“The child?” she repeated with numb lips.
He was reaching into a drawer and extracting a blood pressure gauge. “You may experience some morning sickness during the next month. It’s not uncommon during the second and third months of pregnancy. I’ll leave you pills for that as well.” He glanced up with a frown as he unrolled the bandage. “I do wish you would permit me to give you a thorough examination before I leave Sedikhan. Sheikh El Kabbar was most concerned about the safety of his child. I wouldn’t like him to think I’ve been derelict in my duty.”
The pinwheel shuddered to a stop. It didn’t matter. It was suddenly only a tawdry toy anyway.
“He was concerned?”
“Of course.” He was rolling up the long sleeve of her gown, not looking at her. “We both know how possessive the man is. Naturally he would be worried about his first child and heir. Why else would he rush you out of your sick bed to ensure the child’s legitimacy?”
Breathtaking agony. “No reason that I can think of.” Her voice was almost steady, she noticed. How odd, when the world was crumbling all about her.
He was winding the pressure gauge around her upper arm. “It was clever of you to play upon his possessiveness to get what you wanted. I was surprised to hear that the sheikh had decided to—”
“Shut up!” Her voice wasn’t steady any longer. It was shaking with an agony and a wild rage that seemed to fill the universe. “I don’t want to hear any more!” She jumped to the floor, fumbling with the gauge on her arm. “Go away. Go to Munich, or go to hell. I don’t care which.” She had at last gotten the bandage off and she threw it on the floor. “Just stay away from me!”
She was running toward the door, trying to escape the cold, sterile room. Not that there was any place to run. The rest of the world was cold and sterile too. Tears were blinding her, and she didn’t see Philip until she ran into him in the hall just outside the door. His arms closed around her, steadying her. “Whoa! You always go at everything full steam . . .” The smile faded as he looked down into her face. “Pandora?”
She tore herself away. “Damn you. Damn you to hell, Philip!” Her eyes were blazing in her white face. “I could kill you.” Then she was running down the hall away from him.
Philip’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. He muttered a vicious oath as he threw open the door to the first-aid room.
Madchen was kneeling to pick up a pressure gauge that lay on the floor, appearing as impassive as ever. “You told her,” Philip said with barely controlled ferocity. “You told her, dammit.”
“Not intentionally. Naturally I thought she’d know by now.” Madchen rose to his feet and straightened his spectacles. “It’s been over two weeks, and I thought surely you would have discussed the birth of the child. How else could she have persuaded you to marry her?”
“Persuaded me?” Philip drew a deep breath and tried to control the rage that was flowing through him. He wanted to murder the son of a bitch. “No, I hadn’t told her yet. I was going to do it in the next few days. But you blew it. You blew it to hell, didn’t you?”
“I’m extremely sorry. If I’d known, I assure you I wouldn’t have—”
“You don’t have the emotional capacity even for regret, Madchen,” Philip bit out. “Get the hell out of Sedikhan. Don’t take a month, take six months.” He turned on his heel. “By then I may be able to look at you without wanting to strangle you. It’s not likely, but there’s a possibility.”
The door slammed behind him.
Pandora didn’t look up from her packing as Philip came into the room. She had changed into jeans and a yellow tunic top, but her feet were still bare. The brocade dress was tossed into a silken heap on the bed beside the open suitcase. “You can stop packing,” Philip said. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not taking any of your expensive bribes,” she said jerkily. “I’m only taking what I came with. I’m sure you have no use for an orange wig.” She sat down on the bed and began to put on her white tennis shoes. “And it might come in handy for me.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” he repeated grimly. For the first time she noticed he had changed from his white suit into black riding pants and a black sweat shirt. The somber color accentuated his air of menace.
“The hell I’m not.” She tied the lace of the second shoe and stood up. “I’m going far and I’m going fast. If you don’t want me to use the plane or the car, I’ll walk.” She slammed the lid of the suitcase shut and fastened it. “Or hitchhike.”
“You’re upset. I know that. Will you please listen to me?” He came toward her. “I don’t know what your lovable father said to you, but I’m sure it was expressed in the worst possible terms. He has a talent that way.”
She whipped around to face him, flags of color suddenly flying in her pale cheeks. “He didn’t try to present it any way at all. He just told me the cold facts. I’m going to have a child. Too bad neither one of you thought to inform me.”
“There were reasons. If you’ll calm down, I’ll tell you what they were.”
“I know what they were. I thought that you might be feeling sorry for me, but it was more than that, wasn’t it?” Her eyes blazed up at him. “I was carrying your child. That made all the difference. You couldn’t let me leave once you knew that. It would have offended your every instinct.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said roughly.
“Don’t I?” She smiled bitterly. “I thought your about-face was a little too good to be true. I guess I wanted to believe it so desperately that I let you convince me. You were very plausible, Philip. I swallowed the big lie without even batting an eye.”
“I didn’t lie,” he said between his teeth. “I don’t lie, dammit. I just didn’t let you know the whole truth. I was going to tell you soon, but I was afraid you’d react like this.”
“So you decided to secure the fortress before you let me in on the secret. Didn’t it occur to you that I had a right to know about the child before I married you?”
