only days later that I found out you were the one that discovered him. I don't want to live knowing all this. So I tried to end it all."
Jacob remembered the scars on Walter's wrists. Roads leading to nowhere.
Walter got up, releasing Jacob's grip around his neck. "I am done." Walter's voice a lost and broken version of itself.
With all the words that needed to be said gone, the old man left the stall. Jacob watched him open the faded, red door with the word "Sinners" written inside on a tarnished gold plaque. He needed to see him one more time. Jacob ran from the bathroom in time to catch a glimpse of Walter entering the door marked "Saints". As the door closed, Jacob thought he heard angels singing from somewhere inside.
ATONEMENT
"Please sit down, young man." The caller's voice came to Jacob like a distant memory. He reached out, placing pressure on the knob to the door marked "Saints". Even before turning, Jacob knew the door would not be open to him. But he had to try. He needed to get to Walter before the man got too far away.
"Stop playing with that door and return to your seat or Abscond will be inclined to show you the way," the caller said, becoming more impatient.
Jacob let the knob go. He turned to face the caller. His eyes roamed the surface of the ground. Relief flooded his body as he noticed the mess Johnny had made was no longer covering the floor.
"Abscond, if you will." The caller's voice barely above a whisper as if she was sharing some intimate secret with Jacob. Abscond grabbed him from behind; clutching both of Jacob's shoulders, and lifting him. Moments later, Jacob felt the cold smack of metal on his bare ass. His balls hit first, sending a sharp bullet like pain from his genitals to the back of his teeth. As Abscond left, Jacob flopped over onto his cards like a puppet whose master had cut the strings. He lay there as the next few numbers were called. There was no reason to grab the dabber and tend to the cards in front of him. Jacob knew each ball pulled held numerals listed on the cardboard squares. When the last digit was called, it would be Jacob's turn to take a walk to the red door-the one leading to God knows where. Although deep down Jacob knew exactly where that door would lead. Hell. A fiery pit of never ending torture. Jacob imagined the smell of sulfur rising up around him. The screams of the damned awaiting his own as heat flayed the flesh off his body. No going back. No second chances.
"B666..." The caller's voice almost laughing as she said the number.
"STOP!" Jacob yelled, making the caller drop the ball. She stared at him with barely concealed hatred.
"Absco..." Jacob didn't allow her to finish calling the big, black man from his perch by the door.
"I have something to say." Jacob got up, daring anyone to stop him. He walked to the front of the room taking a position in front of the cross where Johnny had met his end. He could feel wetness where some kind of cleaning fluid remained after the cleanup. All eyes were on him. At least a dozen remaining players watching, waiting, perhaps hoping for another show like Johnny's demise.
"I," Jacob paused. Tiny fingers of doubt trailed up his spine. Why am I even up here? He thought. Is any of this going to make a difference? He could hear the caller taking in a deep breath. The woman would put an end to this quickly if Jacob hesitated for even one more second. A tremble entered his voice, but the words came out. "Tried to kill someone." No one spoke. Their expressions never changing. "Her name is or was Mary Jane Slotch." Still nothing from them. Any of them. "She did things to me I don't care to explain. All I know is that one day I told her to come to the shed in my back yard. I told her she could see my penis. Could touch it if she wanted." He looked down at his naked body. "As you can see, it wasn't much to offer, but I knew it would get her to come." The caller let out a short laugh. The kind of noise that meant she wasn't buying any of this. "When she got there, I let her in the shed. Why she didn't expect anything I couldn't say. Maybe she believed I wouldn't have the guts to try anything. That she broke me down to the point where I'd do anything to make her stop. If that's what she thought, she was right. Only I closed the door and locked it before she could turn around and stop me. I sat in front of it and listened to her screams. A few hours later she stopped. I wanted to check on her but was afraid it was a trap." Jacob shook his head. "No, that's not it. I wanted to open the door and make sure she was dead."
Jacob took in a long breath. He turned to see the caller shift in her seat. She leaned down to collect the ball. Jacob watched as she lowered the round orb to within an inch of the half-circle waiting to receive it.
"I know I was wrong." The ball lowered a little more. "I'm sorry."
The caller placed the ball in the holder. Jacob looked in the caller's eyes. A small smile began to form on her lips.
