Her mother, too.
Sam had been fond of the mantra as well, and it had meant even more coming from him. Only two years older than Jade, Sam was far more a brother than a cousin. He called weekly and texted daily, checking on her, bugging her to come home.
Something she’d promised to do the day she’d left Chicago. She’d told them she’d be back within the year. But that year had come and gone and she’d had to ask for an extension because she hadn’t been ready.
Now it had been eighteen months and her grace period was gone. But as it turned out, she could get her pencils and her lists and her clothes just the way she wanted, she could expect her world to fall into place just the way she wanted, but healing . . . healing couldn’t be ordered.
Healing had to come from the inside.
It had to come from the “strength” her family had constantly told her she had, strength she’d blindly accepted as fact.
That had been the fatal flaw.
Because she’d never had to actually be strong. And as it turned out, being told you’re strong and actually being strong were two very different things.
Which she discovered the night she’d been tested beyond endurance.
After the attack, she realized the truth—that everyone had been wrong, very wrong. She hadn’t been strong at all. Once that had sunk in, her foundation had cracked and fallen away from beneath her feet.
And she’d run. She’d run hard and fast, from family, from well-meaning friends, from work, from everything. She’d come here to Sunshine and ordered herself to feel safe. But the attack had showed her that even ordering something to happen couldn’t stop the unexpected. So even as she worked hard at creating structure to Dell’s life, she wasn’t facing her own weakness—dealing with the unexpected.
Her cell phone rang again, and still staring at the unopened letter, she answered without looking at the ID. “Dell, I’m going to start to think you’d rather be playing doctor with me.”
There was a startled beat of silence. “You and Dell are playing doctor?”
Jade winced. “Hey, Lilah.”
“Don’t ‘Hey, Lilah’ me. You got some ’splaining to do, Lucy. You’re playing doctor with Dell?”
“No! I just thought you were him again, and—”
“Again?” Jade was sounding excited now, a big mistake on Jade’s part. Lilah had the nose of a bloodhound, and she was on the scent.
“Is there something going on that I need to be informed of pronto?” Lilah asked.
“No!” Jade drew a calming breath. Like Dell, Lilah worked with animals and could read a lie a mile away. “Okay, let’s focus here. Where are you?”
“In Boise with Brady.”
Damn. “Are you at least getting some action from the hottest pilot in all of Idaho?”
“In all the land,” Lilah corrected. “Not just Idaho. And don’t think I didn’t spot the subject change. Nicely done. What did you do with the stray?”
“I took her.”
There was a prolonged silence at this. “You?”
Jade sighed. “It’s not that weird. You were gone and there was no one else.”
“So . . . you have the stray at your place?”
“It’s just for the night, Lilah.”
Another pause. “Can I talk to her?” Lilah joked. “And get the secret admittance handshake?”
“Ha,” Jade said at the subtle knock at the fact that she never invited any of them over. She had no idea why Lilah liked her, but she was glad. Lilah was open and welcoming and inspired trust. And she got the same feelings from Sunshine itself. “I’ll bring you the kitten tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. But I’m actually calling about tomorrow night. I want to get everyone together at Crystal’s.”
Everyone meant Lilah and her boyfriend Brady—an ex–army ranger, now a pilot for hire—and Brady’s brothers, Dell and Adam. They were a tight group, and considered themselves family.
By some miracle, they’d included Jade in that group. “Sounds good.”
“Tell Dell for me?”
“Okay.”
“Aha!” Lilah cried triumphantly. “So there is something going on with you two.”
“Lilah, we work together. I meant I’d tell him tomorrow at work.”
“Or when you play doctor . . .”
There was no doubt Dell could show Jade a good time. But she’d seen his patterns over the past year and a half, and they didn’t involve being friends with the women he slept with. And they were friends. So she could squelch the occasional yearning for more. Especially since . . . “He’s on a date.”
“Oh.” Lilah sighed. “You got my hopes up there for a minute. I know, stupid.”
Yes. Yes, Jade and Dell together would be stupid. He was her boss. He had an allergy to relationships. And she wasn’t made for quickie affairs, not to mention that she was going back to Chicago soon.
