CHAPTER 8
Utkarsh Singh had better compatibility with Mayank, though the two along with Ashish formed the gang. He worked with a public sector bank and his life was slower and relaxed. He was back in town and Mayank could not wait for an evening with him. Utkarsh was recently married and his wife had immediately struck a chord with Mayank. Like all good and intelligent women, she could feel the vibes in a man. She found Mayank a mother at heart and in very few encounters; she looked up to him as her brother and a father-figure. He too would love to pamper her as she had one big quality about her – she understood very well the preciousness of the innocence of emotions and had beautiful ways of saying thanks, not with words but with her very expressive body language.
The best part of it was her large eyes which flickered almost sixty times a minute. Even an idiot could see the smile or pain in her eyes which were white as moon. Mayank had issued a warning to Utkarsh that if any day, he would see even a single red strand in the immaculate white of her eyes, he would get her divorced and marry her off to a man he would pick up for her. Utkarsh had smiled at his threat and said he was confident that Mayank would not ever get his right man for her and would finally return her to him.
She would be overwhelmed by the attention the two men in her life would shower on her. As the two would fight friendly battles over her small joys, she would rush to the kitchen, pick up five red chilies, waive them over the heads of her two men and burn them to ward off any evil which might cast its bad eye on them. She would walk in joy and pride and it would look as if she was dancing. Dance is a process of blossoming of love after the soul is fully soaked of it. She would be in a perpetual state of dance and like a ballerina, would walk in air. The two men knew, there was a force of love in their lives that would make life difficult for God, if it had anything planned against the two.
What Mayank appreciated most was her gracious poise which crowned her feminine charm. Despite being in a very demanding and high-paid job, she clearly understood, money is not served on the dining table and bread and cheese are not kept in the jewelry box. She had the poise to ascertain the rightful place to her priorities. Reactionary practicality didn’t fix her priorities. Womanhood is like a rose; the beauty is spontaneous and ubiquitous. She was feminism naturally unstructured.
Ashish was awaited. Mayank had come to Utkarsh’s place even before he came back from office and was helping her in the kitchen. Utkarsh knew Ashish would come late as he would go home first, take his daily quota of whisky and then come to his place as he too, like Mayank did not drink and did not allow any at his place.
“Guddi, I think we should not wait for Ashu and have our coffee. Anyway, he would not be interested...you know that”, Utkarsh said to his wife, who was still in the kitchen as he and Mayank relaxed in the living room.
Guddi came out of the kitchen, looked up to Mayank for his approval and as he nodded, she went in to ready the coffee.
Ashish entered the same time the coffee came. He avoided eye contact with Guddi and sat on the sofa farthest from the kitchen. He had brought a huge can of pineapple juice for Guddi as it was her favorite but pushed it in Mayank’s hands to give it to her. Mayank dropped it on the center table.
“Oye Guddi...look, Ashu has brought something for you...come here”, he said in an apparent attempt to put him in tight spot. He knew she would understand why he wanted her to come out of the kitchen.
“Bhaiya (brother) ... a cop does not always have to take help of a sniffer dog to get the wind of a crime”, she said from the kitchen. “It only confirms that Ashu does not love me, or why would he do something he knows I hate and then add to the guilt by avoiding me.”
“Guddi, you know it is not true. I am sorry my little angel. I understand you get hurt. You are pained because you have known me only recently. What I can do, I am an idiot ever since my school days. A donkey is a donkey, even when age makes him a bit intelligent.”
She emerged out of the kitchen and sniffed twice standing close to Ashish.
“How much..? Did you eat something before or are you empty stomach...?”
“Only small bit Guddi...less than the coffee in the cup...I swear.”
She blinked her eyes a hundred times in protest, brought snacks from the kitchen and sat with Mayank on the same sofa.
“Had his dad scolded Ashu like you, he too would have been a great soul”, Utkarsh teased her.
“Yes, you are right, I would have been even better than Monku”, Ashu joined him.
“Nobody can be like my brother”, she said in a clear bid to end it as she did not like comparison of Mayank with anyone.
“And do you know what your dear brother has done?”
“Yes. I knew it from the day first that this job is no good for a person like him.”
“Guddi, this resignation is just the tip of the iceberg. Your brother has declared a war against his editor and more than that, against the owner of the newspaper. He thinks he can change the world. The reality is, nothing will change but he will certainly be declared mad, already is”.
