The need to punch something washed through me, but I clenched my jaw and held onto that need. I couldn’t go off the walls, not yet. The prick who was my parole officer would be by this morning for his usual drop-by ‘visit’. He’d have my papers with him and I could finally travel outside of the county. If he showed up and the house was torn apart, he would have cause to prolong the fucking parole.
“Flick is with them,” Raven murmured from behind us and I turned to see that my sister had gone deathly pale. “Is Flick safe?” She lifted angry, tear-filled eyes to me. “You said she was safe.”
“I thought she was,” I assured her, but dread was filling my stomach. After seeing this shit—seeing how close Flick had come to being a statistic—I knew I’d been wrong. Some crazy fan was targeting one of Demon’s Wings guys and Flick was right in the middle of it.
“Someone got shot, Jet. Saving the kid she’s responsible for. It could have been her.” Raven’s chin trembled and she turned away. Bash wrapped her in his arms. “It could have been her,” she said and then sobbed against her husband’s chest.
“But it wasn’t, Rave.” Colt tried to assure her. “She’s fine. And Jet is going to go get her tonight. Right?” He practically growled at me.
I didn’t hesitate, hating the broken sounds coming from my sister just as much as he did. “Right. I’ll bring her home, Raven. I swear.”
Even if I had to throw her over my shoulder and tie her to my bike, I’d fucking bring her home.
Chapter Two
Emmie
My head was pounding. A mixture of no sleep, stress that would have killed a normal human being by now, and alternating between trying not to cry and being pissed at myself—and the world—was causing my head to ache in a way it never had before. I was glad for the constant distraction of my phone, though. It kept me going, kept my mind off of what was waiting for me back on my tour bus—for the most part at least.
I was such a fucking coward. Hiding behind taking care of all the shit that needed my attention at the hospital when I should have been holding onto Mia was definitely the coward’s way out. I didn’t have to be here. Gabriella wasn’t my client, she was Annabelle Cassidy’s, and Annabelle more than knew what the hell she was doing. But the chick I’d dubbed the Troll Bitch, the woman whom I’d hated almost from the moment I’d met her, had risked her life saving the life of my child. I owed her so much more than just taking care of the police and Feds, not to mention the hordes of paps and fans that were trying to get into the hospital.
If Gabriella opened her eyes tomorrow and asked me to take her place, I would. I would willingly give up my life for her now. How did a parent repay someone for saving their baby? I’d hand over every cent that was in my bank account. Dedicate my life to waiting on her hand and foot. Fuck, I’d drop to my knees and kiss her feet if she wanted me to.
I seriously hoped she didn’t, but I’d do it if that was what she wanted.
For now, though, all I wanted was for Gabriella to open her eyes. For her to live so I could tell her ‘thank you’.
The waiting room was crowded. Most of OtherWorld’s members were there to support Liam as we waited for the doctors to give us an update. So far she was stable, but still in critical condition. Drake and Shane had arrived over an hour ago but I’d been so busy I hadn’t had to deal with them. It wasn’t that I was ignoring them…
Yeah, okay. So I was ignoring them. I knew why they were there and it had nothing to do with Gabriella Moreitti. I’d seen the worry in my two surrogate brothers’ blue-gray eyes. They were there for me, and I knew that the second they were able to say so much as one word to me I’d lose what little hold I still had on my emotions.
I didn’t recognize the woman I was right at that moment. I was running scared, terrified of facing my child—my child who needed me so damn much—because I had failed her. I had always known I wasn’t the best mother, and this nightmare only reinforced that for me. This was all my fault. I’d let this happen.
All she’d wanted was to watch her father sing her favorite song. That was all. One. Little. Fucking. Song. And I’d made her go to bed before leaving to deal with all the crap I had to deal with at every concert Demon’s Wings performed at. I knew how stubborn my child was. Mia was so much like me in every way, that I should have anticipated her sneaking off the bus.
