Chapter Twenty Nine
The classroom went black and then Gabriel found himself in Jacks bedroom. The comic super hero's were now gone. Dark and depressing pictures hung on the walls. Things seen only in nightmares and horror movies. Jack was sitting at his desk writing in his notebook.
“He said bleed on the page my son. So my heart spilled with ink and that is when I realized my soul is as black as these words.” A voice in Jack's mind said as he wrote it down. Jack threw down the pencil very hard and it bounced off the page. He got up from the chair and walked into his bathroom. Gabriel followed him to see what was wrong.
When jack looked into the mirror he saw an image worse than what he was. Gabriel looked at him as he stood there and he had some acne, and problems that most kids face. But then when Gabriel looked into the mirror Jack had massive zits oozing with puss. The bones in his face looked pointed and jagged. But it was not a real reflection of how Jack looked, only how he saw himself.
“Look at you....A monster, with monsters inside. Maybe I am the greatest writer of all time. But no one will ever know that. They will only see this monster that I am looking at.” Jack thought as he looked at himself in the mirror.
“I have been the bully and the bullied. The judged and the judge. Now when I look into a mirror I see the shadow of a man. Kidnapped by the engineer's of monstrosity’s.” A voice from within Jacks mind thought.
“Maybe I should write it down...But who cares? These voices have potential? Sure, but potential is the ugly truth that we all must face.” Jack thought as the bathroom went dark.
Now Gabriel was standing inside a run down motel room. It looked as though Jack was living from the motel, and he looked older. Acne still showed on his face but he was becoming a man. Jack and Gabriel both looked around the trashed motel room lined with clothes, plates, bowels, and trash.
“Man what a mess I live in..” Jack thought.
“Why do you have to be so poor. It's like I cannot escape this horrible curse that my family has. We are born poor, then we die poor. So much for land of the free and all that bullshit....You know what should never come with a cost? Art, Nature, and Life should never come with a cost.” Jack thought as he looked around the room.
“Oh well fuck it! You don't need materials when you have an imagination of the universe.” A voice from within Jack thought as he sat down on the bed. Suddenly Gabriel saw Jack walking down the street and holding hands with a nerdy looking dark haired girl. Then he was instantly back in the motel standing behind Jack as he wrote.
“The flesh is just a disguise made to fool the lustful. But true love is a furnace that smelts the flesh of lust to expose ones heart.” Jack wrote down the thought as he smiled.
“She is a true beauty!” Jack thought looking up from the notebook. Gabriel laughed at the thought, it was clear he was falling for the nerdy looking girl. Jack was now stuck in the confusion of first love. Then a new vision filled Gabriel's sight, it was the same girl except she was with a different guy. Then once again Gabriel was back in the motel room standing behind Jack.
“There once was a place for you in my dreams, now you are my nightmare!” Jack thought as tears ran down his face and he wrote. He was feeling the sting of that first love lost. Gabriel was still smiling though, he knew all too well what that was like. Seeing it from an outsider made it comical though. Jack started writing again as a new voice in his mind spoke.
“Addiction is in my soul and so I have withdrawn from love. Now loneliness is my only drug.” The pencil snapped from the pressure against the page. Jack walked away from the motel rooms desk and grabbed a bottle of pain killer. Grabbing one handful at a time he stuffed his mouth with the pills. After swallowing most of the bottle he began throwing up onto the floor.
“Jack don't you do this to us!” A voice said.
“Call 911 Jack before it's too late!” Another voice said.
“Think of all the people who will be robbed of your words!” Another voice said. Jack crawled across the floor and pulled the phone off the desk. Gabriel watched as he pounded the numbers into the phone. Just as he did the room went dark and Gabriel found himself in the motel room but Jack was back at the desk writing.
“I rolled one last time before walking away. The angel of death sighed as old snake eye's glanced back. For once I was addicted to a chance at life.” Jack wrote the thought down and leaned back in the chair. Gabriel was relieved to see that Jack was not dead. More thoughts filled Jacks mind at random as he wrote them down.
