"Ew!" she said, cringing at the thought of finding herself in a pond of gators. Even Jack had to have been terrified of such a thing. But it made her wonder about Steele. "What about you? Did they ever nickname you?"
"Steele pretty much says it all."
Yes, it did. It was extremely apropos.
"But," he said as he continued, "my code name was Azrael."
"Azrael?"
"The angel of death."
And that was probably even more fitting.
"So what about you?" Steele asked before he took another bite of potatoes. "Do you have a spook name?"
"Cobra."
He gave her an arched look. "Any special significance to that?"
"Quick and deadly, and I like to lie low until I have the perfect moment to strike."
He toyed with her hand, stroking her fingers with his. "We have a lot in common."
Funny, now that she thought about it, he was right. They did have a lot in common. Sarcasm, professionalism, and the innate need to protect those around them. Not to mention a few other less desirable traits, such as the tendency to keep everyone else at a distance.
"Did you ever think about doing something other than the military?" she asked.
He braved another bite of the steak. "When I was a kid, I used to think about being a race car driver."
She could see him doing something like that. It was yet another profession that would take a lot of guts, and nerves of...steel. "Why didn't you pursue it?"
He snorted. "Are you kidding? My father was one bad-ass sniper. You didn't argue with a man who was trained to kill. When I told him I wanted to go to college, I thought he was going to snap an aneurism. We compromised only if I agreed to take ROTC and do my service afterward." He shook his head. "Then when my sister tried to sign up, he went wild on her."
"Why?"
"In his mind, women shouldn't be in the military. Her job was to look pretty, get married, and have kids. Not exactly Tina's goals in life."
What a throwback his dad must be. "I'll bet Tina didn't take that well."
"Not at all. Her and my father were really close until she hit puberty and he pretty much stopped talking to her except to correct her behavior. When we were little, I think he forgot the fact that she wasn't a boy. He used to take her hunting and fishing with us, but the minute it became obvious she was female, he started leaving her home for our trips."
Syd cringed in sympathetic pain for his sister. "My dad was always great. He wanted one of us to follow him into finance so badly that he actually bought me an adding machine for my fifth birthday."
Steele laughed. "Did he really?"
"Yes, he did. He was so upset when all of us kids went into different fields."
"Such as?"
Syd felt a wave of love wash through her as she thought about her family. They weren't perfect, but she had to admit that she'd been very lucky to have such a great group of people to share blood with. "My sister owns a small boutique in Boston, and my brother is a high school coach. My dad's still proud of us, but every time we go home, he brings out the Fortune magazine and starts trying to get us interested in investing."
"What about your mom?"
"She's great too. She works as his office manager. I think she kind of got lost once we were all grown and out of the house."
He cocked his head as he watched her. "You're afraid of that." It was a statement, not a question.
Syd swallowed at his perceptiveness. "In a way. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the fact that I had a stay-at-home mom, but I remember the way she was once we were grown. There for a time it was like she couldn't remember what to do with her own life. It was kind of scary. I never want to give my whole self up to other people." Old fears and uncertainties swelled inside her, and she couldn't believe she was confiding this to him. It wasn't something she ever talked about, yet Steele seemed so easy to talk to. "Is that selfish?"
He brushed the hair back from her face. "No, babe. It's not selfish to want to be true to yourself. You're a great woman with a lot to offer the world."
No one had ever said anything kinder to her. Some hot, foreign emotion swept through her as she offered him a smile. She squeezed his hand before she kissed it.
He moved his hand away so that he could continue eating.
"What about you, Steele?" she asked, "Were you planning on staying in the Army?"
He shook he head. "I'm not my father. I didn't mind serving, but I didn't want to be like him--so distant from my emotions that I barely qualify as a human being."
"Was he really that bad?"
Those dark eyes burned her with sincerity. "You have no idea. My dad never said, 'Get me a glass of tea.' It was more like, 'Boy! Get a glass from the cabinet. Set it on the counter. Get some ice. Shut the door. Put the ice in the cup. Pour the tea over the ice. Now bring it to me. Now. Now. Now!' "
She had to give him credit, he had the drill instructor rhythm down pat.
"He spent so much time out in the field that he lost his ability to relate to anything but that damned rifle that he used to spend hours at night polishing. I swear he held it more than he ever held my mother. Jeez, the man actually bought both Tina and me shotguns for our seventh birthdays. Then he sold Tina's when she turned twelve, and he spent the next few years teaching me every trick he ever knew."
His dark brown eyes were filled with pain as he met her gaze. "I'm not my father, Syd. This afternoon when I tried to shoot our friendly hitman, I choked."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did, and I wasn't even carrying a loaded rifle. Instead of taking the shot when I should have, I saw Brian again." He clenched his eyes shut, as if his spotter's ghost was haunting him even now. "I don't think I can kill anymore, Syd. I can't."
Her heart ached for him. And as she thought about it, she realized that he hadn't taken a single shot the entire time they'd been on the run. She had...but he hadn't.
"What happened with you and Brian?"