What I hadn’t been expecting was the crazy bitch to destroy Shane’s bus again. I’d thought it had been a one-time thing at the beginning of the summer tour. I’d upped security just to be on the cautious side, but I’d honestly thought it wouldn’t happen again. Then it had, and the same psychotic bitch had tried to take my baby from me. I was racking my brain, trying to figure out who would have a vendetta against not just Harper for marrying Shane…but me as well.
The truth was, it could have been any number of chicks. Before Harper had come along, Shane had screwed anything with a pussy. I was the one who had to get rid of his cast offs, so I could understand why they would hate me. I had never been gentle about getting rid of the clingers, either. I’d never been gentle, period, especially when it came to getting rid of the skanks that my guys had attracted.
Whoever it was doing this to Shane and Harper was making it loud and clear that she had a vendetta against me too. I didn’t care who the bitch was, or even if she was mentally challenged. As soon as I found her I was going to kill her with my bare hands.
Sighing, I blew a few strands of limp, auburn hair out of my face and turned to go back into the waiting room. I hadn’t slept in days. My entire body ached from the stress that kept my shoulders tense. I’d barely eaten and my stomach was making its discomfort felt, but I ignored it as I opened the door. I needed to talk to Annabelle about the latest news from the Feds and…
I knew he was in the room as soon as I stepped through the door. Even after all this time, I could still feel whenever Nik was in the same room. My stomach knotted up and I tried not to meet my husband’s gaze, but it was like he had me under a spell and I found myself trapped with his ice-blue gaze. Tears burned the backs of my eyes and my throat clogged with a lump that practically cut off my ability to breathe.
He hates me. I know he hates me. I hate me, so he must hate me too.
My flight instinct took hold and I started to turn from the doorway. A million things still needed my attention. I would just go deal with them. I would…
Strong hands caught me around the waist and he forced me to face him. I looked up into his eyes. Seeing the tears and torment of those ice-blue eyes that I loved so much only intensified my own pain. “Emmie,” he got out in a raspy voice. “It’s okay, Em. She’s okay.”
I knew he was trying to reassure me, but nothing could have done that right then. “Wh-why are you here?” I demanded, trying to be angry with him. But I couldn’t. This wasn’t his fault. It was mine. All mine. “You should be with Mia and Jagger. They need you.”
“Layla and Felicity are watching over them and I have the bus surrounded with Seller’s men. You’re the one who needs me right now, Em.”
I shook my head. I didn’t need anyone right then. Didn’t he understand that everything I touched I hurt? That no matter how much I tried, I always ended up ruining everything? Why couldn’t he understand that? It was only a matter of time before I destroyed him and our children.
His hands moved to my arms and Nik shook me gently. “Yes, you do. It’s okay. I swear to you, it’s okay.”
The sob I’d been holding back from the moment I’d found Mia bubbled up and finally escaped. “No,” I cried. “It’s not fucking okay. We nearly lost her and it’s all my fault, Nik. S-she only wanted to watch you. If I’d given in, if I’d let her come with us, then none of this would have happened. Our baby would have been safe with us and some twisted bitch wouldn’t have tried to take her from me.”
His arms wrapped around me again, making me feel the one thing I hadn’t felt in days now. Safe. I was safe here in his arms. Nothing could hurt me as long as Nik
held on to me like this. I didn’t deserve to feel this kind of sweet bliss, not when I’d nearly gotten our baby kidnapped.
Nik’s hand cupped the back of my head when I would have pulled away, cradling me against his chest and I couldn’t contain the sobs as they came faster and harder. “It wasn’t your fault, Em. None of this is your fault, baby girl.”
I closed my eyes tight, trying to block out the world. “You should hate me,” I whispered brokenly against him. “I h-hate me, Nik. I hate me.”
“No, baby girl. No. I could never hate you. There’s nothing to hate you over. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I felt his lips against my temple and I started to shake uncontrollably. “Mia’s safe, Em. She’s safe, but she needs you. She thinks that you’re mad at her. Please, sweetheart. Come back to the bus with me and talk to her.”
