“I can’t agree with you, Sylvia. It does mean something. I somehow doubt that you would care to be on the receiving end as often as I am.”
Jeff looked as vulnerable as he felt, and Sylvia felt ashamed. She felt instantly contrite and wanted desperately to tell him why she did the things she did, but if he knew how much she cared he would certainly use her; after all, that was the way men were.
It never once occurred to Sylvia that she herself used people constantly, with her schemes to trap Jeff into marriage, her sister and brother-in-law, and the men that she dated to make Jeff jealous. And in one sense Sylvia used herself. She knew if she ever got Jeff alone, really alone, she planned to use every wile in her power to get him to say he loved her or force him into a proposal.
“I’m sorry, Jeff.” Sylvia could think of nothing else to say, and indeed the words did not come easily, but Jeff was waiting her out, Sylvia could see that.
“I’m sorry too,” Jeff replied, “if I’ve done something to hurt you. I really would like to go out tomorrow night. Is there anything I can say to change your mind?”
Sylvia stood and walked to the front window. ‘So he hasn’t come to say he’s broken his dinner date with Bobbie.’ The thought infuriated her but she fought to regain control. She kept her back to the room until she was sure she could manage a smile.
“Of course we’ll go out tomorrow night. I shouldn’t have run off. What time shall I pick you up?”
Jeff smiled. “You’re going to pick me up?”
“Indeed. When I ask a man to dinner, I do it up right.”
Jeff laughed with relief. It was awfully nice to have Sylvia smiling at him again.
Jeff had a quick bite to eat before he went back to work, and when he left Sylvia was smiling and waving at him from the door. To have Sylvia not speaking to him had been a dark cloud hanging over his head. It felt good to know that everything was out in the open. He should have told Sylvia a long time ago that it made him uncomfortable to have her so angry with him all the time.
Bobbie could see that Jeff’s mood was improved when he returned from lunch; she was happy for him. Everyone’s mood was light as they worked the afternoon away, and then Bobbie found herself between Jeff and Gilbert for the ride to the Taylors.
She hadn’t felt hungry until she walked in the back door and smelled May’s supper on the table. Gil assisted Bobbie with her chair at the table, and as she was seated a feeling of contentment rose within her. She had prayed a long time this morning and last night in regard to her conversation with Jeff.
As Bobbie began to eat she knew that God was going to bless her and Jeff for making this effort to clear the air and settle the past once and for all.
twenty
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Thank you for supper.”
The words came from the men around May’s kitchen table, and Bobbie was impressed. Bill had punctuated his gratitude with a kiss and Bobbie found the gesture extremely tender, but oddly enough, when the room cleared and she and Jeff were left to work on the dishes, she felt embarrassed.
It wasn’t that she was unaccustomed to seeing shows of affection. Bobbie knew that she wouldn’t have been embarrassed if Jeff hadn’t been in the room. Why that was, she wasn’t sure.
“Do you want to wash or dry?”
“I’ll wash,” Bobbie answered with relief, seeing a chance to hide her flaming face. Jeff had volunteered them for kitchen duty in hopes they could talk, but the piles of plates, cups, and pots were diminishing rapidly and still they had only discussed work and which kids from school were married and starting families.
“How did you meet Cleve?” Jeff asked suddenly.
“Well, he lives and works in Jenner and attends the same church as my aunt and uncle. We got to know each other when he started coming into the shipping office every day for lunch. Then he began to stop by my aunt and uncle’s, and well, we just got to know each other.”
“I must say, Bobbie, I’m a little disappointed.”
Bobbie turned from the dishpan to look at him. “Disappointed? In what?”
“You.” Jeff was actually teasing, but he was in for a surprise. “You don’t sound at all like a woman who is head-over-heels in love.”
Bobbie turned back to her washing. “Love is not the only reason to get married, Jeff.” The words were said softly and sincerely. Stunned, Jeff had to tell himself to go slowly.
