I closed my eyes and slept. And for the first time, I didn’t dream of her. Or at least I didn’t remember it if I did. She was no longer a ghost, a phantom of guilt that tormented my conscience. She was flesh and blood and real. And she was my future.
In the morning, when I woke up and checked my phone, I found a text message waiting for me… a special alert I’d set up from inside the game. Four simple words and I knew who they were from.
I choose us. Forever.
***
Just before sunset by the peaceful rocks overlooking the tide pools at historical Crystal Cove Beach, my Uncle Peter married Emilia’s mom, Kim. They held hands and said informal vows to each other but the ceremony only lasted minutes. We quickly congratulated them and sent them off to spend their first evening alone as a married couple.
But all through that ceremony, I could hardly concentrate on my uncle’s happy turn of events because I couldn’t take my eyes off the beautiful woman standing at the bride’s shoulder. The wind ruffled her short, dark hair. Her skin glowed, radiant in the golden sunlight. She wouldn’t stop smiling and in that lace-edged white sundress, she looked like an angel.
But she wasn’t a mere angel. Vibrant, full of life and strength from all that she’d overcome. She was a goddess.
And I do believe that she was just as unfocused on the wedding as I was, because she held the bride’s tiny bouquet, smelled it often and stole glances at me like a shy schoolgirl in the back of class.
I’m sure she was just as overjoyed about her mom’s happiness as I was for Peter’s but it was hard to concentrate on them when we’d had no chance whatsoever to talk. The two of us. Alone. And we had so many important things to say.
Chapter Forty-Three
Mia
I lingered on the rocks after that short, humble ceremony. The family had spent time together on the beach and they were now following the happy couple back to the parking lot. But, having hugged, kissed and congratulated my mom already, I stayed behind and stooped, looking into the tidal pools at the anemones and hermit crabs, relishing a little quiet time to myself and hoping that Adam would wander back to talk to me.
I didn’t have to hope it because shortly, I became aware that he’d never moved more than a few feet from me. He stood nearby, his hands in his pockets, looking out over the ocean and hovering near me like a sentry. I glanced up at him, squinting against the dying sun. “Hey. ”
He pulled his eyes away and looked at me, smiling. “Hey, cousin. ”
I made a face. “Do not ever call me that again. That is beyond gross. ”
He chuckled, took a few steps toward me until he was standing beside me. I stood and climbed on top of the group of rocks next to us. “Someone said they saw a pod of whales swimming around out there earlier. I’ve been looking and looking and haven’t seen anything. ”
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He stepped up on the rock beside me, his eyes scanning out over the ocean. We were silent and though I was still looking for those whales, every inch of my body was aware of how close his body was to me. Just inches away, but it felt like miles. Like every cell in mine was calling out to every cell in his. My throat was tight and I forced myself to swallow.
“There!” I said, throwing out my hand wildly to indicate where I’d seen the spout from a blowhole. In my excitement, I’d thrown myself off balance. He reached out to grab my shoulders, steadying me. His hands felt like heavy weights on me. Grounding me, electrifying me.
I hadn’t felt his touch in so, so long and now his warm hands were on my bare shoulders. I shook slightly with excitement, with suppressed energy. I’d slept very little last night, winding through the puzzles of the game—solving the quest he’d rewritten for me. It had been like traveling through a winding maze and finding his unguarded heart at the center.
In spite of all this running through my mind, I kept my eyes on the spot where I’d seen the spout and another one went up just after that. But he didn’t look up at that one when I pointed it out. Instead, he kept his eyes on me. I could feel the weight of them, as heavy as his hands. And now his thumbs moved across my skin and my mouth went dry and I barely contained the whimper in my throat.
His head dipped and his mouth alighted on the juncture of my neck and shoulder. Heat shot through me and I did moan a little then, responding immediately. He didn’t pull his mouth away, just joined that delicious touch with his tongue, trailing along the back of my neck and shoulder, his hands cupping my shoulders a little bit tighter. My eyes shut tight and my left hand went to his hair, twining my fingers in it, pressing his head against me. I never wanted him to pull away.