“Have you found happiness in sorrow? Enjoyed your pain? Found peace in the madness? know this you will never find love in hate.” Jack's pencil quickly moved across the page.
“That was a good one....Maybe one day it will inspire someone? I doubt it though...” Jack thought as he placed the pencil back down to the page.
“I hope that I can one day inspire you. Though there are not enough words in this book to inspire myself.” Jack finished writing then he laid down the pencil.
“Wouldn't it be cool to write something, but remain anonymous?” Jack thought picking the pencil back up.
“Writing anonymously melts away the flesh, exposing the monster within.” Jack smiled as he finished writing it the room went black. Jack and Gabriel were now standing outside of a run down church. Next to it was a liquor store and large billboards. Jack and Gabriel both looked at the church in its strange place.
“The holiest of places are the most deceitful.” A voice inside of Jacks mind said.
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Jack thought as he ran into the church. Gabriel followed behind, and the church was empty.
“You commit treason against god by trespassing into hell?” Another voice from Jacks mind said as he tried to ignore it and find help. Jack fell to the floor in front of the altar.
“Please help me god, I know I am not a good person. But make them stop, they scaring me. Asking me to do things...Please god!” Jack thought. Jack stayed there curled up for awhile weeping. Gabriel sat on one of the bench seats feeling sorry for Jack. God was not coming, and the voices were not stopping. Finally Jack got up from the floor and walked out of the church as he wiped away his tears. The sky went dark and now Gabriel found himself in a bar. Jack was sitting at a table alone and looking at a pretty blonde woman.
“Look at her don't you want her?” A voice said.
“No stop it!” Jack said back.
“You could have her you know. No one would ever know what you did with her.” Another voice said as Jack looked away from the woman.
“Come on Jack, most murders remain unsolved. No one could link you to it....She probably would have made fun of you as a child too!” The voice shouted.
“Her flesh....You could taste it! LOOK AT HER SHE IS YOURS!” The voice shouted as Jack kept looking away. He got up and ran out of the bar. Gabriel chased after him and they stopped at a beat up old car. Jack opened the door and got in. Gabriel jumped in the passenger seat and Jack fired up the old car. Jack cranked the radio up as loud as he could as they drove down the road.
The music was so loud that it was hurting Gabriel's ears. They drove down a highway at alarming speeds. Gabriel clenched the door as the car screeched around curves. Jack pulled a bottle of whiskey from the glove box and chugged it down as he pushed the gas peddle to the floor. One of Jacks notebooks was on the dashboard and he briefly looked at it, then turned away.
“Writing is my cold dead soul, so I take my words to the grave and bury my curse!” Jack shouted as the car reached top speeds. The headlight's shined on some chevrons showing a sharp curve. Gabriel clinched his eye's shut as he felt the car take flight. Then pain cried out all over his body as he could feel himself being thrown from the car. Then the crippling impact of the ground as he tried to fight the turbulence. It was no use though, as his body rag dolled through the night.
Gabriel's body came to a halt but he could still hear the twisting metal of the car. Now he could not open his eye's or even move. Hi
s body was tattered and broken as it had been so many times before. He could only hear Jacks fate. But he knew without a doubt what those sounds meant, death. The sounds stopped and all that could be heard were crickets in the night.
Gabriel laid there unable to move until finally his body began to heal from the wounds. The pain washed away with the night breeze and Gabriel crawled to his feet. Headlights from another car shined down revealing the chaos. Then the sound of sirens echoed from a distance. Looking around Gabriel could see a ball of twisted metal hundreds of yards off the road.
In the path that the car had went were torn pages blowing away into the night. Gabriel ran down to the car and saw what remained of Jack. Pieces of brain matter and hair lined the dashboard. His limp and twisted body rested inside his metal coffin. He freed himself of the voices, and the flesh that he so hated. To Gabriel it was a clear suicide, but to others it would be a freak drunk driving accident. The red and blue lights shined down and Gabriel turned to them. The lights made the pages flash as they fluttered around, then darkness.
