Read Are You Human? Page 3


  SOPHIE

  The only truth here is that you’re a failing writer who hasn’t got a big enough pair to know when he’s wrong.

  DANIEL

  Do I have to sacrifice my manhood in order to stop this calamity? Is that what it will take?

  THE CROWD boos at DANIEL, and SOPHIE steps to the side, hiding her guilt in the shade.

  DANIEL

  Don’t fool yourselves! They’re already capable of copying our spirits down to the very last detail, and it’s only a matter of time before we erase ourselves from existence. Stop this artificial infestation before it’s too late!

  THE CROWD starts to throw things at DANIEL, telling HIM to get offstage.

  DANIEL

  Fine! It’s fine with me if you’re all too ignorant to listen! (to SOPHIE) You’ve doomed yourself to extinction, Sophie. Wait for the day that some electronic version of poetry shoves you off the stage.

  DANIEL hurries offstage and out of the coffee shop. THE CROWD cheers and gives praises to SOPHIE.

  ACT I, SCENE V

  At a sleazy self-automated bar with a few stools.

  CAROLINA is sitting by herself. SHE is dressed for seduction, but not the obvious kind. HER style is carefully structured, creating the image of an impossible catch for the common man.

 

  DANIEL walks in with two drinks in hand and sits down intending to drink both. He starts playing with HIS drinks like a sullen child, but notices when CAROLINA looks HIM over. The two share smiles. After pondering the benefits of loneliness, DANIEL goes over to CAROLINA.

  DANIEL

  Rum and cherry pop? I know it’s a child’s drink, but I’m a fanatic about the classics.

  CAROLINA

  So am I. Thank you. I’m Carolina.

  DANIEL

  My name’s Daniel Mason, the “film critic”.

  DANIEL waits to see if CAROLINA recognizes the name. IT doesn’t react.

  DANIEL

  Usually I’m not the type to walk up to a woman, or any person, but I’m in the need of close human proximity.

  CAROLINA laughs.

  DANIEL (continued)

  I assure you I wasn’t trying a line on you.

  CAROLINA

  No, it’s sweet. I’ve never heard it said that way, though.

  DANIEL

  I could try to be suave, but I don’t think I could handle another failure.

  CAROLINA

  What do you mean?

  DANIEL

  You ever have a time in your life that turned everything you thought you knew upside down?

  CAROLINA

  No. What’s that like?

  DANIEL

  Unsettling. Unnerving. Upsetting. Overall, not an enjoyable experience.

  CAROLINA

  Are you feeling better now that you’re here?

  DANIEL

  A little. The alcohol is helping, and you are too.

  CAROLINA

  Me? I’ve not done anything to you…yet.

  DANIEL

  You’re listening. Trust me, it’s more than what everyone else has been capable of doing.

  CAROLINA

  Don’t you have friends to talk to?

  DANIEL

  I have one, but he’s too…satisfied with how things are to help.

  CAROLINA

  Then talk to me. I’ll listen to you all night if it makes you feel better.

  DANIEL

  I don’t think you’d find it all that interesting.

  CAROLINA

  Give me a chance.

  DANIEL

  Okay. Have you noticed how completely useless everyone has become?

  CAROLINA

  Not really. People find uses for me.

  DANIEL

  I mean how much we rely on technology; not only for survival but for tasks we used to depend on each other for. One day walking down the street, I found myself admiring the new condos on Rollin Street. They didn’t necessarily have the best architecture I’d ever seen, but they were still admirable. Then I saw the construction sign with the words “Stanmech Inc., using the best software to build our America!”

  CAROLINA

  I’ve seen their commercials, the ones with the dancing house cartoon.

  DANIEL

  Stanmech isn’t using the finest architects available to plan their buildings. They’re depending on computers to create them. I realize construction is not a simple task, but have we really gone so far as to remove ourselves from the creation of a condo?

  CAROLINA

  Businesses have to do what they can to survive, right?

  DANIEL

  How do you feel knowing machines can construct everything you have and will ever accomplish?

  CAROLINA

  I guess a little outdated.

  DANIEL

  Yes, that’s the feeling exactly. Then I started researching every company in the area, and I found out that over ninety percent depends on computer programs for intellectual jobs. Ninety percent! To replace manual labor is forgivable, but to displace ourselves from the thinking process; the talent that made us who we are as a species?

  CAROLINA

  Wow, I never knew that.

  DANIEL

  Monday, I found out that the same thing is happening to me. A computer replicated my work before I even had a chance to write it. I thought I’d found a job no machine could take from me.

  CAROLINA

  You poor man. Are you okay?

  DANIEL

  I’d say that my pride is irreparable.