“It occurred to me. I suppose I was just too scared to risk it.”
“You should have been afraid. I never would have married you.” Her hands clenched at her sides. “You had no right to fool me like that.”
“Perhaps not, but I took that right anyway.” His lips twisted. “I assume you think you’re going to run back to your rock group and file for divorce now?”
“With the speed of light. I’ll be free so fast it will make your head swim.”
“No!” he said with great precision. “There will be no divorce and no running away. You’re not leaving.”
“The devil I’m not. You’ll have to throw me into the dungeon to keep me here.”
“That won’t be necessary. The dungeon is very dirty and uncomfortable, as it hasn’t been used for a century or so. I think house arrest will do as well. I’ll even extend your privileges to the stables as long as you understand that you won’t be permitted to ride.”
She was staring at him incredulously. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh yes, I’m very serious.” His smile was bittersweet. “You told me once I was a good deal like my father. Perhaps you were right. He imprisoned my mother for nine months before his child was born. Believe me, I’ll do the same if I have to.”
“You’re barbaric,” she whispered.
“But then, you’ve always known that.” His lips were a thin line. “You should have expected me to react like this. I’m not letting you leave here. When you calm down we’ll talk.”
“We have talked.”
“You’ve done all the talking. I haven’t even been permitted to defend myself.” He turned away. “When I leave this room I’m giving orders that you’re not to leave the premises. There will be guards posted throughout the house and in the courtyard. Your freedom won’t be circumscribed unless you try to leave the grounds.” He glanced over his shoulder, and for a moment his eyes were bright with pain.
“When you’re ready to let me explain, send for me. I’ll try to give you the time you need, but I don’t know if I can.” His voice was suddenly harsh. “I’m hurting too, dammit.”
She watched the door close behind him with stunned disbelief. He meant it. She heard the muffled sound of his voice through the closed door. He must be telephoning his blasted orders for her restriction right now. Within fifteen minutes the entire place would be bristling with guards.
She felt fury surge through her. Well, she wouldn’t be here in fifteen minutes. She’d have to leave the suitcase. She ran to the bureau and grabbed up her passport and wallet and jammed them into the back pockets of her jeans. Then she was out on the balcony, climbing over the balustrade. It was only a six- or seven-foot drop to the courtyard below and, by lowering herself with her hands until she hung full length, she lessened the jump to only a few feet.
Then she was running across the courtyard in the direction of the stables.
TEN
OEDIPUS WAS ON the far side of the pasture when she climbed the fence. Trust him to make a difficult situation worse. She had hoped he would be close enough so that she could just jump on him and be out the gate in a matter of seconds. Now she would have to run across the pasture and hope he wouldn’t spook and leave her to chase after him.
She leaped down and streaked across the pasture toward the stallion. “Oedipus,” she called softly. “It’s only me. You don’t want to run away. We’re a team, remember? Why don’t you come over here and we’ll go for a ride?”
He was ignoring her. Maybe that wasn’t all bad. At least he didn’t appear to be skittish today.
“Stay away from him, Pandora.”
Philip! Her pace faltered as she glanced over her shoulder. He was swiftly climbing the fence, his expression as dark as his voice was menacing.
Oh, let Oedipus be good today. There wasn’t time for his usual shenanigans. She was next to him now and with one spring was on his back. He half reared and her knees gripped him firmly. “Not now, boy. Please.”
He wasn’t listening. He went through a series of bucks that would have done justice to a rodeo bronco and finished with a rear that almost toppled them.
“Get off him.” Philip was right in front of them. His blue-green eyes were blazing. “Get off him, dammit.”
“No!” She glared down at him. “I’m leaving here. I’ll send him back when I get someplace where I can find other transportation.”
“In Sedikhan?” He shook his head. “I’ll close the borders, if necessary, to keep you here.”
“Then I’ll ride him over the hills to Said Ababa.” She smiled at him recklessly. “They don’t like either you or Ben Raschid any too well. Perhaps they’ll give me sanctuary.” Oedipus began to rear again, and she had all she could do to stay on his back for the next minute or so. “Now get out of my way.”
“And if you run into those bandits that are holed up in the hills there’s a good chance you’ll be raped or murdered,” he said grimly, starting toward her again.
She felt Oedipus’s muscles tense beneath her, and a sudden fear pierced the haze of fury that enveloped her. “No! Stay back. Oedipus—”
It was too late. Oedipus reared, his front hoofs flying, and Philip was right in front of those hoofs. She heard a low cry that chilled her blood.
“Philip!” She saw the blood on his temple and screamed. “No!” She was off Oedipus in an instant. At least Philip hadn’t fallen to the ground. Perhaps the blow hadn’t been too severe. She was by his side, her eyes enormous with fear as she saw the trickle of blood running down his cheek from the wound in his temple. “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not all right,” he bit out. “I’m mad as hell, frustrated, and I will probably have a colossal headache, thanks to our old friend Oedipus.” He suddenly picked her up and slung her face down over his shoulder. “And you. Now try to refrain from struggling or I’ll tie you up and gag you.”
She felt a brief surge of indignation that was immediately submerged by a relief so intense that it made her go limp. Philip couldn’t be badly hurt if he was able to carry her like this.