Jeff believed love was the only reason to be married, but something in Bobbie’s voice told him that if he said that to her right now, it would hurt her deeply.
“I’ve always thought that love needed to be at the top of the list. What reasons were you thinking of?” Jeff’s voice was nonchalant, not once betraying how fast his mind was working.
“Oh, things like companionship, wanting children of my own, security—those types of reasons.”
“But not love?”
“I think love could come, especially if the two people care about each other.”
“Does Cleve share your beliefs?” Jeff asked, still speaking with more calm than he felt. He was jumping to the same accurate conclusions as Maryanne had the night she and Bobbie talked in the bedroom.
“Actually they’re more his ideas than mine, but I think they might have some validity.”
“Might?” Jeff questioned her. “Then you’re not entirely sure?”
“No, I guess I’m not. The truth is, Cleve has asked me to marry him, but I haven’t given him an answer. He’s coming for a visit sometime this summer and he thinks I’ll say yes then.”
“He’s sure you’ll say yes?”
“I think he is.”
“And you?”
“I’m not sure one way or the other.” They worked in silence for a few minutes as they finished the job.
“What does that look on your face mean, Jeff?” Bobbie was untying her apron and taking a seat at the kitchen table.
“I’m confused. I thought you stayed in Jenner all this time because of Cleve and here I find out you’re not even in love with him.” Jeff thought his words might have hurt her, but she answered as though everything was fine.
“I’ve only known Cleve for about a year. And one of the main reasons I’ve hesitated in saying yes to his proposal was because of how badly I wanted to come back to Santa Rosa.”
“Then why did you stay away five years?” ‘It’s finally on the table,’ Jeff thought. ‘The question I’ve been wanting to ask for years.’
“You may not agree with me, Jeff, but I honestly believe I was in Jenner all those years because that was exactly where God wanted me.” Jeff looked uncertain but kept silent.
“You can’t believe how many times I planned to come home, but something always detained me. When I first arrived in Jenner I dreaded having to come back and face all the kids at school. My aunt was really sensitive to that and wrote, without my knowing, to ask if I could stay until Christmas. My folks said yes. Well, the studies were very different from what I’d been taught, and everyone felt it was best that I finish the year.
“By the following summer I’d made some wonderful friends and again my departure was put off. Then it was time for school to start and I was so torn I was miserable. You see, I still hadn’t changed at all physically and I so wanted to come back—”
Bobbie stopped as all the pain she felt that summer crowded in upon her. She remembered the desperate desire to see her folks and the kids at school, but wanting also to mature and return looking like a young woman instead of a little girl.
Jeff was careful to keep his emotions off his face, but the look in Bobbie’s eyes was almost more than he could handle. His hand clenched where it lay on his knee beneath the table, in an effort to keep from reaching for her.
“Anyway,” Bobbie went on softly, “I told myself, one more year. But by the end of the next school year I’d begun work at the shipping office and my presence became necessary. The passage of time ceased to exist.
I was needed and leaving was nearly out of the question.
“There was one time when I was ready to go. My bags were packed and I was going to catch the morning stage, but my Uncle Jasper got very sick in the night and again—” Bobbie shrugged and Jeff nodded in understanding.
“I did want to tell you, though, how much your note meant to me. When I first left I hoped you were suffering as much as I was, but I soon saw that there was no living with bitterness. It eats at you until there’s nothing left of the original person and I knew that would be the worst thing I could do.
“The hardest part about being away was knowing that everyone knew. It was also hard not to hear from anyone. I realize, Jeff, that you weren’t the only one involved that day, but I never heard a word from any of the other kids. Pastor and Mrs. Keller wrote, and so did you, but other than my family—”
“Not even Angie?” Jeff remembered how close the two girls were.
“She wrote but she never mentioned the lagoon. I think she felt that was best, but it’s like having your mother die and everyone trying to pretend it never happened. I wish Angie hadn’t moved up north so I could talk with her about it. I mean, I didn’t need her or anyone else to belabor the point, but a word or two of understanding would have been welcome.”