The darkness of hells waiting room filled Gabriel's vision. The familiar blackness that separated one nightmare from the next. Opening his eye's from his sleep Gabriel jolted up from the ground. Jack was in the field with him and had grabbed Gabriel's arm in his sleep. Gabriel realized that Jack was real and not just a dream. His curse allowed Gabriel to see a crash course of jacks sin when he touched Gabriel.
“Shhh it's ok I am not going to hurt you.” Jack said as he let go of Gabriel.
“What....What are you doing here?” Gabriel asked confused as he rubbed the sleep from his eye's.
“Well, my name is Jack and this is...Johnn...” Jack said as a man interrupted him.
“Just call me the jester of showman’s rest.” The man said looking down at Gabriel. He had a strong muscular face and was built thick with muscle. Oddly the man had on a jesters outfit that was one piece including a hood. The hood had three points hanging down with fluffy balls on the end. The suit was worn and dirty and the red coloring was fading into a pink.
“Alright....So why are you guys here?” Gabriel asked confused and rubbing his face.
“Shrouded in darkness you secretly search for light. Yet death has a message for us all.” A voice from Jack's mind said. But instead of hearing Jacks thought's, Jack's lips actually moved. He spoke the words but it still was not his voice.
“Sorry, I have this....Problem, I tried to get rid of it but its only grown stronger..... As to your question, we don't really know why we are here. I know how we got here, but that's about it.” Jack said looking around.
“So how did you get here?” Gabriel said getting to his feet.
“Well we all are a part of Cain's Abominations, or that’s what he calls us. When this war started for some reason we came back to life. I guess its because we do not belong to heaven, or hell. Just cursed to the earth, and so we came back. Not all the people who died came back. Only the ones who still wandered the earth. Well one day I was outside of our camp in the forest and then she came for me..” Jack said looking off into the night.
“Who did?” Gabriel said looking in the direction that Jack was.
“Her.” Jack said pointing at the creature that had carried Gabriel from the cliff. She was walking around the field in the moonlight as though a bird would. Although she looked like a woman with wings and black feathers, and bird legs. Nothing about her seemed human, it was as though she was bound by nature. Just an emotionless animal, who's only understanding was of survival.
“What is she?” Gabriel asked.
“Beautiful.” A voice from Jack said.
“I think she is death!” The jester said watching her.
“So what does she want with us?” Gabriel said.
“I don't know, maybe she is lost or confused. She grabbed us up from the forest and is holding us captive. We tried to leave but she came for us and brought us back. She treats us as though we were her chicks or something. Protective of our every move and she brings us raw meat. We eat it since it is all we have to eat here and we drink from the stream over there.” Jack said pointing off in the darkness.
“How long have you guys been here?” Gabriel asked.
“Who knows.” The jester said.
“We have lost track of time here in the nest of death. Or at least that’s what we have named it.” Jack said.
“I think she has no place in this war. So she is just following her instincts and carrying the dead to this meadow.” The jester said.
“But I am not dead?” Gabriel said as Jack and the jester burst into laughter.
“Were all dead here!” A voice from Jack shouted.
“So who are you?” The jester asked.
“Oh....I am sorry, my name is Gabriel.” Gabriel said as he looked down at the ground. The jester held his hand out to Gabriel so they could shake. Gabriel tried to pretend as though he did not see it.
“When a man offers his hand, you shake it.” The jester said irritated.
“Sorry I didn't see it...” Gabriel said cringing as he reached his hand towards the jester. His hand touched the Jesters and then everything went black. Damn it, Gabriel thought as the light shined through his eye lids. Gabriel found himself on an old street in what looked like a ghetto from the 1920's.