Even more agony creased his brow. She'd never seen anyone look so tormented. "We followed orders. What we didn't know was that the captain didn't have clearance to send us out. More than that, the bastard had shoddy intelligence information. Our target wasn't where he was supposed to be. So being the good schmucks the Army had trained us to be, Brian and I moved closer until we could complete our assignment. I knew in my gut that we should leave. That it was a setup. But Brian shook his head and refused to abort. To him, the objective was everything. So we lay there for a full ten hours until I had the target in my sights. I took my shot, and all hell broke loose. Our target was a decoy meant to draw us in. As soon as I took the shot, they used it to pinpoint our location."
"They killed Brian."
He nodded. "Suddenly, I wasn't a soldier anymore, I was a scared eleven-year-old again, laying in my backyard with my father screaming at me. He used to force me to lie still while he marched over my body. He told me then that the training he was giving me would one day save my life. The sonofabitch was right. I lay there, unable to breathe or think. And I'm sure that alone is why I'm still here and not lying in a grave next to Brian."
Syd wanted desperately to soothe him, but she had no idea how. What he'd been through...it was scarring, and no amount of words would ever be able to heal that wound.
It would take time, and she knew it. She just wished she could move time forward so that it wouldn't be so raw for him now.
His eyes were filled with horror. "They captured Brian's body and actually stepped right on top of mine without knowing it."
"How did they not find you?"
"I had a thermal disguise in my ghillie suit, so they couldn't pick up my body temp. And I literally didn't move for a full day. They sprayed the area with bullets, and I took one in my leg and arm without flinching. Finally, the largest part of the group left. There were three who were left behind to search for me." His eyes burned her. "I killed them, and then I made my way back to rendezvous."
A
nd now she was asking him to kill again. "Why did you shoot at your CO?"
Steele fell silent, as if he were reliving that moment in his mind. "The simplest reason was that he threatened me, and I was too angry to take it. He wanted to send me out with another spotter, on another assignment that I didn't think we had clearance for. He'd told the higher-ups that Brian and I had lost our way, and as I watched him walk away as if nothing had happened, I couldn't take it. He'd told me that accidents happen and that if I wasn't careful, one could happen to me. So I decided to show him an accident myself." He let out a long, tired breath. "I really fucked up."
Syd brushed his hair back from his face as he took another bite of his steak. She didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't imagine going through what he described. He must have been terrified. Alone. No one to pull him out or help him.
He really was tailor-made for BAD.
His eyes burned into her. "So do I go back to jail now?"
She frowned at his words. "Why?"
"I told you. I can't do it. I can't set my sights on another living person and pull the trigger anymore. If you send me after this assassin, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to do what you ask."
"Steele--"
"Don't, Syd," he said, cutting her off. "There's no argument you can make that'll sway me."
"You would really rather spend the rest of your life locked up than put down a rabid dog?"
"That rabid dog could have a son. A best friend. A mother who'll miss him."
"And that rabid dog might unleash a nuclear bomb on my parents' house. That's what keeps me up at night. Doesn't it you?"
He looked away from her.
"C'mon, Steele. You're the only shot we have. APS won't let anyone else near them. You pull the name of the contractor they have assigned to the president for me, and I'll take care of the rest."
The disbelief in his eyes scorched her. This was a man who was well used to betrayal, and she knew it. "Will you?"
"Yes," she said emphatically.
And still those intense eyes watched her. "Tell me something, Syd. Have you ever killed anyone?"
It was her turn to look away.
"You haven't, have you?"
"No, but--"
"There's no buts in this, Sydney. Killing someone changes you forever. When you close your eyes, you know what haunts you? Their faces. That look they have when they realize that they're dead and that all the things they wanted to do with their lives are over. There aren't any more second chances for them. And with every kill, more of your soul dies. It's what turned my father into a heartless bastard."
She heard what he was saying, but it changed nothing. "It's a risk I'm willing to take."
"You're playing a game that you don't even understand."
"Well, then, what do you want me to do?" she asked, her voice tinged with anger. "Sit by and watch our country get blamed for an assassination we had nothing to do with? Watch a power-hungry kid hold an auction so that some other power-hungry person can get his hands on a nuclear arsenal to intimidate the rest of the world? I don't know about you, but I never could stand a bully."
Steele fell silent as he thought about that. She was right, he'd never been the kind of person to stomach a bully either. "I will get you inside APS, but that's all I can promise. I'm sorry."
Syd nodded. "You know something, Steele?"
"What?"
"I trust you to do what's right." She couldn't believe those words had left her mouth. After all these years, Joe was finally wearing off on her. "I know you won't let us down."
The look in his dark eyes said he didn't agree, but for the first time in her life, she meant that. She didn't know where her faith came from. But inside, she knew he wouldn't disappoint her.
Steele finished his food in silence while she checked his injuries. The bullet wound looked a little better than it had earlier. It wasn't quite so angry. But it still had to be extremely painful for him.
As she ran her hand over his skin to smooth the bandage, she realized Steele had his eyes closed, as if savoring her touch. She paused to smile at the peaceful expression on his face. He opened those dark eyes to look up at her with a tenderness that made her stomach flutter.
"You have the gentlest touch."
"Hunter would disagree with you."
