Chapter 24
How the accomplished gentleman spent the evening in the midst of adazzling and brilliant circle; how he enchanted all those with whom hemingled by the grace of his deportment, the politeness of his manner,the vivacity of his conversation, and the sweetness of his voice; howit was observed in every corner, that Chester was a man of that happydisposition that nothing ruffled him, that he was one on whom theworld's cares and errors sat lightly as his dress, and in whose smilingface a calm and tranquil mind was constantly reflected; how honest men,who by instinct knew him better, bowed down before him nevertheless,deferred to his every word, and courted his favourable notice; howpeople, who really had good in them, went with the stream, and fawnedand flattered, and approved, and despised themselves while they didso, and yet had not the courage to resist; how, in short, he was one ofthose who are received and cherished in society (as the phrase is) byscores who individually would shrink from and be repelled by theobject of their lavish regard; are things of course, which will suggestthemselves. Matter so commonplace needs but a passing glance, and therean end.
The despisers of mankind--apart from the mere fools and mimics, of thatcreed--are of two sorts. They who believe their merit neglected andunappreciated, make up one class; they who receive adulation andflattery, knowing their own worthlessness, compose the other. Be surethat the coldest-hearted misanthropes are ever of this last order.
Mr Chester sat up in bed next morning, sipping his coffee, andremembering with a kind of contemptuous satisfaction how he had shonelast night, and how he had been caressed and courted, when his servantbrought in a very small scrap of dirty paper, tightly sealed in twoplaces, on the inside whereof was inscribed in pretty large text thesewords: 'A friend. Desiring of a conference. Immediate. Private. Burn itwhen you've read it.'
'Where in the name of the Gunpowder Plot did you pick up this?' said hismaster.
It was given him by a person then waiting at the door, the man replied.
'With a cloak and dagger?' said Mr Chester.
With nothing more threatening about him, it appeared, than a leatherapron and a dirty face. 'Let him come in.' In he came--Mr Tappertit;with his hair still on end, and a great lock in his hand, which he putdown on the floor in the middle of the chamber as if he were about to gothrough some performances in which it was a necessary agent.
'Sir,' said Mr Tappertit with a low bow, 'I thank you for thiscondescension, and am glad to see you. Pardon the menial office in whichI am engaged, sir, and extend your sympathies to one, who, humble as hisappearance is, has inn'ard workings far above his station.'
Mr Chester held the bed-curtain farther back, and looked at him with avague impression that he was some maniac, who had not only broken openthe door of his place of confinement, but had brought away the lock. MrTappertit bowed again, and displayed his legs to the best advantage.
'You have heard, sir,' said Mr Tappertit, laying his hand upon hisbreast, 'of G. Varden Locksmith and bell-hanger and repairs neatlyexecuted in town and country, Clerkenwell, London?'
'What then?' asked Mr Chester.
'I'm his 'prentice, sir.'
'What THEN?'
'Ahem!' said Mr Tappertit. 'Would you permit me to shut the door, sir,and will you further, sir, give me your honour bright, that what passesbetween us is in the strictest confidence?'
Mr Chester laid himself calmly down in bed again, and turning aperfectly undisturbed face towards the strange apparition, which hadby this time closed the door, begged him to speak out, and to be asrational as he could, without putting himself to any very great personalinconvenience.
'In the first place, sir,' said Mr Tappertit, producing a smallpocket-handkerchief and shaking it out of the folds, 'as I have nota card about me (for the envy of masters debases us below that level)allow me to offer the best substitute that circumstances will admit of.If you will take that in your own hand, sir, and cast your eye on theright-hand corner,' said Mr Tappertit, offering it with a graceful air,'you will meet with my credentials.'
'Thank you,' answered Mr Chester, politely accepting it, and turning tosome blood-red characters at one end. '"Four. Simon Tappertit. One." Isthat the--'
'Without the numbers, sir, that is my name,' replied the 'prentice.'They are merely intended as directions to the washerwoman, and have noconnection with myself or family. YOUR name, sir,' said Mr Tappertit,looking very hard at his nightcap, 'is Chester, I suppose? You needn'tpull it off, sir, thank you. I observe E. C. from here. We will take therest for granted.'
'Pray, Mr Tappertit,' said Mr Chester, 'has that complicated piece ofironmongery which you have done me the favour to bring with you, anyimmediate connection with the business we are to discuss?'
'It has not, sir,' rejoined the 'prentice. 'It's going to be fitted on aware'us-door in Thames Street.'
'Perhaps, as that is the case,' said Mr Chester, 'and as it has astronger flavour of oil than I usually refresh my bedroom with, you willoblige me so far as to put it outside the door?'
'By all means, sir,' said Mr Tappertit, suiting the action to the word.
'You'll excuse my mentioning it, I hope?'
'Don't apologise, sir, I beg. And now, if you please, to business.'