Kid's were playing in the street outside of one of the run down houses. The street was made of brick but was a dirty black color. The boys were all covered in dirt and soot and were wearing tattered cloths. Some of them did not even have on shoes and their feet were black. They were kicking around an old broken bucket that they most likely found in the street.
“Johnny!” A woman shouted from one of the windows. All the boys stopped and looked up as though they were paralyzed.
“Yes miss?” One of the boys said.
“Get in here, a relative has come to meet you.” The woman said. She looked just as shocked as Johnny did. Johnny hesitated for a moment and just looked at the lady. The woman gave Johnny a stern look and it lit a fire under Johhny's feet. He quickly ran inside the house and Gabriel followed behind. Once inside Gabriel looked around in the rooms next to a stairwell. Each room had bunk beds lining the walls. Johnny ran and the stair well and Gabriel followed behind. The stairs winded up four story's and they ran all the way to the top.
“He is in here.” The woman said opening the door to a room. Inside was a man sitting at a visitation table. Once again Johhny hesitated and froze in place in front of the room.
“Ah it's ok boy, I am your uncle Charles!” The man said with a grin that went ear to ear. He had on a worn and holey clown costume but was wearing no makeup.
“Johnny, don't be rude!” The woman said with the same stern look. Johnny ran inside and stood in front of a chair.
“I will leave you two at it.” The woman said as she shut the door. Gabriel sat down at one of the chair's but Johnny was still hesitant.
“Well don't you know me boy?” Charles said winking. Johnny just shook his head with a look of fear.
“Come here boy its your uncle.” Charles said as he motioned the boy to come closer. Johnny went for the chair in front of him.
“No boy, here come sit on uncle Charles lap.” Charles said opening his arms. Johnny's eye's went huge as he looked terrified at the man. Johnny looked to old to be sitting on laps he was at least ten years old. Johnny looked down at the floor and walked over to the man. Gabriel's heart sank watching the boy walk up to the creepy looking man. Just as Johnny got close the man grabbed him by the shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. Or so Gabriel thought as he winced, but the man began whispering in Johnny's ear.
“They are listening to us, I am not your uncle but I know your mom and dad. I used to perform with them and I know what happened to them. If you want to know more come and find me at woodlawn cemetery. It's just a few blocks away, look for an elephant statue. The place is called showman's rest and that is where I will show you your parents.” Charles whispered into Johnny's ea
r as he placed his finger up to Johnny's lips to silence him. Charles got up and walked passed Johnny and to the door.
“We are done here, this is not my nephew!” Charles said in an irate voice as he opened the door quickly. The woman walked into the room shocked as Charles stormed out past her. Charles looked at the woman confused.
“I....I am sorry Johnny, go play with the other boys.” The woman said. Just as she did everything went black once again. Gabriel was now standing in a graveyard. Looking around he could tell that it was a very large one. Narrow grave stones crowded his vision as far as he could see. Next to him was Johnny walking along a stone path. Gabriel followed behind the boy as they walked through the cemetery. They walked around lost, almost going around in circles. But it did not bother Gabriel as the graveyard was such a place of peace to him. Finally they found and elephant statue. Its trunk down as though it was weeping, and its front foot rested on a ball.
“Welcome one! Welcome all!” A voice shouted from behind them. Turning around they could see it was Charles.
“Hell....Hello.” Johnny said startled. Charles was on a bicycle from the early 1900s. Its frame was dinged and dented and covered in scratches.
“Lady's and Gentlemen! Welcome to the showman's rest circus of unspeakable joys!” Charles said with a huge grin.
“I....I didn't come to see the show. I just wanted to learn about my moms and pops?” Johnny said.
“Before thee encore we must indulge in a performance!” Charles said smiling. Charles was in the same clown suit, and still without makeup.
“For today's show we will begin with the hilarious clown known as dopey! After which we will see a performance by smiley our very own jester, and his beautiful wife flexoria the worlds most flexible woman!” Charles said as he began riding the bike in a small circle in front of Johnny. Charles let go of the handle bars and began wobbling his hands next to his side as he still rode in a circle.
