Part of me felt like the worst person on the planet. I couldn’t believe that I’d made my mom feel that way, couldn’t possibly bring myself to tell her that the reason she didn’t know about anything in my life was because I’d deliberately withheld it from her.
I looped an arm around her and pulled her close. “Mom…”
“I’m just sorry I can’t spend as much time with you as you need,” she said, looking at me. “I’ll figure something out, I promise. I’ll be there, as often as you need me. Okay?”
It felt like a hollow promise; after all, if what she was saying was true then she couldn’t exactly cut back on work or we’d lose the home. But the promise came from a good place, a place where she cared about me. I closed my eyes, telling myself that I’d remember it the next time I thought about keeping something from her. “Is it really that hard?” I asked.
“Yes. In a lot of ways. But in others… Well, I guess I’ve survived worse. We both have.”
It was hard to tell what she was referring to, so I just nodded along. Our conversation hadn’t been the angry confrontation that I’d wanted, but it had curbed my most immediate feelings.
“So, what about that girl who was bullying you? Jessica?”
For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to say. It was the same problem I’d had with summarizing what had happened to Auburn: in some ways I’d been through so much, but in others it felt like little had changed. “I don’t know… She was really mean to me. She made a fake Facebook profile and pretended to be me on it.”
I could feel her tense. “Really? She should have gotten expelled for that! Why didn’t the principal do anything?”
“She did. I’m pretty sure Jessica got suspended.” Hearing the emotion in her voice nearly made me smile; even though we’d been distant, she still cared about me. I should have told her when I found out about Loser McGee, I thought.
Mom let out a long breath, as if she was forcing herself to relax. “Well, that’s good. And Charlie? When did you start dating him? Were you guys together back at Christmas?”
“Mhm. We split up for a bit after that, but we’re back together now.”
“Good. I like Charlie. I didn’t want you to date until you were older, but… If you’re going to, he seems like a good apple.”
That was part of the reason I liked my mom. Even though she had her faults, she was really understanding. I could imagine that someone else’s parents might have yelled at me or grounded me, but Mom accepted it without a fight. As long as I was happy, I was free to make my own choices.
After a few more questions, Mom asked if I wanted to her to sleep in my room, on the blow-up mattress that had served as my bed for so long. She fell asleep first, almost immediately, and I followed soon after. I hardly had time to realize how much I’d missed those light snores.