I hear him snort and his body heat radiates into my shoulder as he comes up behind me, not touching, but almost.
“Well then, pick your poison.”
I grab four packs of skittles, two trays of nachos, and a carton of ice cream bonbons.
“You sure you can eat all this?” He grumbles. “You can’t even carry it.”
“Can too!” I stuff the skittles and bonbons in my purse and balance the nachos in either hand. “Tahdah!”
“That nacho cheese is so gross.”
“You’re gross!” I stride ahead of him, and stop. “Oh crap, which theater did they say? It’s on my ticket.” I look for a place to put the nachos down, but Lee leans in.
“Where’s your ticket?”
“My right pocket. But don’t get any - ” I’m cut off as he slides his hand in my jeans. It’s bizarre to have someone else’s palm warmth in your pocket, so close to your hip skin. His fingers are digging into my hip, just separated by a thin layer of denim –
“A6,” Lee’s voice brings me back to reality. “C’mon, nacho girl.”
I shake my head to clear it and catch up with him. “Nacho girl! Get it? Not-yo-girl.”
“Ha. Ha.” He holds the door open for me and we’re engulfed in darkness.
“Why are you following me into this movie?” I snarl. “You didn’t buy a ticket for it.”
“I’ve changed my mind - I want to see this movie. Is that a problem, Your Majesty?”
“Yeah, it’s kind of a problem when I’m on a date with another guy!”
“Oy, would the two of you quit your old-married-couple arguing and sit the hell down?” A fat guy growls at us from the seats. My face goes instantly red, and even though it’s dark I swear Lee’s strong roman profile gets a little red-tinged. I scan the seats for Brendan’s blonde, gelled hair and find him toward the middle-front. Lee mercifully sits a few rows behind us.
“Did you get lost?” Brendan whispers. I laugh softly.
“No, just couldn’t decide what to get.”
“So you got everything?” He raises a brow at the nachos.
“What, don’t like synthetic cheese?” I tease.
“Not as much as you.” He smirks, and flinches. “Ow!” He glances behind him. “Something hit me.”
“Some punk throwing candy, probably.” I glare into the darkness behind us.
The movie is action-packed, the car chases are fairly well-done and the main actress is gorgeous. I want her legs and face and breasts and, well, everything. The sex scene is a little squirm-worthy and uncomfortable, especially sitting next to Brendan. It’s like the screen is screaming HAVE SEX at us, and it’s only our first sort-of date. Not to mention Lee is in the same theater. That’s triple-uncomfortable territory.
I wonder if Lee’s sex is like that – hollywood dramatic and so good it leaves the actress gasping and looking like she’s injecting nirvana right into her veins. The second I start to feel my face burn and my curiosity can’t be pushed down anymore, I excuse myself to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. I come out, my hands still not fully dry thanks to the crappy air-driers, and Lee is leaning on the wall outside.
“You!” I sputter. “You really are a stalker.”
“Did you even try to hold his hand, yet?” Lee yawns, hazel eyes tearing up.
“Were you the one throwing candy at Brendan?”
“Popcorn,” He corrects. “Answer my question, princess.”
“No! I haven’t touched him. And don’t call me princess, it’s way too Han Solo for my tastes.”
“Everybody loves Han Solo,” Lee argues. “He’s a delightful rogue. Like me.”
“You’re a popcorn-throwing girl-stalking four-year-old,” I correct.
“You should touch him. Guys like that. Knee touching, hand touching, something to let him know you’re interested. Do you even like him?”
“I –” I stop myself. Am I really interested in Brendan? So far this entire ‘date’ has been me being harassed by Lee, and I sort of…like it. But I’ll never voice that out loud, lest I inflate Lee’s already-enormous ego more.
“I think I like him,” I say. “I feel like we could be compatible. Or whatever people call it these days.”
And suddenly, Lee’s gaze snaps from light and playful to dark and deadly, burning like nothing I’ve felt before.
“What?” I cross my arms and try to look tough.
