I found a Scripture which says a woman should enjoy her husband. (See 1 Peter 3:2 AMP.) For years I couldn’t enjoy my husband because I was too intense about trying to change him — and my children and myself and everything else in my life.
I had a nice family, but I didn’t enjoy them. I was so busy trying to change everyone in it, I never let any of them enjoy life.
I had a nice home, but I didn’t enjoy it. I kept it spotlessly clean with everything in its place. But I was so intense about it I didn’t enjoy it, and I didn’t let anyone else enjoy it either.
My children had some nice toys, but they were never able to enjoy them because I didn’t want the toys “strewn out all over the place.” I never wanted to get the toys out and play with my children — or let them play with the toys either. I didn’t know what fun was. In fact, because of the way I was raised I didn’t think anyone was supposed to have fun. All I knew was work.
I would tell my kids, “Get out of here and go play.” Then when they went someplace to play, I went along behind them saying, “Pick up this mess! Get this room cleaned up right now! All you ever do around here is make more work for me!”
Yet I wondered why I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t understand why I was plagued by “evil forebodings.” That went on until the Lord brought healing and deliverance into my life.
THE PURPOSE BEHIND ANXIETY
…a gentle and peaceful spirit…[is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.
1 PETER 3:4
According to Peter, the kind of spirit God likes is a peaceful spirit that is not anxious or wrought up. To be wrought up is to be tense, tied in a knot, upset and disturbed. To be anxious is to be worried, disquieted, or distracted.
Why does the devil try to make us tense, get us tied up in knots, upset, disturbed, worried, disquieted, and distracted? He wants to keep us from focusing our attention on the good things God has given us. He wants to keep us from enjoying our relationship with the Lord and the abundant life Jesus died to provide for us.
As a result of the abuse I suffered growing up, I never used to enjoy anything about my life. Because of the way I was treated as a child, I never really got to be a kid, so I didn’t know how to be childlike. To me everything was burdensome. Because I was so tense, worried, and wrought up, I blew everything way out of proportion. I made a big deal out of everything. I had to learn to relax, lighten up, and let things go. I had to learn that even if everything did not always work out exactly as I wanted it to, it would not be the end of the world.
REJOICE INTODAY
This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
PSALM 118:24 KJV
Anxiety also means to take thought or being “…apprehensive, or worried about what may happen; concern about a possible future event.”2 The Lord once told me, “Anxiety is caused by trying to mentally and emotionally get into things that are not here yet or things that have already been” — mentally leaving where you are and getting into an area of the past or the future.
Since the Lord gave me that definition I have been trying to learn to lighten up and enjoy life. That doesn’t mean I go around acting like an airhead. The Bible says that we believers are to be sober-minded, vigilant, and cautious, on our guard against our enemy, the devil, who is out to devour us. (1 Peter 5:8.)
Many serious things are going on in this world, and we need to be aware of them and prepared for them. But at the same time we need to learn to relax and take things as they come without getting all nervous and upset about them.
We need to learn how to enjoy the good life God has provided for us through the death and resurrection of His Son Jesus Christ. (See John 10:10.) In spite of all the troubling things going on around us in the world, our daily confession should be, “This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Something we Christians need to do more of is laugh. We tend to be so heavy about everything — our sin, expecting perfection from ourselves, our growth in God, our prayer life, the gifts of the Spirit, and memorizing Bible verses. We carry around such heavy burdens.
If we would just laugh a little more — be of good cheer, “cheer up” — we would find that a little bit of laughter makes that load much lighter. In the world we live in there isn’t a great deal to laugh about so we will need to do it on purpose. It is easy to find plenty to worry about. To be happy, we need to work on it a little. We need to laugh and have a good time.
One night my husband and I were in bed and started tickling each other. We were laughing and carrying on like two maniacs, giggling, laughing, tickling. My only problem is that every time I wrestle with Dave, he wins. I’ve tried ganging up on him with all our kids so that they will hold him down while I tickle him — just having a good time.
Some people are too starchy and religious to tickle anybody. They would rather lie in bed and say, “Hallelujah!” Some wives whose husbands aren’t saved lie there praying in their husband’s ear. Instead, they ought to roll over and tickle him. It’s OK to lighten up!
DON’T FRET — REJOICE!
Rejoice in the Lord always [delight, gladden yourselves in Him]; again I say, Rejoice!.…
Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.
And God’s peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
PHILIPPIANS 4:4,6,7
Twice in this passage the apostle Paul tells us to rejoice. He urges us not to fret or have any anxiety about anything but to pray and give thanks to God in everything — not after everything is over.