Mayank smiled at Ashish’s comments and pressed the hands of Guddi hinting her not to react. Utkarsh was only happy that Ashu had put the talk on the right track. He too wished to know what Monk had in his mind about his resignation and life ahead.
He knew Mayank never said anything in reaction and that’s why he had to do something to give him a start.
“Somewhere, in a book by a very famous writer, I had read some lines”, Utkarsh said. “I do not remember it in the right sequence but what it meant to say is, every race, every art has its hypocrisy. Every community, every nation has its own lie, which it calls its idealism. Every creature therein breathes this lie from birth to death; lies are adapted to the mind of each race and art. There are only a few men of genius who can break free from it through heroic moments of crisis… It was also said that genius cannot be defined without touching the ridiculous….”
“Great! But I am not doing or trying to do anything with any foolishly self-important purpose of changing anyone, let alone the whole world. Change is not person-induced proposition; it is intrinsically environment-induced. Yes, a person at times can be a big influence on environment and that too will be decided by a particular environment. I am anyway a common man.”
“But Monku, we have had strong individuals in the history, who proved to be so powerful people leaders that they could actually change the course of history. We are so fortunate that we were born in the same century Gandhi Ji lived”, Utkarsh prompted him.
“There is no denial that personality and character of strength of individual are great factors in history but when it comes to becoming a powerful source of effecting change, the layer which has to accept change becomes far more important. When Gandhi Ji came back to India from South Africa, Indian people had already accepted him as their leader. He was rather bewildered to see the type of welcome he received. Even later, he was a reluctant leader. He was led into situations by people who expected change from him even at a time when he was not sure what to do and how to approach the role he had landed into. But, even in situations where leadership was thrust upon him, he would not do things which people wanted him. He would do what his personal convictions called him to do. He would do things what he believed was morally right and not something which was required to change things. Things would change sometimes that is altogether the right coincidence but not always how he wished.”
“You mean to say, Gandhi was an accidental hero; a leader by coincidence of sorts”, Ashish said.
“Individual capacity has its limits Ashu...change is a big incident in history. I say it without offence meant for anyone that leaders are only as good as the crowd which makes them one. The same army which made Alexander a mighty conqueror also caused his doom. Often people now say Gandhi Ji has lost relevance in contemporary India. Today, the Indians have different icons. They expect different leadership, one which could bring about such changes that could make their lives more com
fortable. Leaders just fit into a role which a particular environment creates a space for. Indians are now even changing their personal Gods, let alone their leaders. The crucial thing to understand is that an individual can show what goodness is but it is effected only when there is a favorable environment which ushers in people to accept and practice the goodness.”
“And you believe that environment is not favorable for you and there is not much you can contribute, so you have resigned”, Ashish attached prompt rejoinder.
“Actually, if you could see things from a different perspective, I am doing my small bit of efforts to create a favorable environment. However, it would be hypocrisy if I say I do not want to change quite a few things. But I know I cannot. I do feel very strongly about a few things and if I had a magical wand which could empower me to change the scenario in a jiffy, I would not take an extra second in doing it. But I know, even if I do it, it would not be sustained until a majority of people actually feel the importance and need of such changes.”
Guddi, who was listening to Mayank with rapt attention, looking all throughout in his eyes; rushed to the kitchen and came out with a large and shining silver spoon. She thrust it in the hands of Mayank and said, “Assume this as your magic wand and tell us what you want to do. The almighty above is listening to us and I am very sure, he will someday make your wish true. If he does not; he is not my God.”
Mayank had no words, nor the resource to pay back the goodness she showered on him. His eyes, as usual, would spill over the gratitude. Utkarsh could easily see the six oceans of compassion in his eyes and would envy his pride that he had a life partner who was still a billionaire of a wealth that God bequeaths to all humans at the time of their birth but they successfully squander in the long years they learn to live and actually live smartly. He closed his eyes in prayer of the almighty, thanking him for bestowing him such beautiful endowments like Guddi and Mayank, even as he joined his wife’s wish to make his friend’s wishes come true.
