“It’s totally warm enough,” Marley said. “We’ll sit outside.”
“Did you really just quit yearbook?” I asked. “Both of you?”
She nodded.
“They’ll never make it to print without you guys.”
Those were tough words for a lifelong overachiever to hear. Marley winced a little, but she forced herself to smile. “I don’t care. Elliot would have wanted it this way. She would have told them all to go to hell.”
As we walked out to the courtyard, Lydia appeared next to me. “Five friends? That’s five more than you had freshman year.”
I laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Kasey asked, settling on a picnic table.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Lex!” Across the courtyard, Carter was sprinting toward us, dodging the kids who sat on the ground.
I set my lunch box on the table and headed to intercept Carter. I would have run, but I didn’t want to cause mass hysteria.
When I reached him, he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m sorry. I got stuck talking to my teacher. I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to leave you alone.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not alone, actually.”
Carter looked over my shoulder and saw the table full of people. Then he pulled me into a hug.
I closed my eyes and thought, Maybe they’ll never like me. Maybe I’ll always be an outcast.
Life might be pretty crazy from now on.
But maybe crazy was my new normal.
“You all right?” Carter asked, lifting my hand and kissing it.
I raised my chin and stood up straight.
I’ve been bad.
I’ve been good.
Weak and strong.
Brave and afraid.
A hero and a killer.
But the one thing I’ve never done is run from my problems. And Agent Hasan wasn’t going to scare me into running now.
I reached up and touched the tiny curl of hair that was growing over Carter’s ear. “I think so,” I said. “I mean, I will be.”
And I would, even if it took a year, five years, ten years—I would be all right.
I knew it in my gut.
Katie Alender, As Dead as It Gets
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