"Thanks, Mom," I said, forcing a smile. Kate gave me a knowing look and pursed her lips tightly. Knowing that she and Landon had to witness al that made me feel a thousand times worse.
"We'l talk about this tomorrow," my mom said, putting an exhausted hand to her forehead. "You're going to be grounded."
"Mrs. Monroe," Kate interjected, stepping forward, "it was al my fault. I brought the alcohol."
My mom tsk ed. I didn't want Kate to get any of the heat. I wanted to scream that at the top of my lungs and tel everyone what had real y happened, but I couldn't, and that made me feel even crazier inside.
"I'm not your mother, Kate," my mom began, "but the same goes for you and Landon. If you need help, cal me. I don't want to have to worry about you two, either. El ie's enough to drive me insane."
Kate smiled weakly. "Thanks, Mrs. Monroe."
"Is there anyone left?" I asked, fearing the walk of shame back into my house.
"Josie and her friends went home a little while ago," Mom said. "Her mom is very worried about you. I'l have to give her a cal before I fal asleep."
I nodded and laid my cheek on Kate's shoulder. "I'm real y, really tired. I think I'm just going to go to bed."
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Kate asked.
I smiled. "Yeah, that'd be great."
I said good-bye to Landon, who hugged me again, taking a little too long for my comfort. Things would be weird between us.
Kate and I headed upstairs to my bedroom. I took a quick shower and changed into my pajamas while she watched TV
in my room. When I came out, I pul ed out another pair of pajamas for her and hung my dress up, even though it was destroyed. What a waste.
"I'l hop into the shower real y quick and be right out," Kate said. "I feel so gross from dancing al night."
"Okay," I said absently, plopping down on my bed and taking up the remote to flip through channels.
A minute or two after Kate had disappeared from the bedroom, I heard a voice behind me.
"Hey," Wil said as he climbed in through my window. I jumped to my feet, mortified, my eyes popping wide.
"What are you doing in here?" I said in a raspy whisper. "I wa s joking about coming in through the windows! I can't believe you're in my room. My parents are right down the hal , and Kate could be back any minute. Not to mention my dad is crazy. What if you got caught? He has a gun, you know."
He scoffed and leaned back against the wal , crossing his arms over his chest.
"Why are you here, Wil ?" I asked, watching him careful y. He stepped forward, sucking in his upper lip for a moment. The tiny glimpse of his tongue as he did so was very distracting. "I need to tel you something."
"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" I asked as he sat down on the bed and I sat beside him.
"No, it can't. I should've told you before, but you didn't remember, and I wasn't sure when it would've been right to tel you."
"Why?" I asked impatiently. "I'm not sure there could be much else you could say to me that would shock me."
"The night you died," he said, speaking slowly. "I wasn't there."
"I know."
"You do?"
"The day before my birthday, I had a nightmare, or a memory, of my own death," I said. "I remembered looking for you. That night I wasn't real y afraid of Ragnuk. I was afraid because I didn't know where you were."
His gaze fel away, his expression pained. "I'm so sorry I couldn't reach you in time."
"Why? Why did you leave me?"
"Bastian."
"Bastian? What does he have to do with it?"
Wil looked back at me, his gaze intense and ful of agony.
"Ragnuk had been ordered to hunt you down, and Bastian's other thugs got me first. They held me and tortured me. I couldn't escape. When . . . when Ragnuk returned, I knew it was al over. He laid you down in front of me, and you were . . . you were gone. I managed to escape then, because I knew I had to live. I had to be there when you came back. You died alone, but I wouldn't let you come back alone."
"Wil ," I said, not knowing what else to say, "it's not your fault."
"But it is," he said, shaking his head. "You die over and over and over again, and I try to save you, but I always fail. It's never enough."
"Wil ," I said again, and my heart fil ed with so much sadness, I couldn't take it. My hand cupped his cheek softly. His own hand covered mine and he leaned into my palm, closing his eyes. It was the first real emotion he'd shown to me, like he was letting me see his soul for the first time. The embrace made me wonder what he truly felt beneath the stoic, battle-hardened exterior. He stayed there for so long that I lost track of time. Then swiftly, painful y, he pul ed away and stood, leaving me feeling empty and longing.