“Kiss him,” Lee responds simply. “When the movie’s over, kiss your Brando, and come back here and kiss me. It’s the quickest way to tell if you’re really into someone. If you do it, and you like him better, I’ll leave you alone for good.”
“You said that last time.”
“I mean it, this time. No more popcorn-throwing at would-be boyfriends. No more tailing you. I won’t even spare a glance at you in the halls at school. I’ll leave you alone and let you experience love with the guy of your choice.”
“And if I,” I swallow, hard. So hard I’m afraid he heard it. “Somehow, beyond all logic, like you better?”
Lee smirks, infuriating and devastating all at once. “Then you and I, princess, have a lot to catch up on.”
I roll my eyes. “Keep dreaming. For the last time – I’ll never fall for your plan.”
“Which one? The plan where we rent a fancy hotel room for a week and completely destroy it?”
“The plan where you wed me, get the money, and run to Brazil to bathe in champagne and bikini models.”
“Tempting as that is,” He sucks in a breath. “I’d rather just have you. And the money would be nice. But you would be better.”
“Why? Why am I so great to you?” My voice rises. An old man walking by shoots us a look but I don’t care.
“You’re beautiful. Not party girl cute or cheerleader slutty, but a soft, quiet sort of beautiful. Elegant.” Lee counts off on his fingers. “You’re sweet, even to people you don’t know. You’re smart as a whip – the professors on campus won’t shut up about you.”
For once, I don’t have an insult to hurl at him on the tip of my tongue. I’m speechless. Lee flashes a smile and counts on another finger.
“And you saved me. You saved my life, Rose. And even if you don’t remember that, I do. You saved my life. So I want to make yours better – no, the best. I want you to have the best food and the best laughs and the best sex. I want you to have the best of everything.”
A distant boom of a movie sound effect pierces through the walls, breaks the tension between us. Lee’s smile gets bigger, and he pushes the small of my back with his hand lightly, steering me toward the theater.
“Go on. Finish the movie and kiss your Brando. I’ll be waiting here.”
“I-I don’t know how to kiss.”
He laughs, low, in my ear. “Yes you do. We’ve done it two times already. You’re delightful at it.”
My face is burning but I’m still indignant.
“I’ll show you ‘delightful’,” I growl.
“There’s the spirit!” He pushes me through the door and shuts it behind me. I make my way back to our seats, my legs shaking. A kiss. I should be able to do that much, right? And Brendan deserves at least that much. He and I deserve a chance to prove ourselves. I’ve kissed a guy before, so I can do it again. Wasn’t like I had much control, but hell, it was a kiss and now I have experience. And I’m good at it, or so Lee said. Oh my god. Lee said I’m good at kissing. It hits me like a ton of bricks and I freeze in the aisle. Someone hisses for me to move and it jolts me back to reality. I scuttle to my seat and slide in next to Brendan.
“Everything okay?” He smiles.
“Yeah, I just couldn’t find the soap.”
The excuse sounds lame even to me, but Brendan laughs. He moves his arm closer to mine on the armrest, like I should take his open hand. Would a kiss be too weird, now? The movie is wrapping up, a gun fight blazing with bullets and blood and heroic sacrifices. It’s the wrong time. Who am I kidding; if I don’t do it now, I??
?ll never work up the courage. I touch Brendan’s palm lightly and lean over. His baby blue eyes widen just as I take his lips in mine, trying to fit them together like I remember Lee doing. He smells strongly of sweet cologne. There’s a moment of confusion as Brendan’s mouth parts in surprise, but he realizes what I’m doing quickly and responds, his soft tongue pushing in. While it’s a weird feeling, I don’t mind it, and the way he squeezes my hand feels nice. In a second it’s over and I pull back, and Brendan tries a nervous grin.
“What was that for?” He asks.
I can’t tell him it was a test. I smile and shake my head. “I’m going to go get us a soda refill. Be right back.”
Brendan’s kiss was so nice it leaves me in a daze – until I spot Lee, leaning against a cardboard cutout for a kid’s squirrel movie and texting on his phone. He looks up as I approach, and for a second I see something flash behind his honey-colored eyes. It makes him look unsure. He’s nervous.
