“Honestly?” Logan asked. I nodded. This was the most truthful he had ever been with me. I didn’t want that to end. “Because I’m afraid of how it would turn out.”
“How it would turn out if you had told me? That I’d call the psych ward to pick you up or something? I would have understood.” I would have thought he was crazy at first, but after that I wouldn’t have had a problem it with. It did take some adjusting, but now I was used to my time traveling.
“That it would be even harder to get you to choose me,” Logan replied. “I’ve lived many different versions of my lifetime, and one thing is always the same: I don’t want to live it without you.”
“How many lifetimes do you remember?” It was bad enough to have three different versions of my first semester in college, I couldn’t imagine having more.
Logan shrugged. “Too many to count.”
“And you knew me in each of them?”
“Yes.” Logan stared hard at me. “And in each of them you loved me.”
“But I have no memory of them,” I replied. It was strange to have him stare intensely at me, like he was willing me to remember.
“Everything that happened before you could travel, you won’t remember. Only people who can travel can remember when it changes. You’ve been spared all those memories,” Logan answered.
“Spared?” I asked. That didn’t sound like a good thing.
“There’s a reason I’ve been rewriting the past. Trust me. Not every lifetime gave you a happy ending,” Logan replied.
“Did you ever think maybe it was meant to be that way? Maybe fate is adjusting each time to give me the life I was supposed to have?” I had no idea what Logan knew, but since he didn’t like any of the outcomes, I could only imagine he meant they weren’t happy endings with him.
“Fate brought you to me. Fate made me happy, but the goddess wanted it another way. She changed your life each time. If she’d just let you be, then we could have been happy,” Logan responded bitterly.
I looked around the open observation deck, waiting for the goddess to show up and put him in his place. I didn’t get the feeling the goddess would like one of her gatekeepers talking like that. I waited and looked around again before coming back to Logan.
“I guess this is tonight’s lesson,” Logan replied in reaction to my curious stare. He walked to the edge of the deck and looked over the railing. Turning back to me, he rapped his knuckles on the railing. “This is my secret to keeping the goddess from hearing us.”
“This?”
“This tower,” Logan said.
“So when you want quiet, you go to the Eiffel tower?” That sounded a bit strange.
Logan laughed. “Well, it’s one place of privacy, but no. That’s not what I meant. If I want privacy, I go to places of high iron content.”
“This isn’t steel?” I asked. I had never looked closely as to what the tower was made of.
“No, iron,” Logan replied.
I thought for a moment. It was hard to believe that was all it took, since it wasn’t like iron was limited in the world. There was a whole age in history named after iron. I didn’t want to believe that it was that easy, but Logan was still being open with me. He didn’t look like he was lying.
“If all it takes is iron, then why can she find us anywhere? There’s iron all around us. Isn’t Earth even made of some iron?” I vaguely remembering hearing iron was one of the most common metals on the planet in one of my science classes.
“Not that I completely understand it, but it has to be man-made metal, and a certain amount of it blocks the goddess. This is just one place that we can go. There are others I go to, and I have a few pieces that I can wear, but you can’t travel the piece to another place with time travel, so they’re in specific times and locations. I’m not exactly sure, but the blessed chalcedony reacts with iron to stop the goddess’s abilities,” Logan explained.
“So how do I block her then?” I asked. It was nice how it worked, but it didn’t help me any. I held up my wrist and shook the bracelet. I didn’t really want to block her at this point, but I could need it in the future. I still couldn’t time travel.
“You don’t need to worry about that. If you need to block her for some reason, you can just tell me or Kye, and we’ll take you where you need to be to do so,” Logan explained, taking my hand in his.
Guess there wasn’t going to be a discussion about the bracelet. I wanted to ask more, but I let the subject of the bracelet drop. That was a battle for another time. Since Logan was being nice and sharing time travel knowledge, I’d have to go with that for now. He pulled me back to the observation deck. I grabbed the railing with my free hand and leaned forward as much as I could. It was amazing to be up so high over Paris. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn’t as cold in Paris as it was in Minnesota.
“It really is just as pretty as I thought it would be,” I told him.
“Just beautiful,” Logan said quietly. I turned to find him still watching me, like I was a dream that would fade if he looked away.
“What?” I finally asked. He had stared at me throughout dinner, and now as I looked at the city below us.
“I’m sorry, Mari. I hope you can believe me. I’m sorry for every tear I ever caused you,” he said, almost as quietly as he had been just moments ago. I could feel the hurt and pain in his voice. “I can never make up for what I did to you. I know that much. But, please, let me try. We were meant to be together. I know that deep down to my core. You and I were meant to be. Please give me a chance. Please, love me as much as I love you.”