Those words were like a dagger to my heart. Ah, fuck. Mia, I’m so sorry. So. Fucking sorry. I had been hiding from everyone, but mostly myself. In my cowardice I’d hurt Mia even more than she probably already was. I couldn’t let my precious little girl think that I was mad at her. None of this was her fault. None of it. She’d just had the misfortune of being born to me, a woman who sucked as a mother and was hated by half the world for being one of the biggest bitches to ever walk the planet.
This was all on me.
I couldn’t let her go on thinking that for a second longer. I needed to hold her, rock her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her. She might not have won the lottery by getting me for a mom, but I’d sure won something amazing the day the doctors had put her in my arms.
Swallowing back yet another sob, I lifted my head and nodded. “O-okay,” I muttered and saw relief flood Nik’s face.
He gave me a grim smile and linked our fingers together as he pulled me out of the room. Drake, Shane, and Jesse followed us out and onto the elevator. None of them spoke a word as we rode down to the ground floor. I could feel the tension rolling off of all four of my guys, but for once I couldn’t do anything to help ease their minds. I was useless right then. To them. To Mia.
To myself.
The ride back to the buses was short and quiet. I held onto Nik’s hand like the lifeline it was for me. His thumb rubbed small circles on the back of my hand and normally it would have soothed me, but not today. Maybe not ever again. I couldn’t understand how he couldn’t hate me when I was full of so much of it at myself. How could he still love me after I’d put our child at risk? How?
I wanted to scream the question at him, but was too scared of his answer. Maybe he didn’t love me anymore after this, and I knew I would have deserved that, but I was desperate to hold on to it. If I didn’t ask him, then I could live in blissful ignorance.
Reaching the buses, I took my time getting out of the back of the SUV one of Seller’s men had driven us in. The four big men stood waiting for me as I stepped down, blocking my path to the bus that I’d called home for the entire summer. I kept my gaze lowered, not having the strength to look any one of them in the eyes and see the loathing that I knew must be there.
When I tried to move around Jesse, he caught hold of my arm and held on just tight enough to let me know he meant business. I’d never had a father before, but if anyone had ever been a father-like figure in my life, it was Jesse Thornton. He had loved me like his own from the time I was five. I felt Nik’s heat at my back and saw Shane and Drake coming up on either side of me. They were all ganging up on me all of a sudden.
Jesse lifted his free hand and cupped my chin, lifting my head and forcing me to look him in the eye. “I can see the wheels turning in that pretty head of yours, Em. Listen to me. This wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t yours, or Mia’s or Shane’s. The only blame is on the bitch who did this to us. And she did it to us all, honey. We’re a family and that means we all stick together, no matter what.” His eyes were midnight black, and I knew his pain matched my own and that they were all feeling the same thing I was. Violated. Scared. Pissed the fuck off. “I love you, Emmie. We all love you. Don’t you forget that, do you hear me? Don’t forget that. Nothing you do will ever change that. Nothing. I swear it.”
“I don’t see how,” I told him in a choked voice. My throat ached from all the tears that I’d already cried and the millions that still clogged it. “How can you, any of you, still love me after all of this?”
Nik’s arms wrapped around my waist from behind and he kissed my neck. “How can we not?” he murmured softly against my skin. “I love you, baby girl. Jesse’s right. None of this was your fault.” He lifted his head and looked at Shane who had his jaw clenched so hard I worried he was going to break something. Instinctively I offered him my hand and after only a small hesitation he took it. His fingers were freezing, but so were mine. “No one blames you, Shane.”
“Emmie?” Shane’s voice was so rough from the pain shining back at me from those blue-gray eyes, it sliced at something deep inside my heart. I tightened my hold on him. “Do you blame me? Do you…hate me?”
“N-no,” I was quick to assure him. “Why would I blame you?”
“Because whoever did this was after me. I’m the one who brought this nutcase into our lives. If it weren’t for me, Ranger wouldn’t have nearly died all those weeks ago and Gabriella wouldn’t be fighting for her life right now. I’m to blame for all of this, Em. Me. Not you.” He was openly crying now and I pulled out of Nik’s arms to wrap my own around the bassist. Shane pulled me closer, burying is face in my hair as he wept. “I’m sorry, Em. So damn sorry.”