“There are endless wishes. Every time you step out of your house, every time you speak to someone, every time you start doing something, and a wish comes tumbling down. One life that we get is not enough for even one wish to get fulfilled, even when we devote all our energy and resources on it. Sometimes I really wonder; how God or nature could construct such a life mechanism on this earth which has so many loopholes and basic problems. You wish to do away with all of them. You actually have a tough decision to make; which one wish or desire you should consider as the most crucial, and more than that, which one desire you can actually contribute to and pursue to a fruitful end. You need to do a reality check on yourself.”
“Monku, let us not get bogged down by what we can do and what we cannot. A desire is independent of resource and capacity. A wish is important not because it is considered as first step of an attainment. It is because all wishes of heart, your pure emotions, are one of the most beautiful things in life. Tell us about the one wish that you would desire to get fulfilled in your lifetime”, Utkarsh prodded him.
“In my lifetime...! No..no, let us not see things this way. Anyway, it is said that success drifts away farther, the more you make effort to get it closer. I would rather pick my wish in terms of the larger good it involves for largest portion of humanity. Then, there is a second set of wishes which I have picked up on the basis of my own meaningful contribution to it; that is bringing about meaningful changes in media. My lifetime anyway is too miniscule a time frame for anything substantial to happen.”
“Okay; ladies and gentlemen, we now present the first non-contributing wish of our good friend and future editor-in-chief of some unfortunate newspaper”, Ashish announced, holding the silver spoon as a microphone.
“My first wish, when I was around 12, was that people around me could speak a language which should be respectable, decent, lovable and commensurate to the status humans enjoy in the intellectual hierarchy of creatures of the world. Later, when I could see the larger world, this wish became more broad-based. In all languages that we speak, there is so much abusive tongue; such crash overtones of sexuality and habitual use of bestiality. When I was a teenager, I could not understand why even dignified men of our society would speak such demeaning language. I am no expert but I feel; the language like most human creations has very loud and strong influence of sadomasochism in it. It definitely was a cruel world for early humans. The primeval definition of gain in terms of negation of loss influenced the concept of joys defined in terms of pains. Still, most humans think of pleasure in terms of lack of pains. The language which humans created and used in societal conversations naturally imbibed this primeval negativity. You will be shocked; even today, when the world is considered to be most civilized, even in high social spheres like corporate offices, they speak a language which is nothing but shameful. In my office, a media house, this is where language is bread and butter; even my editor and editorial colleagues would speak a language which they cannot speak in front of their mothers and sisters, even when they are drunk. It is very painful to see teenagers mouthing so much abusive and sexually embedded language. The growing liking among them and pride involved in mouthing slangs and cuss words of all languages only shockingly point at the ever-increasing sadomasochism even in contemporary times.
“You cannot blame we Indians for that Monku. The Americans, the acclaimed leader of world’s top civilized nations, speak far more slangs than us and the quotient of brat sexuality and bestiality in the languages of their teenagers is many times more than us”, Ashu said.
“That is why Ashu it is my first major wish. In today’s highly connected world, people have access to all cultures and they ape it fast, especially those whom we call our Generation Y. But you must know that even the Americans have not lost the whole of it. The good people even in America speak decent language. Rather, good people all over the globe speak dignified language. The American society has lot many good things but what we ape is what we get exposed to; through their many third-rated movies and most confused Hollywood and other pop icons. The real America has lots of good things to make others in the world learn from them. It is not their problem that we Indians or for that matter anyone else see and ape only the negatives of their pop-culture, which is just one aspect of their brilliant society and economy.
“This is the worst problem USA faces today. America is being perceived and imaged by the whole world through a media which so badly represents its socio-cultural reality. This bad media, like all media anywhere in this world is interested in showing only the pop and grey glamour of a minority chunk which do not truly represent America. This makes more enemies for the country and creates confused friends,” Utkarsh said.
“Confusion is the definitive reality of 21st century. One thing which defines all of us across the globe is confusion”, Ashish said making a face as serious as he could.
“You may be right Ashu but in India, out of this chaos and confusion, a beautiful and very prospective energy is being engendered, which we can say gives us hopes for a better society and culture. We are witnessing a great but very silent revolution in our society. Most revolutions are boisterous, built in frenzy, hold oceans of negativity and that’s why often demand huge amount of human blood. The revolution, I am seeing as building in India is slow but full of strong intent and it has little energy upfront but in the middle; a positive sign. If it rises above the negativity, it has the potential of bringing about a sustained and major change in our society in the right direction.”
