Jack’s jaw clenched and he turned toward Trigger. “No, me, honey.”
My brows lifted when I glanced at Trigger. I didn’t know much about the man, although I’d come to trust him and care about him, but I did know enough to realize that if Trigger wanted to speak to me it must have been important. Looking at him now, I realized that his face was tense and he looked pale. Was he mad?
Uh-oh. Was I in trouble?
“Okay then.” I gave him my best smile, hoping to ease some of the man’s tension. I liked him and didn’t want him to be so serious around me.
Trigger thrust his hands into his front jeans pockets and took a half step toward me. “What I have to tell you isn’t easy for me…Gracie.” He said my name in such an odd way that my need to make him lighten up a little evaporated. I instinctively knew then and there that whatever was going to leave this man’s mouth was going to change my life.
Suddenly I wanted Hawk. Needed him there to hold my hand. He wasn’t there, though, and I found myself at a loss, floundering for steady ground.
“Here, honey. Take a seat before you fall over.” Jack guided me into one of the chairs in front of the desk. I sank down onto it gratefully.
Trigger crouched down in front of me instead of taking the other chair, making me frown. One of his big hands clasped both of mine, swallowing the whole. His touch was warm, kind of soothing, but I still felt like my world was suddenly turned on its axis and I had no idea why. “I want you to know, that if I’d known about you, I would have found a way home and stopped your mom from going with Morgan.”
I frowned. “What?” Out of everything I feared he was going to tell me, that wasn’t one of them. What the heck was he talking about?
He blew out a frustrated breath. “Remember I told you that I knew your mother? We…I would have married her if she’d stuck around. I loved her, Gracie. So much.”
“R-really?” He’d loved her? For some reason that thought eased some of the ache I still had over the loss of my mother and I found myself smiling down at the big man. I’d always thought she’d gone through life having to live with my father for my sake, never knowing what real love was like. That thought had only gotten worse when I’d fallen in love with Hawk. I’d wished she could have experienced something close to what I had with him.
Trigger nodded. “I was in the army back then. I loved her before I left, and I loved her when I came home on leave. I still love her…” He grimaced. “I don’t know if I can forgive her for keeping you a secret from me, though.”
Okay, this was getting weirder and weirder. What the heck was going on? “I’m sorry, Trigger, but I’m kind of lost here.”
“I’m sorry. I should start from the beginning.” His hand tightened on both of mine, as if he were offering me his strength, but from the look on his face I was pretty sure he was the one who needed it. “I came home on leave for a few weeks and your mother and I… She fell in love with me too, Gracie. We had an affair.”
“Oh…” Good choice, Mom. Trigger was still a very handsome man. As beautiful as my mother had been, I knew that these two would have made a great looking couple. The fact that I knew Trigger was a good man, would have protected my mother to her last breath, only made me sad because I could almost picture what her life would have been like if she’d married him.
Maybe she would have still been alive. That thought made me flinch and Trigger’s eyes darkened, as if he thought I was flinching away from him, but before I could tell him that wasn’t why, he spoke again.
“When I went back to active duty she promised me she would wait, but when I got back she was gone. Jack told me she had married some Yank from college and had moved back East with him.” Trigger clenched his jaw. “I was hurt, but didn’t really think anything of it. I figured she had fallen for someone else and started a life with him. I loved her enough to want her to be happy, and as long as she was, I wasn’t going to chase after her. A few years later Jack mentioned his granddaughter and that cut like a white hot blade, but still I didn’t think anything of it, never expected Shannon to have kept my daughter a secret from me.”
My heart ached for Trigger as he continued. How could my mother have been so stupid? She’d had someone who loved and obviously adored her waiting right here in Creswell Springs. Why would she put up with my father’s crap for so many years when she could have been happy with...?
Maybe I was still recovering, after all, because it took nearly thirty seconds for my brain to catch up. “Wait…What? Your daughter?” I shot to my feet, unable to stay seated a second longer. What the hell was going on? “Jack?” I gritted out, turning my gaze on him.