"I have to go," he said, letting his gaze fal away. "She's coming."
I said nothing back, but only stared at him as he appeared to vanish into thin air.
The next moment Kate came in through my bedroom door, rubbing a towel through her hair. "Who were you talking to?" she asked, giving me a weird look.
"Oh, no one," I said and leaped to my feet, my heart suddenly pounding as if it had missed a few beats and were trying to make up for it. I sat back down on my bed. Wil had left so quickly that I felt unfulfil ed; it seemed there was stil so much to say, but I'd have to keep it al inside. I had a feeling there was much more he wanted to say to me, too.
"I could have sworn you were talking on your phone or something," Kate said, adding a sly smile. "Was it Wil ?"
My face flushed red. "No, I was just . . . saying stupid stuff to the TV. I hate reality shows."
"Right," she said, rol ing her eyes. Since Kate was tal er than me, my pajama pants came down to just above her ankles. "We'l just pretend these were meant to be cropped."
She laughed, pointing down, as if someone might accuse her of dressing poorly between then and morning.
"I won't tel anyone the truth," I said, smiling. I wanted to make jokes and have fun with Kate, but I couldn't get my mind off wondering what else Wil had wanted to say to me. More than that, I was afraid of the End of Days that Ragnuk had spoken of.
"You okay, El ie?"
I looked up to see Kate watching me worriedly. "Sorry. I'm just kind of swamped with life right now."
Kate frowned and plunked down on the carpet, resting her elbow on the edge of the bed. "I'm real y sorry about your dad."
The corner of my mouth twitched as if it were trying to offer her a smile but couldn't. "Yeah. You and me both."
"He shouldn't have said the things he did."
The pity in her expression made me take a deep breath. I wished my dad could understand that what had happened was an accident and I couldn't avoid it. Yeah, I had drunk a couple of shots, and maybe that wasn't exactly legal at my age, but I didn't drive anywhere and no one was hurt because of the alcohol. Landon could have been hurt a lot worse if I hadn't shoved him out of the way of the reaper and then lured the beast away.
I tried so hard to do the right thing, but I didn't know how. If I had to keep covering up the reaper incidents by trashing my reputation and lying to my friends and family, then I wasn't sure how long I could keep fighting. None of this was fair to me. Or them.
"I'm worried about you," Kate said abruptly. "It just seems like your dad is getting worse every day. And I think it's beginning to affect you."
A fleeting memory of my dad giving me the flybal he caught at my first Detroit Tigers basebal game played in my head like a movie. He smiled so much back then, and now I couldn't even remember the last time he had smiled or looked at me with something other than disdain.
I shrugged at Kate. "Wel , I'l graduate in the spring and be off to col ege, so screw him."
"But he's your father," she insisted. "Do you real y want to hate him for the rest of your life?"
"I think he's made up my mind for me, don't you agree?"
She frowned and sighed. "He used to be so cool when we were little. Do you remember when h
e took us to Crystal Mountain for the weekend and snowboarded with us? That was one of the best weekends of my life."
I smiled at the memory, and it made my eyes sting with tears. My dad had rented a townhouse at that ski resort for him, my mom, Kate, and me the Christmas before Kate and I had started high school. That was the last year we'd felt like a family. Kate had always been like a sister to me, and my parents treated her like an adopted daughter. Now even she felt my dad's frigidness.
"You can't let al these new bad memories wash away the old good ones," she said, tilting her head at me. "They're too good to be canceled out. You have to concentrate hard on the great things about your childhood, al the great memories with your dad. He's not evil, he's just changed. He can change back."
I smiled at her, wiping at a tear in the corner of my eye.
"Thanks, Kate."
She grinned back and tenderly combed my hair back with her fingers. "You know I love you."