“This isn’t your fault,” I assured him. “It’s not. Jesse’s right. The only one we should blame is the idiot trying to destroy us. As long as we hold strong and show the world that she didn’t crack us, then she has no power over us.” I didn’t believe a word that was coming out of my mouth right then, because I sure as hell believed I was to blame for all of this shit, but I needed to comfort him. I needed him to know that I didn’t blame him for anything.
His hands tightened almost painfully around me. “Em…”
“Dude, shut up,” Drake grumbled at his brother as he hugged us both. “No more self-blame for anyone. The past is the past, and that’s where I want to put this fucking week. Far in the past. Because if we don’t, I’m gonna grab a bottle and start chugging.”
I didn’t know if Drake was joking or not, but I didn’t want to chance it. I didn’t want to be the cause of him falling off the wagon when he’d done such a great job of staying on it over the last few years. My hand found his shirt and I gripped it in a fist, holding on to him almost as desperately as I was Shane. “Dray…”
“Listen to the man, Em,” Jesse commanded, adding himself to the group hug. “Both of you.”
“You aren’t too big to be spanked, baby girl,” Nik teased softly as I felt him press against my back, his strong arms wrapping around his bandbrothers.
My mouth snapped closed and I rested my head on Shane’s chest as they all hugged me at once, offering me their strength and the courage I needed to face whatever else would come flying our way. Feeling their love like this, it was hard to keep hating myself. Maybe they were right. Maybe I shouldn’t keep blaming myself.
That didn’t make the pain and anger of the last few days lessen any, but it did ease the chokehold that had been on my heart. I sank into their hug and let a few more tears fall, but these were more in relief than anything else. They were slightly healing in a way and when the guys started to pull back several minutes later, I felt like I could actually breathe for the first time in days.
Nik turned me in his arms. “I love you, baby girl.”
“I-I love you too, Nik.”
His hand clasped mine and he tugged me toward our bus. “Lets go check on the kids. Mia will be glad to see you.”
I nodded and tried to give him a smile, but I knew it fell short. His hold only tightened reassuringly and we walked toward the bus that was surrounded by big, scary men in suits. Seller wasn’t even charging me his usual fee for all the ext
ra men. He was pissed that this had happened on his watch and had come himself to oversee the extra security. The two men standing by the door stepped back and Nik pulled me on to the bus with Drake, Shane, and Jesse right behind me.
Luca, Lyric and Neveah were playing in the middle of the living room floor. Harper, Lana, and Layla were seated on the couch and were watching over the toddlers lovingly. Jagger must have been taking a nap because he wasn’t in the room. My gaze went straight to Felicity who was in the recliner on the other side of the room. In her arms was my baby girl and she was crying softly as her nanny soothingly stroked her fingers through Mia’s long auburn hair.
I didn’t waste another second as I crossed the small distance and softly touched Mia’s back. She lifted her head where it had been tucked into Felicity’s neck. Her tear-streaked face brightened ever so slightly when she realized it was me. “Momma,” she sobbed in a voice hoarse from tears. “Momma, I’m sorry.”
My chin started to tremble but I clenched it before it could. Mia didn’t need to see my tears. They would only make her feel worse. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Mia. All that matters right now is that you’re okay. You’re safe, baby. No one will ever try to hurt you again. I swear.”
Relief washed over her face and I tried to smile for her. Mia had always trusted me wholeheartedly. If I told her the sky was green and the grass was blue, she would accept that as truth. My reassuring her that she was safe was what my scared little girl needed more than anything. I lifted her into my arms. “Let’s go lie down, baby. Momma wants to hold you.”
I didn’t look at anyone else in the room as I went down the narrow hall to the bedroom at the rear of the bus. I sat Mia down on the edge of the bed and she scooted over to the middle so I could climb in with her. I toed off my shoes and pulled the covers back before lying down with her. Tucking the covers up around us, I wrapped Mia in my arms.