“So,” He tries to sound casual, but the word is a little too anxious and high. “Was he any good? Did he slobber? God, I hope he slobbered a lot.”
“He was fine,” I fill up the soda cup. Lee snorts, a half-chuckle, half-dismissive cough. I arch a brow at him. “What?”
“You said ‘fine’. That tells me all I need to know.”
“I liked it.” I frown and stare at the floor to avoid looking at his self-satisfied smirk. “He was gentle, and –”
A shadow falls over me and warm, rough hands grab my chin and turn it, Lee’s mouth snagging my lips between his teeth. He bites, soft at first and then hard enough I feel skin break and I let out a whimper, the beginnings of a plea for him to stop, but he pulls away before blood. He kisses the bruise tenderly, like an apology, like it’ll make it better, and kisses the corner of my lips before pulling me flush against him, one hand laced in my hair and the other around my waist.
And that’s when I realize he’s shaking. His whole body is wracked with the slightest shivers, invisible when he’s standing far away but with him against me I can feel every one of them.
“I can’t,” His voice is so low I strain to hear it. “I don’t want to lose you again. These weeks of trying to forget you was torture. It didn’t matter what I did or how many times, I always left unsatisfied. They couldn’t feed me, not the way you do with your smile. Your smell. You don’t even have to touch me and I feel like everything is alright with the world. Just being around you is enough.”
He tightens his hug, my short, uneven breath becoming more ragged as he squeezes me.
“You can choose him. I’ll be okay. Just let me see you sometimes, alright? I don’t think…I don’t think I can leave you alone for good. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it.”
“Lee –” I gasp.
“I’m sorry!” He lets go and backs up and I gulp air. “Jesus, I didn’t - I’m sorry. Are you okay? God, I’m fucking this up. I’m fucking it up, aren’t I? I’m like a clingy little girl. Shit!”
“N-No,” My breathing returns to a slightly more normal pace. “It’s fine. Really.”
“It’s not fine.” He hides his face in his hands. “I just…like you. A lot. It’s been like this since we were kids. I like you so much it makes me insane. But that’s not good for you. An insane weird guy who hangs on to a childhood crush for a decade is not what you need. Or deserve.” He looks up, a half-hearted smile on his lips. “So maybe it’s better for you if I just stay away. I can transfer again. It’s not a big deal.”
“Lee –”
That anxiousness in his voice makes me so sad. Why didn’t I see it before? He’d been all but spilling his guts in front of me for weeks, now. Every time we met, his playboy exterior kept him from saying what he really felt, but this, right now, is Lee Montenegro - more vulnerable and more honest than ever.
It can’t be a trick. Not when he’s shaking so hard. Not when these words sound so sincere.
I slide my hands around his waist and hug him. Not as hard as he hugged me, but hard enough to feel the lines and definitions of his lean stomach and to hear his heart thudding in his chest.
“I,” I hide my face in his shirt so he can’t see me turning the color of a stoplight. “I like you, too, I think. I like you better than Brendan. Maybe you could just stay. And we could get to know each other more.”
He lets out a slow breath, like he’s relieving some pressure he’d been keeping in for a long time, like the breath was blood from a wound I lanced.
“Even if I annoy you? Make you angry?” He asks.
“You make me laugh, too,” I mumble into his jacket. He smells like fresh night air and leather, no sweet cologne like Brendan. “And being angry isn’t so bad. It’s better than being sad.”
“Are you sad?” He threads his fingers through my hair. “Stop that.”
“I can’t,” I laugh. “It’s life.”
Lee pauses, and pulls away. “Let’s go. I’ll call the lawyers. We can get my dad to be witness – we could be married tonight. That money would be ours in three months. We’ll live with Grace until then. And then we could run away, just you and me, away from the obligations. Away from the sadness.”
“I can’t leave. I have a life here. I have my college degree to think about. Do you know how hard I worked to get into UCLA?”
“You worked so hard you barely had any fun. I know that for a fact.”