“I’m surprised no one else wrote,” Jeff replied, “and now that I look back on it, I wish I’d written more than once. I thought about you an awful lot and I wished we’d kept in touch.”
“Tell me something, Jeff. What’s become of Richard Black? My mother kept me as up-to-date as she could, but she never mentioned Richard.”
“His family moved out of the area about a year later. I don’t know where they are now.”
Bobbie nodded and then took Jeff completely off-guard. “Okay, Jeffrey, now it’s your turn. Tell me what happened with that whole outing at the lagoon.”
Jeff looked shocked and then decidedly uncomfortable, but Bobbie just sat and watched him. He knew she deserved to know the truth, but he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her. He couldn’t see any way out of it, so he looked her in the eye and started in.
“In those days I was seriously infatuated with Sylvia. So was Richard. I wasn’t sure where I stood with her, and when Pastor Keller came to see me with the idea of the guys asking the girls to the boating, I grabbed at it with purely selfish motives. I planned on asking Sylvia.
“All six of us guys came here, and it didn’t take very long for everyone to see that two of us wanted to take Sylvia. That left an extra girl, and that girl was you.” Jeff stopped because he was feeling a little sick inside.
“Go on, Jeff. Remember, I did ask.”
He took a deep breath and studied the face across from him. Bobbie became more attractive to him every day. But it wasn’t just her looks. There was something wonderful and special about her to which Jeff was terribly drawn. Right now he could see she was trying to cover the vulnerability she was feeling inside, and once again he wanted to hold her.
“We hid in the barn to draw straws, which tells you how ashamed we felt, but we were too selfish to let that stop us.” There was no reason to go over what happened at the lagoon; they both knew it well, so Jeff skipped ahead to when he dropped off Bobbie.
“I went straight home after I left your house and waited for my folks. They weren’t long in coming and they knew everything. The church has matured since then, but unfortunately the gossip was pretty rampant. To say that my folks were upset would be a gross understatement. I’ve never seen my mother like that, but I had no one to blame but myself.
“I came the next day to see you, but you’d already gone. My dad went the next day to see Richard and Sylvia because I’d told him everything. He was very upset over the way you were treated at the lagoon. He talked with them privately and then left it up to them to tell their parents. I honestly thought they’d written you.” Jeff paused for a moment in thought, remembering that at least Sylvia said she had sent a letter.
“Anyway, Pastor called all of us together to apologize too. He felt responsible. It just never occurred to him that there would be a problem; they were really trying to give us a special day.”
Bobbie and Jeff stared at each other in silence. “I’m sorry, Bobbie,” Jeff finally said.
“I’m sorry too, Jeffrey, for the years of hurt and scars. I don’t harbor any bitterness in my heart, and I hope no one else does either, but it was time for me to hear the entire story. For that I thank you.”
Bobbie slid her hand across the table and Jeff took it. There was nothing romantic about the gesture; it was a friend reaching out to another friend in comfort and caring.
Not long afterward Jeff drove Bobbie home in the wagon. Their conversation moved to Cleve again, and Bobbie said some things that disturbed Jeff tremendously, but he was in no position to offer advice to anyone on her romantic life. It seemed as though his own was in a constant state of turmoil.
Of course, he wasn’t really sure that he would term his relationship with Sylvia romantic, but why it wasn’t was a question that plagued Jeff until he fell asleep that night.
twenty-one
Sylvia was in her best winter dress for her evening out with Jeff. She had worked for hours on her hair after lying down for a full two hours to rest her eyes. Her dress was a deep sapphire that highlighted her eyes to their best. The nap was to ensure that her eyes were clear and not puffy or red.
Jeff was in a suit and Sylvia was very pleased that he had dressed up for her. He was, she admitted, quite the best-looking man she had ever seen. None of the rich men back East could compare with Jeff Taylor’s tall, broad-shouldered physique. And if that wasn’t enough, he had the most wonderful face. Very masculine, yet boyish when he smiled or laughed. His brown hair was a bit wavy and always shining with health.