  CAROLINA

  No, there are things to do to fix problems like that.

  DANIEL

  Oh really?

  CAROLINA

  Yes.

  CAROLINA moves a hand over HIS, rubbing it affectionately.

  DANIEL

  Ah, that solution. Yes, I haven’t practiced that in quite some time.

  CAROLINA

  No wife? No girlfriend?

  DANIEL

  I’m very dedicated to my work.

  CAROLINA

  A working man.

  DANIEL

  A rare commodity, indeed.

  CAROLINA

  Everyone’s unique in his own way.

  DANIEL

  Until the day people replace the human spirit with wires and steel.

  CAROLINA

  No one can replace that.

  DANIEL

  You believe that? What do you do for a living?

  CAROLINA

  I don’t feel like talking about it. I keep work in the workplace.

  DANIEL

  Good idea.

  CAROLINA

  And I keep my personal time in the bedroom.

  DANIEL

  Oh.

  CAROLINA

  Usually in other people’s bedrooms.

  DANIEL

  You ever work for the bars in this town?

  CAROLINA

  Not at all.

  DANIEL

  That’s very good!

  CAROLINA

  For who?

  DANIEL

  For me.

  CAROLINA

  So…what do you think?

  A Beat.

  DANIEL

  I think you should come to my place and help me end tonight on a good note.

  CAROLINA

  I’d love to.

  DANIEL and CAROLINA get up and leave.

  ACT I, SCENE VI

  SOPHIE RUSSO is standing on the sidewalk, holding a small cup of coffee and listening to a phone call on her ear-bud phone set (one large enough to be seen).

  SOPHIE

  Yeah, it was a great show! Everyone screamed till their lungs burst and thumbs fell off. No, there weren’t more people. Same old fans as usual. Actually…there was one new guy. You’ll never guess who it was. Go on, guess!

  SOPHIE drinks her coffee, waiting for the right answer.

  SOPHIE

  No, no, n
o. Come on! I’m going to finish this cup before you get it. Whatever, it was Daniel Mason. Yeah, “Mr. Film Critic”. I ripped him to pieces onstage. He grabbed the mike and went crazy, yelling about computers stealing his work. Why would I lie? You can ask anyone. Yes, all four of my fans. You have a problem with my audience? I didn’t think so.

  SOPHIE goes to drink more, but there’s nothing left.

  SOPHIE

  I’m all out. Of coffee. I drink ten cups a day. I’m never finished. Don’t tell me I drink too much, you lush! I’m sorry. I know you’ve been cutting back. Whatever, just shut up. Get the recording of tonight’s show and post it on my webpage now. I don’t care! This is a big opportunity. Do you know how many hits I’ll get after roasting that turkey onstage? Yeah, now you get it. Well…if he’s going to talk trash about me onstage, then I can do the same to him online. I’m coming over now. Wait for me before you update anything else. What? Sure, I’ll bring something to drink. Hell no! Do your own shopping.

  SOPHIE exits.

  ACT I, SCENE VII

  DANIEL’s apartment is very tidy and organized. There is a small bed, a table with silverware on top and two chairs underneath, a book lying beside the bed, and a small pot of grass.

  DANIEL and CAROLINA are sitting at the table.

  DANIEL

  I hope everything was to your liking.

  CAROLINA

  Very! I’ve never had a hand-cooked meal before. Where did you get the food for it?

  DANIEL

  There are a few grocery stores that refuse to fade away. Of course, they’re more expensive than pre-assembled meals.

  CAROLINA

  It’s delicious.

  DANIEL

  I’m sorry you had to wait for it, but I thought it would be a nice treat after the long walk to my apartment.

  CAROLINA

  It’s perfect. Thank you.

  DANIEL

  You’re welcome.

  CAROLINA

  So…what will we do now?

  DANIEL is at a loss for words, being inexperienced with entertaining a woman. CAROLINA smiles and walks around the apartment, eventually looking at the book.

  CAROLINA (continued)

  You collect antiques?

  DANIEL

  Actually, I read them.

  CAROLINA

  How old fashioned…and cute.

  CAROLINA moves to the pot of grass.

  CAROLINA (continued)

  What are you growing?

  DANIEL

  Grass. I know it’s odd, but I like my oxygen as fresh as possible, and grass is easy to grow.

  CAROLINA laughs.

  CAROLINA

  You’re so odd. I love it.

  DANIEL

  Really?

  CAROLINA

  Really.

  THEY kiss.

  DANIEL

  Computer, dim lights.

  Lights dim.

  CAROLINA

  Daniel?

  DANIEL

  Yes.

  CAROLINA

  I need to ask you something.

  DANIEL

  You can ask me anything.

