On reflection I’m tempted to say my time spent rooting around in the mind of a demon was akin to an extremely vivid dream. But that isn’t entirely true.
It would instead be better to say it was like jumping very quickly in and out the confines of some kind of crazy drug trip.
At the time the experience occurred my state of mind forbade me from being completely aware of where I was and what was transpiring, though I was very alert to the actual events. It was only upon returning to real life that the true magnitude of the thing hit me. Similar to looking back on an engrossing movie in which you were completely committed and wondering where the time went.
As I found myself back in reality, the real world Selena staring at me with naked accusation, my emotions lay somewhere between dumbfounded awe and exhilaration.
“What just happened?” I muttered breathlessly.
“Where did you learn this technique?” Selena demanded. Her tone was unforgiving, but I had yet to register that.
“It was like a dream,” I babbled, more to myself than Selena, “Like a dream but… different.” I looked up at her, recalling what I had seen and wondering if these things had been real or just figments of my imagination. “Did that really happen?”
“Where did you learn this technique?” Selena repeated, advancing towards me.
“Were they your memories…?”
In one quick movement she thrust a palm towards my chest and I irrationally thought she meant to shake my hand. There was a deafening POP and a wave of energy tousled my hair like a stiff wind. Then I was sliding along the marble floor on my back, wondering where she hid the horse that had kicked me.
Dazed I looked up at her with an expression best described as “bunny in the headlights”. Her eyes were burning and teeth clenched so tightly the tendons in her neck stood out.
“Where did you learn this technique?!” she roared.
Metaphorical dots began to join in my head. I was not meant to know any techniques beyond those taught to me by her. In performing the invasion of her demon’s mind it had more or less been a confession of being involved in illegal training.
Her indignant rage, however, told me two facts. Firstly that the training in question was rather despised by those in positions of magical authority, see potential rape of Claudia. And secondly that Selena was none too pleased about me getting a look into her personal affairs.
All at once I feared for my life.
“Wait, Selena wait!” I scrambled backwards along the floor, my shoes squeaking pathetically as they slipped on the glassy smooth surface.
In my mind I desperately spun excuses, lies and wild fabrications; anything believable, anything that would not have me selling out Benny and Brent to Selena. Yes, I hardly knew them. Yes, they were barely even friends. But where they went I would surely follow. Besides which, being a snitch was not decent at the best of times.
I managed to push myself to my feet and raise both hands in a plea of surrender. But Selena lashed out again and my body spun, the feeling best described as being clipped by an invisible car. When I hit the ground a crunch in my left shoulder indicated that something had given way. The pain followed a second later.
I rolled onto my back, grasping my shoulder and moaning in agony. Selena loomed over me.
“Where?” she hissed.
“An Enforcer!” The words blurted out. But at least I had avoided any names. “An Enforcer taught me!”
“Why?”
“Poker! We were going to cheat in a poker game! That’s all, Selena!” I thought that stealing money was better than having her think we were on a mad, Viking style rape quest.
She stared at me, deciding whether it was the truth. After a moment the rage drained a fraction.
“You have no right to go where you are not invited,” she declared, pointing a finger savagely. “This technique is illegal for a reason. It is something that should not be possible, and the potential to misuse it is overwhelming. Obviously, you can see this!”
“I didn’t realise…”
“You have broken the law, Mister Clarence. And worse, you have invaded my personal life where you were not permitted. I cannot let this stand.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late for apologies. I must say, I am very disappointed. I had high hopes, Mister Clarence. You have let me down.”
I looked up at her, terrifying in every sense of the word, and suddenly got the feeling that she cared less about me stealing money, and more about the fact I had gotten a glimpse at her life. Unbelievably I thought I even detected a hint of embarrassment in the way her gaze struggled to maintain eye contact. Clinging to the hope that this was true I made a last ditch effort to save the situation.
“I’m sorry, Selena. I did it by accident,” I pleaded, ashamed to hear the level of fear in my own voice, “I swear to you. I had no idea what I was doing and would never have done that if I had known. I’m sorry.”
My begging seemed to be working. Anger further drained from her posture and all at once she was her old, ultra-cool self again. She stared at the ground. Then, finally, when she spoke there was not a hint of malice in her voice. “I believe you, Mister Clarence. I’m sorry I struck you.”
I was speechless. I wanted to say “no problem”, but managed to bite back the moment-ruining words. Instead I pushed myself back to my feet, shoulder flaring white hot.
Again she paused, wheels turning in her head. “You can now see the face of my demon.”
I looked round and was astonished to see her demon still present in the room. It stood staring at me with Gloria Stephania’s face.
“And,” she added, “You will find you have control of it.”
I looked at the creature, previously so horrific to behold, and realised I was no longer afraid. All it had taken was an understanding. Selena’s demon was, very simply, a manifestation of the loving yet tainted relationship between mother and daughter.
“Perfection,” the demon crooned at me, and altogether that statement made perfect sense. “Perfection.”
“Be gone,” I replied to the creature, and with a flick of my hand it dissolved into the background. When I turned back to Selena she was regarding me with a sombre look.
“It is my own fault.” she said, “Part of my training is to help you deal with the dark temptations that come with being a magic user. With others I may have taken a more hands-on approach, but I decided that you were strong enough to deal with these temptations on your own. Perhaps I should have given more of a guiding hand. Or am I wrong, Mister Clarence?”
I thought about this. I thought about Claudia, I thought about Brent and Benny and, with much indecision, I thought about my mother. In my own mind Brent and Benny were nothing but a pair of guys who wanted a bit more than what life had dealt them. This really seemed the lesser crime when I took into account what was possible with the technique. My mother, on the other hand, was doing something on a whole different level. Which was worse, rape of the body? Or rape of the mind?
I struggled with words, not sure how to respond. Her gaze bore into me.
“I’m not sure what to say,” I said at last.
“Say that you are strong enough to guide yourself.”
“I’m not sure I am,” I replied, speaking my thoughts exactly.
The answer seemed to satisfy her. She nodded. “Good. Honesty is all I ask. Then just answer me this, Mister Clarence. If I let you walk out that door, will you make me regret it? Because, I’m sure you are aware, anything you do now will reflect badly on me.”
“I’ll try.”
“This is all I ask. No todo lo que brilla es oro. Be careful what you pursue. But,” her face hardened, “I warn you that I will not hesitate when next there is a transgression. Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Then go. On Monday we will continue.”
I turned for the door, still clutching my injured shoulder.
“And Mister Clarence,” I paused. “I trust you will s
peak to no one of what you saw in the mind of my demon.”
“I promise.”
I exited, feeling as though I had dodged the biggest bullet of my life.