Guddi had gone in the kitchen and had brought the pineapple juice in large glasses. Mayank looked at her and asked her to sit by his side. He held her hand in his and rubbed it gently.
“Guddi, you and millions of women like you are the hope and future of India and in the entire globe. This I say with complete sense of responsibility. I am happy and I see a great hope in the strongly rooted trend among average Indian women who are definitively holding the potential for a better society in future. Thankfully, it i
s not as fiercely reactive, as it was made to happen in America and Europe. Secondly, it is not competing with men for space in their world of stupid supremacy but building its own alternative identity. This will emerge in time as the basis of the new social order in India and will have the goodness and power to change the stinking global order built on men’s hypocrisy and sadomasochism. Initially, it is tough for women to even survive there. If a lady joins as a journalist in my office, she will face the same abusive and sexually explicit language from all corners. She will have two options, first to accept the language and start speaking it to compete with the men colleagues or she would fight a lonely battle to make her colleagues and superior change their language and speak a respectable one, at least when she is present. The good thing in India is that majority of women are struggling and waging a lonely and quiet resolve to change things and make the place become suitable to their ways of life. You can see it very clearly; Ashu would have never felt apologetic if Guddi too would drink with him and us. Men would definitely change and they are changing fast as our women, good and very intelligent women like Guddi are standing tall and making it count that men would have to accept the order and rules which they cherish. And, what the real Indian women cherish is our tested and very good lifestyle and life principles. I dream for a time, even when I am dead long ago, when women of India would make their way of life and their perception of life principles as the general rule of society, polity and economy.”
Guddi who was listening to what Mayank was saying with keen interest looked confused. She could not fully understand what he said about the role of women in creating a better future which Mayank saw coming. But she could know it for sure that Mayank reposed very high hopes on her and women like her. She was very keen to know what woman like her was expected to contribute.
“You said I and women like me hold future but if you ask me, I even don’t know what good or bad I am doing and what I am supposed to do to make it count. I don’t think this feminism thing in India even has an agenda?”
“There is a clear agenda Guddi; but you do not have to often think in terms of agenda. You do not even have to name it as feminism. This nomenclature itself is calamitous. All you have to do is to be a woman you are. Women have evolved in the long history of humanity as an alternative mode of life view. This alternative model is not born out of what women decide to achieve while competing for an equal space in the man’s world. It is rather a simple manifestation of a woman’s own alternative view on all things in life that affects humanity. Feminism is all about the very essence of the female portion of the nature. The good thing about the golden future of this model is that there is more good women in all good men of substance which they refuse to accept and there are shades of good men in all females which they do not know how to handle.”
“And you said there is a clear agenda…”
“Oh yes, there is this agenda. We have the world divided between the burka and the bikini. The Indian challenge is to understand the inherent conflicts and characteristics of both; the strengths and weaknesses of both and then create benchmarks of our own variety of womanhood, which has strands of scientific modernism but useful Indian ethos is retained. Our women have to rise up, grow, empower themselves, but never forget that their strength and individuality is in being the women they are. They do not have to be like men and compete against men to get their rightful place in the men’s world. Most that glitter in men’s world is certainly not gold. The men’s world view has not done a lot good to the humanity. If this alternative model becomes a competitive idea, it will only add up to the stupidity which the men’s world has built up so magnificently. There is definitely no need for that. Enough is enough. The power of this new world order is in being different and an alternative to the men’s ways. And this difference must traverse the path of tolerance and persuasiveness; never reactiveness.”
Guddi still did not look convinced. It was clear that she wanted a simpler and direct interpretation of what Mayank was telling all about. Mayank could feel it but he could not help. He knew, like Guddi, most women globally perceived feminism as something big and complex and that’s why they failed to accept that it is as simple and direct as being a true woman. Feminism is in being than in doing. All goodness is in being, not doing. Women, used to accepting the male world view of actionable accomplishments, are reluctant to accept that feminism is achieved just by doing nothing but being what they are.
Ashish was watching her face and his mischievous self grabbed a chance. He never left a chance to tease Guddi. He enjoyed when she would reproach him for that. He loved the way she commanded him and chided him to see the reason. Most men have this stupid habit of deriving pleasure from women that way. Men actually love being mothered and commanded in a kiddish way by their women till their last breath.
