No matter what it cost her.
If she was moved into a foster family or an institution she didn't like, all she had to do was destroy something or injure someone and she was immediately removed.
Gaining attention was easy, but the lack of love hardened the child.
By the time she was six years old, she could pick the foster parents who wanted to tame her and gain recognition with the department as heroes and wanna-be psychologists trying to get inside Gwendolyn's head. She liked these people the most and put them through all sorts of torments and played mind games with them until she tired of them; and then destroyed them with her serious antics and bad behaviour.
*~*~*~*
Tabbie glanced at Casey's reaction to the story and noticed a faraway look. The semblance of recognition and a smoulder of hatred had ignited and began to burn in Casey’s eyes.
"What are you thinking, sweetheart?" Tabbie ventured.
Casey sighed, returning to the present. "Things don't change much, Mum."
"Meaning?" Tabbie prodded.
"I recognise so much of my own story in Gwendolyn, Mum," Casey replied.
"Come and give your old mum a hug, sweetheart."
Casey broke into a huge smile and swallowed Tabbie in a hug.
"I love you, Casey, and I always will."
"I love you too, Mum. I don't know why you decided to adopt me," Casey's eyes glistened.
"Because you’re special, dear one; and Father, like me, is just nuts about you."
Casey's hug tightened around Tabbie. "Do you really think Father loves me that much?" Casey pondered, gazing into Tabbie's brilliant blue eyes.
"I don't think, darling; I know," Tabbie replied.
Casey pondered for a long moment. "Is Gwendolyn still around, Mum?"
"Yes, darling, very much."
"Do you think I can meet her one day?" Casey wondered... "Nah! I think I would be too nervous to meet her," Casey conceded.
"Casey, I think she would be delighted to meet you. I don't think you would recognise her now though," Tabbie offered.
Casey appeared surprised. "Why not?"
"Father took hold of her and broke her heart of stone."
Tabbie's eyes shone.
"What do you mean?"
Just then, Palmer's face appeared at the door. "Five o'clock, you two."
Casey glanced at Tabbie and her heart sank. "It can't be. We've only just got started!" Casey moaned.
"Tomorrow, dear one," Tabbie whispered.
Casey wrapped her arms tightly around Tabbie. "I hate this time of day. I wish I didn't have to go back to Greyton. I want to stay with you!"
"I know, sweetheart. I wish you didn't have to go back there, either. Let's pray and ask Father about it," Tabbie proposed.
"Okay," Casey reluctantly agreed.
"Father, Your daughter, Casey, wants to ask You something."
Casey shot Tabbie a bewildered stare. "I don't know how to pray!"
"Just talk to Him like you would talk to me," Tabbie coaxed.
Casey nodded reluctantly and closed her eyes. "Dear Father, I..I love Tabbie so much and I thank You for loving me, as Mum says. Can You find a way for us to be together forever and not have to go back to Greyton each evening? Um... I hope I have prayed properly… um, amen."
Tabbie squeezed Casey and tears ran down the old lady's face. "That was absolutely beautiful, Casey. Now let's see what He will do."
*~*~*~*
In her room, Tabbie sat at her writing desk. She grasped her pen and it dropped from her fingers. "Oh please, Father, help my crippling fingers to write this letter."
She grasped at the pen again and began to write.
Dear my beloved daughter, Casey…
When the long letter was complete, she placed it in a envelope and addressed it.
My darling daughter, Casey.
*~*~*~*
The sound of the phone rang in Tabbie's ear and then clicked.
"Hello."
"Hello, dear. How are you?"
"I am fine, Tabbie darling; how are you?" the concerned voice of a woman enquired.
"Oh... I am getting weaker each day and I don't think I have much longer to go. The letter is written, dear one, and it’s in my desk."
"Okay, sweetie. I will take care of it."
"Thank you, darling. Good bye."
*~*~*~*
Chapter 18
Tabbie's breaths were coming hard and laboured, and her eyes rolled back in her head as she gasped to fill her lungs. The disease had almost robbed her of her life and made each new inhalation a marathon. A nurse came to check on Tabbie around 2 am, took one look at her condition and ran to get the doctor. A bottle of pure oxygen was ordered but by the time it arrived, Tabbie had gone.