The old man lifted his hands, as if surrendering. “I didn’t know anything about it, honey. Neither of them dropped so much as a clue about their relationship and I had no idea that he could possibly have been your dad until…recently.”
I was so shocked by everything that I didn’t even catch his small hesitation. I gaped from one man to the other, not sure I even believed the craziness that had become my brain. “Are you my father?” I didn’t mean to yell, but my voice wasn’t cooperating with my brain and it came out louder and harsher than I’d anticipated.
Trigger flinched as if I’d hit him. “I wasn’t completely sure, sweetheart. Not until I found out your blood type…in the hospital back in Connecticut.”
Everything inside of me froze. I had a pretty rare blood type, but I hadn’t ever questioned it.
“After looking at Craig Morgan’s medical records Doc Robertson said he was plain old O positive. With your blood type, there is no way you could have been his daughter.”
I stumbled back, the shock of his confession acting like an electric force and pushing me off balance. All my life I’d hated that I shared DNA with Craig Morgan—with any Morgan, really. I’d seen firsthand how evil they all were and had prayed every night before I fell asleep that I had more of my mother in me than Morgan. That I wouldn’t ever turn into one of those vile people who were either wife-beaters or wives that sat and took it for what the Morgan name could offer them. After my mother’s death, the mere thought of sharing the same genetics with the man who was responsible for her death had sickened me.
Now, to find out that I didn’t, that no part of the Morgan evilness was a part of me, I was beyond relieved.
Tears burned my eyes and I moved back until my hands touched the wall before slowly sliding to the floor. Drawing my knees up to my chest, I pressed my forehead to my legs and closed my eyes. I wanted Hawk so bad, needed him there to ground me, to tell me that I wasn’t dreaming.
That I really didn’t share one single gene with the Morgans.
As if I had conjured him from thin air, I heard the door to the garage office open and suddenly he was kneeling beside me. His strong, warm hand touched my tear dampened cheek and I lifted my head as a sob left me. The sob was mixed with a laugh that was so full of relief I knew I must have sounded crazy.
“Baby?” His voice was full of concern and I quickly dashed away the tears as they poured down my face.
“A-all my life…” I couldn’t contain another maniacal-sounding laugh as it left me. “All my life I hated him, and me by association. I despised myself for sharing the same gene pool as him. When…when my mom died, I blamed myself because I thought his blood ran through my veins.”
His green eyes darkened. “Gracie—”
“Do you realize how relieved I am, Hawk? Do you?” Another sob bubbled up, thankfully pushing down the laughter that was starting to scare me. “It’s like having the weight of the world on your back and suddenly someone has lifted it off you. He wasn’t my father. He wasn’t. I…I don’t have to hate…myself anymore. I don’t have to…blame myself.”
He didn’t say another word, but wrapped me up in his arms, holding me safe against his chest. The relief felt so good, so amazingly good and freeing.
Hawk held me for a long time, well after my tears had dried up and the crazy laughter that had begun
to scare me had faded. Slowly I realized that Jack and Trigger were still in the office with us and I lifted my head. My gaze went straight to Trigger.
So this was my real father. The man who had helped my mother give me life. For the life of me I couldn’t understand what my mother had been thinking to not have told him, but knowing Shannon I knew that there had to have been a good reason.
Trigger was a good man; I knew that deep in my soul. If I were honest, I would admit that I’d always felt something special for Trigger, but had never understood why. Maybe, deep down, a part of me had sensed the truth. Now, as I looked at him, I tried to find similarities between myself and the man who was my father.
At first glance I couldn’t see any. I looked a lot like my mother and even Jack, but after a few minutes of staring at him, I realized that we had the same chin, the same ears. The way his nose was flaring with his harsh breathing reminded me of myself when I got mad at Hawk or school and work got to be too much for me and I needed to let off steam.