“Monku, I really think you are taking it quite far stretched than it really fits the bill”, Ashish said in his usual matter of fact mannerism. “Okay, nice with your support and favor for women and I am saying this with lots of respect to Guddi and other women. But, I think your theory of a world order based on women-centric ideas as a successful alternative to the current one, what you call the male-order, looks quite long drawn one. I say it with the risk of sounding stupid but I must say that you are still young and in your age, most things look beautiful, especially the women. Your youthfulness, besotted with the attraction for the opposite gender makes you see all things beautiful in females and their priorities. All young men are feminists; like all teenagers are instinctively socialists...they have to be, do they have a choice? As you would grow old, you would yourself see lot of grey areas in the feminism, as most teenagers turn capitalistic when they grow up. Then it will cease to be your panacea”.
“Ashu, Monk is not a teenager. He is very mature for his age. Anyway, 34 is the age of reason. You should rather put it this way; Monk is a beautiful person and that is why he sees the beauty in feminism and puts his money on it”, Utkarsh intervened and looked towards Guddi in an apparent bid to win her good vibes.
“I think we were discussing an issue and there is no need for digressing to personal references”, an irritated Guddi added as she could not bear any criticism aimed at Mayank. “An issue is always larger and greater than a person. So far as Bhaiya is concerned, the truth is the other way round. Women might have obsession about him but he is obsessed only with goodness, even if it is in a donkey, let alone women”.
Mayank smiled at the child which he could see in Guddi, defending her favorite toy. He knew Ashish very well. He knew he intentionally said things to him to prod him say something which Ashish would remember and later tell those words to his colleagues, boasting that they were his own creations. He remembered Ashish had once told him, ‘You know Monku, I really love what you and Utkarsh talk about. I wish I could also talk like that but you know I cannot. I even do not understand many things you say but I really like the way you people can talk. Just listening to you, I get quotes which I use on my girl friends and bosses and they are invariably charmed by them’. Mayank never divulged this secret even to Utkarsh.
“Ashu, you have a reasonable query. I appreciate you. Nothing is stupidity if you do not accept it like that and instead treat it as a possible aspect of an issue. I would simply say that I see something more prominent and predominant in females compared to men and my preference for a female order over the contemporary male order emanates out of this. The women too have their own set of problems but overall, I see they are ruled more by compassion compared to passion which rules men folk. Things get different interpretation when treated with compassion instead of passion. Compassion discounts a lot of hypocrisy and that is why I have greater hope from compassion and the female order that promotes it. You consider this Ashu; a nation, which is the largest supplier of arms and ammunitions to the world, gets a death sentence for a person selling heroin. A civilized nation can sell arms to the world which kills thousands in perpetual wars and civil wars but the same n
ation hangs the sellers of drugs like heroin which is somehow a lesser killer. This hypocrisy is the product of a male order which has created the contemporary world order where such hypocrisy thrives. I know Ashu that your economics has smart justification for even this one. But I cannot see it happen if this is seen from the angle of compassion and not from the angle of passion, which so successfully defines national interest in the contemporary world order. I am doubly sure, if we have a female view point being decisive, such hypocrisy cannot be part of the world order.”
“I think Monk is right”, Utkarsh said. “Even I see quite a few things in our male order which I feel the world should be free of. The first and foremost is the indecency of language and overall behavior which Monk has already pointed out. I would add into the list all the intoxicants, the scary sense of sexuality of men folks, which Monku rightly said reactionary feminism is so proud to ape and above all, the perpetuity of violence as a way of finding solutions to difficult problems. Monk has rightly used the term sadomasochism. I really think Monk is right when he says, females have better sense and utility of compassion whereas the men are guided more by passion, the passion of painful joys”.
“So, let us come down to the core issue. Is this your wish that the women should now be handed over the reins of the world and then things will get okay for you”, Ashish continued with his tirade.
“Guddi, get some sweets for Ashu, he is finally ready to hand over the reins to you even when he is aware that the first thing you will order is to ban the liquor for Ashu as you get the authority”, Utkarsh quipped.