My skin was tingling, sensitive, almost so much so that everything was near painful. Every time his lips moved across my skin, I had to fight to keep from jumping. I turned my head and he pulled his mouth away. We stared into each other’s eyes for long moments. His hands slipped from my shoulders to my waist, then tightened his hold, encircling his arms around me. I fell against him with a sigh and his mouth landed on mine.
I opened my mouth to him but didn’t wait for his tongue to enter. Instead, I pressed mine forward, exploring him. He sucked in a breath, probably surprised by my boldness. I turned in his arms and pressed my chest against his, fixing my hands around his neck. The kiss deepened and I was caught up, swirling as everything turned—like we were the axis of a world all our own and it revolved around us.
They say love makes the world go round and that tiny world we had formed went around us and at our center, at that axis—love. My heart pressed against his. The world dimmed as the sun sank below the horizon but neither of us seemed aware. The ocean continued to pound its endless rhythm but it was nothing compared to our hearts dashing against each other.
When he pulled his mouth away, that dreamlike reality we’d formed around us continued. He pressed his forehead to mine and we stared into each other’s eyes. My hands were on his cheeks, my thumbs caressing his exquisite jaw. He was even more beautiful in the violet light of dusk than he was in daylight, if it was possible.
“Emilia,” he whispered, his eyes closing, and then he tucked me under his chin as he pulled me closer to him, tighter. “I missed you. ”
Missing him seemed such a weak way to say what I’d been doing for the past two months. Existing without him had made me feel lacking, incomplete, a whole huge part of me gone.
“I missed you too—the way an ionized atom misses its last electron,” I said with a laugh on my lips.
“You are such a nerd,” he laughed, kissing my nose. “But that’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me. ”
Two atoms, sharing a covalent bond, melded together, forming a molecule—something better than each of the parts separately. And I couldn’t help but think that that was like us. Separate, we were special, unique people; together, we formed something rare and precious and greater than our separate selves.
“So, I might have checked at the reservation desk early this morning and rented one of the cottages for the night…if you feel like spending the night here at the beach,” he said.
I pulled my head away and glanced back at the line of cottages all along the shore. They were historic landmarks, these cottages, all here since the Depression era and inhabited by beach dwellers until the previous decade when the state had retaken the homes, refitted them, and rented them out nightly to the public.
I nodded enthusiastically. Spend the night in one of these adorable cottages with Adam? Yes, please.
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“Your bag is in your car?”
“Yeah. I was going to go back to the hotel tonight if—if you didn’t want me to stay over with you. ”
He frowned for a minute, looking at me like I was crazy, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a key on a big keychain. “I rented the white one on the end…” He pointed. “Give me the keys to the car and I’ll go get your stuff. ”
We traded
keys and he kissed me again before heading up the hill to the parking lot.
Chapter Forty-Four
Adam
I jogged up that hill as quickly as I could once I left the sand. The parking lot was a ways away but I hoped that would give Emilia some time to settle in at the cottage while I grabbed her stuff. I was still pretty high from holding her on the beach, kissing her, feeling her body fall against me.
She felt more solid now, stronger. More like her old self but with essential changes that only made her more beautiful, mature, amazing. Or maybe she’d just always been that way and my time away from her had made me appreciate those things in her even more.
When I hit the parking lot, I saw that some of the wedding guests were still hanging out. The bride and groom had gone but Heath stood at his car, leaning up against it and talking to Connor. When he saw me, he immediately straightened, glancing behind me. He’d been waiting to see if Emilia was okay.
“Hey, man,” I said when he got closer.
“She’s okay? Where’s she at?”
