The Journal; or Birthday Gifts
It was the custom of Mr. Clayton to present gifts to his children ontheir birthdays, and his gifts were of less or greater value, accordingto their industry, improvement, and good conduct during the year. It wasalso the wish of Mr. Clayton that his eldest son and daughter shouldeach keep a journal of all their actions. He did not desire to see thisjournal himself, but he advised them to read over at the end of eachweek what they had written, that the record of what was good mightincite them to other acts of virtue, and the history of their mistakesand errors serve as a warning for the future.
This kind, indulgent father seldom had cause to punish his children;they were indeed very good and docile children, always respecting thecommands of their parents, and loving each other with the true fondnessof brothers and sisters.
One only of these children went to school, and that was the eldest boy,Laurence Clayton. The others were instructed by a governess at home.Laurence was a fine boy, the hope and pride of his family. For ninebirthdays he had received gifts from the hand of his father as thereward of his good conduct, and now his tenth birthday was approaching,and Mr. Clayton had heard so pleasing an account of Laurence from hisschoolmaster, that he said, beside the present he meant to give him, hewould on the birthday grant any favour Laurence should ask of him.
A week only was wanting to complete Laurence's tenth year. Company wasinvited, and the young folks were all thinking and talking of theexpected pleasures of that day--all but Laurence, who became pensive andsilent, shunned his brothers and sisters, and even the presence of hisfather, to shut himself up in his own room; but, as he replied, whenasked about his health, that he was very well, it was supposed that hewas busy at his studies, and they still prepared for the birthday.
On the 24th of August Laurence was ten years old, and a finer morningthan it proved was never seen. The two families that were invited cameto breakfast. All were assembled in the parlour, and admiring a veryhandsome pair of globes, which, mounted on mahogany stands, were to bepresented to Laurence; when he entered the room, not dressed in the suitof clothes that had been laid in his chamber, but in his oldest jacket,his cheeks quite pale, and his eyes red and swelled with weeping. Heturned his head away as he passed the globes, and, dropping on his kneesbefore his father, he said, 'O, sir, you promised to grant me a favourthis day, pray let it be your forgiveness! I know I do not deserve yourpardon, but if you will forgive me this once, I am sure I never, nevercan deceive you again.'
Mr. Clayton, shocked and surprised, desired to know what fault he hadcommitted, when Laurence took his journal-book from his pocket and gaveit into his father's hand, saying, 'I am ashamed to repeat what I havedone, but it is written there, sir.' Mr. Clayton took the book, and toldLaurence to withdraw till he had read it. On opening the journal Mr.Clayton found that all was regular down to the entry for the 2nd ofAugust, which ran thus:--
Monday, August 2nd.--Being a school holiday, I went out with my fatherin a boat. He taught me to steer the rudder, while he managed the oars.It was a happy day. We dined at Mr. Black's, whose son showed me somefine drawings from busts of heathen gods, goddesses, and heroes; and myaunt Eleanor, who was there, gave me five shillings to buy Baldwin's_Pantheon_, that I might read the history of Jupiter, Juno, Mars,Minerva, Venus, Bacchus, Apollo, Hercules, and all the rest of the Pagandeities. Coming home, my father praised me for behaving well. Indeed itwas a happy day.'
From the happy day Laurence had thus described, there was an entireblank in the journal; but between the leaves was placed a written paper,from which Mr. Clayton read as follows:--
'August 23rd.--To-morrow is my birthday, and my father is preparinggifts for me, which he thinks I deserve. My brothers and sisters arerejoicing, but I am wretched; when my father smiles on me, I feel mycheeks burn, and my heart swells as if it would burst; and when hecalls me his dear good Laurence, something rises in my throat, and seemsabout to choke me. If these are the feelings that belong to guilt, Iwonder any one can bear the pain of being wicked: for no headache ortoothache ever gave me a quarter of the torment I have suffered since Ibecame a wicked boy. Oh, my dear, kind father, take pity on me, and thisonce forgive me. I will tell you truly all I have done.
'On Tuesday, August 3rd, sir, I set out to go to school. It was the dayafter I had been so happy with you in the boat and at Mr. Black's, andas I met William Thompson, I could not help telling him what a pleasantday I had spent. "Oh, then," said he, "you are fond of the water; I andtwo or three more are just going to take a little row, and you shall gowith us." At first I refused, but William told me I was too early forschool, and as he was also going to school, and promised to be back intime, I at last consented.
'Three dirty boys were waiting at the side of the river, and though Idid not like their company, I was then ashamed to go back, so we alljumped into a boat and rowed away. For some time we went on very well;both wind and tide were in our favour, and it was quite easy to managethe boat.