"I wish someone else did too." I hated being so angst-y and I would never have admitted that I had "daddy issues" to anyone's face, but it felt wrong to hide what was going on in my life from Kate. That included my Preliator duties. Keeping that from her kil ed me--it hurt almost as much as my relationship with my dad did.
"He loves you," she said. "If he didn't love you, then he would never have been a good dad ever. He was amazing once. He just sucks at it right now. Maybe things wil get better."
"I hope you're right."
She sat up and scoffed at me. "Of course I'm right. I'm kind of amazing, FYI."
I laughed and tossed a pil ow at her. "Oh, real y?"
"Yeah, real y." Her smile got a whole lot slyer. "So how about Wil ? He looked hot tonight."
My cheeks flushed scarlet. "He might have."
Her expression lit up. "I knew it! You like him, don't you?"
My mouth scrunched indecisively and I ran a hand through my hair. "See, I don't know. He's a little different, but not in a real y bad way. He just doesn't act like most guys, you know?"
Kate laughed. "Of course, tal , dark, and stoic would be your type. At least it's better than Landon fol owing you around like a lovesick puppy lately. I'm sorry for that, by the way."
I forced a smile. "Thanks. I feel real y bad about it."
She giggled and looked at me like I was crazy. "Why?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. It's like, he real y likes me and I just don't feel the same way. He's Landon, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess so." Her gaze flickered to the ceiling for a moment. "It's not like he's an ass. He's a little immature, but he's stil a good guy, and he's so cute. And hello? Soccer star! Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to say yes and see where it goes."
My face scrunched again. "I'm not going out with a guy to see if I end up liking him. That seems wrong. I don't want to lead him on."
"Yeah, when you put it like that . . ." She trailed off. I eyed her with suspicion. "Why are you his champion al of a sudden? Do you like him?"
"Oh God, no. Did he ask you out?"
"Sort of. I didn't get a chance to answer him."
She perked up. "What if he asks you again?"
My heart sank. "I don't know. I'l have to tel him no. It's not like I can do anything else."
"True."
"It's just, with Wil , I've only known him for a few days, but I feel like I've known him forever. I feel safe around him. It's nice."
She grinned. "Oh, honey, we al want a white knight. It's programmed into us girls."
My smile was genuine this time. "He is kind of like a white knight."
"Yeah, a stone-cold fox, too. Do you think he wants to go out with you?"
"I don't know. We're just sort of hanging out right now, so no 'going' of any kind. I don't think he likes me that way."
Kate rol ed her eyes. "Okay, hanging out to me means something entirely different from what I know you're used to. Please don't tel me you've hooked up with him already."
"No, no!" I said quickly. "It's not like that."
"Have you kissed him at least?"
"No."
"Do you want to?"
"I don't know." I blushed again, thinking about it.
"El ie, you know within five seconds of meeting a boy if you want to kiss him or not. Do you, or don't you?"
Did I? It didn't repulse me, but I had no idea how Wil even felt about me. We'd had something of a moment only minutes before, but as soon as he opened up to me, he shut me right back out. He could be real y charming and then get so moody. He was my Guardian. Saving my ass was probably just like a job to him. He had protected me for hundreds of years, and what I would have given just to remember any of that . . . I was beginning to doubt that the entirety of my memory would ever come back to me. It helped to think about Wil , but it also drove me crazy. He drove me crazy. I just wanted to understand him and I wanted to know his secrets. W h a t was Wil ? What was I? My reincarnation, his immortality, our superhuman abilities, the reapers . . . And the Enshi--what could that be? Could Wil be one of the angels he had told me about?
"El ?" Kate cocked an eyebrow at me.
I sighed. "I'm about to fal asleep."
Kate smiled weakly. "Okay."
We both climbed into my bed and found sleep quickly. UNCORRECTED E-PROOF--NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Children's Books
..................................................................... 14
THE BROKEN WINDOWS IN MY LIVING ROOM LEFT gaping holes out onto the patio, and they were covered with a rather unsightly tarp and tape until the window company could deliver and instal the replacement glass. I'd be relieved when I didn't have to look at it again.