I smiled. “She’s okay. She’s coming home with me. ”
Heath grinned. “Good. That’s great to hear. ”
I slapped my hand on his shoulder. “I know we’ve both been a pain in your ass for the last few months. But thanks for being a great friend. ”
Heath looked a little taken aback. “No sweat, man…”
“Here. I want you to have something. ” I reached into my pocket and held out my hand, pressing the keys into his.
He opened his hand, not understanding at first. These were the spare keys to the Porsche.
“Uh. Dude, you must be high,” he said with a laugh and then looked up into my face and saw that I was dead serious. “For real?” His jaw dropped.
“Yeah. Drop it by my service guy whenever you need it taken care of. I’ll cover it. But you better take good care of it or I’ll kick your ass. ”
He held his hand out to me. “Adam, I can’t take this. That car is your most prized possession. ”
I shook my head. “I love the car, not gonna lie. But you took good care of her when I couldn’t…and I love her a whole hell of a lot more than that car. Thank you. ”
Heath paused for a moment, a confused frown transforming slowly into a goofy grin. “Well, then. You better take good care of her. Or I’ll kick your ass. ”
I laughed. “I have no doubt about that. ”
Giving Connor a wave, I walked over to the Tesla that Emilia had been using for the last few months and opened it up to get her things before turning and walking back down the hill.
Chapter Forty-Five
Mia
I trudged across the sand and let myself into the cottage. It wasn’t the luxury accommodations we’d had in Paris but the quaintness of the place—and its stellar location—was not lost on me. I took a minute to explore my simple surroundings. There was a bedroom with a double bed and a loft up above. The kitchen had a microwave and a fridge and one big old wood-burning stove that no longer functioned and had been apparently included for ambiance. The floors were simple beam wood. And the décor was beach-themed, complete with a painting incorporating bits of shimmering beach glass.
When Adam returned from the hike to the parking lot and back, my bag slung over his muscular arm, I was lying on the bed, paging through the picture book that had been sitting on the coffee table. It recounted a complete history of the Crystal Cove area from prehistoric times until the present. “Did you know that they used one of these cottages for a Japanese language school during the 1920s?”
He dumped my bag on the small bench at the end of the bed and watched me, smiling. “Really? Fascinating. ” But I could tell what fascinated him was not the information I was giving him but what he saw on the bed before him. I smiled knowingly. His eyes had that unmistakable glow in them—that smolder. Swallowing, I batted my eyelashes at him.
I tapped on the cover of the book. “I can read you some more of this, if you like. ”
He smiled, that dimple forming at the side of his mouth again. He was so good-looking it stole my breath. He reached up and loosened his tie without taking his eyes off of me. I had already kicked off my shoes but I closed the book and set it on the floor beside the bed. I leaned back and patted the bed beside me as he was unbuttoning the cuffs of his dress shirt.
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“As you wish,” he said with a laugh, coming around to lie beside me. We reached for each other at the same time, our noses colliding in our haste to kiss each other again. We both leaned back, laughing.
I rubbed my nose. “Och. It’s just a flesh wound,” I quoted from one of our favorites, Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
“She turned me into a newt,” he said in his best imitation of John Cleese, the actor from that same movie.
“A newt?”
He smiled. “I got better. ”
I laughed. “Come here, you hot geek god, you. ”
He kissed me and pulled back. “Mm. Yep, you really are a witch. And you’ve completely beguiled me. Toad curse and all. ”
“Did you turn into a toad while I was gone?”
“I was as miserable as a toad without you. ”
I stared for a moment and then started laughing so hard I snorted. “That is so completely nonsexy. ”
“Unlike that snort. That snort right there is utterly sexy. ”
I stuck my tongue out at him and he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me up against him. I put my hand on his chest, splayed out my fingers across the solid muscle. “Speaking of utterly sexy…” I said, and my hand flew up and quickly unbuttoned half the buttons. “Oops. Your shirt fell open. ”
He leaned down and captured my lips with his, his mouth sealing over mine with more insistence, more hunger than before. My heartbeat was a footrace inside my chest, galloping in turns and stumbling in others.
