughened his chest. “Sleep is the best thing for you right now. Your father said that if you woke and had problems I should give you a light sedative.”
“I don’t want to go back to sleep. I’m wide awake now.” Her eyes traveled around the room. “This is your suite. What am I doing here?”
“I wanted you in here. Madchen’s assistant is on the premises, but I wasn’t about to let you spend the night in the first-aid room.” He smiled with such warmth, she felt a momentary dizziness that had nothing to do with her fall. “I decided, very selfishly, that I wouldn’t be able to s
leep without you tonight.”
Her breath stopped in her lungs. “You appear to have been doing fine for the last month.”
“I have?” His lips twisted ruefully. “I doubt if I got more than a few hours’ sleep a night during the entire month. I’ve discovered that being in bed with you is very habit-forming.” He bent forward and brushed her temple gently with his lips. “I may not ever be able to sleep without you again.”
“Don’t do this to me, Philip. I’m not a little girl to be given presents because I’m hurt.” She glanced significantly at the door that led to the Khadim suite. “You weren’t handing out any gifts earlier tonight.” Her hand reached up to touch her throat, which felt naked without the medallion. “You were taking them away. Is Miss Lenat still here?”
His face tightened with pain, and she noticed for the first time how pale and haggard he looked. “No, she left almost immediately. Natalie isn’t obtuse. She realized I was only using her as a way to hurt you.” He removed his arm and rolled away from her. “She congratulated me on my ability to do that. She said that I had hurt you very much.” He sat up on the side of the bed, his back turned to her. She couldn’t see his face, but every muscle and tendon of his spine was taut with an agonizing tension. “She was right. I did it very well, didn’t I?”
“Yes.” Her voice was low. “You never do things halfway. I thought I was dying, and then I thought it would be better to die than to hurt that much.”
He stood up and walked over to the chest across the room, his movements oddly jerky for a man so well coordinated. “You could have died.” His voice was muffled. He took something from the top of the chest and was walking toward her again. His face was drawn, the skin pulled tightly over his high cheekbones. He knelt on the floor beside the bed. “I almost killed you.”
“No, I was stupid,” she said gently. “I shouldn’t have let you drive me away like that. I thought I was so strong, but I seemed to break into a million pieces when you took my medallion away.”
“God!” The exclamation was torn from him. He lifted her hand from the bed and laid the back of it against his cheek. “So did I.” He rubbed her hand back and forth. His skin was slightly abrasive against the smoother flesh of her hand. “It was like dying or being born.” He closed his eyes. “Maybe something like that did happen in the library tonight.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean I felt as if everything I’d ever known or believed about myself was suddenly torn away, leaving me naked and alone.” He turned her hand over and pressed a kiss into her palm. “I’m going to have to start all over and I don’t know how to go about it. Will you help me, Pandora?”
“What are you trying to tell me?” she whispered.
He laughed harshly. “I’m trying to tell you I love you. I’m not doing it very well, am I?”
Her eyes widened in shock. “You love . . .”
“I don’t know why you’re so surprised.” His lips curved in a rueful smile. “You always told me that I did.”
“I know I did,” she said dazedly. “It’s just that it’s happened so fast. I have to think about it.”
“Well, while you’re thinking about it”—he raised his hand and slipped the medallion he held around her neck—” wear this. It belongs to you.” His fingers fumbled with the catch. “It will always belong to you.”
“No.” She suddenly put her hand up to stop him. “I don’t want to put it back on.” She moistened her lips nervously. “Not right now.”
He went still. “Why not?”
Her eyes held bewilderment and a hint of pain. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I trust you, Philip.”
He flinched as if she’d struck him. “I suppose I deserve that,” he said hoarsely. “But I don’t think I’ve ever told you anything but the truth.” His lips twisted mirthlessly. “Except when I told you I didn’t want you. I lied through my teeth about that.”
Her gaze was grave. “No, you’ve never lied to me before, but I don’t think you’ve ever felt this guilty before. You have the idea that you’re responsible for what happened to me tonight. It’s not true, but I think it’s shaken you just the same.”
“It was my fault, dammit. And I feel guilty as hell, but that doesn’t have anything to do with what I’m telling you.”
“Don’t you see? I can’t be sure of that.” Her lips were trembling as she tried to smile. “I want to take you at your word, but I think I found out something tonight too.”
His eyes darkened with sudden pain. “That you don’t love me after all?”
