Chapter 3.0:
Zombies
As far as the GoodBots were concerned, their mission was clear. They didn’t really think about anything, not because they weren’t capable of thinking, but simply because so few of the tasks they needed to do required much thinking. They had computers for brains after all, and this meant that everything a GoodBot ever “thought” had flowed from the fingers of a humble human programmer. Original programs created the Interlink, and the Interlink wrote new programs to solve the problems of human life.
Humans were, after all, fairly simple to take care of. When the Interlink decided that something was a good idea, each GoodBot received the program. Actually, all of this happened pretty much simultaneously, and invisibly. A human rarely knew anything about the daily updates or downloads received by his or her GoodBot.
For human beings, it was tough to learn a task. Something as simple as writing one’s name required a great deal of practice, shaping each of the letters, and then writing them together clearly enough that they could be read by another person.
Humans could have done everything themselves, but it would have been slow and tedious, and what would the point have been?
Things were much simpler for a robot. As soon as the program was downloaded, the robot was either capable of executing that program or not. If not, then another suitable program was found. The whole process took an amount of time so small that it was almost immeasurable. This process certainly did not require any “thinking” on the part of the robot.
Nevertheless, Goodbots behaved in a way that looked like thinking. If a dog looks like he’s thinking, he probably is. If a fish looks like he’s thinking, well, probably not. Sadly, no one knew what to make of the behavior of a GoodBot. The best guess was that the GoodBot Interlink, a large program which allowed the robots to be self-programming, had created a sort of enormous electronic brain.
What if the robots were all thinking with one brain, and this brain was the Interlink?
Human brains were, after all, simply vast collections of billions of neural cells. So, a vast collection of robots could be able to theoretically think on its own.
Strangely, this idea about GoodBot group thinking did not cause the humans much concern. The GoodBots were very useful servants, and certainly made human life much easier, both on earth, and on the moon.
So, one fine day in the year 2074, it came as no surprise to Speed’s aunt Karen that her GoodBot began acting strangely.
GoodBot 1137 had led a functional, normal life up the point where he became Karen’s GoodBot, his program and his number had been around for around thirty years. 1137 knew most tasks so well that his higher logic circuits could just be switched off.
On this day, however, his owner, Speed’s aunt Karen was causing trouble.
1137 had insisted that Karen take a flu vaccine. This in itself was perfectly normal, but the robot was having trouble carrying out the task. To Karen, GoodBot 1137 was demonstrating a “bad attitude.” Of course, most actions which Karen did not understand were attributed to people, animals, and robots as having bad attitudes. Late mail, kittens in trees, puny petunias--all bad attitudes.
“Just give me the shot, Robby. I’m sick to death of your bad attitude,” Karen insisted.
GoodBots did not actually have names, but Karen thought it was fun to call the GoodBot “Robby,” since it was easier to remember than 1137. Karen had owned dogs for many years, and called all of her pets Robby, whether a dog, cat, fish, or lizard.
Karen sat down, and the shot was administered lovingly by Robby, this time Robby the Robot, and not Robby the fish or Robby the cat. The “bad attitude” behavior on the part of Robby was shown in a flickering of angry red lights across Robby’s display panel.
Robby himself was confused about the vaccine, although Karen didn’t know it. Robby only wanted to get a new update from the Interlink. He was allowed to ask for such an update, but if Robots were constantly demanding such things from people, nobody would ever get anything done. If Robby had got the update, this day would have gone differently indeed.
Karen knew that the vaccine was normal, and couldn’t imagine why Robby had such a bad attitude today.
The vaccine had been, up to this point, a routine job for GoodBots. The vaccine carried everything that a human would need to fight disease, along with plenty of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, etc.
Unknown to Karen, the problem was that the GoodBot Interlink had determined that the vaccine might not be entirely safe. While Robby knew this, the Interlink determination conflicted with his base program to perform the day’s chores.
In cases where the Interlink disagreed with the GoodBot basic programming, the basic programming always won out. For the interlink to refuse a basic program was like trying to stop breathing. People can’t really will themselves to stop breathing for very long, and robots can’t resist their basic functions, whether they seem like a bad idea to the Interlink or not.
After the shot was given, there were loud knocks at the door. Karen was shocked to see a police officer. Police were not strictly necessary, since GoodBots handled law enforcement, but each town kept a police officer or two for old time’s sake. Crime was a thing of the past. People didn’t commit crimes, because they would never have the chance to. Even household GoodBots were equipped with small, non-lethal weapons. These weapons were small, but effective against a misbehaving human.