“It’s not just about me.” I ball my fists. “Mom and Dad need me. Their business is failing, and without me –”
“They’ll be fine, Rose. They’re adults, grown and old! They can take care of themselves!”
“I have to help them. If I leave them in trouble like this, I’ll never forgive myself. I’m the only one who can help. Even if I did marry you, I’d give all the money to them. I wouldn’t be able to go with you. So have fun running away without me.”
“If you help them, what about your scholarship?”
“How did you know –”
“I have Professor Cruz, too. She was talking about you with another student. If you give the money to your parents, you won’t be able to use it for what you want.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I hang my head. “If I don’t get the money by January I’m kicked out, anyway.”
“But you could use the money to re-enroll.”
“I wouldn’t. I can’t. My parents need it more than I do.”
“And I need you to be happy more than you do!” Lee growls. “It’s not healthy, giving up your dream for someone else’s! Even if they’re your parents. Especially if they’re your parents. They’d want you to be happy.”
“I want them to be okay.” I bite my lip. My eyes are swimming with tears, now. My dream of a bakery is already shattered into a million pieces and lying on the theater’s tacky carpet. My dream of graduating, of making all my hard work and loneliness worth it, is shattering more with every word I say. Every time I say “Mom and Dad” my resolve to use the money for myself, my hope that I could somehow use the money for myself, slowly crumbles. I can only see their weary faces - Mom’s crying face, Riley’s worried face, Dad’s wane smile.
Lee’s voice lowers. “Rose, I didn’t mean to – damnit, I’m sorry.” He pulls some napkins from a dispenser and hands them to me. I blow my nose, the honk loud, and he laughs a little at the sound. I glower. He tries a smile.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. That’s the last thing I want. I guess I just don’t understand, throwing away your freedom for someone else’s. So it frustrates me when I see you doing it.”
“Because you’re a selfish jerk,” My voice is thick with tears and snot.
“Because I’m a selfish jerk,” He agrees. People start filing out of a movie. The crowd makes me remember where we are – in a cheesy, sort-of grimy theater, on a date with a boy I’ll have to kindly dump because I like the smirking moron in front of me more. We step aside for the crowd and lean on the banister, watching them leave.
“I need some time,” I
say finally. “To figure out if this marriage is the option I really want to go with.”
“You mean you have other money-making plans up your sleeve I wasn’t aware of?” He nudges me in the ribs playfully.
“It’s not just the money.” I lock eyes with him. “It’s you, too. I’ve never…dated anyone. I’ve never –” Slept with anyone. I don’t say that, skipping over it quickly so he doesn’t pick up on it. “You’re handsome and seasoned and a little out of my league, you know?”
“No, I don’t know,” He laughs. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re out of my league.”
“Shut up,” I mutter, but my blush is hot and obvious. “And marriage just seems so final. My first marriage ever. It should mean something, right? It should be an important decision I take time with, right?”
“If that’s what makes you happy.”
I nod. “I’ll feel better if I have more time to think it over. I don’t know. But it feels like the right thing to do.”
“The right thing to do is come back to my place and let me pin you to the –”
“Shh!” I jab him in the ribs with my elbow. “Just, here. Give me your phone.” He passes it and I input my number in the touch screen. “There. Now you can bug me. Or I can bug you. We can talk more, at least.”
“Rose?” Brendan’s voice comes from behind us. I shove Lee towards the escalator.
“Go!”
Lee kisses the top of my head and takes the escalator steps two at a time, waving before he pushes out the door.
~~~
I tried to let Brendan down as easily as possible – I told him I hadn’t been feeling well and needed to stay close to the bathroom in case I vomited, but I could tell he wasn’t buying the whole story. I promised I’d call him, but I think we both knew that was a lie as we parted on the sidewalk. I didn’t feel like a total jerk, as Brendan said he had fun, and thanked me for sneaking in the peanut brittle. He walked me to my dorm and I thanked him again and pushed inside quickly before he could try to kiss me. I wouldn’t have minded if he did, but I had Lee now. Maybe? What are we - Lee and I? We’d both admitted to liking each other, but the will and the money and the marriage were all complicating factors.