The doctor held onto Tabbie's lifeless hand, called the time of death and closed her eyes. As he held her hand, he could feel the power of another hand holding both of theirs.
"Rest in peace, Tabbie. You brought so much love and comfort to many."
A wail went through the nurses' station as news of Tabbie's death became known. It was as if a precious angel had been taken from their midst and a coldness had settled over the nursing home in its place.
*~*~*~*
The phone rang in the Brekman household, causing Ben to stumble out of bed and into the kitchen, wildly grabbing for the receiver. Phone calls at this time of night could only be bad news.
A weeping woman on the other end of the phone struggled to maintain her composure as she delivered the news. TJ stood next to her husband, Ben–a solid, six foot two, redheaded man–a look of concern etching on her face as she pulled her dressing gown around her, listening to her husband’s side of the conversation.
"Okay, I understand," Ben said quietly. Ben put down the phone and slowly turned to face TJ, his face stricken. "She's gone."
TJ had been expecting the news, but when it came it hit her hard, rushing into her husband’s strong, comforting embrace and with her face buried in his chest, sobbed with intense grief. As her heaving cries slowly softened, TJ abruptly pulled away from Ben, wiping the tears from her face and peering up at her tender man, her gentle eyes alight with concern...
"Casey."
*~*~*~*
TJ hadn't been able to get a message to the right people in Greyton to inform Casey of Tabbie's death before she left for the nursing home, so fidgeted nervously with the chain around her neck as she sat on the lounge and anxiously waited for the inevitable.
Casey excitedly made her way in to the nursing home and ran up to the lounge while TJ heard her footsteps coming and steeled herself. Casey suddenly stopped at the door to the lounge room, an expression of confusion on her face and peered in, searching for Tabbie and finding a strange woman sitting in her place. The appearance on the woman's face was grim and she saw a tear fall to her lap.
"Casey, my name is Tabatha-Jean; I think you know me as TJ. I was Tabbie's sister."
Casey stared at TJ in disbelief and as realisation dawned, she grabbed at her hair and screamed.
"Nooo!”
The echoes of Casey's pain-filled scream ricocheted off the walls of the corridor and she dropped to the tiles and wept, laying face down on the cold concrete. TJ rushed to her side and stiffly stooped to the floor next to her and pulled her up into a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around Casey.
"I'm so sorry, honey."
Casey went limp in TJ's arms and TJ started to worry.
"I loved her too, sweetheart. My heart is breaking too!"
Casey pulled into TJ's chest and then she broke all over again.
Ben watched the traumatic scene unfolding from a distance and caught TJ's eye, nodding his intention. Palmer hurried into the situation, hearing Casey's scream; but Ben stopped him in mid flight, while TJ endeavoured to comfort Casey at the same time, trying to understand the official reaction as Ben conversed with Palmer. Palmer eventually nodded and turned around and left. With Casey shuddering in her em
brace and concerned for her emotional stability, TJ motioned for Ben to come over.
"Let's get her home," TJ whispered, wiping away her own fresh tears.
Ben towered over Casey and bent down, lifting her easily into his arms. Casey appeared frightened as she was lifted into the big man's arms, but an awkward flash of recognition teased her face.
"B...Bluey?" she stammered, but then more tears flowed.
TJ held Casey’s hand. "It's okay, Casey; this is Ben, my husband. You're coming to live with us now."
As Ben carried Casey out of the nursing home, he walked slowly, allowing TJ to keep hold of Casey's hand. TJ walked with a limp and Casey noticed her cane for the first time.
A little while later, Ben switched the car engine off and peered out the driver window toward the house; Casey's forlorn face was red from crying and her eyes were puffy, however the tears had dried up for now.
"Casey, this is our home where Tabbie and I grew up; originally it was Bluey and Hannah's, our mum and dad's and now, it will be your home too, if you will have us."
Casey peered at the scene, sniffing to clear her head and force some sort of rational thought into her overloaded emotions. "This was Mum's home?"
"Yes, sweetie, and you’ll have her old room," TJ revealed. "It's waiting for you now. Would you like to see it?"
