As he carefully deposited her on the mattress, Maggie searched his dark face, a part of her fearing that she’d just struck a bargain with a madman. What other explanation was there? She’d known- him only two days, and he wanted to marry her? Oh, God. What had she done?
“I’m not Susan,” she whispered, fighting to keep her eyes open so she could hold his gaze. “Take a long hard look at me and know what you’re doing, Mr. Kendrick. Susan’s dead, and so are your children. Jaimie and I will never be able to replace them, and it isn’t fair to ask that we try.”
Using the bed rail, he braced his weight with one arm to cup her chin in his hand. His hard, leathery fingers felt featherlight and cool on her skin, yet vibrant with latent strength. “I know exactly what I’m doing, Maggie, and I don’t for a moment have you confused with Susan.”
Maggie wished she felt as certain of that as he seemed to be. “I can’t pretend to be someone else. That’s all. I want to be sure you understand that. I’m me, and I’ll never be able to fill her shoes.”
“I don’t expect you to try,” he assured her. “You’re sweet and beautiful, Maggie. No man in his right mind would want you to be anyone but exactly who you are, and I’m definitely not out of my mind.”
Chapter Eight
Nightmares plagued Maggie as she drifted in a sedative-induced sleep. In each dream, her mother, Heidi, or Jaimie was in terrible peril, and Lonnie played the villain with Rafe Kendrick as his sidekick. Frantically Maggie tried to protect the people she loved, but at every turn she met with insurmountable opposition.
In the last nightmare, she was lost in a graveyard after dark, and she knew Lonnie was lurking in the blackness with a huge knife, intent on killing Jaimie. She could hear her baby crying, only no matter where she looked, she couldn’t find him. Instead she continually ran into a tall, steel fence with spikes at the top. Rafe was always standing just outside the enclosure, grinning at her in that lazy way of his. “Marry me, Maggie. No more worries. I’ll take care of everything.”
She awoke confused and drenched in sweat to find herself back in her hospital room with a nurse at her bedside. When Maggie saw the face hovering over hers, she cried out and tried to jerk away.
“Now, now. It’s all right,” the nurse said in a soothing voice. “I didn’t mean to startle you, but it’s time to wake up now.”
Maggie blinked. Her heart felt as if it were leaping from her chest. The nurse held up a strange-looking plastic contraption.
“Why do I have a feeling that’s for me?”
The nurse nodded. “You guessed it. You can’t nurse your baby until your infection is gone and you’re off the strong medication.”
With the nurse’s help, Maggie managed to sit up. The woman unfastened the back of her gown. “I’ll shut the door and put up the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign. When you’re finished, buzz for help, and one of us will come in to refasten this.”
After the nurse left, Maggie applied herself to the task at hand. The clock on the wall said it was nearly eight o’clock by the time she finished and another nurse looked in on her. Exhausted, she lay against the pillows, her gaze fixed on the venetian blind over the window. Between the slats, she could see the darkness of night beyond the glass, which told her she’d been asleep for hours.
I’ll take care of everything, Rafe had promised her. Now that her head was a bit clearer, Maggie thought of all the things that could have gone wrong, and her heart squeezed with fear. Lonnie was so unpredictable.
Stop it, Maggie. Rafe said he would take care of it, you agreed to let him, and now, all you can do is pray he does. It’s not as if you have another option.
He had probably looked in on her while she was sleeping and decided not to disturb her. Yes, that was it. He had come to give her an update on the situation, but she’d been resting, so he’d left, planning to come back later.
So…it was later. Where was he?
Trying to shove all negative thoughts aside, she focused on the positive. Everything had gone fine, and Rafe had probably taken Jaimie back to the motel. A hospital lobby wasn’t exactly the best place in the world to care for an infant.
Picturing Jaimie, Maggie’s arms ached to hold him. To feel his warm little body pressed against her. To breathe in that sweet baby smell. To touch his downy little head. Jaimie. She loved him so very much. No matter what price she had to pay to keep him safe, he was her consolation. Her only consolation.