“It is not about the reins and the ruling. It is about what stays as the defining benchmark of all human endeavors. The important thing is that compassion alone should be the most predominant and deciding influence over every single initiative and action that humanity as a whole should consider worthwhile and that is why it is a wish. My advocacy for feminism is part of my wish to see this happen as I see compassion more on the side of women than men. I am not blind to the history. I know it well that earlier, even men had compassion in their side but they did not honor it. When the capitalism was at its worst best, the communism had compassion on their side. The communism was the hope and millions of people joined the revolution riding this hope. But they lost it. The rule and reins came to communism and it acted worse than the capitalism empires. It killed more compassion than capitalism could ever. I do not wish reins for feminism; it would rather do well without it. I just wish, the social order and the family systems should have greater compassion and this will happen when females sustain their distinct identity. The resultant feminism would automatically become the first choice, the instinctive benchmark of social and individual behavior and action. Feminism does not need the reins; it needs the love and appreciation of men. It just needs the realization by men that the best part of their own personalities is feminine. Men need to accept that they are at their best when influenced by a female; be it the mother, wife or a daughter. I am two hundred per cent sure; Ashu will quit both smoking and drinking if he gets a wife as good, intelligent and beautiful as Guddi. And this he will do out of love for his woman, not out of the force of authority which is often associated with reins and rulings. I visualize the success of feminism as it does not attempt to rule. It creates an environment of trust and love which is conducive to an order where compassion thrives. And that is the true world for me.”
“Let us say amen to Monku’s wish and pray that Ashu sees the light at the end of the day and gets married to a Guddi twin soon, if not for his own sake then for the sake of making Monk’s wishes on feminism come true”, Utkarsh declared sounding solemn but could not hold back a smile.
“Here I am bound to agree with Monk. If I get a wife like Guddi, I will surely do whatever she will ask me to do. That is what I have been telling to Guddi. We men are like dog; if you show us your teeth, we will bark and snap your flesh but even the fiercest dog will obey if you caress him with love and occasionally throw a useless piece of bone. And among dogs, you have breeds; Monk is a sweet Pug and I am a nasty Bulldog. Then you have pedigree...”
“Sorry… I do not buy this idea Ashu, I do not like dogs”, an irritated Guddi interrupted him. “Even the most obedient dog will look for a pole and would refuse to go to a toilet even if Miss Universe would kiss him on his stinking lips. Chhee…! How can you compare men with dogs…My husband and my dear brother are better as men and I love them the way they are…they are angels to me. Please let the dogs be what they are”.
“Yes…yes…I know Guddi you do not want me to become a nice guy. But you don’t know I have already outsourced Monk the task of finding a girl like you for me. And he has promised he would do it for me. I know you do not trust me but you will never doubt your brother’s good intention, I know that.”
“No…never…! I know my brother very well. He is a good man; he will never risk a girl’s life. Until you turn a gentleman, none of us will allow you to get married.”
“Guddi, Ashu is sincerely trying to set his life on track but what he can do as his boss is not leaving any moment free for him. Anyway he is not going to get married as he has no time for the next ten years. We have already posted his profile on the portal meant for second marriages”, Utkarsh added to the banter.
“God be with that woman and the portal…”, Guddi shouted from kitchen as she readied to serve the dinner.
Mayank was delighted. So were Utkarsh, Ashish and Guddi. They all cherished the fact that the four had made the best out of the evening. It was not quite often that they could meet and enjoy things together as the busy life offered very little time and space for such a free and careless evening. Mayank was happy for Ashu as he knew he had understood what intimacy of a woman really meant for a man. He knew despite all her repartee with Ashu, she will shower all care and attention to him as she knew Ashu was a bad eater. Ashu too loved being mothered by her and would turn a small baby when she will forcibly make him eat the stuff she had cooked. Utkarsh was happy that Mayank had done the right thing. He knew struggle makes a man and men like Mayank really thrived and excelled when faced with something which made them think and do what they thought was right. Ashu was the happiest. He was the most insecure of the four and an evening like this assured him that he had people in his life who would never leave him to drift as they knew better than him what was best for him. He ate like a baby. Slept on the sofa, resting his head on the lap of Monk, holding his hands to ensure he would not leave him come what may. Guddi would wake him up and tell him to sit steady as he would resist Guddi applying oil to his head. As she would comb his hair after massaging his head, Ashu would close his eyes as his manly pride would not allow him to show his moist eyes to Guddi and others. Guddi silently prayed that her men would remain the kids they were at heart; at least they were when with her.
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