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The target slowly swung to a complete stop; around them the house felt heavy with silence. Finally Wesley had nodded. “Yeah, okay. ”
There hadn’t been any big, dramatic change in Wesley after that; he was still closed-off and didn’t talk much. But as Alex stared at the TV, he realized that he felt like he knew the guy now. He knew all of them, just from watching them grow, change, get better – and he’d make sure they stayed safe through this, no matter what it took.
“Is Willow going on the hunt?” asked Kara.
Alex glanced at her; she sat curled up in the armchair with her forearm draped across its back. “I don’t know,” he admitted.
Though Willow didn’t think so, she was doing great for someone who’d never touched a gun before – but she wasn’t up to fighting angels yet. Leaving aside his fears for her safety, Alex knew that her angel self was incredibly useful in combat. Yet if an angel saw what she was and got away. . . He winced, seeing again the battle in the courtyard and the angel speeding off down the street.
“I don’t know,” he repeated, massaging his temples idly. Not a migraine this time, just a headache that had been grumbling at him for hours.
Kara glanced down at her bright red fingernails, turning them this way and that. “Can I ask you something?”
He gave her a wary look, holding back a dry smile. “If this is about my sex life again. . . ”
“No, not that. It’s just – well, I’ve been wondering why you haven’t used her angel to help train them. ”
Alex shrugged. “It doesn’t have a halo. And I don’t know what would happen if someone got excited and shot at it – whether that would hurt Willow or not. ”
“But that could happen on a hunt, too,” Kara pointed out.
“Yeah, it could,” he agreed. It was another reason why he wasn’t convinced about taking Willow: the possibility of Sam or someone getting all adrenalin-rushed and trigger-happy with her angel in flight.
“If you want my advice, I don’t think she should go,” said Kara after a pause. “I mean, I know you’ve made it clear to everyone that she’s part of the team, but. . . ”
“But she’s not, really,” finished Alex sharply.
“I’m not saying it’s her fault,” said Kara. “It’s just that the others still don’t really trust her. ”
Alex felt a ripple of annoyance. “Well, then it’s about time they got over it. Besides, they trust her a lot more than they did. ”
Kara sounded like she was choosing her words carefully. “They’ve gotten sort of used to having her in the house; it’s not quite the same thing. Look, I just don’t think taking her along on the first hunt would be great for morale when everyone’s going to be nervous enough as it is. And she’s not that competent with a gun yet anyway – there’s more minuses than pluses, that’s all. ”
Her tone was so reasonable that it made Alex’s teeth grit together. “Okay, I think you’ve convinced me,” he said finally.
“You’re not going to take her?”
“No, I am,” said Alex. “Because she is part of the team, and you and the others need to start seeing her that way. She already can’t take part in the Council attack, or go into the cathedral. But there’s not too much danger on a hunt like this, where we’re all out in the open and can manoeuvre. There’s no way I’m going to tell her she can’t come. ”
Kara nodded, obviously unconvinced. “Okay. Your call. ” She fell silent, gazing at the TV as a commercial came on. When the news started again, she said, “You really love her, don’t you?”
He glanced over, taken aback by the wistful note in her voice. “Yeah, I do,” he said. “More than anything. ”
Kara’s mouth twisted; she looked down at her nails again. “I can tell. It’s nice, you know? Once I thought that maybe me and Jake. . . ” She trailed off.
Alex sat up a little, staring at her – and then realized he wasn’t that surprised. She and Jake had always been close, though he knew his brother had given up hoping anything would ever happen; Jake had told him once how he’d made a play for Kara and been completely shot down. Suddenly Alex felt as wistful as Kara had just sounded. God, Jake had been crazy about Kara, way beyond Alex’s own adolescent crush on her. Getting together with her would have made him so incredibly happy.
“So. . . why didn’t you?” he asked.
Kara sighed, propping her chin on her hand. “Oh, I don’t know. He still had some growing up to do. Mostly, I think I just didn’t want to mess up our friendship. But life’s too short; you’ve got to go for it – what happened to Jake taught me that. ” She fell silent as she ran a finger along the arm of the chair. Then she said in a low voice, “Speaking of going for it. . . you’re a lot like him, you know. I mean, a lot like how I hoped he’d turn out to be. ”
Alex’s gaze flew to hers. Her brown eyes were serious, unwavering. Christ, this couldn’t actually be what it sounded like, could it? He cleared his throat, half sure she was going to burst out laughing. “Look, um. . . Kara—”
Her hand went up, stopping him. “It’s okay. I know you’re in love with Willow. I’m just sayin’, that’s all. ” She unfolded herself from the chair and came over to him; kissed his forehead with lips that were warm and gentle. “Don’t worry, I won’t say it again. I don’t want to complicate things for you. You’re a good guy, Al. The best. And if things are ever different. . . ” She shrugged, gave a small smile. “Well, who knows?”
As she left the room, Alex stared after her, swamped by confusion. Kara? If this had happened a few years ago – no, a few months ago – he wouldn’t have been able to say “yes” fast enough. Now it meant nothing to him, other than to somehow make him feel guilty even though all he’d done was sit there. Thinking of his crush-ridden younger self, Alex had a wry moment of wishing he could have had this conversation with Kara back then; imagining what that would have been like.
Okay, now he really did feel guilty. Mentally cursing Kara, he went and found Willow in the kitchen. She was squeezing a lemon into a bowl; Liz was doing something with a tray of chicken breasts. He stood against the doorway, watching unseen for a moment – taking in Willow’s slim curves in her jeans and tight T-shirt; the short, red-gold hair that showed the graceful lines of her neck.
“You should try it some night,” she was saying. “The tarragon adds a really nice flavour. ”
“Yeah, maybe—” Liz broke off as she noticed Alex standing there; Willow looked up too.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi,” he said, smiling at her. She had a tiny smudge of flour on her nose. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
She hesitated, then nodded. “Sure. ” She wiped her hands on a paper towel. “Back in a minute,” she said to Liz.
He led her into one of the storage rooms and shut the door; the room was shadowy, crammed with boxes. “You might be longer than a minute,” he murmured, lowering his head to hers. He felt her tense, and drew back in surprise. “What’s wrong?”