"Don't say it." Jacob moved toward the red door. "I know I've won."
He looked at the faded crimson paint praying to himself. "Please forgive me." Wetness formed in his eyes tracking its way down his cheeks. "I'm not so bad." He took the knob and turned.
JACOB’S LAST FAREWELL
The knob turned halfway to the right, then stopped. Jacob pulled but the door wouldn't open. Why can't they stop playing with me? Jacob thought, releasing the warm metal. With a tiny balled up fist, he gave the worn, red wood a single pound. Fighting back tears, he turned to face the caller. The look of mild amusement on her face came as no surprise.
"Wrong door." Her eyes were dull and her lips opened in a yawn. She didn't even take the time to cover her damn mouth. Jacob watched as she pulled out a cigarette from a pack hidden under the ball box. "Coffin Nails", the crimson inscription leaped from a black background on the pack. A picture of a shed sealed with shiny-nail heads instead of a lock appeared beneath the lettering. And there was something else there. A tiny part of the photo Jacob couldn't quite see. He advanced on the caller. Whatever little torture she was hiding, Jacob wanted to know. He got to within a foot of her before recognizing the person laying in front of the shed with a pool of blood circling his head like a halo. Another fallen angel in a world of lost souls. The features were young. A boy almost certainly older than the age he looked. A nine-year-old masquerading as a six-year-old. The boy was him. And that's when he realized that Walter didn't fail in his suicide attempt. That the marks on the old man's wrist told volumes about the price of love. How could someone kill themselves? Jacob thought, knowing all too well the feelings of desperation that take control of your life when someone close to you dies. A part of Walter died the day his wife passed on. Another part left as his father, too scared or maybe not sure he could, made Walter take his life. Jacob fell to his knees-his eyes filling with the tears he fought so hard to control. He reached out to the caller with a small, trembling hand. A position of prayer. Admitting defeat.
"I think he gets it, Abscond." Her voice not as harsh as before. She never lit the cigarette, choosing to place the coffin nail back in the pack. "We don't know why the people we love do the things they do." She placed a hand on Jacob's shoulder. "Your father was a good man. He won earlier and left without a word to accept his fate. I hope you will show the same dignity he did."
Jacob continued to shake as he got up. Abscond placed a hand on his back and patted gently. "Go, son. It's time." All the terrible things Jacob had seen this man do over the past few hours and still Jacob could hear the sympathy in the man's voice. Jacob turned, reaching out to Abscond to hold him. The black man leaned down lifting the boy to his chest. "I'll miss you," he said, taking Jacob to the doors marked "Saints" & "Sinners". As he placed Jacob down, the boy stood motionless staring at the two portals to Heaven or Hell.
"I'm dead, aren't I?" Jacob looked into Abscond's eyes for any kind of comfort. Abscond looked away.
With trembling fingers, Jacob placed a hand on the knob leading to "Saints". Like before, the door wouldn't open. He jiggled the handle trying to will the wood surface into submission. Then fear took him and Jacob lunged at Abscond.
"No!" Jacob screamed, landing in the big man's arms. He struggled trying to break free. "I'm not
going to the other place. I don't want to have my skin burned off. I didn't mean it. I never wanted to hurt her. Please, let me go home. My mother needs me."
Abscond held Jacob till he tired out. Jacob's body went limp and Abscond placed him on the bingo table closest to the door marked "Sinners". He ran his fingers down the side of Jacob's face. Then kissed the boy lightly on the lips. "Go to your father, son. He misses you." Abscond allowed his hand to rest on Jacob's chest for a moment. He felt the heart beat radiating from beneath the boy's skin. A small smile slipped across the black man's lips. He leaned his head against Jacob's and rubbed noses. Jacob woke up staring into the man's eyes. With a wild expression on his face, Jacob head butted the bigger man sending him backward. As Abscond reached out, the caller raised a hand to stop him.
"Let the boy go. I think we've had enough fun with him today." Jacob turned to see her motioning for him to take his clothes. Could be a trick? His mind chimed in. But Jacob doubted it. He got close enough to the old woman to grab his jacket. The rest of his clothes he left behind. For a moment as he passed Abscond, he thought the man might try to grab him again. With a wry smile, the big, black man let him pass. Seconds later, he was