Casey nodded.
Just then, Palmer turned up in a police car with a small bag of Casey's belongings, making a beeline for the parked Brekman vehicle. Peering through the window at Casey and holding the evidence, he expected an immediate backlash from the teen for touching her belongings. A typical response from troubled kids in care.
"The dorm warden packed your bag, Casey, so don't blame me for rifling through your personal stuff."
Casey tortured a weak grin and thanked Palmer, taking her meagre belongings.
Palmer turned to Ben and spoke softly through the driver window. "It's all been taken care of; you’ll just need to sign the papers as soon as you can."
"Thanks, Constable Palmer."
TJ echoed Ben's sentiments from the backseat.
"Casey, no offence, miss, but I hope I never see you again," Palmer jibed.
Casey smiled, for the first time since she'd received the news, opened her door shakily and ambled over to Palmer and hugged his neck.
"Better not let the other kids see that or they’ll think I am a soft touch. Take care, Casey," Palmer squirmed. Palmer reluctantly sauntered over to the police car, shuffled in and drove out of Casey's life.
TJ and Ben slowly walked Casey into the smiling little house.
"So, this is Disneyland?" Casey whispered.
TJ remembered the phrase from the past. "Yes, Casey, this is Disneyland."
Ben appeared confused. “Huh?!”
"I'll explain later," TJ chuckled.
Casey entered her new bedroom and gazed around at some of the old girlie things still hanging on the wall, things from a bygone era.
"These were your mum's belongings, Casey."
Casey dropped down onto the bed and began to cry again. TJ sat with her and put her arm around her, but a young girl's voice at the door startled Casey into stifling her tears.
"Oh, Mum, she's more beautiful than Aunt Tabbie described. Hello, Casey, my name is Hannah-Jean, but everyone just calls me HJ... oh sweetie, I’m so sorry."
Hannah-Jean put her arm around Casey, too. She was a miniature of TJ and about Casey's age, but feeling embarrassed, Casey sniffed back her tears again, trying to show a brave face.
"Hi, HJ," Casey managed.
TJ glanced at Ben and withdrew a letter from her bag. Ben nodded and TJ handed Casey the letter. "This is from Tabbie, Casey. She wrote it last night."
Casey's face lit up and she hugged the letter to her chest.
Ben placed Casey's bag on the floor and beckoned everyone to give Casey some space and privacy to read her letter, alone.
"We’re right outside if you need anything, honey," TJ assured as she pulled the door closed.
Alone in Tabbie’s old bedroom, Casey felt her mum's presence and love everywhere. Holding the letter for many moments and staring at the envelope's inscription: My darling daughter, Casey, the tears resumed in a turbulent flood and her vision blurred into another grief stricken rollercoaster.
*~*~*~*
Chapter 19
Finding momentary respite from her stretched emotions, Casey traced Tabbie's handwriting with the tip of her finger, leaned back on the bed and gently opened the letter then unfolded the neat pages and began to read.
Dear my beloved daughter, Casey.
If you are reading this, my love, then I have gone home to be with Father and am currently wrapped up in love with Hannah and Bluey. My mum and dad and your grandparents. Oh my sweet girl, they would have adored you.
Casey smiled and choked on her tears and once she could see again, she continued.
I am sorry if my demise has caused you any pain, my love. If you come to know and love Jesus, we will be together again one day, in a place so beautiful you won't believe. I promise! Again, TJ will explain.
By now, you must be confused and have many questions about me and TJ, and it may surprise you that TJ has taken you under her wing, so to speak. I arranged for her and Ben to be your mum and dad, as I knew my time was short.
Please believe me, they did this because they wanted to, not only as a favour for me. I asked them to give you my old room so you could still feel close to me. The room has much history and I am sure TJ will explain it to you as time goes by.
TJ and Ben will love you as their own, so don't be afraid to open your heart to them. They are worthy of your trust and will take good care of you and your love.
Hannah-Jean is a carbon copy of her mum at her age and has the same gentle heart her namesake, Grandma Hannah, had.