At school--the only time in the next three weeks of my grounding when I was al owed out of the house--Kate tried not to bring the window incident up, and Landon stil seemed clueless about what exactly had happened to him. I hoped and prayed he would never remember that I was the one who had thrown him to the ground, even if it was to save his life. If he did remember, he kept his mouth shut, which was probably for the better. I couldn't explain anything to him. I had hurt him, and I couldn't even apologize for it. It made me sick to my stomach.
Being grounded, however, didn't stop me from sneaking out the back door of my house at night so that Wil and I could patrol for reapers. We either trained or hunted every night, and I was getting better. I learned to strike for the head or the heart to bring the reapers down quickly and avoid getting injured as much as possible. Wil worked with me patiently and tirelessly, and my memory was returning little by little. It was a constant comfort to know he was always there somewhere, completely in tune with me. I knew he had the strength to protect me, even if I didn't know I had the strength to protect myself.
The dark new world I suddenly found myself fal ing into was becoming the norm. Every night or two there was another reaper in my path. I was getting better, more fluid, more precise in fighting them. Techniques that had once been second nature to me in past lives were returning. It wasn't quite like riding a bike, but I was getting there. I was grateful to be able to give Wil a break from his Guardian duties while I was in school. Reapers didn't normal y come out during the day, so Wil was able to spend the time at Nathaniel's house, where he showered, ate, and did Wil things. If I were attacked, as unlikely as that would be while I was in class, he'd know instantly and come to my side. He needed some time to himself, and I needed to have a normal day. Getting out of the world of reapers for just a few hours during the day helped me stay sane. Perhaps he needed that to stay sane also.
However, the deeper I got into that world, the further away my old world of friends, family, and school drifted. The police had a suspect in custody for the murder of Mr. Meyer. Even though I knew the man was innocent of that crime, he was wanted for questioning for two other violent murders in the Detroit area, with evidence stacked heavily against him. I tried to believe that some good would come from Mr. Meyer's brutal death. It didn't, however, make me feel any better, since I
knew that every one of the reapers' victims was in Hel , including Mr. Meyer.
When I got my lit paper back, I couldn't believe I'd done so poorly. I couldn't figure out how to balance my focus between school and my duties as the Preliator. My teacher, Mr. Levine, asked to see me after school so we could discuss the paper. I dreaded the meeting, but it was better than failing the class altogether. If I was real y lucky, he'd let me redo it. Unfortunately, I wasn't lucky very often. After the final bel rang that day, I stopped by Mr. Levine's classroom to talk to him about my paper. As I'd suspected, he wouldn't al ow me to rewrite it, but he went over some of it with me, and I left with a better sense of what I was supposed to be learning. I wasn't going to be able to get any extra credit either, but Mr. Levine was very wil ing to help me get a passing grade.
I was pretty sure my friends were more impatient about my ungrounding than I was. During lunch period on the first Friday of my freedom, I found myself daydreaming again, digging deep inside my head, desperate to remember more. But every time I tried, al I could see was Ragnuk's horrible face, gnashing and biting. When that happened, I forced his memory away and pictured Wil 's gentle face, and I focused on him as hard as I could. Ragnuk frightened me and I wasn't ashamed to admit it. He was the size of a pickup truck and he wanted to eat me. Fear was, at the very least, reasonable.
"Ellie Marie . . ." came a singsong voice beside me.
"Huh," I grumbled, and prodded my lunch. It was turkeyand-gravy day, which was my favorite school lunch, but I had too much on my mind for me to enjoy it.
"What's with you this week?" Kate asked, her voice low. Landon sat across from us and was deep into a conversation with Chris and Evan about their favorite video game's being optioned for a major movie. None of them heard us.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I've just been real y distracted."
"Is it your dad?" Her tone was serious.
"For once, no, not just him. It's him, school crap, thinking about col ege, dumb boys. . . . There's just a lot of stuff going through my head right now."
She frowned. "You seem so tired al the time."
"I am. I don't know. I'm just going through a funk, I guess."
"Wel , cheer up! It's Movie Night and you haven't come with us in like a mil ion years."