My heart beat harder in my chest. I had wanted him to say these exact words years ago. I would have done anything to hear that from him. His eyes told me that he was truly sorry. I knew he was. It was hard to know what to say back. Logan wasn’t a bad person, he had just made me mad at him and he let me break up with him just to keep me from time traveling. I didn’t regret learning about the time traveling world. In fact, I was glad I knew; I’d have been heartbroken if I believed the lie that my mother was dead. This way I knew the truth. Time travel brought me Seth. Even if I couldn’t be with him, I was still glad that I had the chance to love him and know what true love felt like. I didn’t regret my life changing.
“I’m not sad that I know about this world,” I told Logan. He looked surprised by my answer. “Yes, there has been more heartbreak.” I couldn’t emphasize that enough. Giving up Seth was more than anyone should ever have to handle, but he didn’t need to know that. He couldn’t begin fathom what it felt like, it wasn’t the same for him and me as it was for me and Seth.
“And it’s my fault you ever had to feel any of that. If I had done better and kept the time travel world away from you, you’d have never been in the past and had to deal with that world.” Logan was still trying to protect me.
“The time travel thing isn’t all bad. By knowing the truth, I can understand you better.” I gave him a positive spin he was obviously overlooking.
Logan smiled and nodded. I guess it was the right answer.
“It was hard to keep this from you. I always thought if I told you it would be my fault if you ended up in a time like the one you went to. Your cousin is a horrible man and his wife is even worse. I would have never left your side in my palace if I thought she would send assassins after you.”
I hadn’t even thought of that. It was strange, the more he talked, the more I realized that the past wasn’t the greatest experience, but I couldn’t just focus on the bad. My mind only wanted to remember the good, and the few days I had back then with Seth. They were all the memories I’d have for a lifetime. I pushed them back down inside me. Thinking of Seth would get me nowhere. I had to let go of him. I had to move on, even if that meant without him. Logan berated himself mentally for my trip in the past. He cared that much.
Logan stepped back and let go of my hand. He ran his fingers through his hair and shook out his blond locks. He was still as handsome as I re
membered. His dark blond hair was still perfectly messy. His violet eyes turned back to me as he moved closer. Cautiously, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. The warm feeling was familiar. It may have seemed like another lifetime when Logan and I actually got along, but my body remembered him better than my head did. He was still Logan. He was still the man I fell in love with, and he was still the first one I ever felt that way about. He brought back many feelings I had forgotten.
“I promise I’ll protect you better now. I promise you’ll be safe. I’ll never let another bad thing like that happen to you again. I promise, Mari, I will love you forever.”
A breeze flit by me, and I turned slightly to keep it from blowing against my face. His head dipped lower as I closed my eyes. I needed to move on, and this was the first step. Logan’s lips pressed against mine. It wasn’t like how it felt when he stole that kiss only a month ago. This time it was different. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as he kissed me. My heart still had some feelings left for him. He was my first love, after all.
Chapter 10
Real Friend
Logan returned us to our house at school in the blink of an eye. The travel worked better with my eyes closed, and I only needed a moment to regain my footing. Or maybe I was just getting used to it. Logan kept his arms around me while I regained my balance. Even though I didn’t have to try and get us somewhere, it was much easier traveling on my own.
“I’m very serious about everything I told you. You’re the only one I need in my life. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you over the years. I promise to never do that to you again. And I promise to spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you, Mari, with every cell in my body. Please never forget that.”
Logan leaned down and kissed my forehead. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. His violet eyes were begging me to believe him. He was dead serious, and I already knew that. All I could do to respond was give him a smile. I just didn’t know what to say back. I loved Logan once. Could I love him again? Would it be possible to make it up to me? There were a lot of hurtful memories bottled up inside me. I was going to have to try my best to let them all go.
“Thanks for the date,” I finally squeaked out.
Logan grinned and took my hand in his.
“Now that you know the truth, I can have real fun planning dates. If you let me give you the world, I will.” Logan’s grin widened. Something on the bracelet clanked. There was a small charm of the world now hanging on it. I hadn’t even seen Logan open up the bracelet, let alone put the charm on. He was proud of his trick, and I just had to smile in return even though I was kicking myself inside for not paying attention better. I needed that bracelet off.
“Good night,” Logan said quietly.
I nodded as I turned to my bedroom door. Pushing it, I walked through the slightly open door and then closed it behind me. What was I getting myself into? I wasn’t ready to move on from Seth, but I had to admit I had fun with Logan. He wasn’t the same person I knew back in high school, and I had to let that image go. This Logan was much more relaxed. I couldn’t imagine the strain it was to keep everything from me. He had his reasons, and it was harder to not look back and start to forgive him about our past together. I didn’t want to still like Logan, but I couldn’t help it. There was a reason I liked him in the first place and the freer, happier Logan was even harder to not like than I had imagined.
I plopped down on my bed and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to let go of Seth, but what choice did I have? He had already moved on, and I still needed to convince Logan I had moved on also, even if a part of me never would. If I let myself see Logan as I had once, would I be happy? Was it even possible to love again after Seth? I had no clue, but I had to find out. Logan was going to make me try. That was for sure.