“No, that will go on forever,” she said quietly. “It’s too much a part of me to ever stop.” She drew a deep breath. “No, it was about myself that I learned something. I found out that loving you wasn’t enough, that I had to love myself as well. Ever since I met you I’ve been trailing you like a shadow. I thought just being close to you would make me happy. But I found out tonight that wasn’t true. I need you to love me as much as I love you.” She lifted her chin. “I’m pretty damn special. I deserve to be loved.”
“I do love you,” Philip said with a frown. “What the devil do you think I’ve been saying?”
“I have to be sure. It would tear me apart if I was fooled into thinking pity and guilt were love. I would rather be without you entirely than have that happen.”
“So what do we do now? Am I supposed to go out and fight a dragon to prove my love?”
“Well, perhaps just a little dragon.” A tiny smile was tugging at her lips. “For you, it will probably be worse than slaying a dragon. I want you to wait. I want time to make sure that you’re capable of giving me what I’ll give you. I know how you usually go after whatever you want. Your campaigns resemble Alexander’s conquest of Persia.” She paused. “I don’t want to be invaded. I want to make my own decision.”
“The decision’s made. I love you, you love me. Why be so stupid as to waste any more time?” He suddenly smiled with beguiling warmth. “Someone told me recently that we’re not getting any younger.”
“That someone did a lot of growing up tonight,” she said soberly.
The smile faded from his face. He kissed her palm one more time before placing it on the bed. “Yes, I imagine you did,” he said wearily. “All right, you’ll have your time. I promise I won’t push.” His voice was suddenly fierce. “For now. But don’t expect my patience to last forever. Two weeks and then the invasion begins.” His eyes were narrowed and glittering on her face. “And I never particularly admired Alexander’s campaign strategy. I always thought Hannibal’s march across the Alps was much bolder and more innovative.” He rose to his feet. “Two weeks. Then we’ll be married and start living happily ever after.”
“Married?” she asked faintly.
He frowned haughtily. “Of course, what else? I told you I loved you, didn’t I?” He swung the golden medallion in his hand. “It’s obvious that I’m going to need more than this to hold you from now on. We’ll see what a marriage ceremony will do.”
“If I decide to marry you,” she said serenely, “it will be when I’m asked politely, not told.”
“We’ll see.” He looked reckless. “I don’t recall that Hannibal asked the Alps if they wanted to be crossed.”
She shook her head resignedly. So much for Philip’s chastened mood. “Philip . . .”
He shook his head. “Don’t feel threatened. In two weeks I’ll be Hannibal. Until then I’ll be”—his eyes were suddenly dancing with mischief—“your Khadim.”
“What!”
“Why not? I know the role well. I’ve studied it long enough.” His tone was low and coaxing. “Would you like to have your own Khadim, Pandora?”
“Philip, stop joking.”
He lifted mocking brows. “If you deserve to be loved, don’t you think you deserve to be serviced by someone whose only desire is to please?” His eyes were holding hers intently. “Look at me, Pandora. Do I please you? Did I please you that first night? I know I hurt y
ou, but wasn’t there a little pleasure too?”
“More than a little,” she said huskily. “You know that.”
“No, I don’t know. I was in such a fever that I wasn’t aware of anything but how you felt around me.” His hand closed tightly on the medallion. “But I’ll know next time. It’s a Khadim’s duty to put the client’s pleasure first. I’ll watch your face very closely while I move and thrust—”
“Philip!”
He chuckled. “Sorry, I forgot for a moment that you’re still ill. You have that effect on me.” He glanced down at himself with a rueful smile. “Among certain others.” He suddenly frowned anxiously. “Do you need that sedative before I leave?”
She shook her head. “You’re going?”
He bent forward to kiss her forehead. “Just next door. To the Khadim suite. I find that very appropriate, as well as less of a temptation. I’ll look in on you later.” He crossed the room, his carriage lithe and indomitably royal in his nudity.
“Philip.”
He paused as he opened the door and looked over his shoulder inquiringly. “Yes?”
Her brow was knitted in a frown. “I was bleeding. I felt it as I was lying there. Are you sure I was just bruised?”
He hesitated. “You were badly jarred,” he said. “But there’s nothing to worry about. You’ll be fine.” He winked roguishly. “The word of a Khadim.”
He didn’t hear her low chuckle as he shut the door.
The first present came in the afternoon of the next day. It was a silver vase wrought with such exquisite workmanship, it was a sensuous pleasure to look at it. It was filled to overflowing with dozens of cream-colored roses touched at the heart with a delicate peach hue.
Raoul set it beside the bed on the rosewood night table. “From the Sheikh El Kabbar,” he said formally. Then a puzzled frown wrinkled his brow. “With the compliments of your Khadim.”