“Hi there, angel face. They said you were finally awake.”
Maggie turned to see Rafe crossing the room, the door swinging closed behind him. His stride was loose and slow. With each shift of his body, his hair caught the light, glistening like polished onyx. He had his coat draped over one shoulder, the tails concealing his right arm. His gaze swept the length of her, making her feel exposed even with the sheet and blanket over her. She tugged at the neck of her gown to be sure it was up.
“Where’s Jaimie? You didn’t let Lonnie take him?”
“Of course not. That’s all taken care of. No more worries, just as I promised.” As he reached the bed, he leaned down to flash her a conspiratorial grin. “I’ve got a stowaway.” Brushing his coat aside, he revealed her sleeping son nestled in his arm. “He’s not supposed to be in here. But I thought maybe a cuddle session with your favorite fella might be good medicine for what ails you.”
Tears sprang to Maggie’s eyes. Battling the IV, she eagerly took Jaimie into her arms. “Oh, Rafe, thank you. I’ve been missing him so much!”
“Now how did I know that?” he said with a silky chuckle. “If ever I’ve seen a good mama, you qualify.”
“Not nearly good enough.” Maggie’s throat ached as she forced out the words. “My life is in such a mess.”
“Not anymore,” he assured her, a note of smugness lacing his tone. “Mr. Boyle won’t cause any more problems, at least not for a while, I guarantee it.”
Not for a while? Yes, Maggie thought, that just about summed it up. Lonnie Boyle was like radioactive waste buried deep in the ground; as long as he was on the same planet, there would always be a chance of contamination.
Maggie was about to insist that Rafe fill her in on all the details when an even more pressing concern occurred to her. “Jaimie won’t get sick from being in here, will he? Maybe that’s why babies aren’t allowed.”
Tossing his coat on the visitor’s chair, Rafe sat on the edge of her bed and rested an arm on his bent knee. “I asked Dr. Hammish if it was safe. She’s my partner in crime. She says there’s no danger in a private room like this.”
“Will we get in trouble?” Maggie whispered.
“Nah. Most of the nurses know he’s here. They’ve just been pretending not to see him. I only covered him with my coat to surprise you.”
“A nice surprise.” She cupped a hand over her baby’s head. “He’s cool.”
“You’ve still got a fever, honey.” He touched her forehead. “You’re like a little heater, turned up on high. How are you feeling?”
“Better now that Jaimie’s here. This is even worse than when I left him with Mama while I worked. I was always a little afraid she’d forget she had him.”
“You’ve been working since you gave birth? How soon did you go back to your job after having him?”
“I stayed in the hospital one day, then I took off three more.”
“You’ve worked for years, haven’t you? Ever since your dad died.”
“I was afraid we’d go through his life insurance money if I didn’t.”
“And you were back on the job right after childbirth.” He shook his head. “Never again.”
She drew back the receiving blanket to admire the new blue sleeper. “I didn’t have much choice. Having a baby is expensive.”
“Yeah, I understand that,” he said dryly. “So is postnatal care. You must have felt pretty awful when that kidney infection started.”
Maggie shook her head. “My back ached a lot. But nothing so bad I thought it was a kidn
ey infection and rushed to see a doctor. I have no health insurance, and it’s thirty-eight dollars a visit.”
She heard him sigh. When she glanced up, he was fiddling with things on her bedside table. His hand grew still when he spied the apparatus resting there. Maggie’s cheeks grew hot.
“Christ. It must feel like you’re being attacked by a toilet plunger.”
Maggie gave a startled giggle. He chuckled, too. The tender warmth in his gaze made her uncomfortable. Uncertain what to say, she bent her head and toyed with Jaimie’s blanket again.
“How long will they let you be in here?” she finally asked.
“We were here while you slept. So far, they haven’t hassled me. I’ll call a cab soon and take Jaimie back to the motel. He seems to sleep all right with me holding him. But it has to be more restful being in his own bed.”
As much as Maggie hated the thought of parting with her son, she had to agree. “Thank you for taking such good care of him.”