Maybe I should have been angry that Trigger was dropping this on me now, but I couldn’t hold that against him. He hadn’t known I existed, my mother hadn’t let him know, so that was on her, not him. Maybe I shouldn’t have felt a euphoric kind of peace at his news, but I did nonetheless.
Okay, so maybe I wasn’t going to jump up and throw my arms around him and start calling him ‘Daddy’ but that didn’t mean I was going to count him out. Trigger wasn’t a monster like Craig Morgan. I knew and loved him already and he was all I had left in the world except for Jack. After having lost my mother, I knew I’d been given a second chance at parental love with Trigger.
The way he was looking down at me right then, his eyes tormented, his jaw tense, I could see that I really did have that parent to cherish again. I thought back on the last month. The way Trigger had taken care of me until Hawk had shown up at Charles Morgan’s house, his gentle touch as he tried to reassure me everything was going to be okay. How he’d stayed in the hospital with me and Hawk night and day until the doctors had said that the antibiotics were working and I was going to be okay.
It all made sense now. All of it. He must have known then, or at least suspected.
“Baby, are you okay?” Hawk murmured against my neck where he had been softly kissing me as if he couldn’t help himself.
I didn’t answer as I got unsteadily to my feet. Hawk’s strong hands were there to hold my hips to help me, just as I knew they would be. He had my complete trust, always. Once I knew I wouldn’t fall on my face, I pulled away from his hold and crossed the room toward Trigger.
The closer I got, the whiter his face turned and I thought I saw tears in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them back and I wasn’t even sure that was what had been in them. With trembling fingers, I lifted my hands and touched his chin, rough with at least two days’ worth of scruff. Without realizing it, my head tilted to the right as I studied him and I saw other similarities that I’d never realized we shared.
No one spoke as I contemplated the man who had once seemed like a big, scary biker to me. Now he just looked like a big—and yes, still scary—papa bear, and that melted my heart. I offered him a small but warm smile. “I’m not going to start calling you Daddy anytime soon, but…I’m really glad you’re my father.”
Trigger let out a long, hard breath and it was only then that I realized he’d been holding it. His jaw unclenched and he stepped closer only to pause. “Can…I hug you?”
My answer was to throw my arms around his neck and hold on tight.
Chapter Eighteen
Felicity
With a feeling of déjà-vu, the taxi pulled up in front of the house in Malibu, but I knew this time around was different in every way.
I paid the driver and, taking hold of my case and purse, I got out of the taxi. Smiling up at the house I’d called home and safe haven for over a year, I headed for the front door. I still had my key, but it didn’t feel right to just walk in. This wasn’t my home anymore.
I rang the doorbell and waited. Less than two minutes later the door opened and Emmie stood in the doorway, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and baby Jagger hanging off her hip. Big, green eyes widened in surprise seconds before I was being pulled into the house and hugged tight against my friend and her son.
“Holy shit,” she cried as she hugged me hard. “I didn’t think you would actually come back. I’m so happy to see you, Felicity. So happy.”
She sounded it too, but I knew I couldn’t let her keep thinking that I was home for good. I pulled back and gave her a smile I hoped reassured her. “I’m sorry, Em, but I’m not home. I wanted to say goodbye face to face. I thought we both deserved that.”
Her face fell, but she returned my smile. Blowing out a ragged breath, she shook her head. “I should have known. You love the biker. It was only a matter of time before I lost you.”
I hugged her again, pressing a kiss to Jagger’s sweet-smelling head. “You haven’t lost me, Emmie. You will always be my friend. Always.”
Emmie took me into the kitchen and poured me a cup of Jesse Thornton’s special recipe coffee. Exhausted after the flight and the sleepless night I’d had waiting in the airport the night before, I drank it greedily as we talked, her catching me up on what had been going on with Gabriella Moreitti, and more importantly, Mia.