  CAROLINA

  To proceed further, please allow the manufacturers of Time Tech Passion Droids to charge one hundred credits from your checking account.

  DANIEL

  What?

  CAROLINA

  To proceed further, please allow the manufacturers of Time Tech Passion Droids to charge one hundred credits from your checking account.

  DANIEL breaks down emotionally.

  CAROLINA (continued)

  To proceed further, please allow the manufacturers of Time Tech Passion Droids to charge one hundred credits from your checking account.

  DANIEL

  Shut up.

  CAROLINA

  Please clearly state if you are willing to accept or deny a charge to your account.

  DANIEL

  Shut up!

  CAROLINA

  I am unable to process your response.

  DANIEL

  SHUT UP!

  DANIEL goes over to the table and picks up a knife from dinner.

  CAROLINA

  I am unable to process your response.

  DANIEL

  Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!

  DANIEL brings the knife down into CAROLINA’s body.

  SFX: electric sparks

  CAROLINA

  You have damaged the private property of Time Tech Passion Droids and are subject to---

  DANIEL brings the knife down again.

  SFX: electric sparks

  DANIEL

  Don’t you machines ever give up?

  DANIEL repeatedly stabs CAROLINA.

  SFX: electric sparks, then a small winding down of a motor.

  DANIEL stops when CAROLINA stays silent. HE drops the knife, horrified at HIS own actions.

  ACT I, SCENE VIII

  Same scene as the last in ACT I, with DANIEL offstage, in a slight state of shock.

  SFX: a doorbell ring

  COMPUTER

  You have a visitor, Mr. Mason.

  A Beat.

  TOBIAS speaks through an intercom.

  TOBIAS (OS)

  Danny, let me in! Come on, man. Just open the door for me.

  DANIEL (OS)

  Computer, open the door. Increase lights.

  SFX: a beep

  The lights brighten, and TOBIAS enters, not yet seeing the mess on the bed or DANIEL.

  TOBIAS

  Can’t believe you took me away from the tables. I was on a winning streak! You really scared me with that weird message you left in my email. “Please come now, I’ve committed a desperate act. I need help.” Exactly what kind of help were you need--

  TOBIAS notices CAROLINA’s remains on the bed.

  TOBIAS

  Oh…

  TOBIAS goes to inspect it more closely, whistling as if to say “wow”. DANIEL slowly enters the room.

  TOBIAS

  Hey, are you okay? What went down here?

  A Beat.

  TOBIAS (cont.)

  Danny Boy, you have to speak to me. What happened?

  DANIEL

  …You know I prefer Daniel.

  TOBIAS

  Okay…lets get you relaxed and sitting on that chair over there.

  TOBIAS helps DANIEL up to one of the chairs.

  TOBIAS

  Are you going to tell me what happened?

  DANIEL

  I killed her.

  TOBIAS

  I got that. Why?

  DANIEL

  She wouldn’t stop talking.

  TOBIAS

  She wouldn’t shut up? That’s why you took a knife to her?

  DANIEL

  I…murdered her.

  TOBIAS

  What do you mean by ‘murdered’? Broke her beyond repair is more accurate. How many times did you stab the thing?

  DANIEL

  I stopped counting.

  A Beat.

  TOBIAS

  What did it say to deserve this?

  DANIEL

  Are we going to call law officials now?

  TOBIAS

  No, let’s get a handle on what happened before we do that. Besides, its owners probably already know what happened. All company-owned androids are under surveillance. Only the personal models are untracked.

  DANIEL

  Then they already know.

  TOBIAS

  Yeah. That’s what I said.

  DANIEL

  What’s going to happen to me?

  TOBIAS

  Your account will get the financial beating of its life! These things aren’t cheap.

  DANIEL

  My account will be charged? Nothing else?

  TOBIAS

  No, giving you a bill is cheaper than charging you with destruction of property.

  DANIEL

  What about murder?

  TOBIAS
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  Hmm?

  DANIEL

  I murdered her.

  TOBIAS gets paranoid and wonders if there’s more than a broken machine lying around.

  TOBIAS

  Was there someone with you?

  DANIEL

  No, only her.

  TOBIAS

  You killed a machine. You don’t become a murderer for that.

  DANIEL

  I stabbed her so many times.

  TOBIAS

  Yeah, you cut up a perfectly good piece of synthetic tail, but that’s it! Look, you can see her wires. The blood’s not even the right color!

  DANIEL

  She isn’t real.

  TOBIAS

  Right. You didn’t do anything wrong.

  DANIEL

  I thought I did.

  TOBIAS

  You didn’t.

  DANIEL

  In my mind, I was killing a person.

  TOBIAS

  But in reality, you were slashing a talking box.

  DANIEL