“Open that gate, blast it!”
She heard a low exclamation and then she was being carried through the gate and across the stableyard. Her hair had tumbled forward over her eyes so that she had only brief glimpses of the stableboys and trainers as they passed, but she heard the low comments and laughter. Comments that didn’t put her in any better temper.
“You can put me down now. Surrounded by all these chauvinistic idiots, I doubt I’ll be able to escape. This isn’t at all dignified.”
“Since when has dignity ever mattered to you? I’m not letting you go until I have you in a place where you can’t run away from me.” They were abruptly out of the sun. The dirt of the stableyard had been replaced by the wooden planks and sawdust of the stable itself. “Get out of here,” he ordered someone who was beyond her vision. “And stay out. Lock the stable doors behind you and don’t open them until I tell you.”
A pair of scuffed brown boots crossed her line of vision, and then the barn became suddenly dusky as the door was slammed shut.
She heard the bolt being shot as Philip moved down the line of stalls. “Don’t you think you’ve carried this far enough?” she asked. “I’m getting dizzy from being upside down.”
“Well, I’ve certainly carried you far enough.” He knelt in an empty stall and put her down on a bed of fresh hay. “I’m getting a little dizzy myself.”
“Are you?” She sat up, her face concerned. “You’re still bleeding. Why did you have to be so stupid? You knew Oedipus wouldn’t put up with being approached like that.” She scrambled to her knees. “Let me look at it.”
“It was the only way to get you off that contrary devil before he bucked you off.” He reached into his back pocket, pulled out a white handkerchief, and dabbed carelessly at his cheek and temple. “You obviously weren’t going to display any sense in the matter.”
“Let me do that.” She took the handkerchief and carefully wiped the blood away from the cut. It wasn’t much more than a scratch she noticed with relief. Oedipus must have clipped him with the edge of his hoof. “You didn’t have to try to commit suicide. You could have let me go.”
“Never again,” he said quietly. “Not as long as we both live.”
“Which won’t be very long for you if you continue to do crazy things like that,” she said huskily. She felt as if something inside her was loosening, breaking up like an ice floe in sunlight. She had to blink rapidly to keep back the tears. “You could have had your brains knocked out, dammit.”
“No loss. I don’t seem to have many left since you reappeared in my life.” He closed his eyes, and his voice lowered. “Lord, you scared me. I thought he was going to throw you again.” He was shaking, she realized incredulously. The trembling was barely perceptible, but it was there, nonetheless. He opened his eyes, and they were unutterably weary. “Please, don’t do that to me again. I kept seeing you lying on that path in the hills, crumpled up like a broken doll. It was like repeating a nightmare.”
Please. When had she ever heard Philip plead for anything? She tried desperately to hold on to her anger. “It was your fault. Who ever heard of anybody locking up a wife in this day and age?”
“You wouldn’t stay,” he said simply. “I can’t do without you now.”
“You mean you can’t do without your child,” she said dully.
“I know what I mean. What do I have to do to convince you? Shall I arrange for an abortion?”
“No!” Her eyes widened in shock. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“No. We’d end up hating each other if I did. Besides, that child is probably more alive to me than it is to you. I’ve had more time to think about it. I want that child, Pandora.”
“I know that,” she said shakily.
“I want it,” he said slowly. “But I’ll give it up. If you’ll promise to stay with me for the next y
ear, I’ll relinquish all claim to the baby. Should you choose to leave me after that time, the child goes with you.”
She froze. “You’d do that?”
“If I have to.” A muscle jerked in his cheek. “I’m hoping that at the end of that year I will have been able to convince you to stay with me.” He drew a deep, shuddering breath. “God, I hope that.”
“Why?” she asked. “It’s not like you. I can’t believe you’d calmly give up your own child.”
His lips twisted in a travesty of a smile. “Not calmly. Rebelliously, agonizingly, perhaps. But never calmly.”
“Why?” she asked again, her voice a mere whisper.
“Because I love you.” His hands came up to clasp her shoulders. “How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me?” There was a touch of desperation in his tone. “Yes, I want the baby. But only because it’s your baby, not because it’s mine. Because I know I’ll love your child almost as much as I love you.”
Hope leaped wildly. She moistened her lips. “I’m afraid to trust you.”
“How long am I going to have to pay for that night? I know I hurt you. I know I can’t turn back the clock. Look, would it help if I told you why I brought Natalie here?”
“I know why you brought her here. You wanted to get rid of me.” Her lips were suddenly trembling. “You wanted to hurt me.”
“Yes, I wanted to hurt you. I reacted like a madman when you told me you were leaving me.” He was silent for a few seconds, gathering himself to go on. “I don’t like being this vulnerable. God, I don’t want to put it into words.”
“Put what into words?”
“It was one of the games she used to play,” he burst out. “Most of the time she wasn’t very subtle in her little cruelties, but she enjoyed that one very much. I was an exceptionally lonely child. She made sure of that. Lonely children are desperate for affection, and it was a weapon she could use. She was always trying to get back at my father through me.”
“Helena Lavade,” Pandora murmured. It was a statement, not a question.