All good, solid reasons to avoid said stupidity.
“Bringing this back to me,” Lilah said. “Put tomorrow night at Crystal’s on your fancy spreadsheet calendar thingie and send it to Dell. Wait—are you still forbidden from sending him any more spreadsheets?”
This had happened a few months back after Jade had accidentally (on purpose) mixed up his social calendar, causing him to pick up the wrong woman on the wrong night. “Nah, he got over it.” Dell got over everything, it was part of his easy charm. Nothing much got to him.
“Make it seven o’clock tomorrow night,” Lilah said.
“I’ll be there.”
“Want me to come by and get you?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll honk for you.”
The usual routine. Jade looked around her loft. Eighteen months, and though Lilah had picked her up numerous times for a girls’ night out or dinner or any of a hundred other things, Jade had never invited Lilah inside.
Or anyone.
At first it was because she’d been protective of her privacy. And then as she’d made friends, it had been a way of keeping her heart protected from becoming too attached.
Which, of course, was far too late. She drew in a breath. “Don’t honk,” she said.
“What?”
“Tomorrow night. When you get here, just come up.”
“You mean you’re finally finished painting?” Lilah asked, sounding excited.
Jade bit her lip, feeling a flush hit her cheeks at the shame of the little white lies she’d told everyone to protect herself. “Yeah. I finally finished painting.”
“Well, it’s about damn time, considering you’re leaving next month, sheesh! Can’t wait. See you tomorrow.”
Jade hung up the phone and looked at the kitten sitting in the doorway of the foyer, watching her with those narrowed feline eyes. “Baby steps,” she reminded the both of them.
When Lilah picked Jade up the next night, she was grinning as Jade opened the front door. “Lemme in, lemme in,” she said, pressing past Jade.
Jade held her breath as Lilah walked through the place. “It’s—”
“Nice,” Lilah finally said, turning in a circle. “It’s . . . wow nice.” Lilah lived in a tiny cabin, one that was both adorable and ancient. At any given moment either the plumbing or electricity were threatening to go out and stay out. But the place had been purposely, carefully, lovingly furnished by Lilah herself, and every inch of it was . . . well, Lilah.
Jade looked around now, trying to see her loft as if for the first time to decide what these furnishings said about her. Smooth lines, glass, mostly white or pale earth tone colors.
Clean.
Neat.
They said expensive lease.
“So neat,” Lilah said, sounding amused. “I shouldn’t be surprised at that.”
There was very little clutter. Jade had always been proud of that, and the clean lines. It said she was on top of things. Successful. Smart.
An illusion, and one easily shattered at that.
“It’s so light and airy,” Li
lah said. “Fancy.”
And costly. The word went unspoken, but it was true. She paid for the tight security and a good neighborhood, made all the more pricey because she was on a month-tomonth, not an annual lease. The owner charged her more to give him the security he needed in case she bailed.
And she did plan on bailing.
Sooner or later . . .
Or so she’d been saying every month for over a year now.
“Mew,” said the stray kitten that Jade hadn’t given to Lilah this morning.
Lilah scooped the kitten up for a hug. “Aw. You’re what, four months old? You’re precious.” She looked at Jade. “I thought you were going to bring her to the kennels for adoption.”
“I am. Tomorrow.”
She’s meant to do it today, but there was just something about those green eyes that said the little thing had seen too much for her few months. And the way her little ribs stuck out, it grabbed Jade by the heart and wouldn’t let go. She wanted to fatten her up first, is all, give her a day off from the cruel realities of the big, bad world out there.
“You have beautiful taste,” Lilah said, something new and a little different in her voice now, and Jade paused. She understood Lilah’s confusion. Jade had once told her that she’d come to Sunshine for the good winter skiing and a break from her life.
Obviously the receptionist job and ski-bum premise didn’t quite add up to being able to afford a place like this. “I lease it furnished.”
Lilah looked at her as if she was speaking another language. “Really? Why?”
Jade hesitated. She could tell Lilah the whole sordid story. That’s what friends, real friends, did.