Ben is a gentle giant. He is a warm and protective man and will voraciously defend you, like any loving dad would. Some say that TJ was looking for a Bluey look-alike in a husband and if Bluey had a clone, Ben would be the closest to him.
TJ has two grown boys: Neil, who is thirty and Simon, who is twenty five and is the spitting image of his dad. They are wonderful men and will delight in another sister.
Hannah-Jean was a welcome surprise and the apple of Ben's eye, but I would go as far as to say that Ben has two apples now.
I was hoping to finish the story of Gwendolyn before now, but TJ knows the story well so if you draw close to her, she will finish it on my behalf and answer any questions you may have. Don't be afraid to ask her.
The only regret I have in deciding to be your mum is that I won't be there to see you grow into the beautiful woman that Father is making of you. Rest assured, if I am allowed to, I will be watching from Heaven with Bluey and Hannah cheering you on.
TJ and Ben will guide you wisely, if you allow them to. They know Father very well, too.
As I write this, my eyes are running over with tears and my heart is running over with love for you. Just remember, when the times get lonely and the road is tough, Father is always there for you to lean on. There is a lot more to say, but I would be writing a book if I did say it. So for now my beautiful daughter, always be sure of my love for you.
Oh! TJ has my greatest possession on Earth and I want you to have it. She will find an appropriate time to give it to you.
Goodbye for now, my precious one.
Lots of love, Mum
Casey flopped face down on the bed and a river of tears started again, crying loudly, her shoulders heaving as waves of grief washed over her, again and again. TJ entered her room and gently sat down on the bed, soothingly rubbing her back. Casey looked up through watery eyes at the person sitting on the bed next to her, recognised TJ and wrapped her arms around her and wept and wept.
TJ held Casey for an hour, until she had emptied her tears, all the while speaking love, comfort and encouragement into her wounded heart. Once Casey had cried herself out, she lay her
head across TJ's lap and fell asleep, with TJ continuing to rub her back and speak softly to her.
Ben opened the door gently and the sight of Casey lying asleep across TJ's lap melted his heart. He smiled a warm smile at his wife. "She is beautiful, isn't she," Ben whispered.
TJ smiled back at the compassionate man she’d married and a sudden realisation flashed across her mind. "Tabbie's Bible," she whispered. "Can you get it for me please, Ben?"
Soon Ben returned with Tabbie's Bible and placed it on Casey's lamp stand.
Hannah-Jean cautiously pushed past her dad with a tray of soup for Casey while TJ gently stroked Casey's face and she slowly stirred.
"Hannah-Jean has made some soup for you, Casey."
Casey lifted her head from TJ's lap although she didn't feel like eating, but HJ had been so kind in preparing the meal, so she ate it anyway. TJ marvelled at the wounded young woman Tabbie had described in her conversations, Casey was a mess of tangled emotions, taking big strides with Tabbie’s love and coming so far in such a short a time.
Ben and TJ’s home wasn't like any placement Casey had ever been involved with before and they were like family, genuinely loving and caring for her; but everything was new and strange and she wasn’t sure she could trust the incredible dream she’d fallen into.
By the time Casey finished her meal, she was feeling exhausted. TJ helped her dress for bed and pulled back the covers while Casey climbed into the soft, comfortable bed and noticed Tabbie's Bible sitting on the lamp stand.
"It was Tabbie's most precious possession on Earth," TJ explained. "She wanted you to have it."
Casey took it in her arms like a teddy bear and held it to her chest as TJ reached across to turn off the light. "Thank you, TJ," Casey whispered.
"You're welcome, sweetheart. Sleep tight." TJ leaned in and kissed Casey on her cheek.
Ben joined TJ at the door. "Goodnight, Casey."
"Night, Ben."
*~*~*~*
Casey awoke with a start and gawked around the dark room and panicked.
Where was she?
She felt Tabbie's Bible resting against her arm and then suddenly remembered, searching the dark for the lamp switch and nearly knocking it over in her attempts. The sudden light filled the room but the rest of the house was deathly quiet. Casey sat up in her bed for a while, studying the girlie things around her and then placed Tabbie's Bible back on the night stand, rubbing the cover tenderly.