During the whole of this dialogue, Mr Chester had suffered nothing buthis smile of unvarying serenity and politeness to appear upon his face.Sim Tappertit, who had far too good an opinion of himself to suspectthat anybody could be playing upon him, thought within himself thatthis was something like the respect to which he was entitled, and drewa comparison from this courteous demeanour of a stranger, by no meansfavourable to the worthy locksmith.
'From what passes in our house,' said Mr Tappertit, 'I am aware, sir,that your son keeps company with a young lady against your inclinations.Sir, your son has not used me well.'
'Mr Tappertit,' said the other, 'you grieve me beyond description.'
'Thank you, sir,' replied the 'prentice. 'I'm glad to hear you say so.He's very proud, sir, is your son; very haughty.'
'I am afraid he IS haughty,' said Mr Chester. 'Do you know I was reallyafraid of that before; and you confirm me?'
'To recount the menial offices I've had to do for your son, sir,' saidMr Tappertit; 'the chairs I've had to hand him, the coaches I've had tocall for him, the numerous degrading duties, wholly unconnected withmy indenters, that I've had to do for him, would fill a family Bible.Besides which, sir, he is but a young man himself and I do not consider"thank'ee Sim," a proper form of address on those occasions.'
'Mr Tappertit, your wisdom is beyond your years. Pray go on.'
'I thank you for your good opinion, sir,' said Sim, much gratified,'and will endeavour so to do. Now sir, on this account (and perhaps foranother reason or two which I needn't go into) I am on your side. Andwhat I tell you is this--that as long as our people go backwards andforwards, to and fro, up and down, to that there jolly old Maypole,lettering, and messaging, and fetching and carrying, you couldn't helpyour son keeping company with that young lady by deputy,--not if he wasminded night and day by all the Horse Guards, and every man of 'em inthe very fullest uniform.'
Mr Tappertit stopped to take breath after this, and then started freshagain.
'Now, sir, I am a coming to the point. You will inquire of me, "how isthis to be prevented?" I'll tell you how. If an honest, civil, smilinggentleman like you--'
'Mr Tappertit--really--'
'No, no, I'm serious,' rejoined the 'prentice, 'I am, upon my soul.If an honest, civil, smiling gentleman like you, was to talk but tenminutes to our old woman--that's Mrs Varden--and flatter her up a bit,you'd gain her over for ever. Then there's this point got--that herdaughter Dolly,'--here a flush came over Mr Tappertit's face--'wouldn'tbe allowed to be a go-between from that time forward; and till thatpoint's got, there's nothing ever will prevent her. Mind that.'
'Mr Tappertit, your knowledge of human nature--'
'Wait a minute,' said Sim, folding his arms with a dreadful calmness.'Now I come to THE poi
nt. Sir, there is a villain at that Maypole, amonster in human shape, a vagabond of the deepest dye, that unless youget rid of and have kidnapped and carried off at the very least--nothingless will do--will marry your son to that young woman, as certainly andas surely as if he was the Archbishop of Canterbury himself. He will,sir, for the hatred and malice that he bears to you; let alone thepleasure of doing a bad action, which to him is its own reward. If youknew how this chap, this Joseph Willet--that's his name--comes backwardsand forwards to our house, libelling, and denouncing, and threateningyou, and how I shudder when I hear him, you'd hate him worse than Ido,--worse than I do, sir,' said Mr Tappertit wildly, putting his hairup straighter, and making a crunching noise with his teeth; 'if sich athing is possible.'
'A little private vengeance in this, Mr Tappertit?'
'Private vengeance, sir, or public sentiment, or both combined--destroyhim,' said Mr Tappertit. 'Miggs says so too. Miggs and me both say so.We can't bear the plotting and undermining that takes place. Our soulsrecoil from it. Barnaby Rudge and Mrs Rudge are in it likewise; but thevillain, Joseph Willet, is the ringleader. Their plottings and schemesare known to me and Miggs. If you want information of 'em, apply to us.Put Joseph Willet down, sir. Destroy him. Crush him. And be happy.'
With these words, Mr Tappertit, who seemed to expect no reply, and tohold it as a necessary consequence of his eloquence that his hearershould be utterly stunned, dumbfoundered, and overwhelmed, folded hisarms so that the palm of each hand rested on the opposite shoulder, anddisappeared after the manner of those mysterious warners of whom he hadread in cheap story-books.
'That fellow,' said Mr Chester, relaxing his face when he was fairlygone, 'is good practice. I HAVE some command of my features, beyond alldoubt. He fully confirms what I suspected, though; and blunt tools aresometimes found of use, where sharper instruments would fail. I fearI may be obliged to make great havoc among these worthy people. Atroublesome necessity! I quite feel for them.'
With that he fell into a quiet slumber:--subsided into such a gentle,pleasant sleep, that it was quite infantine.