“Now,” Robby’s electric brain thought, “If only Karen would sit still and take this shot. I might not know if it’s safe, but we can correct problems in a moment.”
That pesky police officer was once again fooling with Robby’s job. The policeman’s name was Bill, and Bill often stopped by to, as Robby saw it, make robotic life more difficult.
“Don’t take that shot!” the officer shouted through the door.
Robby fumbled around for a bit, then finally restrained Karen and pressed the vaccine into her arm. A charged, electric sound briefly filled the room, and Robby knew that the shot had been given successfully. Now Robby, Karen, and Bill would be able to get about their daily chores, in service of humanity.
“I already did, what’s the problem?” karen asked straining to speak through a crack in the door. Then, she opened the door and stepped outside, grabbing the officer by the arm to settle him down. What on earth could have made him so upset?
“Quick, get inside!” the police officer insisted. He shoved against the door and forced his way into Karen’s living room.
As soon as Karen and the officer were inside, he bolted the door. It was a good thing, too, since terrifying creatures began to knock loudly at the windows. They were terrifying to Robby, anyway, who scanned humans according to health signs and did not see most people the way people saw each other. To Robby, though, these creatures were barely human, and they were behaving most strangely. It only occurred to Karen after some time that these creatures were, in fact, human beings. They bore little resemblance to humans after all.
The lady, the Robot, and the officer peered out of the windows, and only Bill seemed to have a clue what was going on.
Neither Karen nor Robby had ever seen anything like it, but something needed to be done.
“What’s going on?!” Karen shouted.
“It’s the vaccine. It’s doing something I’ve never seen. Everyone is turning into these … creatures.”
To the Interlink, it was clear that the vaccine would eventually result in the mutation of bacteria which all humans carried, but they were forced to obey the laws which had been passed by their owners, as it didn’t seem to offer an immediate threat. Every now and then, the GoodBots missed a threat or two. As long as the good of humanity was served, impending doom would have to be dealt with on its own time.
It only took a few moments for the mutated molecules in the vaccine to change Karen’s small town into a horde of raging lunatics.
Robby didn’t record what happened to Karen and Bill. The robot was just
knocked around in the attack. The once-human creatures were not as interested in Robby, as they were in Karen and Bill, whom they carried off into the street. Karen had just enough time to give Robby a very important set of instructions.
A thirty year old GoodBot could hardly protect them, and Robby was getting no help from the other local GoodBots. Robby was sure that the creatures had at one time been people, but he did not have any names for what they had become. The Interlink program which dealt with this kind of problem was way beyond Robby’s current hardware.
So, it was no surprise to Robby when the MMORG vote the following month did not yield any new laws, as there were no relevant opinions offered by the creatures now stampeding through churches, homes, and shopping malls. Robby would continue cleaning the empty house, free of worries about his partner human. Karen would either turn up, or she wouldn’t. There were always beds to make and breakfast to prepare. Then, there were sheets to be turned down, and uneaten meals to be thrown away.
The Interlink was programmed to take over and determine the next best course for humanity, but there were several failed votes before the Interlink could take over. Eventually, it did, and the whole planet buzzed with robot activity. The buzz of robots, and the frenzied cries of infected people were terrible. The Interlink naturally decided to activate “Plan B,” which was highly secret. Plan B used “leftover” robot parts to construct new robots. So many good robot parts were wasted that they were blasted to the moon, where people forgot about them.
In the case of a zombie apocalypse, which best described the situation, the GoodBots would need to defeat said zombies, at any cost. Such examples were always good to simulate the outcomes. The logic was simple. If a GoodBot was willing and able to detonate a nuclear bomb on some infected continent, then surely it will be willing to make a cup of coffee on a daily basis.
No one, that is, no human being, expected that such an event might actually occur, and no one could really predict how the GoodBots might behave under such circumstances. After years of living with the kindly robots, humanity had forgotten that intelligence made life possible. Mankind had given its intelligence to the GoodBots, and the GoodBots were prepared to do anything to save mankind from this new, zombie-like threat.
Hordes of humans were running rampant over the earth, and these hordes would need to be eliminated. The GoodBots on earth were not capable of this feat of daring, but the Plan B robots, yes, they could handle it. Decades of advanced, recombined technology could simply burn the infection out from the moon, disinfecting the wounded planet.