Sylvia’s head was raised proudly as she slipped her arm into Jeff’s for the walk across the crowded dining room. They were given a table for two by a window. It wasn’t really private, but the angle at which it was set and a large potted plant made it feel a little more remote. Sylvia had stopped earlier to reserve the table she wanted, and since Jeff was unaware of this, it confused him as to why the woman taking their order kept grinning at him as though they harbored a secret.
“So tell me,” Sylvia said as soon as the woman walked away, “how did your evening go last night?”
“It was fine,” Jeff answered easily. “We were able to discuss everything from five years ago, and I’ll tell you, Sylvia, we needed that.”
“In what way?” Sylvia always felt a little tense when the summer at the lagoon was mentioned, but Jeff’s comment intrigued her.
“Well, Bobbie didn’t know everything and naturally she wanted to, and I needed to know why she stayed away all those years. There was no anger or bitterness in either of us, but it felt good to get everything out on the table.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that. She and I cleared things up long ago. I wrote to her when she was in Jenner.”
“You did? Did you mail the letter?”
“Well, of course I mailed it.” Sylvia laughed as though Jeff was trying to be funny. “Bobbie wrote back, too.”
Sylvia chatted on but she had lost Jeff. Why in the world was Sylvia lying? He wasn’t sure how much of the conversation he had missed when he began listening again.
“And while we’re on the subject of Bobbie, there’s something I think you should consider, Jeff.” Sylvia’s voice had dropped and her face was a picture of compassion. “You know you spend a lot of time with her, and you want to be careful that you don’t lead her on in any way. I mean, you wouldn’t want to hurt her like you did before and—” Again Sylvia prattled on and Jeff could only stare at her.
“I’m not saying that you can’t be friends, but you are very attractive, Jeff, and let’s face it, Bobbie isn’t used to having men pay attention to her. You understand that it’s her I’m thinking of.”
Their food arrived at that moment and Jeff was spared
from making a reply. He found himself praying and asking God to show him what to do. Sylvia was lying through her teeth and Jeff knew that if he called her on it they would have a huge argument right here in the hotel.
Jeff drew a sigh of relief when the topic changed to Sylvia’s family. She didn’t have a good thing to say about them, and for the first time Jeff wondered how much of what she was sharing was true.
Jeff didn’t remember very much about the meal or even what he had eaten, but an hour later they were walking toward Sylvia’s buggy. Jeff was fairly quiet until he saw that Sylvia was not headed toward his house.
“I have to work tomorrow Sylvia.”
“You have time for a little drive, Jeff. Sometimes I think you’re an old man.”
Jeff fell silent under the attack, but began to feel increasingly nervous when he saw where Sylvia was taking them. They headed to a very quiet area of town that he had never visited at night. It was always talked about when he was a kid because it was said to be the place where teens in town went to be alone.
Sylvia pulled the horse to a stop beneath a huge willow tree. She turned to look at Jeff but he kept his eyes forward. There was a three-quarter moon and Jeff was well aware of the way it bounced off Sylvia’s hair.
“Jeff?”
“What?” Jeff almost snapped at her as he tried to gain control of his emotions.
“Why don’t we get out and walk around a bit?”
“Good idea.” Jeff jumped at the idea in an attempt to put some space between them. Sylvia had pressed up against him in a way that was most distracting, and he couldn’t get out of the buggy fast enough. He didn’t help Sylvia step down because he didn’t want to get that close, and he could once again feel her eyes on him.
Jeff was just standing and looking off into the darkness when he again felt Sylvia at his side.
“Look at me, Jeff.”
Jeff complied and knew instantly that it was a mistake. Sylvia’s eyes were filled with entreaty, and Jeff couldn’t look away. When he didn’t, she moved her hand to cup the back of his neck. Not until she had brought Jeff’s head down and kissed him did he react. He stepped backward so hastily that he almost pulled Sylvia over.