“I hope to make it a lifelong commitment,” he said softly.
Maggie glanced up and then found she couldn’t look away.
“I took care of Lonnie. You don’t have to worry about Heidi. He’ll leave her alone for the time being, and in the interim, we’ll pull strings to get her out of there as fast as we can. I’ll get my lawyer on it as soon as we get home.”
She’d never known anyone who had a lawyer on retainer all the time. “How can you be sure Lonnie won’t do anything? What did you do, murder him?”
He smiled. “I was tempted, believe me. But we all have our price. I simply made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.”
Maggie gnawed her lip, thinking of all the times her stepfather had threatened Heidi’s safety to keep her in line. “Lonnie will promise one thing and do another. You can’t trust him to keep his word.”
“I thought of that. When we get to Oregon, I’ll call frequently to check on Heidi. And in the morning, I’ll place some phone calls and hire a private investigator to keep her under surveillance until I can get her out of there. Lonnie understands if I get a bad report, his ass is gonna be grass and I’ll be a lawnmower. He also understands that if anything bad happens, even if it appears to be an accident, that his life won’t be worth a sugar lump in a rainstorm.” He winked at her. “I told him I’d find him, no matter where he went, and that when I did, I’d kill him.”
“And he believed you?”
“Hell, I was so convincing, I damned near believed it myself.” He shrugged. “I’m not so sure I don’t mean it, actually. But fortunately, it isn’t a worry. He jumped at the offer I made him.”
Though she dreaded knowing the answer, morbid curiosity prompted Maggie to ask, “You bribed him, didn’t you? How much did you offer to pay him?”
“I’m entering it in my little black book. You can worry about the exact amount later. Lonnie went for the bait. That’s all that counts. And, typical of most bullies, he’s too big a coward to cross me. Men like that don’t take on anyone their own size or bigger. They prey on those who are weaker. They’re bullies, Maggie. Fear is the turn-on. Having absolute power is their ultimate high. They pick on people who can’t or won’t stand up to them.”
She fell into one of those categories—those who were weaker. She imagined her life, stretching endlessly before her, each day centered around the whims of her keeper. She should be glad Rafe had elected to fill that role. He didn’t seem to be cruel like Lonnie, at least. But then, she couldn’t be sure of that. Until you got backed into a corner, a man seldom showed his true colors.
Oh, God, what if she married him, and he started venting his temper on Jaimie? Jaimie wasn’t his child. A lot of men resented their stepchildren.
Maggie cut the thought short. It wasn’t as if she had a choice here. After all, there was no guarantee that the man who wanted to adopt Jaimie would be a good father, either. At least if she married Rafe, she’d be around to intervene for Jaimie if it was necessary, and she’d soon have Heidi with her as well.
“Having second thoughts?” he asked softly.
“I don’t have that luxury. How about you?”
“I never second-guess myself, and even if I did, I’d circle back to where I am right now.” He smoothed a palm over the fitted sheet. Then he glanced up and flashed a crooked grin. “I’m more into second chances, and that’s what you and Jaimie are for me, a second chance. I’ve come to care about you, Maggie. I’m hoping that feeling will eventually be reciprocated. But even if it isn’t, I’m still sure I’m doing the right thing.”
“No matter how we circle it, this is an impulsive move.”
“True. But sometimes if you stand around, thinking things to death for too long, by the time you reach a decision, it’s too late.” He searched her gaze. “Are you a religious person?”
“I believe there’s a God, yes.”
He winked at her. “You see? Already we have common ground. I’m a believer as well. But even if I weren’t, I think I’d still believe in something. For some people, it’s the universe. For others, it’s a higher power. Regardless, I’m convinced there’s something—call it fate or God or a guardian or the pull of the moon—that’s at work in all our lives. Things happen for a reason.”
“Your point?”
His vivid steel-blue gaze held hers. “That there were probably a number of empty boxcars in the train yard that night,” he said softly. “There usually are. What led you to the one I was in?”
“Poor judgment?”