He smiled as he reached a hand out to cup her face.
"How are you feeling now?" she said, and then realized why she asked that so often. She loved hearing his innovative and often sarcastic comebacks.
"Like I could make love to you all night."
Her body warmed at the thought. "You really should rest."
"I'll sleep better with the smell of you on my skin," he said before he captured her lips with his.
Syd sighed at the taste of him. Honestly, he was better than chocolate.
He turned to pull her against him as he leaned her back against the bed. Oh, it felt good to be held like this. Too good. There was just something about the hardness of a man's body lying next to hers that defied description. And Steele in particular felt like heaven.
Steele couldn't really think as he worked the buttons on her blouse. He wanted to rip it open, but he didn't want to scare her with how badly he needed to be inside her. The softness of her skin was like a song that whispered through his very soul. He didn't know why, but something about her soothed him in an unbelievable way.
He should be angry at her for pulling him into this mess, and yet he couldn't. How could he be angry at a woman who had not only given him his life back, but set him on fire like this?
He popped the catch on her bra and hissed as her large breasts sprang free. He loved the fact that she wasn't skinny. Her lush curves set him on fire and made him so hard that it should be illegal.
Pulling back from her lips, he cupped her right breast in his hand as he savored the feel of her taut nipple teasing his palm. He blew a cold breath across the tip, watching as it puckered even more. Oh, yeah, that's what he wanted. Syd warm and pliant in his arms.
At least with her, he knew she wasn't hopping into bed with whatever guy she picked up in a bar. He didn't know why, but he felt oddly special being with her.
His heart hammering, he squeezed her breast gently before he took the nipple into his mouth to taste it.
Syd arched her back as her stomach fluttered with every lick of Steele's tongue against her sensitive flesh. She felt so strangely vulnerable to this man.
It's only sex, Syd.
And yet she felt herself opening up to him. Trusting him. And if he betrayed her...
She didn't know what she would do. Kill him, most likely. And not regret it.
But those thoughts scattered as she ran her hand over the planes of his back and felt his muscles flex. She leaned her cheek down against the softness of his dark hair as he played with her. She sank her hands in the silken strands, letting them wrap around her fingers.
Why was she breaking her strict no-touch rule for this man? She had no idea, other than the fact that he made her burn in a way no man ever had before.
She cupped his face in her hands and pulled him away from her breast so that she could kiss him soundly. She moaned at the taste of him, at the sensation of his tongue spiking through her mouth. Every hormone in her body fired as her emotions swept her away.
Steele trembled as Syd breathed in his ear. Chills shot all over his body. He laid himself over her, feeling her soft, warm body pressed against his.
He moved away from her only long enough to remove her pants and shoes. All he wanted was to be skin to skin with her. To feel her breath on his naked skin. It'd been way too long since he'd made love to a woman. He didn't count what they'd done earlier. That had been scratching an itch.
This was different. He wanted to claim her, which was a completely bizarre thought. But he did. He wanted to feel her wrapped around him as he came inside her. Wanted to hear her cries of pleasure in his ear and feel her nails scoring his back.
Syd wra
pped her body around his before she rolled over with him in her arms and pinned him to the mattress.
Then she pulled away.
Had she changed her mind? Steele frowned until he saw her reach over to the nightstand and grab a small foiled pouch. It was a condom.
Damn, the woman really was prepared for anything. "Where'd you get that?"
"They were in the bathroom."
He laughed. "Jack, you sly dog."
"Yeah, but you should be lucky that every dog has his day. Otherwise you'd be waiting until we had time to find a drugstore."
He swept a hot glance over her lush, naked body that beckoned him in the worst sort of way. "Believe me, I am grateful as all get-out to him."
Steele watched as she opened the condom, then slid it over him. His heart was racing at the thought of having her.
Syd thrilled at the sight of Steele lying on the bed, at her mercy. All that tanned, masculine flesh begged her to taste every inch of him. She toyed with his hard cock as he sucked his breath in sharply between his teeth. Smiling at him, she ran her hand down to his sac, where she took her time stroking and teasing him. Unable to stand it, she bent down to gently lick and tease that most sensitive spot.
She felt him tense around her as he groaned. That sound made her even hotter. She didn't know why, but she loved giving this man pleasure.
She pulled back to look at him. "Tell me what you like, Steele."
His eyes were dark and heated as he watched her. "I'd like for you to call me Josh."
Those words shattered something inside her. This man hated intimacy as much as she did. Yet he was giving her a name she knew he didn't allow anyone else to use. In that moment, she felt closer to him than she'd ever felt to anyone.
"What else would you like, Josh?"
"To be inside you, Sydney."
Syd locked gazes with him before she slid herself onto him. The look of ecstasy on his face thrilled her, as did the thick fullness of him finally inside her. She hissed as he drove himself in so deep that it pierced her with pleasure.
Oh yeah, this was what she'd been craving too. She ran her hands over the hard strength of his chest.
Syd leaned forward so that she could take him in even more. Deeper. It'd been so long that she'd almost forgotten just how good a man felt like this, and honestly, she couldn't remember anyone filling her better than Steele did.