If we wait until everything is perfect before rejoicing and giving thanks, we won’t have much fun. Learning to enjoy life even in the midst of trying circumstances is one way we develop spiritual maturity.
In 2 Corinthians 3:18 Paul writes:
And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another.…
That means there are many stages we must go through in the course of our spiritual growth. We need to learn how to enjoy the glory we are experiencing at each level of our development. It is true we are not yet where we need to be, but, thank God, we are not where we used to be. We are somewhere in the middle, but we are making progress toward our goal — and we ought to be enjoying each stage.
Often young parents delay enjoying their child until he has reached a certain stage of growth. When he is an infant they say, “I’ll be glad when he gets out of diapers or quits cutting teeth or learns to walk.” Then they say, “I’ll be glad when he’s in kindergarten.” Then it becomes, “I’ll be glad when he starts school.” Later they say, “I’ll be glad when he graduates.” On and on it goes until the child is grown and gone, and the parents have never really enjoyed any stage of his life. They were always waiting to be glad when.
We postpone being glad until everything is perfect — which we all know is never going to happen in this life. We need to learn to rejoice and be glad in the Lord this day and every day along the way toward our goal.
When I first started out in my ministry and was holding meetings with only about fifty people in attendance, I was constantly saying, “I’ll be so glad when I have hundreds in my meetings.” But I learned that none of that kind of thing brings happiness or joy because we always want more. I also discovered that every phase of development comes with its own set of problems.
Eventually I found the doorway to happiness. It is expressed in the words of the song to the L
ord, “He has made me glad; He has made me glad; I will rejoice for He has made me glad.”
The way I was during those days, I should have sung it, “If He does what I want Him to do, He has made me glad; if He doesn’t, He has made me sad.” Finally the Lord gave me a breakthrough by teaching me that the fullness of joy is found in His presence — not in His presents! (Psalm 16:11.)
True joy comes from seeking God’s face.
People who think they will be glad when God does some particular thing for them usually can’t be glad until He does something else for them. They can spend their whole life waiting for some other time to be glad.
One day as I was on my way to a meeting I was singing that song: “You have made me glad, You have made me glad; I will rejoice for You have made me glad.” Suddenly the Lord spoke to me and said, “For the first time in your life you’re singing it right.”
I had sung that song many times, but never from my heart. Once the Lord gave me a breakthrough in that area, I could sing it the way it was meant to be sung — as a hymn of praise and thanksgiving to God for what He has already done and not for what He is going to do when.
To live in the fullness of the joy of the Lord we must find something to be glad about besides our current circumstances. The world is full of people and situations that are never going to please us. Even those people and things that do please us are only going to do so for a short time. Sooner or later people — even Christians — will fail us, and circumstances will go against us. That’s why we must learn to derive our happiness and joy not from the outside but from the Lord inside us. We must learn not to fret or have any anxiety about anything but in everything to give thanks and praise to God. Then the peace that passes all understanding will be ours.
We will always have opportunities to be anxious, worried, and fretful. The devil will see to that because he knows that anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down. When the devil tries to bring anxiety into our heart, we must give that anxiety to the Lord in prayer with thanksgiving, making our requests known to Him. Then the peace that passes all understanding will keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
I used to worry about my son, fourteen at the time, whom my husband Dave and I had to leave at home while we traveled in our ministry. Several times a day while we were away, the devil would try to make me worry about what was happening to Danny in our absence. Each time Satan would try to lay that burden on me, I would stop and pray: “Father, I thank You that You’re taking care of Danny. Thank You, Lord, that You have a good plan for his life and that You are watching over him and working out everything for the best for him. Thank You that he is covered by the blood of Your Son Jesus.”
I absolutely refused to allow Satan to weigh me down with worry and anxiety. Instead, I turned to the Lord in prayer, rejoicing in the midst of my trying circumstances. The Lord answered my prayers and gave me the peace and joy He has promised to all those who refuse to give in to worry and fear, but turn to Him in simple faith and trust.
CATEGORIES OF ANXIETY
Many evils confront the [consistently] righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
PSALM 34:19
Although there are many evils that confront the righteous, there are three main categories of anxiety. Let’s look at each of them and see how we are to handle them so they do not drag us down into depression and despair.
1. THE PAST AND THE FUTURE
Keep your foot [give your mind to what you are doing].…
ECCLESIASTES 5:1
My personal definition of anxiety is mentally leaving where you are and getting into an area of the past or the future.
One of the things we need to understand is that God wants us to learn to be “now people.” That’s what the Lord was referring to in the Bible when He said, “Today is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2), “Today if you will hear My voice,” (Hebrews 3:7,15), “Today if you will believe, you will enter into My rest.” (Hebrews 4:7-9.)