Charles pulled out some balls from his pocket and began juggling. It was nothing spectacular to Gabriel but Johnny's eyes lit up and a small smile crept over his face. As Charles rode the bike it began to wobble out of control and the balls fell to the ground. The front tire turned hard and Charles was launched over the handle bars and into a grave stone. Charles quickly jumped to his feet and bowed before Johhny.
“Bravo! Bravo!” Johnny clapped his hands and was laughing.
“Ah our only reward here at showman's rest, the applause and laughter. It is what they have lived for, and even died for...” Charles said as a look of sorrow washed over his face. Johnny's laughter stopped as the seriousness of Charles words hit him.
“Once you find what you came from, there will be no turning back.” Charles said as he held his arm out pointing to a field of memorials.
“I have to know...” Johnny said.
“Very well, follow me and I will show you your family and mine.” Charles said walking into an area of the cemetery that was some kind of a memorial.
“There are no circus tents, or smiles found beyond this point.” Charles said as they passed the elephant and walked towards a burial site.
“Here lies 61 of our friends and family. They were placed into a mass grave after a horrific tragedy in 1918....Now I can sugar coat this for you kid, and paint my face to hide the truth. But it would not do our family any justice.” Charles said stopping at a marker that said two unidentified baby's.
“My son and my daughter...” Charles said pointing at the marker. Turning from the marker they walked on towards more markers.
“Most were unidentified and burnt so there is no telling....Your mother was never identified.” Charles said as they walked passed more memorials. They stopped at another memorial that simply said the name smiley.
“He was a great jester, not a clown. He did not need to hid behind face paint or lie to the audience. All he did was expose who he really was. One of the hardest things for any performer to do. Smiley was a master performer and a shinning star for a dieing art.” Charles said and stopped to think.
“So who is he?” Johnny asked.
“This is your father.” Charles said as he spun around with his hands up and out to his sides.
“You are finally home Johnny, this is our circus!” Charles said laughing as tears ran down his face.
“We must perform for them.” Charles said wiping the tears from his face.
“I have watched you grow in the orphanage. Waiting for when the time was right to show you. You see they are calling me home...” Charles said holding his stomach.
“I am not sure how much longer I have left but I could not go without showing you where you belong.” Charles said kneeling down next to Johnny.
“So what happened to them?” Johnny asked.
“We were becoming one of the greatest circuses in the world. Always traveling to the next show, we never had a moment to stop. We would perform and then the train would call to us. We lived on that railroad in the train. It was a magical life and the best time in my life. You had just been born a few months before. I had a wife and two baby’s as well and we all lived in box cars.” Charles said and then paused as he choked on words.
“It was a dark night, I remember looking out and seeing nothing but fog. The performers were all in the rear box carts. Most sound asleep for the night and resting after non stop shows. Behind us was another train that was going much faster than we were. They say the conductor fell asleep and our conductor tried to get him to stop since he knew a train was coming up quickly. There was nothing he could do though. The train behind us quickly caught up to us and smashed into the back of us. Where we were all sleeping. I remember waking to a violent impact and being thrown. The baby’s screamed and my wife left my arms...” Charles stopped to wipe tears from his face.
“That was all I can remember, and the box cars were made of wood. They quickly ignited and scorched everything I loved. You were like me, we woke up in the hospital with our family dead. I did not get to attend the mass burial. By the time I made it here they were already buried. They said there was not enough money to give them individual graves. So they packed them into one massive grave and buried them. They didn't even take the time to find their names or family. I had nothing left on earth, and then I heard about you.” Charles said looking at Johnny.
“I couldn't let your family remain an unmarked grave. So I waited for this moment for many years. I come here everyday and perform with them. Just to pass the time until today, now I will leave the final act to you.” Charles said as he stood back up and walked away.
“Wait charles!” Johnny said, but Charles continued to walk and leave him behind at his fathers grave.