Thankfully, sweet little Mia was starting to put the nightmare behind her and I couldn’t have been happier for her. I hoped she didn’t have to experience something like she had ever again. Today she was spending time with Shane and Harper, and even though Emmie offered to call them and have them bring Mia home, I didn’t think I was strong enough to not cry in front of the little girl I’d grown to love like my own.
I knew Em had to have been busy, but she spent the rest of the afternoon with me. Nik came home from the studio where he was helping produce a few songs with the two bands that had toured with Demon’s Wings and OtherWorld over the summer. I shared dinner with them and then it was time to go.
My cab was waiting as I stepped out onto the front step with Nik and Emmie. Nik kissed my cheek and stepped back. With a soft kiss for his wife, he excused himself, knowing that Emmie and I needed to say goodbye alone. “Be safe, Felicity. If you ever need us, we’re right here.”
I offered him a smile. “Thanks, Nik. That means the world to me.”
“We love you like one of our own, girl. You are one of our own. Don’t forget that.”
Heart clenching, I nodded and he walked back into the house, closing the door behind him. No sooner had the door snapped shut was Emmie wrapping me in another tight hug. “I hate change. Hate it. But you were one of the best changes in our life. I honestly don’t know how I survived so long without you, and now that you’re leaving…” She broke off, shaking her head as if to shake away whatever she was thinking. “We will never forget you, babe. I will never forget you. I stand behind what Nik said a hundred percent. If you ever need us, pick up your phone, stop by. Anything. We love you.”
Tears burned my eyes and throat and I had to blink them quickly away. “I love you guys too. Thank you for being my friend when I needed one the most…Thank you for letting me love your children like they were my own, Emmie.”
“Loving my babies is never something you should thank me for, babe. Having someone care for them like they were their own, loving them as only a mother can, that is an honor to share with you.” She lifted her hand and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear as she stepped forward and lowered her voice. “I will always be grateful for the peace you gave me, Felicity. What you gave me and Lucy, can never be repaid no matter how hard I try. If you ever need anything—anything—you only have to say the word.”
I caught her hand and gave it a small squeeze. “I’ll remember that,” I teased her with a wink. We both knew I would never use her like that…unless it was absolutely necessary.
“Good,” she said with a smirk.
I gave her fingers a tighter squeeze. “Th
e same goes for you, Emmie. I know you have Seller for security, but if you ever need anything… Well, you know I’ll get anything you need done without asking any questions.”
Her smirk faded in an instant. “I wish you wouldn’t go.”
Her chin started to tremble and I quickly wrapped my arms around her small frame. “I’m sorry, Em. So, so sorry.”
“I know. I’m just being silly. I told you I hate change.” She gave a sad little laugh and pulled back. “Go. Be with your scary biker. I only want you to be happy.”
I nearly grinned at the similarities between the two people I loved so much. Here was Emmie telling me the same thing Jet had just said the night before. I knew I could be happy here with Emmie and her family, but not as happy as I would be back in Creswell Springs.
With Jet.
With one last tight hug, I stepped back and walked toward the waiting taxi. The driver opened the back door for me. As the driver started to pull away from the curb, I glanced back. My chest clenched when I saw Emmie standing on the front step with Nik’s arms around her while she cried.
I was exhausted by the time I got to the airport, so I was ten times as grumpy as I normally would have been when I found out my return flight had been cancelled and the soonest I could get back to Creswell Springs was the following afternoon unless I rented a car.
Deciding it was probably better if I got some sleep before I suddenly started murdering the airport staff, I walked the few blocks to the nearest hotel and crashed as soon as I was in my room. I slept deeply and woke up more than ten hours later, reaching for Jet.
Not finding him next to me like I’d come to rely on, to need, I sat up in the queen-sized bed and glanced at the clock. I still had a few hours before I had to go to the airport. The distance between me and Jet felt like it spanned the entire Earth at that moment. I regretted not telling him that I loved him when I’d had the chance, but I was determined that I would fix that as soon as I got home.