The breeze that passed over my face made my eyes snap open. It felt like how the goddess entered the room. When I looked around me, I jumped when I noticed Kye leaning against the closed door.
“Where did you…?”
Kye held a finger up to his lips as he listened at the door. He waited, and I waited as I watched him. Finally, he took a breath and turned to me.
“Enjoy your date?” he asked sarcastically.
“Actually, I did,” I replied.
Kye looked shocked. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” I answered. Kye still looked dubious. “He took me on the date we planned for our fantasy second anniversary, except he really did it. Dinner on some tropical island, and dancing on the platform of the Eiffel Tower.” The reality had actually been more fun than anything we had imagined years ago. Then again, I wasn’t serious when I suggested it back then.
Kye shook his head as he walked across the room. He stopped in front of me.
“I guess you did have fun.” Kye stared hard at me. His tone was no longer incredulous, but slightly angry. I didn’t know what he wanted.
“Yes. I guess I did.” I wasn’t happy now. Kye was acting all strange.
“One fantasy date, and you’re falling for him all over again,” Kye added in disgust as he walked away from me back toward the door.
“What’s your problem?” I asked him as I stood and hurried around to confront him. I wasn’t exactly falling for Logan, but I did have a fun time. I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. Besides, I needed Logan to trust me so that he would tell me how to keep everyone safe.
“I just thought you had more willpower than that. I guess I knew otherwise.” Kye tried to reach the door handle behind me.
“What are you talking about?” I was getting upset, but I was equally confused.
“Did you ask him to remove the bracelet?”
“Yes.” I had asked him.
“And what did he say?”
What did he say? I thought back to just hours before and couldn’t come up with an answer for Kye.
“I don’t remember him saying anything,” I replied.
Kye nodded. “And did you ask him about how to keep everyone safe?” I shook my head no. “How about the people he keeps as servants that can’t travel like you?” Again, it was a no. “What about what he’s up to? Why does he need to hide from the goddess? Why does he seem to collect stones? Did you ask him any of that?”
I hadn’t asked about anything. I was supposed to be convincing him that I was ready to move on and get some answers, but it seemed that I didn’t get a single answer beyond how to block the goddess.
“I’m expected to convince him I’m moving on,” I replied, trying to defend myself. “How am I to do that if I play twenty questions and interrogate him the whole time?”
“I get that, but it doesn’t mean you need to be kissing him on top of the Eiffel Tower,” Kye answered in disgust. There were some definite issues between Kye and his brother.
Kye was angry, really angry with me. I stopped trying to keep him from leaving the room. I was too shocked to know what to say back. Kye glared at me.
“How could you fall for him like that? How could you fall for his game?” Now Kye was turning more worried than angry.
I had fallen for Logan’s game. I didn’t mean to, but I had. Logan had said the words I had been longing to hear. He had inserted himself back into my life, and I was depending on him. Logan was willing to pick up the pieces of my life, and he was going to help me save everyone. Yet, I seemed to forget he was the cause of all of it. I wouldn’t need saving if he hadn’t done it all in the first place.
“He was going to help me,” I whispered. How could I fall for all of it?
“Logan doesn’t help people,” Kye replied. “Logan only helps one person, and that’s himself.”
“He said he was sorry that he didn’t tell me about the travel earlier,” I said. I still hoped the good I saw in him was real. Kye was repeating just what the goddess had said. Logan wasn’t helping anyone. Logan was taking care of himself.
“More like he’s sorry that he didn’t find a way to make you his sooner,” Kye
explained.
“What do you mean?”
Kye sighed and turned around. His anger was gone, but he was still frustrated with me. He walked over to the window seat and sat down. I cautiously followed and sat beside him. Kye made one last look around the room and then turned to me.
“Did he mention how many past lives he’s had with you?”
I shook my head. He mentioned the past but not how many times.. Then again, thinking back, he really didn’t tell me much in the way of details about anything.
“To get the future he wants, he’s redone his past with you eight times,” Logan replied.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s gone back eight times to earlier times to redo the life you ended up living,” Kye explained. “Each time he fails, and you don’t end up with him. He keeps going back earlier and earlier to shape the future into what he wants. Each time you choose otherwise. He isn’t trying to help you, he’s trying to write the future he wants.”
Eight times? He said I was lucky I didn’t remember the past, and that they all turned out badly. At least now I knew it wasn’t necessarily bad for me, just him. I had no memory of any of them, but he remembered me from eight lifetimes. No wonder it always felt like he knew me well. There were even times that I felt like he knew me better than I knew myself. Eight different pasts, and yet he was still trying to make something specific happen.
“What does he want from me?” I asked. What was Logan’s goal?
Kye looked around the room again. It was like he was either waiting for someone to show up, or being cautious in case someone did.
“He wants to marry you,” Kye quickly told me, and then looked around again.
My mouth must have been hanging open as he turned back to me because he began to laugh.
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked. He was laughing after all.