But she couldn’t tell. She couldn’t tell anyone, not without falling apart, and falling apart was not on today’s to-do spreadsheet.
But she could be honest about something, at least. “I leased it furnished, because as you know, I never intended to stay in Sunshine long.”
Lilah nodded. “So the whole ‘I’m painting my place’ thing . . .”
“I’ve never painted anything in my entire life,” Jade admitted. “I’m sorry. I—”
Lilah set the kitten down and squeezed Jade’s hand, her eyes warm with understanding. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Jade. Not until you’re ready.”
It was the first time that Lilah had ever let on that she knew that Jade hadn’t been honest with her, and the knowledge made Jade’s throat burn. “Thanks,” she whispered.
“But you can tell me something else.”
“Anything,” Jade said, relieved.
Lilah watched the kitten jump up on the couch and make herself at home. “Why did you keep her?”
They both looked at the kitten now daintily licking her Lady Town.
Jade bit her lower lip. “I don’t know. Anyone claim her?”
“Nope. And she’s going to leave hair all over that pretty couch.”
“I didn’t want her to be put down,” Jade said.
“I don’t put animals down. Ever. And you know that.”
Jade sighed. “Look, she acclimated. I can’t kick her out now.”
Lilah grinned. “You are so full of shit tonight. All the way around. Why can’t you just admit you’ve fallen for her?”
“I don’t fall.”
At that, Lilah laughed outright. “Oh, honey. Haven’t you learned yet? You can control a lot of things—work, what you watch on TV, how much ice cream you inhale—but you can’t control what your heart does.”
Jade brooded over that for a moment. “You can control how much ice cream you inhale?”
Lilah laughed again. “Come on, Brady’s meeting us at the bar. He told me I had to be on time tonight or he wouldn’t put out later.” She took one last look around and sighed wistfully. “Someday,” she murmured. “I’m going to have a place like this.”
Jade followed Lilah out and carefully set her alarm. Maybe she had the more expensive place and bigger savings account, but out of the two of them, Lilah with her tiny cabin, kennels, and adoring boyfriend was by far the richer.
Jade accepted her small glass of wine from the bartender and lifted a brow at the huge margarita he placed in front of Lilah.
“I have big plans for tonight,” Lilah said with a grin, licking the salt off the edge of the glass.
“Does it involve being flat on your ass?” Jade asked.
Lilah laughed and took a healthy sip of her drink. “Flat on my back maybe.” She grinned stupidly at the man who walked into the bar and headed directly for her.
Brady Miller.
The big, badass ex–army ranger didn’t look any less big and bad as he returned Lilah’s goofy smile and bodily plucked her out of her chair and squeezed her tight.
Lilah sighed sweetly, cupped his face, and kissed him long and hard, like maybe she hadn’t seen him in a year instead of that morning before she’d left for work.
Jade turned away to give them a moment, and herself, too. Had a man ever looked at her in the way Brady looked at Lilah? If so, she couldn’t remember it.
She’d dated in Chicago, usually with men she met through her connections at work or at the charity events she’d often run for her family. Similar minded as she, these men had professional lives that took up much of their time, and for whatever reason, not a one of them had sparked a long-term interest.
They’d been wrong for her.
She was good at that, meeting men who were wrong for her.
Still, she’d managed to have relationships, some that had even hung on for a few months at a time, often longer than they should have. What hadn’t happened was the magic that made her want to take the next step. Magic she would have said didn’t exist.
Except it did.
She was looking at it between Brady and Lilah. Then she locked eyes on another man entirely, Dr. Dell Connelly. She felt a little quiver, which was ridiculous because out of all the men in the land, he was the most wrong for her of them all.
Three
Dell and Adam walked toward the bar, side by side, looking like the brothers they were from head to toe. Of the two, Adam was two years older but they almost could have passed for twins. Dark disheveled hair, dark eyes, features as strong and beautiful as fallen angels. Mix that with his dark skin and six feet plus of solid muscle and testosterone, and there wasn’t a woman in the place not wishing they were going home with one of them.
Or both.
There were subtle differences though, if you knew them, and