* TOLD YOU SO! WE ARE TO DRAGONS AS FLIES ARE TO US.
* ACTUALLY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO BRETT’S ENCYCLOPEDIC SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE, IT WAS MORE LIKELY THE INGREDIENTS IN THE DRAGON’S BREATH, NOT THE HIGH TEMPERATURE, THAT TURNED THE FLAMES BLUE. SULFUR, AMONG OTHER CHEMICALS, HAS THAT EFFECT.
* WISHFUL THINKING, YOU SAY? PERHAPS. BUT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO FORGIVE A LOT OF THINGS, HOPING THAT THEIR PARENTS WOULD EVENTUALLY COME AROUND AND SHARE THE LOVE THAT THEY’D BEEN WITHHOLDING.
* AFT MEANS IN THE DIRECTION OF THE STERN. DON’T REMEMBER WHAT STERN MEANS? PITY. DID YOU NOT READ THE FOOTNOTE HERE?
* CHUTZPAH IS A YIDDISH WORD THAT MEANS, ROUGHLY, “GUMPTION” OR “BOLDNESS”; IT’S A WILLINGNESS TO DEFY EXPECTATION. BUT LIKE MOST YIDDISH WORDS AND PHRASES—SCHLEMIEL, SAY, OR MESHUGENER, OR EVEN OY VEY OR OY GEVALT!—THE WORD CHUTZPAH LOSES SOMETHING IN TRANSLATION. IT’S BEST TO REPEAT THE WORD ITSELF. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT CERTAIN OF THE DEFINITION, YOU’RE SURE TO ENJOY PRONOUNCING IT.
* NOTE TO READERS: THE MAGICIAN WAS KIDDING. NEITHER MAX-ERNEST NOR HIS BROTHER, CLAY, EVER LIVED IN HOBOKEN. WHICH I’M SURE IS A VERY NICE PLACE AND SHOULD NEVER BE THE BUTT OF ANYONE’S JOKES.
* IF MIND CONTROL SOUNDS APPEALING TO YOU, CONGRATULATIONS—YOU’RE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO BEING A WRITER!
* DID YOU KNOW THAT MOST OF THE DRINKING WATER ON CRUISE SHIPS IS PURIFIED SEAWATER? PERSONALLY, I FIND THIS FACT TO BE FASCINATING AND THE ONE SMALL ARGUMENT IN FAVOR OF CRUISE SHIPS. AS FRIGHTENING A PROSPECT AS IT IS, CRUISE-SHIP TECHNOLOGY MAY HOLD THE KEY TO A POST-APOCALYPTIC FUTURE THAT HAS US ALL LIVING IN ORBITING SPACECRAFT OR UNDERWATER PODS.
* BACK MATTER IS WHAT PUBLISHERS CALL ALL THE STUFF IN A BOOK THAT COMES AFTER THE LAST PAGE OF A STORY, SUCH AS AN APPENDIX OR AN ACKNOWLEDGMENTS SECTION. AS MY READERS KNOW, I USUALLY INCLUDE AN APPENDIX AT THE END OF MY BOOKS. (I NEVER HAVE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN ACKNOWLEDGING THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OTHER THAN MYSELF WHO HELP CREATE MY BOOKS, AND I WOULD NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT!) AT THE SAME TIME, I’VE ALWAYS BEEN UNCOMFORTABLE USING THE TERM APPENDIX BECAUSE IT SOUNDS SO SERIOUS AND INFORMATIONAL; IT IMPLIES THAT THE READER MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING—A DUBIOUS PROPOSITION AT BEST. FOR THIS BOOK, I CHOSE THE TERM BACK MATTER INSTEAD BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF DARK MATTER—WHICH, AS YOU MAY KNOW, IS WHAT ASTROPHYSICISTS CALL THE MYSTERIOUS STUFF THAT MOST OF THE UNIVERSE HAPPENS TO BE MADE OF. NEITHER EMITTING NOR ABSORBING LIGHT, DARK MATTER HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BY HUMAN EYES. ITS EXISTENCE IS PURE SPECULATION. WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT, AND YET WE’D BE NOTHING WITHOUT IT. NOW, THAT IS THE SORT OF “INFORMATION” I CAN GET BEHIND. IF I CAN FIND IT.
* IN THE ANCIENT WORLD, SCHOLARS BELIEVED THAT THE STARS WERE EMBEDDED IN INVISIBLE SPHERES—MADE OF A FANTASTICAL FIFTH ELEMENT CALLED THE QUINTESSENCE—THAT ROTATED AROUND THE EARTH, LIKE GIANT JEWEL-ENCRUSTED BUBBLES. NOWADAYS, OF COURSE, WE KNOW OUR UNIVERSE TO BE RULED BY ANOTHER SORT OF CELESTIAL SPHERE ALTOGETHER—THE SORT THAT SURROUNDS A CELEBRITY LIKE A POP SINGER OR YOUTUBE STAR.
* A TAUTOLOGY IS A STATEMENT OR IDEA THAT REPEATS ITSELF IN ORDER TO PROVE ITS TRUTH, WHICH IS WHY A STATEMENT OR IDEA THAT REPEATS ITSELF IN ORDER TO PROVE ITS TRUTH IS A TAUTOLOGY.
** A PARADOX IS A STATEMENT OR IDEA THAT SEEMS TO CONTRADICT ITSELF BUT THAT MIGHT NONETHELESS BE TRUE. IF, FOR EXAMPLE, YOU WERE TO GAIN KNOWLEDGE FROM FOOTNOTES AS FOOLISH AND MIS-LEADING AS MINE, THAT WOULD BE QUITE PARADOXICAL.
CONTENTS
COVER
TITLE PAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
EPIGRAPH
CHAPTER ONE: MUSTER
CHAPTER TWO: CAPTURE THE VOG
CHAPTER THREE: BEACHED
CHAPTER FOUR: THE RAINBOW
CHAPTER FIVE: AN ANNOUNCEMENT
CHAPTER SIX: FOOTPRINT
CHAPTER SEVEN: SOS
CHAPTER EIGHT: MISSING
CHAPTER NINE: UNDER SIEGE
CHAPTER TEN: UNDERGROUND
CHAPTER ELEVEN: A PRIMAL WHEEZE
CHAPTER TWELVE: THE RUINS
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: AMBER
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: DRAGONSLEEP
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: BOOM!
CHAPTER SIXTEEN: UP
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: A CRASH LANDING
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: TITANIC MEETS GODZILLA
CHAPTER NINETEEN: THE VERY TIPPY TEEPEE
CHAPTER TWENTY: NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON’T
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: ESCAPE ROUTINE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: SUNK
EPILOGUE
BACK MATTER
WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY?
ALSO BY PSEUDONYMOUS BOSCH
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Blah, blah, blah…
Text copyright © 2016 by Pseudonymous Bosch
Interior illustrations copyright © 2016 by Juan C. Moreno
Spot art here, here: © Happy Art/Shutterstock.com (dog icon), LDDesign/Shutterstock.com (human icon), tulpahn/Shutterstock.com (fly and dragon icons)
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at
[email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Blah, blah—oh, wait. Intellectual property? Author’s rights? Hm, I’d better take a second look.…
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
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Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
First ebook edition: February 2016
ISBN 978-0-316-32043-6
E3
Pseudonymous Bosch, Bad Luck
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