'The fine day and the pleasant river soon made me forget school, till Iheard some distant clock strike twelve; then, distressed at what I haddone, I insisted we should go back. But it was very hard to row againstwind and tide, and they began to quarrel and were going to fight. Isprang up to snatch the oar from a boy who was going to strike another,and in suddenly raising my arm I knocked his hat off into the river. Itswam away, and as we were turning to row after it, we dropped one of theoars, and trying to row with the other, we ran the boat aground upon abank of mud. There we were obliged to stay, for we could not force theboat off, nor could we wade to the shore through that mud. I bore theblame of these misfortunes; they all abused me sadly, and the boy whosehat was lost, cried and sobbed most bitterly: for, he said, he belongedto a cruel master, and should be beaten almost to death; so at last, tomake him quiet, I promised to give him mine.
'Well, sir, there we stayed, and I heard the same clock strike one, two,three, and four. At last, two men called to us from the opposite side ofthe river. They were the owners of the boat we had taken away, and werein search of it. They got another boat, and came to us in a greatpassion, swearing that if we did not pay them five shillings each forthe day's work we had hindered them of, and pay for the oar we had lost,they would take us before a justice of the peace and have us sent toprison. William Thompson had no money in his pocket, but I had the fiveshillings my Aunt Eleanor had given me the day before at Mr. Black's tobuy the _Pantheon_; that they took, but not being enough to satisfytheir demand, they also took away my satchel with all my school books,telling me where they lived, and that they would restore it safe as soonas I brought them the rest of the money. The other boys were so poor andso ragged, the men did not ask anything of them.
'It was near six o'clock when we got on shore, about the time I knew Ishould be expected home from school. William Thompson went down on hisknees to beg I would not tell what had happened, promising at the sametime to bring the money to release my books the next morning. Indeed Iwas so much ashamed of having played truant thus, that I was glad enoughto conceal it. The boy whose hat I had knocked off into the river wouldnot leave me till he had got mine, so I was forced to slip in at thegarden-gate and steal up the back stairs to my own room, that I might notbe seen to come home without my hat. I was now very hungry, yet afraid toshow myself; when I was called to tea, my legs trembled under me as Iwent downstairs. I met my sister Molly in the hall, who gave me an apple,and then asked me what I had had for dinner at school. I turned from her,for I knew not what to answer; but as soon as I got into the parlour,you, sir, told me to bring you my Latin grammar. Then I was forced toanswer, and a lie seemed easier than the truth: so I said I had left mysatchel and my books at school. I could not play nor amuse myself anyway all that evening, and when I took up my journal, what had I to setdown--that I had played truant, lost my hat and my money, and told myfather a lie? No, no, I could not bear to write all that.
'Next morning, sir, I had new troubles. I was forced to steal slyly outof
the house, that no one might see me put on my best hat, and when Igot to William Thompson's, he had got no money to give me. I dared notgo to school without my books, so I went to seek the man that had them.He was gone to his daily work, and we could not find him, and I waitedand loitered till he came home to his dinner. I begged and prayed for mybooks, and at last he gave them up to me, making me promise I wouldbring him the money next day, or something that he could sell for money,which if I did not do, he said he would come and declare the whole storyto you, sir. I got to school that day time enough for afternoon'slessons, and was forced to tell another lie to my master, to excuse mynot coming sooner.
'I had no dinner either that day; but the pain of hunger was nothing tothe fear of being found out. Well, sir, to tell all the worst at once, Ihave from time to time carried away, to pay the man whose oar we hadlost, my silver pen and pencil, my compasses, my pocket inkstand, andthat handsome bound set of Natural History you gave me on my lastbirthday. Then in going to seek him, I have stayed away three moremornings from school. And my head has been so filled with other thoughtsthat I have not minded my lessons as I used to do. I have lost my placein my class twice, have been punished once, and my master threatens tomake complaints to you, sir, of the change in my conduct. To excusewearing my best hat, I did also invent a wicked lie of having lost myother at school.
'Alas! alas! how many sad things have I been guilty of since I firstplayed truant! If I had but confessed my fault that day, how many more Ishould have avoided! I have never known a happy moment since, and if Icould describe to my brothers and sisters the pain and grief I havefelt, I am sure they would never be as naughty as I have been.
'O, sir, I cannot bear to deceive you any longer, and if you will grantme your pardon, indeed, indeed, I will try never to offend you more.'
It is not possible to express how great Mr. Clayton's surprise andsorrow was on perusing this paper; yet, convinced by Laurence's candidconfession of his faults that his penitence was sincere, he consented toforgive him the past and restore him to his favour. Laurence knelt athis father's feet, and while he kissed his parent's hand and bathed itin tears of gratitude, he felt the first moment of pleasure he had knownfor three long weeks.
Though all were glad to see Laurence forgiven, no one could be merry;and it was the first grave birthday that had ever been known in thefamily. The globes were covered up and sent into Mr. Clayton's library:for though he could forgive, it would not have been right to haverewarded Laurence, as if he had not done wrong. But that day twelvemonthcame, and then Laurence deserved the globes and the love and praise ofevery one for his diligence and goodness throughout the year. Wheneverhe was tempted to do wrong, he remembered that one error often becomesthe source of many others, and carefully avoided committing the firstfault. His journal was kept faithfully, and all the days in it werehappy days; and on his eleventh birthday Laurence could play and dancewith a light heart and a clear conscience.