“Oops,” he murmured in between urgent follow-ups. “My mouth fell on yours. ”
“Wow, we are so clumsy,” I breathed against his lips.
He continued to kiss me, pressing my head back against the pillow. His hand cupped my jaw before his finger traced its way back to my ear and then down along the side of my throat. He drew the chain of my necklace aside, the compass flopping on the bed beside my neck. His touch was scalding hot and ice cold at the same time. I sucked in a breath.
His finger trailed across my collarbone and landed on the top button of my dress. Slowly, our mouths separated and he stared into my eyes. My breath faltered as he slipped the button through the buttonhole. I was at once mesmerized by his touch and utterly afraid for him to see what was underneath. And he clearly knew that. Pulling back and propping on one elbow, he didn’t stop. His finger slid down slowly across my skin to the second button. Before I could react or protest, that one slipped open as well.
But he wasn’t looking at what he was doing. Instead, his eyes were fixed on mine. In minutes, the dress was unbuttoned past my waist. Adam pressed his finger against the notch at the base of my neck and slowly trailed it down across my chest, over my bra, between my breasts and down my stomach, until it landed at my navel. There, he traced a circle around it and a fire ignited in my belly, my body burning for his. A long breath of air hissed between my teeth as I concentrated on that one, simple touch.
His hand came up again to my shoulder. And in spite of the burning arousal, cold fear gripped my throat as he slowly slipped the strap of my sundress, and my bra, off of my shoulder. My breathing froze and I put my hand over his, stopping him before he brought the straps low enough to expose my scars.
He froze and our gazes held for endless minutes. I was sure he could see the fear, the uncertainty in mine. I saw the determined passion in his. Slowly, gently, he slipped his hand out from under mine, took my wrist and pulled my hand away from where I had stopped him. I didn’t resist as he brought my hand down to my side, slipping it under my hips and pinning it
there so I wouldn’t be tempted to use it again to stop him.
My heartbeat was icy in my throat as his hand returned to what it had been doing. His other hand, as a precaution, gripped my free hand inside of it. All I could do was stare into those dark eyes, my breath coming faster as he succeeded in slipping the straps over my left arm. He pulled that side of my bra down and I was completely exposed to him. Hot shame bathed my face but Adam still hadn’t looked there. He was still studying my face, pinning my eyes with his dark ones. Then he shifted so that his leg pinned mine down and with another tug on the other half of my bra, I was naked from the waist up.
Then he lowered his eyes and looked at me, and part of me wanted to curl up and die. Despite having gained back a bit of the weight I’d lost during chemo, I was still too thin. My breasts, as a result, were smaller than before and the left one was still maimed and ugly, the angry red scars jagging over the skin, black dots tattooed across it. Slowly, as if afraid I might bolt even though I was pinned down, he raised his hand and with a butterfly-light touch, he traced his fingers over the raised scar. I shivered under him.
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He shushed me, looking into my eyes again though I avoided his gaze. “Emilia. Look at me. ” And I did. And there was sincerity, admiration in his eyes. “You are beautiful. And these,” he said, tracing the scars again with more pressure than before, “are your strength. ”
I blinked, my eyes stinging. I wanted him to touch me again. And he did. My breath shivered in my chest. He palmed my scarred breast, running a progressively firmer touch over it until my nipple puckered to a point, erect and begging for his attention. He lowered his mouth and kissed it ever so lightly.
I gasped and arched my back to meet him. He kissed it again, a light peck. And again, a little harder. Then his mouth opened and his tongue tasted, ever so slightly. And again, his tongue ran over and around my nipple until I was burning and writhing underneath him, unable to get enough of the feel of his mouth. He suckled and pulled, tasting and tugging until a small sob escaped the back of my throat. The first time his teeth touched my nipple, I jumped as if jolted with electricity. My hand, which had been wedged underneath me, pulled free and came up to weave my fingers in his thick hair, holding him to my attention-starved breast.