He barked with laughter. When his mirth subsided, he shook his head. “That, too, I guess. But I like to think it was also fate—or maybe your guardian angel. I was minding my own business, happy as a clam with my whiskey for company, and the next thing I knew, I was looking into a pair of big brown eyes I couldn’t resist.”
Maggie had never seen him laugh like that, and for a moment, she felt she was glimpsing the man he’d once been. It gave her a good feeling to think that in some way, maybe she and Jaimie were responsible for the transformation.
“I think God looked down and decided I had better things to do than pickle my brain with whiskey.” His smile faded, and the expression in his eyes grew solemn. “I couldn’t help Susan and my kids, Maggie. For whatever reason, it was time for them to go, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I’ve lived with the memories, feeling angry and helpless and worthless—and wondering at least a thousand times why in the hell I didn’t die, too. Now, I think I know. I can make a difference for you and Jaimie and Heidi, a little girl I’ve never even met. That’s a very good feeling, and even if this marriage turns out badly, nothing can take that away from me.”
Tears filled Maggie’s eyes. Embarrassed, she looked away.
“Jesus. Don’t cry. It’s nothing to feel sad about.”
“I’m not sad.” She swiped at her cheeks. “I’m just—well, if you want the truth, I’m praying you’re really as nice as you seem to be.”
His mouth tipped into another of those lazy grins. “Stick around and find out.”
“As I see it, I don’t have much choice. No offense, but I can only hope I’m not making a terrible mistake.”
Chapter Nine
Head resting against the back of the chair, Rafe sat with his legs bent. His scuffed boots bracketed the dresser drawer that served as Jaimie’s bed. Taking care of a baby was no small responsibility, and he snored so loud, he wanted to be sure he woke up if Jaimie cried.
Just as Rafe started to snooze, a sharp rap on the door jerked him awake. His first thought was that Boyle had reneged on their deal and sent the police. Pushing to his feet, he finger-combed his hair and stepped over to the door.
“Who is it?” he growled, fully prepared to make a fast exit out the bathroom window if a cop answered.
“It’s Ryan,” a rough-edged voice replied.
Rafe curled his hand over the knob and flipped the lock with his thumb. He hesitated a moment. Ryan. His grip tightened on the brass.
For an insta
nt when he saw the man on the porch, Rafe felt as if he were staring at his reflection. His brother wore a blue chambray shirt and well-fitting, faded jeans, the only difference between their garments the quality of the cloth.
Neither of them spoke. Rafe wasn’t sure who moved first. The next thing he knew, they stood on the threshold, locked in a rib-cracking hug. As Ryan finally drew away, Rafe felt his brother’s body shaking. He flipped the wall switch to turn on the bedside lamp.
Stepping farther into the room, Ryan cuffed Rafe lightly on the arm. His voice gruff and thick, he said, “You look like hell. If this is what booze does to a man, it doesn’t come highly recommended.”
Now that he was seeing his brother in better light, Rafe could detect vast differences between them, the most notable that Ryan outweighed him by a good twenty pounds, every ounce honed by grueling physical labor into rock-hard muscle. Broad shoulders, thighs roped with muscle, and a depth to his chest that Rafe had long since lost. It came as a bit of a shock to realize that his baby brother had matured into a man he would hesitate to take on in a fight.
“Damn, son.” He pushed the door closed to prevent the cold night air from chilling the baby. “Last time I saw you, I still had to wipe your nose.”
Ryan gave a derisive snort. “You never wiped my nose.”
It was true; Rafe hadn’t. They were only two years apart. Ryan was twenty-eight now, and it showed on his face. At the corners of his steel-blue eyes, he was beginning to get crow’s-feet, and the dimple in his cheek so like Rafe’s own had deepened into a long, sun-weathered crease. “You’re right. Most of the time, I just wanted to thump you for being such a smart-ass.”
Ryan sent his hat sailing onto the bed and then planted his hands on his hips. “You couldn’t find anything better than this? It smells of mildew.” He strode to the bathroom, gave the broken door a nudge, and shook his head at the dated fixtures. Turning back, he said, “At least that rattletrap heater works.”