Too often we spend our time in the past or the future. We need to learn to live now — mentally as well as physically and spiritually.
One time while I was brushing my teeth, I suddenly realized I was hurrying and rushing with my stomach all tied up in knots. Although I was physically doing one thing, mentally I was onto the next thing I had planned to do as soon as I finished. I was trying to hurry and finish one thing in order to get to the next.
When I was a young housewife I used to get in a nervous fit every day trying to get my husband up and off to work and our young children up and off to school. I would be in such a mental and emotional stew because of all the things I wanted to get done that day I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything for very long.
In the middle of doing one thing, I would realize I hadn’t done something else. I would stop that task and go start another one. I would continue this pattern with one task after another.
Obviously, by the end of the day I would be in a worse mess mentally, emotionally, and physically than when I started out that morning. Everything would be half done, and I would be totally frustrated, stressed out, worn to a frazzle, and anxious about the same thing happening the next day — all because I had neglected to give myself to one thing at a time.
Do you know why we find it so hard to give ourselves to one thing at a time? Because we are more occupied with the past or the future than we are with the present.
In Ecclesiastes 5:1 the Bible tells us to give our mind to what we are doing, to “keep our foot” — our footing. In other words, we are to keep a balance in life. If we don’t do that, nothing will ever make any real sense. We must learn to focus on what we are doing. If we don’t, we will end up in anxiety and worry because we will be always mentally dealing with yesterday or tomorrow when we should be living today.
There is an anointing on today. In John 8:58 Jesus referred to Himself as “I AM.” If you and I, as His disciples, try to live in the past or the future, we are going to find life hard for us because Jesus is always in the present. That’s what He meant when He told us in Matthew 6:34: …do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own. Sufficient for each day is its own trouble.
Jesus has plainly told us we don’t need to worry about anything. All we need to do is seek the Kingdom of God, and He will add to us whatever we need, whether it is food or clothing or shelter or spiritual growth. (vv. 25-33.)
We don’t need to be concerned about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have problems of its own. We need to concentrate our full attention on today and stop being so intense and wrought up. Calm down and lighten up! Laugh more and worry less. Stop ruining today worrying about yesterday or tomorrow — neither of which we can do anything about. We need to stop wasting our precious “now,” because it will never come again.
How many years of my life did I waste, tormenting myself with needless worry and anxiety, trying to handle things that were not mine to handle? I was always a responsible person, but in addition to the responsibility for my life I took on the care of it. According to the Bible we are to handle our responsibility, but we are to cast our care upon the Lord because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7.)
God cares for you. He cares about everything that concerns you. He cares about your life. Don’t waste it waiting until everything is perfect before you start enjoying it. Don’t waste your precious “now” worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.
The next time you are tempted to get anxious or upset about something — especially something in the past or the future — think about what you are doing and turn your mind to what is going on today. Learn from the past and prepare for the future, but live in the present.
2. CONFRONTATIONS AND CONVERSATIONS
Now when they take you [to court] and put you under arrest, do not be anxious beforehand about what you are to say nor [even] meditate about it; but say whatever is given you in that hour and at the moment, for it is not you who will be speaking, but the Holy Spir
it.
MARK 13:11
In this passage Jesus was warning His disciples that when they went out into the world to preach the Gospel to every creature, as He was commanding them to do, they would run into opposition. He was preparing them to face tribulation and persecution. He was telling them that they would be brought before governors and kings for His sake as a testimony to them. (v. 9.)
Jesus finished His remarks by instructing His disciples not to worry about what to say or even try to figure out or meditate upon it, because when they opened their mouths to speak, it would not be them speaking but the Holy Spirit within them.
I spent many years of my life mentally rehearsing what I was going to say to people. I imagined what they would say to me, then I tried to figure out what I was going to say back to them. In my head I would even practice those imaginary conversations over and over.
You may do the same kind of thing, for example, before you go in to ask your boss for a raise or some time off for a special need. If you are filled with anxiety, it may be a sign you think the outcome of that conversation depends upon you and your ability rather than upon the Holy Spirit and His ability.
As in all aspects of life, there is a balance that needs to be maintained. If we are sure we are operating in the Word of God and in obedience to His will, then we do not need to be nervous, worried, or anxious about what we are going to say to others. Of course, we need to be prepared, but if we excessively rehearse the conversation over and over, it is an indication we are not trusting in the anointing of God but in ourselves. In that case, we will not do as well as if we were depending completely on God!
We need to ask the Lord to give us favor with all those to whom we speak. Then we can be confident that whatever the results of our conversation or confrontation, it is the will of God, and it will work out for the best for all concerned. (Romans 8:28.)